David Presents
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Once upon a time there was a princess who was beautiful both on the inside and on the outside, with only one puzzling exception.
Never in her life had Princess Melissa laughed.
“Really, Pumpkin, now that you’re all grown up, don’t you think you could smile at least once?” pleaded King Henry as he sat in the palace garden with his daughter and her duenna, the Dowager Duchess Lady Hollandaise, enjoying their afternoon tea.
“I’ll try, Daddy,” offered Princess Melissa. She struggled with the muscles in her mouth, pulling her lips upwards, but not creating what might be called a true smile. “Oh, it’s no use!” she cried out, bursting into tears.
“There, there, dear,” soothed Lady Hollandaise, petting her young charge as she bestowed upon the King such a frosty glare for having been heartless enough to make his sweet daughter cry that the monarch felt the contents of the teacup drop several degrees Celsius.
Not that that was the end of the matter as far as the King was concerned. Following a longstanding tradition in fairytales, he returned to his throne room and issued a proclamation stating that anyone who could make his daughter laugh would be rewarded with half his kingdom, along with permission to seek his daughter’s hand in marriage, were the Princess agreeable to that individual’s advances, of course.
Needless to say, such a proclamation attracted numerous comedic entertainers. Stand-up comics performed their hysterical routines, recited an endless litany of jokes of every sort, excepting ribald ones, of course. Whenever a performer ventured into territory the Lady Hollandaise considered unsuitable, she would cough discreetly. If he failed to take her delicate hint, the duenna would then signal for the Captain of the Guard to lead that unfortunate individual away to spend a highly disagreeable night in the dungeon’s torture chamber.
Troupes of actors appeared as well, although how a group was prepared to split half a kingdom was anyone’s guess. They performed their most highly diverting comedies, reducing the audience to unrestrained laughter – all but the Princess, that is. She sighed during Twelfth Night, yawned during As You Like It, and fell asleep halfway through a star-studded performance of Much Ado About Nothing.
A team of slapstick performers even made an attempt, throwing pies at one another with wild abandon, and even, by accident, hitting the Lord High Chamberlain right in the face with a coconut cream pie! At first Princess Melissa seemed to find something highly amusing about the incident, for the old gentleman was quite stuffy and pompous. The assemblage held their collective breaths, thinking she was finally about to laugh. But then the Princess recalled how the Chamberlain had always been quite kind to her, including (completely against the wishes of Lady Hollandaise) sneaking her candy when she had been a little girl. So then she thought how horrible he must feel, having his dignity wounded, so that, instead of breaking out into merry peals of laughter, she burst out into uncontrolled sobs.
Thus it was that, day by day, a relentless parade of entertainers passed her by, but never did the Princess laugh, giggle, titter, chortle, chuckle, or twitter – and not once did even the shadow of a ghost of a hint of a smile cross her exquisite features. And so matters stood, and so it seemed they would remain, until one day a very famous guest arrived at the palace.
___
“Oh dear, is it really necessary to tie the Princess to her chair?” asked Lady Hollandaise, anxiously waving herself with her small hand fan, brilliantly colored in Oriental patterns.
“It’s quite alright,” replied Princess Melissa as cheerfully as her perpetual pout permitted her. Several loops of velvet rope comfortably yet firmly bound her torso to the back of her throne and several more bound her thighs to its seat. “Strangely relaxing, much to my surprise! I wonder why you never mentioned that aspect of being tied up when you used to tell me about all the pirates and outlaws who used to kidnap you all the time!”
“At this point, I’m willing to try anything,” rumbled King Henry in his heavy basso voice that boomed around the throne room like rolling thunder. “So I will allow these highly unusual proceedings to continue, merely idly remarking that our executioner is quite skilled in the performance of his duties; it rarely takes him more than one stroke to successfully chop off someone’s head!”
“I assure Your Majesty will not find it necessary to resort to such draconian measures,” replied Prince Charming. Yes, it was that famous rescuer of princesses himself who had arrived to try his luck at making Melissa laugh. He completed another knot, frowning in concentration. He had considerably more experience in untying damsels than in tying them up, but he felt the basic principles had to be the same, except in reverse, of course. “It is merely that once I begin my treatment Melissa will become highly animated, and I require her to keep still in order for my treatment to be effective.”
“But why haven’t you tied the rest of my legs?” puzzled Princess Melissa, kicking her heels back and forth.
“If those servants I sent would ever return,” began the Prince; “ah, here they come now. Yes, my good fellows, you may place that there. Thank you!”
Four muscular footmen grunted as they heaved a heavy marble bench they had removed from the garden and now placed down in front of the Princess before bowing and stepping back. Prince Charming briskly proceeded to tie the Princess’s ankles together, and then tied her feet on top of the bench.
“Just a moment!” interrupted Lady Hollandaise. She stepped forward, pulling down the hem of Princess Melissa’s long kirtle. It was of a light shade of purple with a white girdle that wonderfully matched her long, black hair. “You may proceed,” she announced, after ensuring that nothing more than the ankles of her young charge were visible.
“Thank you,” replied the Prince gallantly. He removed the Princess’s high-heeled pumps, slipping them off so swiftly that Lady Hollandaise didn’t even have time to object.
“Why did you do that?” asked Princess Melissa, glancing down at her bare feet, feeling thankful she had taken the time to polish her toenails a pleasing shade of lavender that morning.
“My purpose will be clear in a moment,” replied Prince Charming. He glanced past the assembled courtiers who crowded the large room, spotting a palace maid standing with the other servants near an entrance. “Please, come forward,” he ordered her gently.
“Who, me?” the young woman asked, looking startled. She looked quite fetching in her black uniform, although she was not nearly as pretty as the Princess was, of course.
“Yes, you heard the Prince, step forward,” ordered the King.
“It’s quite alright, Marianne,” the Princess assured her.
“Yes, quite alright,” the Prince echoed as she timidly approached. “I just need to borrow your feather duster, thank you.”
“You’re welcome, milord,” Marianne replied, dropping a curtsey and hastily returning to her observation point.
The Prince held up the feather duster. It consisted of a short, black, wooden handle with numerous goose and duck feathers spread out conically at one end. “And now, if you are ready, Melissa, I will commence with my plan!”
“Oh, I’m quite ready, Charming,” she replied, tossing her head. “Only I don’t see how a feather duster is supposed to make me laugh!”
Prince Charming swirled the feather duster in one hand, dramatically drawing it closer and closer to the Princess’s bare feet, until the outermost circle of feathers lightly swirled against the tips of her two big toes.
“Eek!” she shrieked as an electric shiver raced up from her feet to her head. And then, for the very first time in her life, to the wonder and delight of everyone viewing the scene, Princess Melissa laughed.
___
“Ahahaha!” Princess Melissa laughed as Prince Charming twirled the soft feathers against the smooth soles of her small feet, moving the duster up and down and left and right as the Princess’s face turned bright pink from her laughter. “Ahahaha,” she continued.
“My goodness, your method certainly is effective!” observed the Chamberlain.
“Indeed,” assented Lady Hollandaise, who was standing right next to the Chamberlain. She waved her hand fan furiously, blowing about her long hair. She was not at all sure she approved of these proceedings and felt it was time to bring them to an end. “Prince Charming, you have succeeded in making our Princess laugh. You may stop now.”
“Continue!” roared the King.
“Ahahaha!” laughed the Princess. The tight ropes bound her to her heavy throne, so she had to sit quite still, other than to turn her head. She could not move her feet, other than to turn them from side to side, which was not enough to escape the broad circle of feathers, or else to put part of one foot in front of another, which merely caused the forward foot to receive an undue amount of the Prince’s attention. “Ahahaha!”
“Your Majesty, I protest!” exclaimed Lady Hollandaise.
“Continue!” roared the King again. “The more Melissa laughs now, the more likely she will continue doing so in the future! Besides, she has considerable catching up to do!”
“Ahahaha!” laughed the Princess, squirming in the ropes that allowed no escape.
“Oh,” exclaimed Lady Hollandaise, unable to watch anymore. She dropped her fan and fainted, carefully draping her plump frame into the arms of the startled Chamberlain. He had been a widower for quite some time now and figured prominently in her plans.
Prince Charming continued swirling the feather duster over Princess Melissa’s feet. He sometimes moved to the outer sides and even over to the fronts, but wherever he worked the result was the same; the Princess kept up her uninterrupted laughter. The Prince stared in admiration at her lovely face as he tirelessly persisted in his efforts, noting how lovely her long, black hair appeared, completely disheveled from her tossing her head about. He noted with pleasure her soft, pink lips open wide with laughter, revealing perfect, white teeth.
“Ahahaha!” The Princess managed a deep breath, and then squeaked out, “Enough! Ahahaha! Tha… that’s enough, you can stop now, Charming.”
Prince Charming immediately dropped the feather duster and then, using his expert skill in the matter, methodically untied the knots binding Princess Melissa.
“Whew!” she exclaimed. “Well, that was quite an experience! Thank you very much for making me laugh, Charming; it was wonderful finally doing so!”
“Yes, you have our deepest thanks,” echoed the King. “Not to mention the minor matter of half our kingdom as well. And of course….” His voice trailed off. He recalled that his daughter had often received pedicures and even foot massages, so he felt her response here must Mean Something. He gave the prince a look and pointed with his head and eyes over to his daughter.
The Prince bent down on one knee. “Only one thing remains to make my happiness complete. Princess Melissa, would you do me the honor of agreeing to become my wife and queen?”
“Oh, my,” she replied. “This is all so sudden. While I think you’re very nice and I am grateful for all you’ve done, I just don’t feel that I am ready to get married yet. However, as we are going to be neighbors now, I hope we can always be the best of friends.”
Everyone in the throne room gave a gasp of astonishment. Even Marianne was so startled that (having learned something from observing Lady Hollandaise) she promptly fainted into the arms of the young blacksmith who stood next to her. She had noticed him giving her admiring glances when he thought she hadn’t been looking.
The King frowned mightily and puffed out his cheeks, but wisely said nothing. There was nothing left to be done now, but make arrangements with the Prince for dividing the kingdom and having him move into an empty castle on his new territory.
___
Now, look here, Melissa,” rumbled King Henry.
“Oh, Daddy,” she sighed, getting a knot in her stomach. The Princess knew her father was about to say something she wasn’t going to want to hear when he spoke to her in that tone of voice and called her Melissa instead of Pumpkin.
Several days had passed since the events narrated above, and the two of them were once again in the palace gardens, along with Lady Hollandaise and her fiancé, the Lord Chamberlain, who wore a trapped look on his refined old features as he blew cautiously on his hot cup of tea.
“You are, of course, free to marry anyone you choose,” continued the King. “However, get married you must. You are an adult now, and it is the duty of every grown prince and princess to get married – especially one who is an heir to the throne, as you are.”
“I quite agree,” chimed in Lady Hollandaise. The Princess’s refusal of Prince Charming’s suit had put quite a damper on her own plans. “Don’t you feel the same way, dear?”
“Absolutely,” agreed the Lord Chamberlain, although with a marked lack of enthusiasm.
“But, Daddy, Prince Charming next door isn’t seeking a wife and no one appears to be worried about that!”
“He is not our concern,” replied her father, brushing aside her objection with a wave of his hand. “As I said, it is high time you got married, and in preparation, I have invited princes from the surrounding area to visit our castle…”
“Daddy!” exclaimed Melissa in alarm.
“…for a series of feasts and follies lasting several days,” he continued as if she had not interrupted him, “thus allowing you an ample opportunity to observe them and to judge their respective characters before selecting one to become your future husband.”
Princess Melissa pouted prettily for a moment before suddenly brightening up. “Did you invite Prince Charming?” she asked.
“I’m afraid he sent his regrets that he was unable to attend,” announced the Lord Chamberlain. “It seems that taking up his new duties as ruler of half our kingdom is keeping him entirely too occupied for social engagements at this time.”
“Oh, that’s too bad,” said Melissa sadly.
“You’ll meet plenty of other eligible young men,” Lady Hollandaise informed her.
That, as it turned out, was the truth, although, as Princess Melissa quickly discovered, none of them was quite right. Prince Bradford had a laugh like a hyena, Prince Carl stepped on her toes every time they danced, and Prince Elliot always stared at some other woman whenever he was speaking to her. In short, every prince had some defect that made him unacceptable to her.
Or, perhaps the real problem was that none of them was Prince Charming.
“You know, Marianne, when I told refused Charming it was only because he sprung it on me so suddenly,” she told her maid. They were up in the Princess’s bedroom during one of the few quiet moments of the festivities. “I need to give him another chance to propose, that’s all, and then all these horrible princes can go home.”
“How will you manage that, Melissa?” inquired the pretty maid, calling her by her first name. The two of them were good friends and thus dispensed with formalities except on formal occasions.
“Oh, I have an idea. Let’s go next door and visit Prince Charming. Once there, I’ll be able to manage things.”
___
Princess Melissa made the short journey to Prince Charming’s castle accompanied, as always, by her duenna, the Lady Hollandaise, and a small retinue of followers consisting of ten ladies-in-waiting gorgeously attired in the latest fashions direct from Paris and twenty footmen in gleaming uniforms. Marianne had come as well. She nervously twirled the feather duster in her hand, feeling very out of place among the important people gathered in Prince Charming’s throne room.
After the usual polite pleasantries, Princess Melissa adroitly brought the conversation around to the purpose of her visit. “I’m afraid I’ve had a bit of a setback,” she informed Prince Charming. “Ever since our tickling session, I’ve reverted to my old ways, and have never again laughed or indeed, even smiled.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Marianne, looking astonished. “Why, on our way over here you were carrying on and… OUCH!”
Princess Melissa was wearing a new pair of shoes (solid black, to match her new red kirtle and black girdle) and, not being used to them yet, suddenly stumbled, taking an awkward step backwards and driving a stiletto heel into Marianne’s foot, who, not wanting the Princess to have any more accidents of that sort, decided to keep silent for the remainder of her visit.
“So I thought maybe the problem was that you hadn’t tickled me quite enough that first time,” continued the Princess, giving her friend an apologetic smile that told her she would make things up to her later. “I was just wondering, would be kind enough to give me another session?”
“Of course, Melissa,” agreed Prince Charming, leading her to the throne next to his. He briskly signaled the footmen to bring in a marble bench from the gardens.
“I’m afraid I can’t offer you half of our kingdom this time,” said Princess Melissa, comfortably seating herself as Prince Charming began the process of binding her to the throne. “I mean, we can’t keep cutting it in half forever or there won’t be anything left.”
“The pleasure of seeing a smile upon your face is reward enough for me,” replied Prince Charming, tying Princess Melissa’s ankles to the marble bench. In the process the hem of her kirtle rose, displaying a considerable portion of the Princess’s shapely legs. Curiously enough, though, Lady Hollandaise made no move to rectify that situation.
“Now, this must needs be a thorough tickle,” explained Princess Melissa very earnestly as Prince Charming removed her shoes. “So I want you to put more effort into it this time and to make certain it lasts much longer than our last session.”
“As you wish,” he replied, borrowing the feather duster from the pretty maid. With a slow swirl, he gently brushed the bottoms of her feet, eliciting an immediate shriek of laughter from the princess. He gradually increased his pace, causing the Princess to laugh and squirm much more animatedly than she ever had at their first session. She gave a gasp between the briefest of breaks in her laughter. Despite what she had said, she had not expected the Prince to increase the tickling this much!
“Ahahaha! Ooh, Charming, that’s… ahahaha… enough!” she barely managed to utter.
Prince Charming reluctantly lowered the feather duster.
“Whew!” went Princess Melissa, gasping for breath.
“Young man,” said Lady Hollandaise in her severest tones – and, being a duenna, those were very severe indeed, “why did you stop?”
“Because Melissa asked me to.”
“She also asked you to tickle her with more effort and for a longer duration than your last session. In my estimation, you have not done so to any meaningful degree.”
“No, it’s quite all right,” protested Princess Melissa. “Really, we’re finished here. See, look at my smile! You can untie me now, Charming, and thank you very much.”
“Perhaps it’s just as well,” observed the duenna. “You do have a walk scheduled with Prince Bradford this afternoon, and he’s probably wondering where you are. We should hurry back home now so you can keep that appointment. I understand there is some kind of proposal he wishes to make to you.”
“Yikes!” exclaimed Princess Melissa, her smile vanishing. “Um, I’m quite sorry, Charming, but I guess you haven’t tickled me quite enough, after all. Please, if it’s not too much to ask, continue.”
It was not too much to ask at all. The Prince eagerly used the feather duster on not only her feet but started creeping up the tops of her legs as well. Princess Melissa laughed just as loudly there as well, causing the Prince to surmise that there probably wasn’t any part of her body that wouldn’t respond to his tickles.
That was something to look forward to in the future, he reflected, keeping busy with the feather duster. At least, if there is a future to this, he added to himself. He looked up at the Princess’s face as she tossed her head back and forth, her mouth wide open with laughter, her lovely long hair a flailing about, her cheeks flushed bright pink. There was some just so right about seeing her there on the throne next to his looking so flushed and alive that he just could not help himself. Dropping the feather duster, he repeated the question he had asked her back at her castle.
When Princess Melissa finally was able to speak, she gave a different answer this time.
___
As is the case with all couples, they had their share of fights and disagreements… but they also had many long moments of laughter, as was demonstrated by their ever-increasing collection of feather dusters. Therefore, in the end, it can be stated that they lived happily ever after.
Never in her life had Princess Melissa laughed.
“Really, Pumpkin, now that you’re all grown up, don’t you think you could smile at least once?” pleaded King Henry as he sat in the palace garden with his daughter and her duenna, the Dowager Duchess Lady Hollandaise, enjoying their afternoon tea.
“I’ll try, Daddy,” offered Princess Melissa. She struggled with the muscles in her mouth, pulling her lips upwards, but not creating what might be called a true smile. “Oh, it’s no use!” she cried out, bursting into tears.
“There, there, dear,” soothed Lady Hollandaise, petting her young charge as she bestowed upon the King such a frosty glare for having been heartless enough to make his sweet daughter cry that the monarch felt the contents of the teacup drop several degrees Celsius.
Not that that was the end of the matter as far as the King was concerned. Following a longstanding tradition in fairytales, he returned to his throne room and issued a proclamation stating that anyone who could make his daughter laugh would be rewarded with half his kingdom, along with permission to seek his daughter’s hand in marriage, were the Princess agreeable to that individual’s advances, of course.
Needless to say, such a proclamation attracted numerous comedic entertainers. Stand-up comics performed their hysterical routines, recited an endless litany of jokes of every sort, excepting ribald ones, of course. Whenever a performer ventured into territory the Lady Hollandaise considered unsuitable, she would cough discreetly. If he failed to take her delicate hint, the duenna would then signal for the Captain of the Guard to lead that unfortunate individual away to spend a highly disagreeable night in the dungeon’s torture chamber.
Troupes of actors appeared as well, although how a group was prepared to split half a kingdom was anyone’s guess. They performed their most highly diverting comedies, reducing the audience to unrestrained laughter – all but the Princess, that is. She sighed during Twelfth Night, yawned during As You Like It, and fell asleep halfway through a star-studded performance of Much Ado About Nothing.
A team of slapstick performers even made an attempt, throwing pies at one another with wild abandon, and even, by accident, hitting the Lord High Chamberlain right in the face with a coconut cream pie! At first Princess Melissa seemed to find something highly amusing about the incident, for the old gentleman was quite stuffy and pompous. The assemblage held their collective breaths, thinking she was finally about to laugh. But then the Princess recalled how the Chamberlain had always been quite kind to her, including (completely against the wishes of Lady Hollandaise) sneaking her candy when she had been a little girl. So then she thought how horrible he must feel, having his dignity wounded, so that, instead of breaking out into merry peals of laughter, she burst out into uncontrolled sobs.
Thus it was that, day by day, a relentless parade of entertainers passed her by, but never did the Princess laugh, giggle, titter, chortle, chuckle, or twitter – and not once did even the shadow of a ghost of a hint of a smile cross her exquisite features. And so matters stood, and so it seemed they would remain, until one day a very famous guest arrived at the palace.
___
“Oh dear, is it really necessary to tie the Princess to her chair?” asked Lady Hollandaise, anxiously waving herself with her small hand fan, brilliantly colored in Oriental patterns.
“It’s quite alright,” replied Princess Melissa as cheerfully as her perpetual pout permitted her. Several loops of velvet rope comfortably yet firmly bound her torso to the back of her throne and several more bound her thighs to its seat. “Strangely relaxing, much to my surprise! I wonder why you never mentioned that aspect of being tied up when you used to tell me about all the pirates and outlaws who used to kidnap you all the time!”
“At this point, I’m willing to try anything,” rumbled King Henry in his heavy basso voice that boomed around the throne room like rolling thunder. “So I will allow these highly unusual proceedings to continue, merely idly remarking that our executioner is quite skilled in the performance of his duties; it rarely takes him more than one stroke to successfully chop off someone’s head!”
“I assure Your Majesty will not find it necessary to resort to such draconian measures,” replied Prince Charming. Yes, it was that famous rescuer of princesses himself who had arrived to try his luck at making Melissa laugh. He completed another knot, frowning in concentration. He had considerably more experience in untying damsels than in tying them up, but he felt the basic principles had to be the same, except in reverse, of course. “It is merely that once I begin my treatment Melissa will become highly animated, and I require her to keep still in order for my treatment to be effective.”
“But why haven’t you tied the rest of my legs?” puzzled Princess Melissa, kicking her heels back and forth.
“If those servants I sent would ever return,” began the Prince; “ah, here they come now. Yes, my good fellows, you may place that there. Thank you!”
Four muscular footmen grunted as they heaved a heavy marble bench they had removed from the garden and now placed down in front of the Princess before bowing and stepping back. Prince Charming briskly proceeded to tie the Princess’s ankles together, and then tied her feet on top of the bench.
“Just a moment!” interrupted Lady Hollandaise. She stepped forward, pulling down the hem of Princess Melissa’s long kirtle. It was of a light shade of purple with a white girdle that wonderfully matched her long, black hair. “You may proceed,” she announced, after ensuring that nothing more than the ankles of her young charge were visible.
“Thank you,” replied the Prince gallantly. He removed the Princess’s high-heeled pumps, slipping them off so swiftly that Lady Hollandaise didn’t even have time to object.
“Why did you do that?” asked Princess Melissa, glancing down at her bare feet, feeling thankful she had taken the time to polish her toenails a pleasing shade of lavender that morning.
“My purpose will be clear in a moment,” replied Prince Charming. He glanced past the assembled courtiers who crowded the large room, spotting a palace maid standing with the other servants near an entrance. “Please, come forward,” he ordered her gently.
“Who, me?” the young woman asked, looking startled. She looked quite fetching in her black uniform, although she was not nearly as pretty as the Princess was, of course.
“Yes, you heard the Prince, step forward,” ordered the King.
“It’s quite alright, Marianne,” the Princess assured her.
“Yes, quite alright,” the Prince echoed as she timidly approached. “I just need to borrow your feather duster, thank you.”
“You’re welcome, milord,” Marianne replied, dropping a curtsey and hastily returning to her observation point.
The Prince held up the feather duster. It consisted of a short, black, wooden handle with numerous goose and duck feathers spread out conically at one end. “And now, if you are ready, Melissa, I will commence with my plan!”
“Oh, I’m quite ready, Charming,” she replied, tossing her head. “Only I don’t see how a feather duster is supposed to make me laugh!”
Prince Charming swirled the feather duster in one hand, dramatically drawing it closer and closer to the Princess’s bare feet, until the outermost circle of feathers lightly swirled against the tips of her two big toes.
“Eek!” she shrieked as an electric shiver raced up from her feet to her head. And then, for the very first time in her life, to the wonder and delight of everyone viewing the scene, Princess Melissa laughed.
___
“Ahahaha!” Princess Melissa laughed as Prince Charming twirled the soft feathers against the smooth soles of her small feet, moving the duster up and down and left and right as the Princess’s face turned bright pink from her laughter. “Ahahaha,” she continued.
“My goodness, your method certainly is effective!” observed the Chamberlain.
“Indeed,” assented Lady Hollandaise, who was standing right next to the Chamberlain. She waved her hand fan furiously, blowing about her long hair. She was not at all sure she approved of these proceedings and felt it was time to bring them to an end. “Prince Charming, you have succeeded in making our Princess laugh. You may stop now.”
“Continue!” roared the King.
“Ahahaha!” laughed the Princess. The tight ropes bound her to her heavy throne, so she had to sit quite still, other than to turn her head. She could not move her feet, other than to turn them from side to side, which was not enough to escape the broad circle of feathers, or else to put part of one foot in front of another, which merely caused the forward foot to receive an undue amount of the Prince’s attention. “Ahahaha!”
“Your Majesty, I protest!” exclaimed Lady Hollandaise.
“Continue!” roared the King again. “The more Melissa laughs now, the more likely she will continue doing so in the future! Besides, she has considerable catching up to do!”
“Ahahaha!” laughed the Princess, squirming in the ropes that allowed no escape.
“Oh,” exclaimed Lady Hollandaise, unable to watch anymore. She dropped her fan and fainted, carefully draping her plump frame into the arms of the startled Chamberlain. He had been a widower for quite some time now and figured prominently in her plans.
Prince Charming continued swirling the feather duster over Princess Melissa’s feet. He sometimes moved to the outer sides and even over to the fronts, but wherever he worked the result was the same; the Princess kept up her uninterrupted laughter. The Prince stared in admiration at her lovely face as he tirelessly persisted in his efforts, noting how lovely her long, black hair appeared, completely disheveled from her tossing her head about. He noted with pleasure her soft, pink lips open wide with laughter, revealing perfect, white teeth.
“Ahahaha!” The Princess managed a deep breath, and then squeaked out, “Enough! Ahahaha! Tha… that’s enough, you can stop now, Charming.”
Prince Charming immediately dropped the feather duster and then, using his expert skill in the matter, methodically untied the knots binding Princess Melissa.
“Whew!” she exclaimed. “Well, that was quite an experience! Thank you very much for making me laugh, Charming; it was wonderful finally doing so!”
“Yes, you have our deepest thanks,” echoed the King. “Not to mention the minor matter of half our kingdom as well. And of course….” His voice trailed off. He recalled that his daughter had often received pedicures and even foot massages, so he felt her response here must Mean Something. He gave the prince a look and pointed with his head and eyes over to his daughter.
The Prince bent down on one knee. “Only one thing remains to make my happiness complete. Princess Melissa, would you do me the honor of agreeing to become my wife and queen?”
“Oh, my,” she replied. “This is all so sudden. While I think you’re very nice and I am grateful for all you’ve done, I just don’t feel that I am ready to get married yet. However, as we are going to be neighbors now, I hope we can always be the best of friends.”
Everyone in the throne room gave a gasp of astonishment. Even Marianne was so startled that (having learned something from observing Lady Hollandaise) she promptly fainted into the arms of the young blacksmith who stood next to her. She had noticed him giving her admiring glances when he thought she hadn’t been looking.
The King frowned mightily and puffed out his cheeks, but wisely said nothing. There was nothing left to be done now, but make arrangements with the Prince for dividing the kingdom and having him move into an empty castle on his new territory.
___
Now, look here, Melissa,” rumbled King Henry.
“Oh, Daddy,” she sighed, getting a knot in her stomach. The Princess knew her father was about to say something she wasn’t going to want to hear when he spoke to her in that tone of voice and called her Melissa instead of Pumpkin.
Several days had passed since the events narrated above, and the two of them were once again in the palace gardens, along with Lady Hollandaise and her fiancé, the Lord Chamberlain, who wore a trapped look on his refined old features as he blew cautiously on his hot cup of tea.
“You are, of course, free to marry anyone you choose,” continued the King. “However, get married you must. You are an adult now, and it is the duty of every grown prince and princess to get married – especially one who is an heir to the throne, as you are.”
“I quite agree,” chimed in Lady Hollandaise. The Princess’s refusal of Prince Charming’s suit had put quite a damper on her own plans. “Don’t you feel the same way, dear?”
“Absolutely,” agreed the Lord Chamberlain, although with a marked lack of enthusiasm.
“But, Daddy, Prince Charming next door isn’t seeking a wife and no one appears to be worried about that!”
“He is not our concern,” replied her father, brushing aside her objection with a wave of his hand. “As I said, it is high time you got married, and in preparation, I have invited princes from the surrounding area to visit our castle…”
“Daddy!” exclaimed Melissa in alarm.
“…for a series of feasts and follies lasting several days,” he continued as if she had not interrupted him, “thus allowing you an ample opportunity to observe them and to judge their respective characters before selecting one to become your future husband.”
Princess Melissa pouted prettily for a moment before suddenly brightening up. “Did you invite Prince Charming?” she asked.
“I’m afraid he sent his regrets that he was unable to attend,” announced the Lord Chamberlain. “It seems that taking up his new duties as ruler of half our kingdom is keeping him entirely too occupied for social engagements at this time.”
“Oh, that’s too bad,” said Melissa sadly.
“You’ll meet plenty of other eligible young men,” Lady Hollandaise informed her.
That, as it turned out, was the truth, although, as Princess Melissa quickly discovered, none of them was quite right. Prince Bradford had a laugh like a hyena, Prince Carl stepped on her toes every time they danced, and Prince Elliot always stared at some other woman whenever he was speaking to her. In short, every prince had some defect that made him unacceptable to her.
Or, perhaps the real problem was that none of them was Prince Charming.
“You know, Marianne, when I told refused Charming it was only because he sprung it on me so suddenly,” she told her maid. They were up in the Princess’s bedroom during one of the few quiet moments of the festivities. “I need to give him another chance to propose, that’s all, and then all these horrible princes can go home.”
“How will you manage that, Melissa?” inquired the pretty maid, calling her by her first name. The two of them were good friends and thus dispensed with formalities except on formal occasions.
“Oh, I have an idea. Let’s go next door and visit Prince Charming. Once there, I’ll be able to manage things.”
___
Princess Melissa made the short journey to Prince Charming’s castle accompanied, as always, by her duenna, the Lady Hollandaise, and a small retinue of followers consisting of ten ladies-in-waiting gorgeously attired in the latest fashions direct from Paris and twenty footmen in gleaming uniforms. Marianne had come as well. She nervously twirled the feather duster in her hand, feeling very out of place among the important people gathered in Prince Charming’s throne room.
After the usual polite pleasantries, Princess Melissa adroitly brought the conversation around to the purpose of her visit. “I’m afraid I’ve had a bit of a setback,” she informed Prince Charming. “Ever since our tickling session, I’ve reverted to my old ways, and have never again laughed or indeed, even smiled.”
“What are you talking about?” asked Marianne, looking astonished. “Why, on our way over here you were carrying on and… OUCH!”
Princess Melissa was wearing a new pair of shoes (solid black, to match her new red kirtle and black girdle) and, not being used to them yet, suddenly stumbled, taking an awkward step backwards and driving a stiletto heel into Marianne’s foot, who, not wanting the Princess to have any more accidents of that sort, decided to keep silent for the remainder of her visit.
“So I thought maybe the problem was that you hadn’t tickled me quite enough that first time,” continued the Princess, giving her friend an apologetic smile that told her she would make things up to her later. “I was just wondering, would be kind enough to give me another session?”
“Of course, Melissa,” agreed Prince Charming, leading her to the throne next to his. He briskly signaled the footmen to bring in a marble bench from the gardens.
“I’m afraid I can’t offer you half of our kingdom this time,” said Princess Melissa, comfortably seating herself as Prince Charming began the process of binding her to the throne. “I mean, we can’t keep cutting it in half forever or there won’t be anything left.”
“The pleasure of seeing a smile upon your face is reward enough for me,” replied Prince Charming, tying Princess Melissa’s ankles to the marble bench. In the process the hem of her kirtle rose, displaying a considerable portion of the Princess’s shapely legs. Curiously enough, though, Lady Hollandaise made no move to rectify that situation.
“Now, this must needs be a thorough tickle,” explained Princess Melissa very earnestly as Prince Charming removed her shoes. “So I want you to put more effort into it this time and to make certain it lasts much longer than our last session.”
“As you wish,” he replied, borrowing the feather duster from the pretty maid. With a slow swirl, he gently brushed the bottoms of her feet, eliciting an immediate shriek of laughter from the princess. He gradually increased his pace, causing the Princess to laugh and squirm much more animatedly than she ever had at their first session. She gave a gasp between the briefest of breaks in her laughter. Despite what she had said, she had not expected the Prince to increase the tickling this much!
“Ahahaha! Ooh, Charming, that’s… ahahaha… enough!” she barely managed to utter.
Prince Charming reluctantly lowered the feather duster.
“Whew!” went Princess Melissa, gasping for breath.
“Young man,” said Lady Hollandaise in her severest tones – and, being a duenna, those were very severe indeed, “why did you stop?”
“Because Melissa asked me to.”
“She also asked you to tickle her with more effort and for a longer duration than your last session. In my estimation, you have not done so to any meaningful degree.”
“No, it’s quite all right,” protested Princess Melissa. “Really, we’re finished here. See, look at my smile! You can untie me now, Charming, and thank you very much.”
“Perhaps it’s just as well,” observed the duenna. “You do have a walk scheduled with Prince Bradford this afternoon, and he’s probably wondering where you are. We should hurry back home now so you can keep that appointment. I understand there is some kind of proposal he wishes to make to you.”
“Yikes!” exclaimed Princess Melissa, her smile vanishing. “Um, I’m quite sorry, Charming, but I guess you haven’t tickled me quite enough, after all. Please, if it’s not too much to ask, continue.”
It was not too much to ask at all. The Prince eagerly used the feather duster on not only her feet but started creeping up the tops of her legs as well. Princess Melissa laughed just as loudly there as well, causing the Prince to surmise that there probably wasn’t any part of her body that wouldn’t respond to his tickles.
That was something to look forward to in the future, he reflected, keeping busy with the feather duster. At least, if there is a future to this, he added to himself. He looked up at the Princess’s face as she tossed her head back and forth, her mouth wide open with laughter, her lovely long hair a flailing about, her cheeks flushed bright pink. There was some just so right about seeing her there on the throne next to his looking so flushed and alive that he just could not help himself. Dropping the feather duster, he repeated the question he had asked her back at her castle.
When Princess Melissa finally was able to speak, she gave a different answer this time.
___
As is the case with all couples, they had their share of fights and disagreements… but they also had many long moments of laughter, as was demonstrated by their ever-increasing collection of feather dusters. Therefore, in the end, it can be stated that they lived happily ever after.
