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Question For Married Couples

  • Thread starter Thread starter P50
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P50

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I am highly interested in reading answers from couples who are legally married and have stayed that way for more than three days.

I am not at all interested in reading answers from: (A) Professional playboys who flit from girl to girl on a seasonal schedule, or (B) Women who are desperate for any form of male attention, or (C) People with 17 divorces (and two more in the courts right now), or (D) "Alternative Lifestyle" people whose behavior [not to mention their very looks alone] strikes fear into the armed services special forces, or (E) Anyone whose spelling, grammar, and syntax are worse than my own. (Before the internet, I never knew such people existed.) Hey, thanks for reading this preface. Ok now...

The question is: When do you tell ?


--------------------------
Admittedly: Clueless New-B vitamin here, so Mods please move this to the proper thread if (as I suspect, but did not immediately see) this has already been hashed out like last night's potatoes.
 
Before the marriage....as early in the relationship as possible.

Ven
 
Venray, bullseye. You get the full ten points. I know a married couple who are in love and devoted to each other for life. He didn't confess until months into the marriage. It was a break-down and cry thing for both of them. She hates it. He is eternally empty. They schedule their sessions and do what they can to accomodate each other and the problem. They do go through with it, but they are never both really "ok" with it.

Not the kind of plan most of us want to make.
 
As early <I>as possible </I> ????

First date ?

The telephone call <I>before </I> the first date ?

Invite her over on the first date to spend a half hour with the TMF ?

Women, am I a sissy ? Or is that too fast in real life ?
 
Early, yes...First date, HELL NO! Let her get to know you a little, and vice versa. Just as you must find out in subtle ways how ticklish he/she is in what spots, he/she's able to pick out little things she likes (or dislikes) about you. If you are both agreeable about moving on to the dreaded "Next Level" in the relationship, that would be a good time to explain your dastardly motives...in the pleasant afterglow of your mutual agreement. One might say, "Would you still wanna be this way with me if there were something a little...ODD about me?" This will of course spark interest. "Well, you KNOW I love to tickle you/be tickled by you..." This will be an honesty/trust thing in a moment of togetherness, tenderness and fulfillment (whether sexual or not) that most people in a romantic situation will not ruin with a "God, you're SICK!" Obviously, you may hear that later in the relationship, anyway...

Waiting 'til a relationship is too deep to reveal oneself can be destructive, as your married friends have discovered, P50. Too early can make sure there will be NO relationship at all.

Rxx
 
Does 21 years count?

Like I told flatfoot, common interests are key.
I didnt tell my wife until about two years ago when I started coming into this site. She asked me about it, I gave her the story and she was okay with it. Believe it or not people, you dont always get the standard, "your sick" reply.
I wish my partner was ticklish, but she isnt, and its cheaper to keep her rather than go through a second divorce.
If you want to read what I told flatfoot, go read that post.
🙂
 
Question for Newlyweds

We've been married nearly three decades. I think I told her sometime between years 20 and 25. It isn't as though she entered this deal uninitiated, though, as she was my monogamous tickle victim for over a year even before we became engaged.

I have this feeling that some women are smarter than some men. I know, I know, that's a rarity, but it does happen. My wife can be a merciless tease in her own way. A number of years ago I decided she needed to start painting her toe nails since I LOVE women's toes with nails in different shades of red. She said if that is what I wanted, it was my job to get busy. So I did. I've been the one doing her nails ever since.

Usually, the way we do this is with her sitting on the edge of the bed while I sit on a low cushion on the floor in front of her. If she is scantily clad, she can be most alluring this way. If I am equally clad, I can be most obvious. That is, while playing with her feet, I can develop sort of an exploritory probe if you get my meaning (I think I do).

After we had done this a number of times, she once said to me, "You have a foot fetish don't you?" My reply was, to her misfortune, I had more of a tickling fetish. To this, she replied, and I quote, "Duh!"

Other than that conversation, we never talked about it before or since. However, throughout our relationship, if my tickling ever became too obsessive, she has reminded me that there are other ways to have fun. She also pretty much insists that I tickle her way on a regular basis, which means soft tickles starting just below her ears AND at those toe nails, and lightly tickling toward the middle of her body. This is kind of fun because it lights a fuse in her that can explode in a most uncontrolled fashion. I'm careful to skip over her most erogenous areas until she can't stand it any more and grabs at my wrists to guide my hands. This gives me a chance to tease by sort of slapping her hands away and telling her I'll get to that when I'm darned good and ready. When I finally get her where she wants it, the reaction is more fun for me than it is for her.

I've always though half the fun in having a partner is getting to know her, that is learning something new about her all the time. I've also always thought it's fun learning through experimentation. I haven't stopped experimenting with her to this day. As for my obsession with tickling being a fetish, it's come up in conversation exactly that one time.

As for communication, this woman has been getting torturous ticklings ever since about our second date. If she thought it sick or intollerable, I find it hard to believe we would have ever made it to the altar.

Hiram
 
Bandit's Guide to Relationships

There is some great advice here!

My best generic suggestion is this:

1) Get to know her and let her get to know you.

2) As your friendship/relationship starts to grow, tickle her often (but not to extremes). Keep it short and fun...don't get weird.

3) As your friendship/relationship gets into the more sexual arena, let her "discover" it. But don't hesitate to guide her along the path.

4) Once she discovers it, DENY DENY DENY. Then she'll have to prove what a turn-on it is for you, which is quite fun. It also gives her a victory and makes it "her" discovery.

5) Grow closer...that's fun too.

Bandit
 
Bandit's girlfriend here

That was pretty good "how to tell" advice from Bandit but it's not at all the way it happened with us. See, not everyone is as perceptive as hiram's wife or so closed-minded as to dismiss you with a "you're sick." He neglected to mention the possibility of a clueless girlfriend.

I'd have to agree that the best time is once it's become apparent that things are moving in a more serious direction. Much before that, and it might be a little creepy.

What Bandit did was wait for the right time in the relationship then screwed up his courage and made some vague reference to liking tickling and all the poor guy got from me was a blank stare and a "huh?". After a several more (utterly mortifying for him) minutes of explanation, the best I could come up with was "Really??? I didn't even know that was a fetish!" Fortunately for both of us, my next thought was that as far as fetishes go, it really isn't a bad one.

So even if it should be obvious that you have a thing about tickling, don't assume that she understands what this really means. You don't have to say everything in the first conversation but at some point, you'll probably have to get into some specifics about how big a part of your life this plays. And once you get that dreaded chore out of the way, the fun can really begin! Now that I know how turned on it makes him, I can totally use that to my advantage (and his too) and in the process we've discovered all sorts of other turn-ons that we didn't even know we had.
 
Yo, Bandit...WHY didn't I think of #4???

Married to a formerly clueless girlfriend,

Rxx
 
An Excellent Question...

Hi, everyone. This is a great area of discussion, something a lot of us deal with. You can probably tell from most of the male posts in here that the wife doesn't seem to get it. We've been married for eight years now and I have just begun to talk about the subject. Bottom line--you have to know your partner better than your highest level of expectation, and you have to have the courage that Bandit's girlfriend talked about to lay it out there and not be afraid of the response.

My wife abhors being tickled, but, as we've talked she doesn't mind at all giving me a great time. We're not into being tied up yet, but there's always hope!!😛

I don't know that there is a right time, as much as a right relationship. If you can communicate the most intimate feelings of your heart, then you will not have a problem. If you can't, then there are other issues at work.

For what it's worth...
JP
 
gotta go with right away

don't wait! tickle the girl or guy on the first date.
if you get a you're sick come back, fine! now you know, and don't have to waste any more time/money dating this looser.
i tickled every girl i dated on the first date, one date i told her on the phone before hand that i was a tickler, and she was delighted!
for the record i never was told you're sick. i always got repeate dates.
be honest. be direct. for the guys; girls like it when you are honest, and up frount with them. for the girls; guys LOVE it when you initiate the tickling.
people, there is no need to hide your love of tickling. be honest, don't wait till you're married for 2 years, and busting in side! my wife waited 20 years befor telling me she was a secret elvis fan. i was hurt that she never told me this before. you can't hide so important part of your self, and expect it to work out later.
steve
 
For me, it's necessary before committing long-term.

It's a *lot* easier if you find one of us and just commit to them.

As you read this, you see that there's many possibilities. Some of us are fortunate, and don't tell early, and the lover understands. Bad fortune if they don't, though, and some of us have written proof, here, that a lover doesn't always get it quickly. It's relative. Wiser to tell soon, or look for a lover that is incredibly understanding, and likes tickling play. Hidin' stuff, as Steve illustrates, is harmful.

My $0.02,

dvnc
 
I never told

I am inclined to agree with those who say tell right away. I didn't and have been regretting it ever since (+10 years).

As a rule one should simply be truthful with their partner.
 
I told my wife early on in our relationship, before we were married, and got a BIG surprise...not only did she think it was not all that odd, she had a wealth of tickling experiences in her past, and she had developed an affinity for it herself. Ironically, she was afraid it might have seemed 'weird' to me. So, in our case, anyway, honesty paid off, in the best way imaginable. My advice; be honest, as early as it's comfortable for you.


Wolf
 
Chiming back in with a female perspective

Back to areenactor...

Definitely go ahead and tickle on the first date. You might as well find out if they're ticklish if that's going to be a make it or break it point for you but I'm not so sure that discussing its sexual dimensions so early on is the best way to handle it. I'd be backpedaling as fast as I could if some guy I barely knew started telling me his sexual proclivities. Yes, honesty is appreciated but that just seems like way too much information before you even know if there's going to be a second date.

girlfriend
 
My wife is the ultimate...OK, maybe I am a little biased. On our third date we went to dinner, and she came back to my place. She was dressed up and kicked off her heels. She had her nylon feet propped on a chair next to the couch and as I walked by, I raked my fingers up from heel to toe. She went through the roof laughing. From then on, she just lets me tickle her when I want. I never felt uncomfortable about it, but we clicked from the first date anyway. I think that has a lot to do with it.

Regards, TK
 
where did i say discuss sex???

dear girlfriend. no where did i say to discuss sex.
i said to be honest and let them know of your love of
tickling. i also said to tickle on the first date.
i told all the girls that i "had a thing for tickling".
and "i love the sound of a lady laughing. it's music to my soul".

on another point; yes tickling would be a make or break point for me in a marriage! if it's not for you, then you are not a tickphile.
i'm honest enough with myself to know what has to be there to make something work for me. in this way i can also be honest to my wife, and faithfull. why not be honest, and happy, instead of dishonest, and misserable your whole marriage?
steve
 
After dating my girlfriend (now my wife) for a couple of weeks I decided that it was "now or never"...so I sprung the fact that I was a 'lee on her in an e-mail one night. To my surprise (no, this is not a Penthouse Forum experience, even though most of them contain the phrase, "to my surprise") she responded by saying she thought it was an interesting concept. Furthermore, she said that she wanted me to tie HER up one night so she could experience what it feels like for me. (Again, not a Penthouse letter...I swear). She was never into this sort of thing before and had no idea what it would feel like to be tied helpless and have every nerve of her body subjected to my probing. To make a long story short, it was an interesting evening when we finally got around to trying it, even though she discovered being a 'lee is not exactly her cup of tea. But she also discovered that she had a 'ler hiding inside herself and she has since become very proficient in that role.
 
AreenActor, Girlfriend,

Let's get along. I started this thread with a very detailed preface and then my very short question, and I've been reading and evaluatiing each and every response to date.

AreenActor, be not defensive, for you have not been accused. The comments girlfriend made were an expansion (not contradiction) of various existing ideas (some of them yours, some not). Nobody accused you of other people's words.

If any of your concepts were echoed in her writing, then that's that. It isn't a pointed deliberate attack on you. It appears to me to be a set of thoughts starting with stuff others have written (you included, plus a dozen others as well, plus me at the very root of it) and injecting some tangential ideas which, for me at least, were pretty much right on topic and right on target.

The gist I get from girlfriend is that there is indeed a right time to tell the right things, and that she was feeling that certain suggestions were leaning towards a <I>too much too soon</I> attitude.

Girlfriend, am I reading your words as you intended ? AreenActor, are you starting to see what I mean about tangents, expansive consideration, and related precepts without accusations ?

So don't go firing the photon torpedos quite just yet, and both of you: keep adding to this thread. I am gaining a lot of insight that I definitely want right now.

It is comforting to know that at least two women agree with me that the first date is too soon. At least I'm not a sissy nor do I have psychological hangups (that "require" the maximum therapy plan ($$) for my level of insurance coverage, yeah right).

And,,,,

I still want to read other (especially married and older) womens opinions as to when they want to know about it.

Refresh the question: When do you tell ?
 
to clarify;

i didn't mean for my response to sound like i told any of the girls that i had a sexual hang up, or a fetish. i told them, and more to the point, i showed them that i had a "thing" for tickling. i'd like to repeate again, i was never rebuffed! i always was given more dates, and they knew they would be tickled more!
the one lady i told on the phone prior to our first date said "well this should be an interesting date". she ended up being a tickle fiend! she never knew the joy and sexual pleasure that tickling could provide. we had a torid love affair, and parted friends. to this day, i think of her.
i don't think i jumped to any conclusions. g.f. said that talking about tickling was the same as talking about sexual preferences, and the first date was too soon. i guess she didn't realize that tickling can be discussed in a non-gutter way. yes i did take offence, cause she named me in her post!
steve
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Sheesh...

Hi P50,

Yup, you're reading Girlfriend's posts correctly. And she mentioned areenactor because she liked the thoughts he was conveying (in the first post, that is). No attack was made or intended, and I think most of us know that.

So, back to our show. When do you tell ?

Bandit
 
Sheesh... what a firestorm I created

Sorry, areenactor. I certainly didn't mean to cause any offense nor did I mean to imply that tickling had to be a sexual thing. Perhaps I misunderstood but I thought P50 was asking about when to tell about "tickling", not just tickling.

girlfriend
 
Continue Or New ?

Should we continue this thread here, or should I start a new one ? I'm really interested in girlfriend's opinion; i.e., she specifically said that a guy should definitely on the first date.

That flat-out scares me. Sure I've done it, but it's just not me. So then, if it isn't the "<I>real me</I>" (to use a silly cliche') then I suppose I shouldn't do it.

But if holding back is hurting me, then I should stop holding back.

I are corn fused. (That sentence passes the spell checker, so don't complain.)
 
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