Now I feel like shit

[SSINTENSE]

Im the one who posted the pics of my ex's feet and then deleted them 2 hours later cause i felt like ass. Damnit I fucked it all up.

It all started perfectly. We were a perfect match for eachother. We had the exact same sense of humor. It eventually got to the point where we could read eachother's minds. Not to mention she had delicious feet and big breasts. And her head fit perfectly into my chest. It was like we were meant to be. She even told me once that she thought that I was the one and she told her friends that too.

But now comes the problem. She is 21, I just turned 19. She said she noticed a maturity issue and it started to eat her alive. she let it go for about 2 months but then she said that she wants to go on a break so i can have a college experience for a semester and then see if she is still being eaten alive.

We did that, and even during the break we were having sex and hanging out at times. Then I left for college.

I left on my away messages certain things and then she said that she was done because thought that I wouldnt change and that I am young at heart.

The day she said that I left alllooott of messages on her computer. I kept trying to call her. I know it was wrong, I panicked big time. The image of other men with her kept creeping into my brain and if I did go through alot and became different in the future I didnt want her to think that I would stay the same.

She left this message on her away:
OK I'm not calling you or emailing you or contacting you in any way after what you pulled yesterday so I'm gonna put this here, where a bunch of other people are gonna read, but you need to hear this, and I refuse to contact you. You call ed me 77 times and left 278 messages on my computer in a matter of just a few hours. What you said was uncalled for, it was obsessive, and it was scary. Then when I finally pick up the phone you just breathe into it. I asked you not to call me anymore, I hung up, and you called 30 seconds later. I know what it's like to like someone a lot. I liked this guy all thru high school and I annoyed the hell out of him. But that was high school - a long time ago. And I didn't go crazy like this, the worst I did was get mad at him and bitch at him when he ignored me after we hooked up. You can't do what you did. When you get back in Pennsylvania, do not come to my house. The messages were hardcopied, the calls were logged, and if you try to contact me again I'm going to your parents then the police.

She overexaggerated a little on the breathing part..I just didnt know what to say when she finally did pick up the phone. I was stunned.

Once she was counting down the hours till I came home and always said that she missed me soo bad it hurt. How the hell does shit hit the fan like that?

I really didnt mean to be scary either. Fuck.

Then when people were commenting on her soles when I posted the pictures I felt like a sespool. I had to yank them off.

 

[SSINTENSE]

But I have a feeling that it wasnt the fact that she thought i wouldnt change when she said she was done. I think it was the fact that I mentioned a girl I was going to date on my away. Because she did say "I dont want to be in this situation." I dunno.

I dunno what she was thinking. I dunno what I was thinking either.

 

[masterandticklee]

dude stop feeling like shit. Everybody has that relationship that drives them crazy. Just learn from your mistakes. Apparently you made 300+ mistakes but thats ok just as long as you don't repeat them. From my understanding of men and women...women expect a man to be a man...in control of their emotions. What you did when you messaged her was tell her the exact opposite...that you were'nt in control, and that my friend no matter what era or culture is unattractive to the opposite sex. Unfortunatly it's easier to get another girl than to get your old one back..so go and have at good time at school....meet some new people, join new groups. This will allow you to gain respect for yourself...and you won't "feel like shit". Funny a female ex won;t contact you till you have forgotten about her and started something new....thats the paradox...because as soon as you do, you don't care about her anymore. I think they're psychic 😀 . Watch the movie "Swingers" with Vince Vaughn and John Favreu to get the idea. just my $.02
Good luck
GQguy

 

[XaviarRkR]

Ah. Relationships. Not my area of knowledge. (personally, I don't bother with them). REading this, It's clear (to me) that you're in love with this girl, and so any... grievences of that nature will feel like someone has yanked your heart out through your stomach.

This will sound harsh.
You were a little over the top with the messages and emails, and that can scare some people. But: it seems to me from what you wrote, that she could be being a bit manipulative of your feelings for her. 19 and 21. That's only two years, and I doubt that there's THAT much maturity difference between you both.

If you've patched up.... no, if it's all sorted completely, then great, but if things continue to be frosty, then it's time to move on.

 

[Neutron]

Wow..

You scare me.

Anyway, why would you turn to the internet for relationship advice?

 

[scorpionldr]

maybe I sound like an arsehole here, but let me just clue you in on a couple things. the girl said it was done. when she says it's done, she's not fucking around. You desperately tried to save the relationship and you looked infatuated again. infatuation is not attractive dude. sorry

 

[morgandee]

e-harmony will save u lolOlOloerleoalol

 

[IrishTickle1]

Well, ssintense is the right name for you. Trying to contact her that many times and what did ou expect to happen? But f#ck her. Any girl who pulls the "immaturity" card hasn't a clue what she's talking about. Didn't she leave a public message for you? That's not mature. You're better off without the bitch. It hurts now, but you'll get over it. I think the best advice came from GQguy. Watch "Swingers". It's about the same thing, but it's funny and iot'll show you that you're not the only person it's happened to! I guarantee that in 6 monthes time you'll be with another girl and you won't even remember that crazy bitch!

 

[Kalamos]

The fun fact is he's shared her pics, and those pics are likely to pop up at the very worst possible moment.

...

Now, *that* would make most people feel like fecal matter...

 

[SSINTENSE]

Thx for the advice.

But the thing is she did go through alot more than I did. It really wasnt the age it was the experience. She used to live with a guy and was completely dependent on her own money for two years. I never went through anything like that. I know she isnt being manipulative either. Like I said we were hanging out throughout the original break, and during those times she was crying her eyes out. I could tell it was hard for her too. She even told me that her biggest fear for the break was that she would lose me.

It didnt only feel like losing a gf, it felt like losing a best friend too. We just got along that well. She once told me the same thing..that I felt like a best friend to her and a bf at the same time. I dont want to lose her as a friend too. She was my first gf, I wasnt her first. She told me the same things u guys did, that I will get over this and be with someone else. This is life...there are hard times. I learned so many lessons from her, both during the relationship and after it. She is someone I cant shut out of my life.

But I am moving on and I know I will look for a girlfriend. And hopefully in the future me and her will just be good friends.

 

[SSINTENSE]

Wow sosuave.com does have alot of useful info. Thanks for that link.

Now that I read it, I realized I was being a "wuss" throughout the relationship.
She always told me that I was the nicest bf she has ever had, and that that was why she was hesitant to let me go. She was sick of the assholes. But I was being too nice.

I have to be nice but at the same time have control. Have power.

Thanks alot for that site.

 

[MistressValerie1]

First off, it sounds like the young lady also has some maturing to do, so the relationship was destined for failure before it even began.

Regarding the recent incident, if you literally called her 77 times and left 278 messages for her online, and then breathed into the phone without saying anything, you are very lucky that she didn't call the cops! I hope that you also understand what a terrible idea it was to post photos of her without permission. Girls like attention, but are easily put off when a guy appears to be obsessed -- what you did could have been considered criminal stalking.

If you're currently attending college, I strongly recommend that you speak to a counselor there. They are expert in helping college-age people with personal and relationship problems and their services are usually free of charge.

I'm sure that things will improve with time and patience; I wish you the best of luck.

 

[locker669]

Thanks for the sosuave. I'm married but I think I will try the "kisses" on my wife.

She told you it was over, and you can't undo what you did that day. Valerie had a great idea, you need to make sure this doesn't happen when you meet the right woman.

Quick story: When I was 18 I dated a girl for a few weeks and she stopped talking to me. Then I found out she had a boyfriend! I was crushed but I thought I loved her and I wanted her to feel the same way about me. I used to drive by her house to see if she was home and call her at midnight and if she answered I quickly hung up. There was one night I called her house every ten minutes for an hour! Then I asked my self what was that going to accomplish and what would I do if she knew it was me and called the police? I stopped talking to her and tried to forget about her. She ended up going to college and I eventually did get over her. Now I look back and realize that I did a lot of stupid things but I learned from my mistakes. Someday you'll feel the same way.

 

[SSINTENSE]

haha I went to a party tonight, used the advice from sosuave, and hooked up with a girl. I got her number and everything and I even had her at one point touching my penis..on the first night!

but something still tells me that the girl that broke up with me was the right girl.
I feel like one day we will get back together. I just feel that way
everything was perfect except for the maturity issue and the obsession scenario.
I guess I just hope that in time she will forgive that action.

 

[flightless_me]

.....hm...relationships suck...

 

[XaviarRkR]

.....hm...relationships suck...

yes they do. More than a vacuum

 

[blackmagicjack1]

Simply put I like GQ's and Val's advice best.

Let the girl go, and work on yourself. In my opinion relationships are there to spice up your life, add a new dimension to it, not replace living your own.

 

[Betchass1]

haha I went to a party tonight, used the advice from sosuave, and hooked up with a girl. I got her number and everything and I even had her at one point touching my penis..on the first night!

but something still tells me that the girl that broke up with me was the right girl.
I feel like one day we will get back together. I just feel that way
everything was perfect except for the maturity issue and the obsession scenario.
I guess I just hope that in time she will forgive that action.

If everything else was perfect but those two things, that just means you have it in you to have a great relationship and be a most excellent boyfriend. That doesn't mean it will/should be with her. All the great stuff you felt came from you, she just helped tap into it.

Read up on dopamine. It makes you need things that were once pleasurable. It is a good thing, responsible for making you want good food and good sex and intimacy, but it's not very smart. It does what it does with no regard for reality.

Reality is you can't do anything after that exchange. You might keep wanting to for a while, but it's just not an option. Try not to kick yourself for the calls and messages; you were trying to deal with a new sort of feeling and didn't know what else to do. The others are right, that is not at all uncommon. I got the police threat once too. She never heard from me again.

It's always easier to do the dumping. I've been in situations where I was about to break things off, but the girl said it first, "I think we should just be friends," and all of a sudden I was hurting! It's natural to want closure, but respect yourself and do what's best for yourself (exercise, study, meet new girls) and that urge will take care of itself.