• If you would like to get your account Verified, read this thread
  • The TMF is sponsored by Clips4sale - By supporting them, you're supporting us.
  • >>> If you cannot get into your account email me at [email protected] <<<
    Don't forget to include your username

New idea

ticklebug101

ticklebug101

1st Level Red Feather
Joined
Aug 26, 2008
Messages
1,072
Points
0
Hey kids. It's been a while since I was in the story section so, I wanted to get some opinions on a new idea. Feedback me people. Thanks,
Bug.

"She's dead!"
"What??! Who, Sarah?"
"Sarah was hit?"
"She's dead!"
"NO! Sarah!"
"All this for ten million. Damn it!"

Ok, back it up. I think we need a little background. Let me shine some light on the story. It all started six weeks ago in NYC.......

"No way. There's no way. Come on."
"No I'm telling you, he let it slip at the ribbon cutting ceromony last week."
"Really? He dosen't seem the type."
"I hear ya, but it's true, he told me himself."
"That is so... not him."
"I know, but it is him. But do you realize what we could do with this?"
"Yeah, it could end very well for us, for sure. But it could also end at the same time as our careers."
"Oh come on Sarah, we've fried bigger fish than the mayor."
"Yeah, and remember how that turned out? We almost got arrested."
"We'll plan it better this time. Will you at least do the background work?"
"Well, you know me I never turn down a challenge."
"Sweet! You won't regret this sweetie."
"Yeah, and how many times have I heard that?"
 
Oh good. You wanna know what happens next? Cuz that would be great lol
 
Oh good I'm happy somebody wants to know lol. It's a work in progress but if I get some more reveiws I'll think about posting some more. watch this space 😉
 
Someone's dead, and we've gotta know why. Keep going!
 
You know three of us are interested, that means post more! 😛
 
Got some more for ya.........

Conversation over with, we walk to the subway station. Journey done with I walk her to her block. She thanks me and I keep on walking.
Sarah. The only woman I know who'll get her hands, and more if nesacery, dirty for the sake of the team. I'll introduce us all, but I must
show you I have manners, must I not? Ladies first. I met Sarah Guadio in high school. Yeah, Sarah and I go way back. This gorgeous woman
made an impression on me the first time I saw her. Back then, I didn't know why I couldn't get her out of my head but hey, I grew up. Plus it
always helped to have my big brother Nicky around, but more about him later. Just in case you're wondering yes, I did ask her out and
surprisingly, she didn't say no. According to her, I was cute back in high school. Now when I look in the mirror, all I see is Moe from the
Simpsons. She disagrees, but she always was polite. Anyway, we dated for two years, till we were 19. It was fun, but we both knew it
wouldn't last forever. But we always stayed in touch. Neither of us have the romantic feelings anymore but she'll always be part of my life,
and she's stuck with me. We survived high school and college together, we have history. Thinking of Sarah, I almost didn't realize I had
walked all the way home.
 
More? Yeah, ok 😉

With no more work until tomorrow, all that was left to do now was relax. This part of my day, I loved. I got to
mentaly wind down, forget about everything that had happened during the day. Being a lawyer could take it's toll at times. So I get home,
kick off my shoes, leave those in the hall and come through to the bedroom. Loose the work clothes, shower, dry up then change. Put on the
laptop, check the emails, delete the crap and then, my favourite part. Go to open my window to let out the smoke and bring up my music
player. Then I light up, lean back on the bed and click my favourite track. Smoke billows out of my mouth and swirls all around the room and
out of my window. My bare feet jog in time to the music. I always think the same thing when I get home and listen to my favourite track.
God, I love this song. Give me some sax, give me a beat, and let me hear that smooth sound.

If you want a lover, I'll do anything you ask me to.
And if you want another kind of love I'll wear a mask for you.
If you want a partner take my hand
or if you want to strike me down in anger, here I stand I'm your man.

If you want a boxer I will step into the ring for you
and if you want a doctor I'll examine every inch of you
If you want a driver climb inside,
or if you want to take me for a ride,
you know you can, I'm your man.

Ah the moon's too bright
the chain's too tight,
the beast won't go to sleep.
Iv'e been running thru these promises to you
that Iv'e made and I could not keep.
Ah but a man never got a woman back,
not by begging on his knees
or I'd crawl to you baby
and I'd fall at your feet
and I'd howl at your beauty like a dog in heat
and I'd claw at your heart
I'd tear at your sheet I'd say please (please)
I'm your man.

And if you gotta sleep a moment on the road I'll steer for you
and if you wanna work the street alone
I'll disapear for you
If you want a father for your child,
or only want to walk with me a while,
across the sand,
I'm your man.
If you want a lover....

Damn, I could listen to that song on a loop all day. The song comes to an end around the same time as my cigarette, so I stub it out on the
ash tray beside the bed and shut down the laptop. Next, I walk through to the kitchen and dig around in my freezer. I find a chicken pot pie
and throw it in the stove. Turn on the stove and set the timer, then go to turn on the TV. Fifteen minutes into the news, the stove tells me
dinner is ready. When I'm all done, I wash the dishes and flip through the TV guide. When I find nothing is worth watching, I walk over to
the cabinet and the DVD collection. I have way too many of these things but they're well used. I settle on ghost rider. I load up the DVD
player and go to find some socks. Pull those on, walk back to the living room, hit play. 2 hours later, I'm streached out on my couch, socked
feet up on the arm rest. I hit the stop button and get the other remote to put it back on the TV. I get up, go get my cigaretts and light up
again. I stand by my still open window. When I'm done, my phone rings, so I close the window and cross over to the bedside. "Yeah hello?"
It's my brother. He calls every few days, just to catch up, see how I am. The call lasts for half an hour or so, then he has to go see the
kids before he goes to sleep. They're eight and ten but he still can't sleep until he's checked on them. "Yeah. Ok buddy I'll see ya soon.
Yeah, ok, g'night." After I hang up I turn my covers back and go to lock the front door, and on the way back, shut off the TV. Switch off the
plug in the wall and come back to the bedroom. Pants off, crumpled up on a chair, work clothes folded underneath them,
into bed. Set the alarm for 7am, lie down and wait for for sleep to take over.

Paragraph control may suck, my apologies. But other than that, feedback me! :stickout
 
I think it's good, but yes definitely need some paragraph control and some spelling lessons 😛. Also, I think you don't need as many little tiny details, like about walking around, fifteen minutes, etc. It might make more sense to take out those little things that don't seem as important to the story.

Keep up the good work though! I do like this idea so far!!!
 
Awww, do some editing then?? I was just trying to give some friendly constructive criticism.
 
You need details, it helps the story evolve...buggie you naughty girl, what a way to promote a story lol

I like it so far...i'm intrigued as to how Sarah dies...perchance it involves chinese tickling?
 
No Izzy it did not involve Chinese torture :stickout
Maybe Vin Deisel should show up, llike in a story I wrote for a certain fellow tickle fan?
😉
Manda- I know fabala. Maybe if I post a 1st chapter, PM me about the
detail and what would make it easier to read for ya?
 
Ok cool. I think I have enough for a chapter now. I hope anyway, I'll post it and see what you think. People have different opinions on how long a chapter should be.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
What's New

11/18/2024
Need to report a post? The button to do so is in the posts lower left.
Tickle Experiment
Door 44
Live Camgirls!
Live Camgirls
Streaming Videos
streaming tickling videos on demand at the TMF!
Tickling videos on demand!
Pic of the Week
Pic of the Week
Congratulations to
*** LadyInternet ***
 The winner of our weekly Trivia, held every Sunday night at 11PM EST in our Chat Room
Back
Top