Newbie advice

[CollegeGirl3]

Hi everybody, I am pretty new to all of this and have a few questions I was hoping you could help me out with.

First of all, I don't think my boyfriend of 2 years really knows that I am turned on by tickling. I've tickled him briefly here and there, and I've said things in passing like "I kind of like it when you tickle me," but he's made no move to explore further. Either he has no clue or doesn't want to go down that road. In fact, he's told me a few times that he HATES being tickled and he gets annoyed when I do it anyway.

Basically,I'm wondering if there's any way to introduce tickling into our relationship gently, so that I don't completely embarrass myself further. The thing is, I really have no desire for all-out merciless tickling sessions... for me, I would like the tickling to be slow, sensual, and erotic. So I was thinking of suggesting that I tie him up (he has expressed interest in this... just not in the tickling) and sort of approach it from more of a dom/sub situation, along with other things. I think he might be more receptive to it from that point of view, since I know he at least is interested in S/M. I guess I am just really nervous about embarrassing myself and having him think I'm weird.

The other thing is, this idea would pretty much only work if I could tie him up, and the headboards on both of our beds are solid wood and don't allow for handcuffs or ropes or anything like that. Is there any other method of restraint I could use? I'd ideally like him on the bed with his arms over his head, but don't know if there's anything that would work with a solid headboard.

Any advice the more experienced ticklers or ticklees could give me would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

 

[jpmtickle]

Hello...

Hi, CollegeGirl3! Couldn't resist welcoming you to the TMF. So-to your questions-with your boyfriend, I guess my question would be is he open to sexual communication in general? (I like this, I don't like that, etc...) If so, you're probably in great shape. His aversion to tickling probably stems from his own dislike of it and doesn't understand how it might work for you. If you make it clear to him that (at least for now) it can be totally one-sided where you are the one being tickled and that you will not do the same to him, he might be willing to engage with you first a little, but then more over time.

As to the headboard--don't mess with it but just tie whatever you're using to the side boards that hold the bed on the head and foot boards.

Good luck--and I hope you find a warm welcome here in the community!

JP 🙂

 

[Phineas]

I think I'm missing something here. You've stated that it's *you* who likes being tickled, but the methods you've suggested to get tickling into your relationship all involve *you* tickling *him*, which he's already made quite clear that he *doesn't* like.

In other words, you're going about it the wrong way, and are bound (ha!) to fail.

If you want him to tickle you, then yes, if he's interested in S&M ( 🙄 ) by all means, ask him to tie you up and go from there. Or the next time you tickle him, and he complains, suggest he turn the tables, because you don't mind.

Trying to tickle someone who doesn't like it is a no-win situation, and most of the time, you won't "convert" them no matter how much they love you. Just ask my wife. 😀

 

[P50]

We are all 100% behind you, college girl.

If this helps you to clarify your feelings; there is a thread about the very topic you have described. It's called <I>Conversational Tickling</I> and you can find it here in the TMF,,,


http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?threadid=18716


Let me know if that hits close to home in your thinking.

Also as to the matter of the headboard and handcuffs, etc; don't worry about that. An excellent question for me to ask you is this: <I>Can you sew ?</I>

If so, you can make your own cuffs which are almost guaranteed to be far better than 99% of the stuff you can buy; and you'll save a ton of money; and your credit card won't have the record for family members to see.

There is so much more to discuss, but all of us want you to experience tickling in this way, and we will be glad to offer all the advice we can.

Bonus: We have plenty of older women here who can tell you what does and doesn't work with men in your situation

 

[terorizer]

Hello and welcome to the forum CG3. I know it's difficult to get anyone (who doesn't already) understand your relation to tickling and how much it means to you. If you keep communicating though, I'm sure you'll get there. Some suggestions that have worked for many include being straightforward in a direct verbal manner; pointing him to a tickling website; playing a game, or modifying a game so that he has to tickle you. From what you wrote, it appears your boyfriend may have a block in understanding how you could enjoy tickling so much, because of his dislike for it. One thing you may want to do is find a tickling story which you feel aptly captures a fantasy or scene you like and share it with him. Or if you're up to it, you could write the story yourself. Detailing (in writing) your thoughts and emotions about the way tickling/being tickled makes you feel could help him see and relate more to your frame of reference, and how important it is to you. Best of luck to ya.

 

[Myriads]

Hello CollegeGirl3,

Just wanted to welcome you to the forum. Hope you find what you seek here.

Tha above users have offered good advice. The only thing that I'll add is be as direct as you can about your likes with your partner when it comes to things sexual. Yes it's scary and embarassing. But time and again, I've found that direct produces good results more then anything else.

Best of luck,
Myriads

 

[CollegeGirl3]

Thanks to everybody for the advice you've given me so far. My boyfriend is a very sexual person and is always open to discussing and trying new things, but for some reason, I am much more embarrassed bringing up tickling to him than I am bringing up things like S/M because it's so intensely personal to me. But I do think that that's probably an overreaction on my part, and if I asked him to tickle me (which doesn't put him out in the same way me tickling him would) then I bet he'd be responsive. It's just scary.

By the way, special thanks for the link to the thread on "conversational tickling"... that really hit the nail on the head with respect to how I feel about tickling. Though not as physically intense as all-out torture, I think I would feel even more vulnerable and intimate with my partner when I can still communicate with him, and am not a shreiking mess.

One other thing... unfortunately, I think on his bed and mine, the headboards and sideboards are solid and go straight to the floor, so I'm not sure if there's a way to hook cuffs or restraints to either of these. Does anyone have any really creative ideas they've used in this kind of situation?

 

[Knox The Hatter]

I wish you the very best of luck...don't give up.

 

[milagros317]

One other thing... unfortunately, I think on his bed and mine, the headboards and sideboards are solid and go straight to the floor, so I'm not sure if there's a way to hook cuffs or restraints to either of these. Does anyone have any really creative ideas they've used in this kind of situation?

A hogtie is a very effective position for tickling, and doesn't require being attached to the bed. Just lie on your stomach, and have both wrists tied together behind you, both ankles tied together, and add a rope joining the wrists to the ankles. Not creative, very well known, but it works. You are helpless and open to prolonged tickling.

 

[MrPartickler]

One other thing... unfortunately, I think on his bed and mine, the headboards and sideboards are solid and go straight to the floor, so I'm not sure if there's a way to hook cuffs or restraints to either of these. Does anyone have any really creative ideas they've used in this kind of situation?

Hotel rooms provide often similar obstacles (at times). But, alas, where there's a will, there's a way! 😀

Usually I'm able to tie directly to each of the four supports holding up the bed. However, if I am not able to get to them (e.g., due to sideboards extending all the way to the floor) I might even <i>lift</i> the bed corners enough to hold one end of a knotted scarf/rope/necktie/etc. underneath.

Ahh... but what if the bed is too heavy, you ask? lol

In that case I'd resort the ol' trusty, "loop under the mattress" trick. You need longer restraints for this to, say, tie both arms apart with a single bind that traverses the width-circumference of a thick, queen (or king) sized matress, but it should work. Variants on this include using several loops of rope around the head and foot of the bed, and then tying wrists, ankles, etc. to these ropes using the restraints of your choice. Again, you need long ropes for this, but whatever actually touches your skin may be much more compact--and comfortable.

I like the first approaches mostly because they're generally quicker to implement. Also, it's easier to make them secure since they hold to something firm and solid. However, all of them have worked well for me in the past. 😉

Good luck.