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[krev23321]

1st attempt, should there be a part2?

 

[Origami_Maggots]

I honestly think you need to rewrite part one before moving on to part two. If you want my reasoning and critique, reply and I'll give it to you. But without the rewrite, I won't be reading part two.

 

[just_ashes]

I agree with the comment above. It was a good start and reasonable plot, but you should add more details and maybe not jump into action right away. Consider make some changes to part one, and yes, work on part two. It kind of makes me know whats next.