New Drug Side-Effects!

[Capnmad]

Help me fill out the complete list of side-effects for the new drug, FICTITIOMAX™! It doesn't really matter what it treats -- the advertisements'll just be some crazy B.S. with people windsurfing through wheat fields, or sad little animated anthropomorphic ovals all designed to get you to your doctors and demand a prescription for it.

Unfortunately, it's known to have a lot of side-effects -- sometimes even causing the conditions it was designed to treat. Please offer the side-effects you think FICTITIOMAX™ may cause, and be creative -- we want to make sure the warning has all our bases covered before we bring it to market...

I'll get you started:

"FICTITIOMAX™ has been shown to cause some minor side-effects in a certain percentage of subjects in laboratory trials, including:

persistent cough,
wheezing,
head and neck pain,
follicular homicide,
scrotal elopement,
unusual congregations of gnats,
animal husbandry (users of FICTITIOMAX™ tend to be the grooms in these arrangements at a ratio of 3:1),
obsession with Larry King's suspenders,
gravy,
ingrown eyelids,
spontaneous dental inversions,
man-boobs,
Lindsay Lohan,
vestigial tail,
"migratory 'pinkies'",
burning sensation in the person next to you,
pins and needles (no, not the sensation -- actual pins and needles. Don't ask us where they come from! Your guess is as good as ours.),
compulsive hay-bailing,
discovery of specks of glitter on your person even when you haven't been around glitter in years,
gravitational lensing,
glottal stops,
posting addiction...

(continue!)

 

[Artoo]

"FICTITIOMAX™ has been shown to cause some minor side-effects in a certain percentage of subjects in laboratory trials, including:

Milton Keynes
Bird Flu
Bringing CrystaLight out in a bout of crazy. Oh wait...😀

 

[Saeria]

rectal transmographication
symptoms similar to Party Warts
RPM (rapid penis movement)

 

[Capnmad]

"camel-toe" (of the foot),
"human-toe" (of the crotch),
bartering for sheep,

 

[milagros317]

FICTITIOMAX™ has been know to cause explosive flatulence leading to spontaneous combustion and death in the worst cases. In milder cases, it merely leads to excessive posting about flatulence. 😀

 

[Gothika]

FICTITIOMAX has been known to cause

diarrhea of the mouth
everlasting boner
cock deformities
barny syndrome
stank breath
men to get pregnant
bush
talking trees
brain leakage

 

[Capnmad]

...bifurcated nose,
talking birthmarks,
natal delegitimization (commonly known as "retroactive bastardism"),
body hair topiary,
auxiliary feet...

 

[cloudgazer2k]

women who are pregnant, may become pregnant, are possibly pregnant but not sure, or are pregnant but don't know the identity of the father should not take FICTITIOMAX due to complications that may result in laying eggs, oral birth, or excessive ranting.

FICTITIOMAX has also shown, in 99.9% of those who have taken it, to cause ego inflation, power trips, and F Disk format.

 

[Gothika]

britney spears
rambling incoherently
drunken slur speach
saggy tits
britney spears
max headroom syndrome
run away nose
beaten with an ugly stick look
toasty buns

 

[ParanoidChant]

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: FICTITIOMAX™ should not be taken with alcohol, aspirin, birth control, dairy products or any other ingestible substance that may include nutrition. To avoid serious complications like spontaneous combustion or post-mortem animation, you should not eat within 336 hours before or after taking FICTITIOMAX™. Ask you doctor for special financing options for FICTITIOMAX™ through NovaStar Financing if you are unable to afford the outlandish prescription costs. CAPNMAD Industries is not responsible for any loss of life, limb or unwanted pregnancy as a direct result of taking FICTITIOMAX™.

FICTITIOMAX™ A happier, better you!

 

[Gothika]

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: FICTITIOMAX™ should not be taken with alcohol, aspirin, birth control, dairy products or any other ingestible substance that may include nutrition. To avoid serious complications like spontaneous combustion or post-mortem animation, you should not eat within 336 hours before or after taking FICTITIOMAX™. Ask you doctor for special financing options for FICTITIOMAX™ through NovaStar Financing if you are unable to afford the outlandish prescription costs. CAPNMAD Industries is not responsible for any loss of life, limb or unwanted pregnancy as a direct result of taking FICTITIOMAX™.

FICTITIOMAX™ A happier, better you!

lol nice i like that one dude

 

[Lord Doctor]

It has been known to cause obsessive spoon playing

 

[Bohemianne]

Metastasis of ticklish spot, spreading at a speed of 1 mm per nano-second rate. 😱

 

[Headsnap]

Right

Stop that at once. I'm sorry but this thread has displayed a severe tendency to become silly and I'm afraid I'm not going to put up with it any longer. It started off as a nice little idea about drug side-effects, but it has quickly descended into farce and slander, and as a shareholding director of the pharmatech company that produces manufacters purchases ingests and regurgitates FICTITIOMAX™ I cannot allow it to continue any longer. Why don't the lot of you get proper jobs. Something decent and military. And haircuts. And stop looking at my wife.

 

[Capnmad]

Stop that at once. I'm sorry but this thread has displayed a severe tendency to become silly and I'm afraid I'm not going to put up with it any longer. It started off as a nice little idea about drug side-effects, but it has quickly descended into farce and slander, and as a shareholding director of the pharmatech company that produces manufacters purchases ingests and regurgitates FICTITIOMAX™ I cannot allow it to continue any longer. Why don't the lot of you get proper jobs. Something decent and military. And haircuts. And stop looking at my wife.

Regrettably, FICTITIOMAX™ has also been shown to cause wife-looking.

 

[Gothika]

it has also known to caust but not limeted to

cotten growing on fingers
party warts
balls to bounch with out warning
obscene messages coming from your but
your wife to beat u senceless
boobs can become shaped like triangles
eyes to pop out when u see something u like

 

[Capnmad]

inside-outism
hoof-in-mouth
foot-in-mouth
spontaneous evolution (from hooves to feet, as seen above!)
nekkidness
bowlegs
silly walks
pub crawls
retrograde rhinogenesis

 

[CrystalLight]

Nymphomaniac....ism..?



*hangs head*

 

[hotdog]

Vertigo
Itching
Temporary loss of sanity
Gout
Bearded tongue
Sylvester Stallone verbalization complex
Mouth ejaculation
Ghost nipples
And the condition known as "hotdog fingers"

 

[Capnmad]

Nymphomaniac....ism..?



*hangs head*

...

...which would just be called "nymphomania"...

We see clear evidence of inflammation of the FAILbone in this recipient... 😛


FICTITIOMAX™ also causes:

prolapsed cranium
cleft pulpit
gin blossoms (and other '90s bands)
granulated eyelids (as opposed to confectioner's eyelids)
lower back tattoos
flattop (old)
"grooving up slowly"
joo-joo eyeball
holy-rolling
hair down to knee
toe-jam football
monkey finger
coca-cola shootings
Ono sideboard
walrus gum-boot
spinal crackers
feet down below knees
coming together (which isn't really a bad side-effect, provided you and your partner don't do it over me. That strikes me as likely to be highly unsanitary, unlike The Beatles, who seem to like that kind of thing -- the pervs!)

 

[Capnmad]

...Bushisms
celebutaunts (the experience of being mocked by people who are famous for no apparent reason)
spontaneous expulsion of the sixth chakra
quadrupedalism
ambiguous gender...

 

[Capnmad]

...frog-bum-headism.

 

[Capnmad]

...duck hand-outs,
duck with lightsaber hand-outs,
camels humping couches...

 

[Capnmad]

Being the authority on FICTITIOMAX™, I continue on, undaunted...

FICTITIOMAX™ may also cause:

Duck smugness,
Webcrack,
non-Newtonian liquids,
Freedom Fries,
liberal media bias,
political cartoons,
discussion of Iraq War strategy in the cheese aisle of your local supermarket...