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Non-PC Halloween Joke

QBWeaver

1st Level Orange Feather
Joined
May 21, 2001
Messages
2,119
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Subject: Vampires

This is really bad, but funny.


Two vampires wanted to go out to eat, but were
having a little trouble deciding where to go. They were a little tired of the local food in
Transylvania and wanted something a little more
exotic.

After some discussion, they decided to go to Italy
because they had heard that Italian food was really good.

So off they went to Italy and ended up in Venice.
On a bridge over one of the canals, they hid in the shadows and waited for dinner.

A few minutes later they noticed a young couple
walking their way. As they neared, the vampires made their move. Each vampire grabbed a person, sucked them dry and tossed the remaining bodies into the canal below.

The vampires were extremely pleased with their meal and decided to have seconds. Another young couple approached a few minutes later and suffered the same fate as the first, sucked dry and tossed into the canal below.

Our vampires are now fairly full but decide to get dessert.


In a short while a third young couple provides just that. As with the first two couples, these people were also sucked dry and tossed over the rail into the canal.

The vampires decided that they had had a marvelous
dinner but that it was time to head back home. As
they started to walk away they began to hear some
singing. They were puzzled because no one else was
on the bridge. As they listened, they realized
that it was coming from the canal. They looked over the rail and saw a big alligator in the water under the bridge, feasting on the bodies. They listened as the alligator sang:


You don't know what the alligator sang, do you?




Are you ready?





Are you sure?





Here it comes.





This is great .
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
"Drained wops keep falling on my head."



OK Ok! I know it's just wrong but I'm part Italian. If I can laugh at myself I have no right to laugh at anyone else.
 
<center>
dracula-escape-ani.gif
</center>

The vampire turned, red cape flowing,
Big wild eyes, long fangs were glowing.
From this dark and dangerous sight
Our Sammy Snake froze stiff from fright.

The vampire said, "Well, bless my soul,
I’ll hang my cape on the this little pole."
He threw his cape on Sammy’s head.
Scared Sammy wished that he were dead.

As the vampire took a little break
Poor Sammy Snake began to shake.
He tried to stop but lost that battle,
As his little tail let out a rattle.

"Oh, you’re no pole, for goodness sake,
Why, you’re a juicy little snake."
Sam’s heart said "Run," his head said, "Stay.
It’s now too late to run away."

He prayed, "Oh, Dear God in the sky,
I think that I’m about to die.
Please send some help one way or other
And I’ll stop teasing my little brother."

Then from the dark a group appeared.
A miracle, but sort of weird.
Three friends came walking to his side.
The vampire’s eyes flashed open wide.

The viper brothers Vic and Hoss
Had dressed together like a cross.
Sammy’s buddy, Jake the Snake,
Was halloweening as a stake.

Sam grabbed the brothers, held them high
And looked that vampire in the eye.
He had him then and couldn’t miss.
And told him with a good long hisssss...

"I hold the cross, you must depart
Or feel this stake deep in your heart."
The vampire whimpered with a frown,
"You are the smartest snake in town.

"You know that I will leave this place,
That cross must never pass my face.
The stake would finally do me in.
Young snake, you won’t see me again.

"I praise you for you are so bold,
But snake blood is a little cold.
Goodbye, I must now blow this scene
And search for some warm human being."

Then he was gone, the deed was done.
They gave themselves a big "HIGH ONE."
Four little snakes were on a roll.
This cross, this stake, and the barber pole!

When back in town they saw a crowd.
They all were cheering long and loud,
"Hooray for Sammy, way to go,
You saved our necks, you’re our hero."

The King Snake coiled, then gave a toast
"Here’s to the snake we love the most."
Gave Sammy Snake a "HERO" star,
And a great big five pound Snickers bar.

—Grandpa Tucker



Ven (you deserved it after THAT one!)
 
QB, that was about the funniest joke I ever heard in my life! Thanks for posting!

Muehahahahaha!!
 
Originally posted by QBWeaver

OK Ok! I know it's just wrong but I'm part Italian. If I can laugh at myself I have no right to laugh at anyone else.

It's not wrong to laugh at yourself. Great joke, QB, to heck with PC! 😀
 
QB, you just pissed my neighbours off big time! There's still a dent in their ceiling from where I collapsed on the floor! :blaugh: :blaugh: :blaugh: :blaugh: :blaugh: :blaugh:
 
QB! I'm also part Itallian, and I love a good "Groaner", and that was a great one!🙄 Keep 'em coming! Love ya!

P.S. Dracula sucks! (Sorry! Couldn't resist!):angel:
 
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