Perks of being 50+

[venray]

THE PERKS OF BEING 50 & OVER


1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.


2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.


3. People call at 9PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"


5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.


6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.


7. Things you buy now won't wear out.


8. You can eat dinner at 4 PM.


9. You can live without sex but not without glasses


10. You enjoy hearing arguments about pension plans.


11. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.


12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.


13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in,
no matter who walks into the room.


14. You sing along with elevator music.


15. Your eyes won't get much worse.


16. Your investment in health insurance
is finally beginning to pay off.


17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists
than any in the the national weather service.


18. Your secrets are safe with your friends
because they can't remember them either.


19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.


20. You can't remember who sent you this list.


Ven

 

[Biggles of 266]

You get to annoy the piss out of relatives by pretending to be deaf when asked to set the table for dinner?

 

[Sunriseticklee]

You get to say all the evil things you want and people will just think you are senile and crazy... NOT the mean OLD GOATS YOU ARE! LOL



Granny: "You're 30 and still ain't big enough to need a bra... Why wear them?"

"Don't cry baby... She's old."

Sunrise...

 

[Prime]

Not to rub it in but it will be 18 more years before this list pertains to me... 😛

 

[Biggles of 266]

32 years for me 😀

 

[topless_ticklee]

32 years for me 😀

27 years to go till this applies to me *giggle* 🙂

Topless

 

[Strelnikov]

You also get to mumble incoherently, hear only what you want to hear, snore like a chain saw, pass gas in elevators, call anyone under 40 a "young punk", and GET AWAY WITH IT. To paraphrase Sunrise, "Pay him no mind - he's old."

Strelnikov

 

[QBWeaver]

I just hit 50 a couple of weeks ago and I'm going to post this list up in my cubicle at work. Right next to my "Days of the Week" Depends and my new cane!

LOL

 

[njjen3953]

I still have over a decade to go. 😛

Jen

 

[BigJim]

26 years until I get there. And hey! I enjoy having arguments about pension plans!😡 😛

 

[venray]

You KNOW you are getting old when...........

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

You're sitting on a park bench, and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

You sink your teeth into a steak ...and they stay there.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

You start video taping daytime game shows.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You turn off the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You wake up, looking like your driver's license picture.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

Your back goes out more than you do.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.

Your childhood toys are now in a museum.

Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

Your pacemaker raises the garage door when you see a pretty girl go by.

 

[milagros317]

Re: You KNOW you are getting old when...........

I like your list, Venray. I must add three things that really happened to me within the last two years, one of which comes with a story.

--------------------------------------------------------------
You KNOW you are getting old when ....

The ticket seller at the cinema mistakenly gives you the senior discount, when you didn't ask for it.

A young woman on the subway gets up and offers you her seat.

A teenager refers to an event in your childhood as having happened "a long, _LONG_ time ago."

---------------------------------------------------------------

The story, to go with the third item. It got worse, after the 'long, _LONG_ time ago' comment.

I was at Shea Stadium because the Dodgers were visiting, wearing, as usual, my Brooklyn Dodger cap. About 15 feet from me were what looked like a sister and brother, she about 16 and he about 12. I hear this conversation, which began with the sister pointing at me.

Sister: See that blue cap with the white "B" instead of "LA"? That's a _Brooklyn_ Dodger cap. The Dodgers used to play in Brooklyn, and the Giants in Manhattan.

Brother: What about the Mets?

Sister: The Mets were created so that we'd have a National League team after the Dodgers and Giants left. There were no Mets then.

Brother: When did they leave?

Sister: Oh, it was a long, _LONG_ time ago. But the strange thing is, whenever the Dodgers come here to play, these old men who used to be Brooklyn fans always come out to see them.

------------------------------------------------------------------


For the benefit of those TMF members who are themselves young, or who are not baseball fans, the two rival teams left NY after the 1957 season.

I did have some vengeance on these young Mets fans: The Dodgers completed a sweep of the three-game series that afternoon [Sunday, August 18], as Eric Gagne got his 43rd save, pitching a perfect 9th inning to preserve a 2-1 lead.

 

[Sunriseticklee]

Re: Re: You KNOW you are getting old when...........

I like your list, Venray. I must add three things that really happened to me within the last two years, one of which comes with a story.

--------------------------------------------------------------
You KNOW you are getting old when ....

The ticket seller at the cinema mistakenly gives you the senior discount, when you didn't ask for it.

A young woman on the subway gets up and offers you her seat.

A teenager refers to an event in your childhood as having happened "a long, _LONG_ time ago."

---------------------------------------------------------------

The story, to go with the third item. It got worse, after the 'long, _LONG_ time ago' comment.

I was at Shea Stadium because the Dodgers were visiting, wearing, as usual, my Brooklyn Dodger cap. About 15 feet from me were what looked like a sister and brother, she about 16 and he about 12. I hear this conversation, which began with the sister pointing at me.

Sister: See that blue cap with the white "B" instead of "LA"? That's a _Brooklyn_ Dodger cap. The Dodgers used to play in Brooklyn, and the Giants in Manhattan.

Brother: What about the Mets?

Sister: The Mets were created so that we'd have a National League team after the Dodgers and Giants left. There were no Mets then.

Brother: When did they leave?

Sister: Oh, it was a long, _LONG_ time ago. But the strange thing is, whenever the Dodgers come here to play, these old men who used to be Brooklyn fans always come out to see them.

------------------------------------------------------------------


For the benefit of those TMF members who are themselves young, or who are not baseball fans, the two rival teams left NY after the 1957 season.

I did have some vengeance on these young Mets fans: The Dodgers completed a sweep of the three-game series that afternoon [Sunday, August 18], as Eric Gagne got his 43rd save, pitching a perfect 9th inning to preserve a 2-1 lead.

HOLD UP! I'm twenty-four and some of this stuff is happening to me! GRRR!

Whenever I tell a story to my class they remark, "SO did that happen in the Fifties?"

I do macrame... quite well!

I also say painfully honest things, but instead of saying the "She's old bit", they say, "Don't worry about that, she's a bitter old witch who needs a date." Heehee 😛

Oh... wait... should I be crying? I still have a quarter of a century before I hit my 50's.

Live, Laugh and TICKLE
Sunriseticklee

 

[milagros317]

Don't worry and don't cry, Sunrise. To a child anybody old enough to vote and legally order a beer is considered old. And anybody over 40 is considered ancient--so be happy that you have 16 years before you reach that stage.