Please give me some advice?!

[guitarman]

So hi there, I don't really post much but I could really do with some advice on this issue please. It's eating me up inside! Sorry it's a bit long but please bear with me.

Let me try and paint you a picture:

So I've known this girl (chloe) for about 4/5 years. We started as really good mates, which soon became fuck buddies.. it was great, but after a while I decided to stop which caused massive arguments. For the next 2 years we are arguing a lot. It's a very hostile relationship but we stay friends.

Early 2013, I meet one of her friends (rosey). We get along well (Side note she also happens to be very kinky and interested in trying out tickling!! ). I try and pursue things with her which initially, chloe actively encourages however it eventually becomes apparent that she is very jealous and sabotages the relationship, leaving me very bitter and resentful.

In the summer of 2013 she starts seeing this guy (by the way I am housemates with the girl at this point and have been since before we became fuck buddies) at the start of them seeing each other I thought I was ok with it but clearly I wasn't. Bear in mind that it was all happening under my own roof which made matters a lot worse.

So anyway I tried to hide my feelings of jealousy because I felt it would have been very hypocritical and selfish of me to say or do anything about it, especially after what had happened earlier in the year. However the inevitable happened and she found out. We stated banging again. Other guy out of the picture..

We eventually stop again. Various attempts made by me to hook up with other girls seem, from my point of view, to be met by jealous behaviour from her. I am constantly asking her if she has feelings for me which she always angrily denies!

I end up hooking up with another girl. In a particularly hostile night, we are all at a pub/club and I am going back with this girl. Chloe is very upset, I am not very thoughtful or caring in my actions at all. She finally says she has feelings for me in a heated exchange outside the pub. I am angry because she had always denied and even got frustrated with me when I asked her if she did, so I leave with the girl.

As it turns out I'm not that into this new girl. It fizzles out fairly quickly (still very good friends). Next couple years me and Chloe are still friends but it's on and off. Arguments Still occurring. We didn't see each other at all for a period.

HOWEVER recently (past few months) it's been great. As friends. We've been like our old selves. She's seeing guys and it seems I'm genuinely ok with that. By the way we understandably don't live together any more. But she had some issues with her landlord so we invited her to stay for a month before she has to go back home temporarily.

Now yesterday she invited her bloke round to cook for us. And for fuck sake I feel jealous again! He seems like a nice guy, but I just can't act like myself. I had to get out of the house! It's horrible! Right now I've bloody driven out to Southend! Just to get away for a bit.

My question Is am I just being a selfish jealous bastard that only wants what he can't have!? Or do i actually like her? I dont know what to do. Im worried mentioning it will bring up all this shit from the past. At the same time she always seems to hint at us fucking again (even tried it on the other night)to which I have been reluctant.

Please help me out. I know it may seem like a trivial thing but it really is screwing with my mind.

Thanks in advance.

 

[TMF Jeff]

You're both crazy - neither of you should ever be with anyone, including each other.

But seriously, when you've had a sexual relationship with someone, I think jealousy is pretty normal. It's not something to feel guilty about, unless it makes you do something stupid. There's a lot of history there, so who knows how complicated it gets as the layers get peeled away, though. If you were both with someone and it was a double date, that would be reasonably normal, but if a girl I used to be with said "I'm going to invite my current boyfriend to your house so he can cook for the three of us," I'd decline the invitation. That sounds like the most awkward night imaginable.

.

 

[rdhd]

Kinda agree with TMF. Goes to the idea of the 70's , with "swingers". Maybe that idea still exists. But, what the two of you are doing is just wacko, one week it's ok, next week it's not. And you repeat. You aren't a bottle of shampoo. Break the relation, and find a new, more stable one. Or something like that.

 

[Aeveirra]

your not selfish. Advice for this, would be not no hide your feelings. You won't sound like a bad person if you just express your feelings. By saying nothing, everyone else thinks your ok with what's going on around you, but your not. So the only to stop feeling like this, would be to take some type of action.
If you randomly bought her flowers and told her you like her, and cannot stand to see her around other guys... I HIGHLY doubt she dropped her feelings for you and all will be well. She's probably just trying to move on, because she thinks you have by the way you act .
This whole story could be like a reality TV show drama. I mean really! You got alot going on.
Just remember, your not at fault fir feeling jealous. it makes sense when you have a special connection to some one. But DONT do nothing about it, that only makes it worse. Control the situation, don't let it control you

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

The problem as I see it is this. You and she are acting purely on feelings, and making decisions based on feelings. You both feel sexual attraction, so you have sex. She feels jealousy, so she sabotages your relationship with the other girl. You feel jealousy and end up leaving the house. All these actions and decisions are based on feelings.

Feelings aren't bad things. They are a big part of who we are and what make us human. You can't pretend they don't exist, but neither should you let them rule your life. Because feelings are fickle. They change. They sometimes conflict with your better interests. And so, you need higher reasoning to examine your feelings and determine a course of action that can satisfy them while at the same time considers potential pitfalls. Sometimes, your higher reasoning may decide that certain feelings are hazardous, and need to be suppressed.

In short, I would advise thinking this through, maybe talking with Chloe about it, and make some hard decisions about the future.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Well in my opinion sex can be a selfish thing if its not checked right away. Love makes sex better but sex doesn't make love better. It seems to me that both of you don't have sex problems or even friendship problems but commitment problems. Whether on her side or yours...being fuck-buddies is just that...fuck buddies. A way to be someone that you and her find comfort in because you know each other. As for jealousy...again if you are looking for your happiness then her happiness or vise versa it just states that sex and friendship isn't because you respect each others hearts more then each others bodies and the easy way to just have sex available without complications (or so you think.) I think both of you are getting jealous because you both want your cake and eat it too.

 

[guitarman]

Really appreciate the words, thanks for taking the time!

I spoke with her last night, and it seemed to go well. I explained about feeling a bit weird about the whole situation and how I hated the fact I felt this way. She was understanding which was great. All I can think of now is having some tickle sex with her for one last time, but obviously thats the worst most selfish idea ever!

One more question. So say you were in my situation, the girl in question makes a move on you after all that has happened. What do you do?