tickle_fan031
2nd Level Green Feather
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- Feb 6, 2005
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Ok so I've not written in ages and this one has been going around my head for a while now. Mainly because there is an element of truth behind this and the daydreams have taken over so I decided to run with it thanks to karen's help to get me going 🙂
Side note: I'm no medical expert and I'm not pretending to be so apologies to those that are for being factually incorrect.
_________________________________
I had been having weekly appointments with Gavin, my case manager, for a while now to help me with my anxiety. I have seen a number of mental health professionals in the past but none were as good as Gavin. He seemed more 'human' in comparison to others as he brought his own personal experiences into our discussions. As soon as I met him I instantly felt at ease. He seemed like a gentle giant; 6 foot something, late 30s to early 40s, cleanly shaven and bald. Gavin was also responsible for my care plan and recommended specific counselling for me. He was a means of support for me whilst I was on the waiting list for the formal counselling and after the sessions had finished.
Over the past 6 months I had been able to build a good rapport with Gavin and was able to open up to him. A few times he had asked what I enjoyed doing in my spare time and what do I like to do to relax. I might have been able to open up to him but I wasn't completely open. As the truth was only known to a very select few people in the real world but known to a load of lovely people online; some of which I'd been lucky enough to meet in the flesh. I love to be tickled as this really enables me to relax and brings back memories of being carefree as a kid and I love the embarrassment and butterflies that come with it. At times when my anxiety is high and with the lack of actual tickling in my life I find myself daydreaming a lot. During my daydream phases my mind really runs away with me and the slightest thing can be twisted to make it relevant to tickling. My big daydream phase happened to coincide with one of my appointments with Gavin; my appointment was coming to an end and we were chatting generally like we always did and he was talking about the banter between him and his wife and a recent prank he played on her. He had such a cheeky grin on his face and a mischievous glint in his eye that sent a shiver down my spine. Thankfully before that managed to take hold we said our goodbyes and I left. As I was walking back to my car I could feel myself grinning; my daydreaming got the better of me and before I knew it I was thinking how much fun Gavin would be as a ler. I started to recall all of the things I had learnt about Gavin; he used to be in the army, likes doing a variety of activities to keep fit including martial arts, boxing and going to the gym for strength and cardio workouts; he has a great sense of humour and loves to play pranks and wind people up (in a good way). He is also is quite animated with his facial expressions; I'd lost track of the number of times he had me laughing just coz of his facial expressions. Such good characteristics that would go nicely with the ler role. The good strength and fitness would be ideal for pinning even his height alone would help with that and obviously the fitness would mean that he would be able to keep up a low physical activity for long periods of time. All of this,was of course, going to stay in my head; I didn't want it to mess up my appointments with Gavin nor did I want it going down on my record just for me to be labelled as some sort of nutter as it isn't the norm for someone in their late 20s to enjoy being tickled so much.
My last appointment with Gavin soon came around and we were summing up what we had discussed since the appointments began and the progress I'd made. I admitted that I was slightly anxious about the appointments with him were ending so that I can start the psychological counselling. So he reminded me that I just needed to keep doing the things that have worked in the past to help me remain calm and relaxed when I start to feel anxious; as it is possible that the anxiety could crop up as a result of the counselling due to digging up painful memories from the past. So I agreed that I'd be able to do that. The conversation changed to random chit chat like it always did and he spoke about his plans for the summer and how he was going to see a local comedian.He quoted one of his favourite lines from a previous show and said " that really tickled me."
I had to stop my jaw from dropping to the floor and I tried to keep a straight face as I could feel my face burning up. Just hearing the word tickle makes me feel flustered even if it is not in the right context. He then asked me if I was Ok. I didn't trust myself to answer without laughing so I just nodded. Gavin spotted my reaction and grinned as the mischievous twinkle glistened in his eyes and sent a shiver down my spine as he said,
"You just looked like how my daughter looks when I threaten to tickle her and she loves it."
I grinned and blushed and found myself staring at the floor still wishing that it could swallow me up. I heard movement but I thought he was just moving in his chair. I couldn't bring myself to look up. I became fidgety and leaned forward slightly in my chair then before I knew it I could feel his fingers lightly dance down my right side. I instantly squirmed and let out a giggle whilst thinking 'way to play it cool Helen'. I turned around to face him as he was stood at the back of my chair grinning like an idiot. I glared at him as best as I could through the grin that was desperate to make an appearance.
He laughed at my reaction and said "I have an idea. Remember the Metta Bhavana - The Cultivation of Loving-Kindness technique you used to help you create a positive and relaxed state of mind by thinking of the positive feelings you get when you focus on the unconditional love for someone? "
" Yes that worked well. "
"Well we are going to create another one you can try by using that as the framework whereby you focus on the positive feelings and emotions that occur during this exercise then think of them again when you start to feel the anxiety building."
I was a bit puzzled but I let him continue.
"I want you to close your eyes and really focus on the positive feelings you get during this exercise. I know for a fact that you experienced an adrenaline rush and you felt the endorphins flow through your body a moment ago; there's no point trying to deny it your face gave it away. I was a staff nurse for 10 years remember I know how the body can function..."
I had forgotten about his nursing career before joining the counselling team. Even though he is probably just trying to trick me what he says is probably likely to be correct.
"...when you get an adrenaline rush like that paired with the effects of smiling and laughing that can increase your heart rate and almost replicate the same chemical reactions within your body to release endorphins; the happy hormones. Which is what you want."
I bit my lip to conceal my grin in anticipation for what was going to come next.
"Trust me you'll love it. Now turn around and sit up straight with your back against the chair close your eyes and relax " he patted the back of the chair to emphasise the action. I hesitated for a moment but then I figured that turning away from him was the slightly better option as looking at him with "the look" plastered all over his face was driving me nuts.
I turned away and sat as he requested and tried to relax as I slowly closed my eyes.
"I am going to massage your shoulders now. Focus on the feelings and emotions you experience. "
He began to lightly massage my shoulders; as soon as he made contact I twitched a little as I always get nervous when people get too close to sensitive areas.
"Aw bless I'm not even tickling you... yet"
I gasped and leaned forward to try and get out of his reach.
"Hey come back here...where do you think you are you going?" He goosed both of my sides to get me to lean back again. I instantly squirmed and let out a giggle whilst leaning backwards to protect my sides. He laughed at my reaction and that paired with his teasing was making the butterflies go crazy in the pit of my stomach.
"Just relax and remember keep focused on those feelings"
He continued to massage my shoulders and I began to relax more. I felt the tension lift and my grin was well a truly a permanent fixture on my face. I was abruptly shaken out of the relaxed trance when he deliberately let his fingers slip into the dip where my neck and shoulders meet. I was unable to hold back the laughter this time as I scrunched up my shoulders to try and stop him.
"That wasn't a clever move was it or maybe it was? Are you trying to get another adrenaline rush?"
I couldn't control my laughter as his teasing was unbearable and he wiggled his fingers deeper and quicker exploring my neck.
All that I could get out was "shuhutt uhuhup!"
"You have got a choice you either let my fingers go by relaxing your shoulders or I'll have to keep trying to wiggle my fingers free. "
I couldn't believe this was happening. I was having a major deja vu as that is what Karen does to me. I knew I couldn't trust Karen in that situation but I can trust him surely? As he's not into tickling like we are.
Turning into a giggly mess I decided to take a chance to see if I could trust him. Squirming and wiggling in my seat I tried with all my might to pull my shoulders back down. I managed a good three quarters of the way down and was ready for the final push when he wiggled all of his fingers into a better position to attack my neck and shoulders
"Ha ha gotcha. How are those happy hormones doing? You must be overflowing with them by the look on your face."
I can't believe he tricked me like that.... No wait I can this is Gavin but I am so glad he did...'oh shut up brain you aren't helping'.
I was completely unaware of the time but guessed that my appointment had over run and I became worried about other people in the building overhearing me. So even though I didn't want it to end I decided to say stop through my giggles...coz after all I didn't want him to think I liked it too much.
As soon as I said stop the tickling seized. I slouched in my chair trying to compose myself as the giggles began to subside. I looked at him and he grinned at me with a slight smirk.
"You look like you enjoyed that you look so relaxed."
I glared at him blushing although I still had a fever like temperature from my ordeal I don't think he would've been able to notice.
Once I gained my composure he continued
"So how do you feel? Relaxed? Happy? It's Ok you don't need to tell me your face answers for you. You'd be never any good at poker you've no poker face at all bless you. But focus on the feelings and emotions during that and how you feel now as that should provide the positive feelings that you need to help you relax. As we all crave human touch one way or another this should help create a lasting effect as you got the added bonus of the physical memory to tie in with the mental imagery and memories thanks to those sensitive nerve endings of yours."
By this stage he knew his teasing really was effective and he couldn't help himself grinning and smirking at me just to see my reaction.
I headed towards the door as I was saying goodbye and he said,
"See how you get on. We can review it at our next appointment and I'll decide if we to repeat."
Which he finished off with a poke to my side.
"Gaah and on that note I'm gone. Cya. "
I darted out of the door before he could see the grin reappear on my face.
I headed out of the building with a spring in my step as my thoughts took over 'I knew that he would be a great ler and get me flustered within a heartbeat without even touching me. If only he knew the true power his teasing and that wicked mischievous grin of his. That's what I call a counselling session'.....
Side note: I'm no medical expert and I'm not pretending to be so apologies to those that are for being factually incorrect.
_________________________________
I had been having weekly appointments with Gavin, my case manager, for a while now to help me with my anxiety. I have seen a number of mental health professionals in the past but none were as good as Gavin. He seemed more 'human' in comparison to others as he brought his own personal experiences into our discussions. As soon as I met him I instantly felt at ease. He seemed like a gentle giant; 6 foot something, late 30s to early 40s, cleanly shaven and bald. Gavin was also responsible for my care plan and recommended specific counselling for me. He was a means of support for me whilst I was on the waiting list for the formal counselling and after the sessions had finished.
Over the past 6 months I had been able to build a good rapport with Gavin and was able to open up to him. A few times he had asked what I enjoyed doing in my spare time and what do I like to do to relax. I might have been able to open up to him but I wasn't completely open. As the truth was only known to a very select few people in the real world but known to a load of lovely people online; some of which I'd been lucky enough to meet in the flesh. I love to be tickled as this really enables me to relax and brings back memories of being carefree as a kid and I love the embarrassment and butterflies that come with it. At times when my anxiety is high and with the lack of actual tickling in my life I find myself daydreaming a lot. During my daydream phases my mind really runs away with me and the slightest thing can be twisted to make it relevant to tickling. My big daydream phase happened to coincide with one of my appointments with Gavin; my appointment was coming to an end and we were chatting generally like we always did and he was talking about the banter between him and his wife and a recent prank he played on her. He had such a cheeky grin on his face and a mischievous glint in his eye that sent a shiver down my spine. Thankfully before that managed to take hold we said our goodbyes and I left. As I was walking back to my car I could feel myself grinning; my daydreaming got the better of me and before I knew it I was thinking how much fun Gavin would be as a ler. I started to recall all of the things I had learnt about Gavin; he used to be in the army, likes doing a variety of activities to keep fit including martial arts, boxing and going to the gym for strength and cardio workouts; he has a great sense of humour and loves to play pranks and wind people up (in a good way). He is also is quite animated with his facial expressions; I'd lost track of the number of times he had me laughing just coz of his facial expressions. Such good characteristics that would go nicely with the ler role. The good strength and fitness would be ideal for pinning even his height alone would help with that and obviously the fitness would mean that he would be able to keep up a low physical activity for long periods of time. All of this,was of course, going to stay in my head; I didn't want it to mess up my appointments with Gavin nor did I want it going down on my record just for me to be labelled as some sort of nutter as it isn't the norm for someone in their late 20s to enjoy being tickled so much.
My last appointment with Gavin soon came around and we were summing up what we had discussed since the appointments began and the progress I'd made. I admitted that I was slightly anxious about the appointments with him were ending so that I can start the psychological counselling. So he reminded me that I just needed to keep doing the things that have worked in the past to help me remain calm and relaxed when I start to feel anxious; as it is possible that the anxiety could crop up as a result of the counselling due to digging up painful memories from the past. So I agreed that I'd be able to do that. The conversation changed to random chit chat like it always did and he spoke about his plans for the summer and how he was going to see a local comedian.He quoted one of his favourite lines from a previous show and said " that really tickled me."
I had to stop my jaw from dropping to the floor and I tried to keep a straight face as I could feel my face burning up. Just hearing the word tickle makes me feel flustered even if it is not in the right context. He then asked me if I was Ok. I didn't trust myself to answer without laughing so I just nodded. Gavin spotted my reaction and grinned as the mischievous twinkle glistened in his eyes and sent a shiver down my spine as he said,
"You just looked like how my daughter looks when I threaten to tickle her and she loves it."
I grinned and blushed and found myself staring at the floor still wishing that it could swallow me up. I heard movement but I thought he was just moving in his chair. I couldn't bring myself to look up. I became fidgety and leaned forward slightly in my chair then before I knew it I could feel his fingers lightly dance down my right side. I instantly squirmed and let out a giggle whilst thinking 'way to play it cool Helen'. I turned around to face him as he was stood at the back of my chair grinning like an idiot. I glared at him as best as I could through the grin that was desperate to make an appearance.
He laughed at my reaction and said "I have an idea. Remember the Metta Bhavana - The Cultivation of Loving-Kindness technique you used to help you create a positive and relaxed state of mind by thinking of the positive feelings you get when you focus on the unconditional love for someone? "
" Yes that worked well. "
"Well we are going to create another one you can try by using that as the framework whereby you focus on the positive feelings and emotions that occur during this exercise then think of them again when you start to feel the anxiety building."
I was a bit puzzled but I let him continue.
"I want you to close your eyes and really focus on the positive feelings you get during this exercise. I know for a fact that you experienced an adrenaline rush and you felt the endorphins flow through your body a moment ago; there's no point trying to deny it your face gave it away. I was a staff nurse for 10 years remember I know how the body can function..."
I had forgotten about his nursing career before joining the counselling team. Even though he is probably just trying to trick me what he says is probably likely to be correct.
"...when you get an adrenaline rush like that paired with the effects of smiling and laughing that can increase your heart rate and almost replicate the same chemical reactions within your body to release endorphins; the happy hormones. Which is what you want."
I bit my lip to conceal my grin in anticipation for what was going to come next.
"Trust me you'll love it. Now turn around and sit up straight with your back against the chair close your eyes and relax " he patted the back of the chair to emphasise the action. I hesitated for a moment but then I figured that turning away from him was the slightly better option as looking at him with "the look" plastered all over his face was driving me nuts.
I turned away and sat as he requested and tried to relax as I slowly closed my eyes.
"I am going to massage your shoulders now. Focus on the feelings and emotions you experience. "
He began to lightly massage my shoulders; as soon as he made contact I twitched a little as I always get nervous when people get too close to sensitive areas.
"Aw bless I'm not even tickling you... yet"
I gasped and leaned forward to try and get out of his reach.
"Hey come back here...where do you think you are you going?" He goosed both of my sides to get me to lean back again. I instantly squirmed and let out a giggle whilst leaning backwards to protect my sides. He laughed at my reaction and that paired with his teasing was making the butterflies go crazy in the pit of my stomach.
"Just relax and remember keep focused on those feelings"
He continued to massage my shoulders and I began to relax more. I felt the tension lift and my grin was well a truly a permanent fixture on my face. I was abruptly shaken out of the relaxed trance when he deliberately let his fingers slip into the dip where my neck and shoulders meet. I was unable to hold back the laughter this time as I scrunched up my shoulders to try and stop him.
"That wasn't a clever move was it or maybe it was? Are you trying to get another adrenaline rush?"
I couldn't control my laughter as his teasing was unbearable and he wiggled his fingers deeper and quicker exploring my neck.
All that I could get out was "shuhutt uhuhup!"
"You have got a choice you either let my fingers go by relaxing your shoulders or I'll have to keep trying to wiggle my fingers free. "
I couldn't believe this was happening. I was having a major deja vu as that is what Karen does to me. I knew I couldn't trust Karen in that situation but I can trust him surely? As he's not into tickling like we are.
Turning into a giggly mess I decided to take a chance to see if I could trust him. Squirming and wiggling in my seat I tried with all my might to pull my shoulders back down. I managed a good three quarters of the way down and was ready for the final push when he wiggled all of his fingers into a better position to attack my neck and shoulders
"Ha ha gotcha. How are those happy hormones doing? You must be overflowing with them by the look on your face."
I can't believe he tricked me like that.... No wait I can this is Gavin but I am so glad he did...'oh shut up brain you aren't helping'.
I was completely unaware of the time but guessed that my appointment had over run and I became worried about other people in the building overhearing me. So even though I didn't want it to end I decided to say stop through my giggles...coz after all I didn't want him to think I liked it too much.
As soon as I said stop the tickling seized. I slouched in my chair trying to compose myself as the giggles began to subside. I looked at him and he grinned at me with a slight smirk.
"You look like you enjoyed that you look so relaxed."
I glared at him blushing although I still had a fever like temperature from my ordeal I don't think he would've been able to notice.
Once I gained my composure he continued
"So how do you feel? Relaxed? Happy? It's Ok you don't need to tell me your face answers for you. You'd be never any good at poker you've no poker face at all bless you. But focus on the feelings and emotions during that and how you feel now as that should provide the positive feelings that you need to help you relax. As we all crave human touch one way or another this should help create a lasting effect as you got the added bonus of the physical memory to tie in with the mental imagery and memories thanks to those sensitive nerve endings of yours."
By this stage he knew his teasing really was effective and he couldn't help himself grinning and smirking at me just to see my reaction.
I headed towards the door as I was saying goodbye and he said,
"See how you get on. We can review it at our next appointment and I'll decide if we to repeat."
Which he finished off with a poke to my side.
"Gaah and on that note I'm gone. Cya. "
I darted out of the door before he could see the grin reappear on my face.
I headed out of the building with a spring in my step as my thoughts took over 'I knew that he would be a great ler and get me flustered within a heartbeat without even touching me. If only he knew the true power his teasing and that wicked mischievous grin of his. That's what I call a counselling session'.....
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