Newbie with a weird question

[Tharinom]

I have a sort of unusual question I'd like to ask... I feel kind of awkward and nervous to ask it but nothing ventured nothing gained, so I'll take the plunge!

I'm a newbie to gatherings in general, though it sounds exciting to me. If NEST is on this year, I am thinking of signing up to go, it seems like everyone has a great time! But, I would like to ask if anyone here has any experience recovering from a traumatic BDSM experience.

To gloss it over, a few years ago I endured a bondage session that went very badly. Recovering from it took a long time and I couldn't even consider indulging in my kinks for quite a while without shaking and feeling nauseous. But I've gotten to the point now where the idea of being tied up and tickled sounds fun and exciting to me again, rather than scary, and I feel pretty confident about it! But, if I attend NEST and do any play scenarios, it will be the first time I've done anything since the bad time. I have to acknowledge its possible that I'm being too optimistic. I don't want to end up having a flashback and accompanying meltdown...

I guess this is a sort of an awkward thing to ask. But I've been reading the posts on this forum and everyone seems so friendly and helpful! If anyone has any advice, I would really appreciate hearing it, either here or in a PM.

Thanks in advance, and I hope I might be able to meet some of you at a gathering soon! 🙂

 

[AdamSterling]

Hi. Your question is certainly valid.

While I have never caused or been in a traumatic BDSM experience, I do know others that have had that unfortunate occurrence in their memory. Some of them have attended NEST -- and quite successfully as well.

There are rules at every NEST -- and every BDSM event. One of them is NO MEANS NO. People are informed that they should not say NO when they mean YES, and they should not say YES when they mean NO.

Another rule at NEST is strict -- it is a NO UNINVITED TOUCH rule. Nobody is permitted to touch someone else without UNAMBIGUOUS PERMISSION. This means nobody is allowed to sneak up behind you and tickle your sides/ribs from behind... if they do, they will be escorted out of the event without a refund.

All NEST attendees are required to read these rules at registration, and a legal document is signed that states you have read these rules, you fully understand them, and you understand the consequences for breaking them.

The safety of NEST attendees is paramount. You may rest assured that if you attend, there is a very good possibility that you'll have a good time.

If you have further questions, feel free to ask. I've attended four NESTs -- including two since 2011 -- and I'm happy to share my wisdom with you.

 

[Jericho716]

To gloss it over, a few years ago I endured a bondage session that went very badly. Recovering from it took a long time and I couldn't even consider indulging in my kinks for quite a while without shaking and feeling nauseous. But I've gotten to the point now where the idea of being tied up and tickled sounds fun and exciting to me again, rather than scary, and I feel pretty confident about it! But, if I attend NEST and do any play scenarios, it will be the first time I've done anything since the bad time. I have to acknowledge its possible that I'm being too optimistic. I don't want to end up having a flashback and accompanying meltdown...

Have you sought out professional counseling or therapy? That would be a logical first step before any gatherings.

 

[Myriads]

Hello Tharinom,

I regret hearing about your bad experience, but am glad to hear that you've moved thru it, and are ready to start playing again.

My advice to you would be very simple, if you choose to play with a partner at a gathering, be open with them about your past bad experience before you start to play. Put them on the same page that you are on about how you are unsure of how you'll fully react in the situation.

This will allow them to take extra care, and watch things more carefully as they play with you. And provide you with a more secure situation.

With both of you communicating well, odds are strong no issues will happen.

Myriads

 

[MrTicklee]

I agree with all the previous comments and suggest moving slowly. Perhaps that means physical bondage...such has being held down, rather than tied down...and go from there, as you become or prove to yourself that you're alright with it again.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

I'm sorry to hear you had a bad experience, and glad that you're starting to feel ready to play again. Whoever and wherever you play next, I would just make sure you communicate everything with them, and take it very, very slow. Make sure they check in with you often to see how you're feeling, and ask them to be gentle. I don't know what style of play you typically enjoy, but a lighter session might be better to start off with rather than jumping into something more intense.

As far as NEST goes, you can come and enjoy NEST without playing at all. You certainly don't have to feel ready to have a session to come and meet people and enjoy yourself. I've gone to gatherings and played lots, and I've gone to gatherings and not played at all and had a wonderful time in both scenarios. It's much more of a social event than it is a bunch of ticklepervs getting together to grope on eachother. Of course there are plenty of opportunities to talk kink, but nothing is forced on anybody, and there are plenty of opportunities to have a perfectly vanilla time if you find yourself overwhelmed.

 

[paracarl44]

Maybe you should skip the bondage. You need to slowly build up your tickling immunity.

 

[Tortuga]

I agree with all responses, and another option, if available you can always request a Dungeon Mod to be present at the time of the session. At the last NEST I attended I was present at a session at the play party and they were very helpful as far as safety.

 

[Lorelei]

Would it be less traumatic, less scary, less reminiscent of the bad experience, if a female tickled you?

 

[LeeAllure]

I'd definitely communicate to your potential partners, let them know no bondage for now, and whatever else would allow you to feel more comfortable. Perhaps as you get more comfortable, adding in one restrictive bind, then another, then another, can allow you to go as far as feels good without worry. Also, communicate as you play, set up a word, like Green, which allows you to tell your partner that you are GOOD TO PLAY MORE 😉