milagros317
Wielder of 500 Feathers
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2002
- Messages
- 616,020
- Points
- 113
Some jokes from the late Phyllis Diller:
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is
like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11
of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument,
a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut
up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle -
keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down
is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age.
As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is
like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11
of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford.
Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument,
a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to
walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut
up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle -
keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down
is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller
