IrvingKrebb
TMF Expert
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2010
- Messages
- 563
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A few weeks ago I had a heart attack. A major heart attack that would have killed me had I not been in the hospital when it happened. The reason I was there doesn't matter, the fact is, I was there and it saved my life. I had what they call a "widow maker," and it took a lot of CPR and something like six tries with the paddles to bring me back. I was in a medically induced coma for over a week while they sorted me out. I'm 43 years old and up till then I was walking around feeling healthy as a result of the two physicals I'd recently had, which showed my blood work to be exactly what you'd want it to be - all the numbers regarding cholesterol, good fat, bad fat, etc., all of it, showed I was not only healthy but very healthy. The only vice I had left was smoking; hadn't had a drink in well over a year nor had I been indulging in any other feel-good chemical imbibes. The heart attack hit me out of no where. I thought it was a panic attack. Seems ironic that most people suffering from panic attacks go to the ER thinking they're having a heart attack while I went in thinking I was having a panic attack and had a heart attack.
After a few - what they call "normal" reactions, like anger and denial, I've been left with fear, depression, and dread. I was set to publish my first serious attempt at a memoir I'd been working on for about a year and it almost didn't happen. As soon as I got out of the hospital I published; maybe I published too soon, too carelessly, but at the time I was afraid I might just keel over again and it might never get published. For over a week I was afraid to go to sleep thinking I might not wake up. My primary doctor asked if the hospital had prescribed anything to help with the anxiety. The cardiologist asked if the primary doctor did, and the psychiatrist was surprised that neither had and finally wrote a prescription for a benzo which, "She didn't like prescribing but felt I needed it." Doctors have become so terrified of prescribing medicines that work it's a wonder some people are able to function at all.
I apologize in advance, I know this is not what you'd call a topic for general discussion. I just needed a place to write and to let loose with some of the thoughts I walk around with regularly now. Some of this information went into the afterward of my book, which might have darkened the entire thing despite my trying to keep it relatively light and easily digestible for those who might not be so familiar with addiction and substance abuse. I guess I needed a place to put my thoughts together. I know I'm not a well known member of the community or a very prolific contributor, but I have some friends here, some good friends, and I thought they would understand. Sucks I had to miss NEST this year because of this...I was very close to attending for a second time when things started happening that would have made it difficult. Could be those were signs that something VERY serious was about to happen so I guess I'm glad I waited before signing up. Unfortunately, from what I've been reading, and from a few things I've seen, I missed some very exciting things. Here, I guess, is to next year.
After a few - what they call "normal" reactions, like anger and denial, I've been left with fear, depression, and dread. I was set to publish my first serious attempt at a memoir I'd been working on for about a year and it almost didn't happen. As soon as I got out of the hospital I published; maybe I published too soon, too carelessly, but at the time I was afraid I might just keel over again and it might never get published. For over a week I was afraid to go to sleep thinking I might not wake up. My primary doctor asked if the hospital had prescribed anything to help with the anxiety. The cardiologist asked if the primary doctor did, and the psychiatrist was surprised that neither had and finally wrote a prescription for a benzo which, "She didn't like prescribing but felt I needed it." Doctors have become so terrified of prescribing medicines that work it's a wonder some people are able to function at all.
I apologize in advance, I know this is not what you'd call a topic for general discussion. I just needed a place to write and to let loose with some of the thoughts I walk around with regularly now. Some of this information went into the afterward of my book, which might have darkened the entire thing despite my trying to keep it relatively light and easily digestible for those who might not be so familiar with addiction and substance abuse. I guess I needed a place to put my thoughts together. I know I'm not a well known member of the community or a very prolific contributor, but I have some friends here, some good friends, and I thought they would understand. Sucks I had to miss NEST this year because of this...I was very close to attending for a second time when things started happening that would have made it difficult. Could be those were signs that something VERY serious was about to happen so I guess I'm glad I waited before signing up. Unfortunately, from what I've been reading, and from a few things I've seen, I missed some very exciting things. Here, I guess, is to next year.
