One Liners

[texastickler]

I am starting a one liner thread. Post your one liners here and have fun.

If a turtle doesnt have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?

Q-What is invisable and smells like carrots?
A-Rabbit farts.

 

[milagros317]

A four word classic: Take my wife. Please.

 

[texastickler]

LOL. Never gets old.

 

[General Zod]

A baby seal walks into a club

 

[texastickler]

LOL GZ. I was laughing for ten minutes over that.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

 

[texastickler]

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings

 

[texastickler]

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!

 

[texastickler]

OK. I am not giving up on this thread. Here are a few more.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'. -Homer Simpson

 

[texastickler]

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!

 

[texastickler]

How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?

 

[texastickler]

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

 

[darkstarangel]

lol good ones

 

[darkstarangel]

actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers...

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done

 

[darkstarangel]

more church bulletins and service bloopers...

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

 

[ticklishscribe]

A baby seal walks into a club

OMG ROLFLMAO you're priceless General.​

 

[ticklishscribe]

Here's a new book: "Rusty Bedsprings" by I. P. Nightly.

"The Angry Tiger." By Claud Balls.

Here's a little more than a one liner. A plausible joke: "A man walks into a bar." You know why it's plausible? Have you ever see a bar walk into a man?​

 

[Sandisk444]

If a woman speaks in the woods and there's no one there to hear it, is she still wrong? 😛