Relationship Advice.

[Psycho]

deleted

 

[MrTicklefeet]

counseling.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

First off, I'm sorry for the divorce.

If you're still seeing her through visitations one of the best ways to win her back IMO would be to impress her without actually even having to say much. Focus on yourself, improve all areas of your own life, get a new haircut or something, start working out, eat better, earn more money if possible, get some new clothes, whatever it takes. As you'll change and grow she'll probably start to notice and will most likely be curious and intrigued. Perhaps the change will even re-ignite the spark for her and she'll start second-guessing whatever happened.

The worst that can happen is another woman will pick up on your togetherness and you'll have yourself a date. 🙂

 

[Bohemianne]

Given your very limited data, I doubt if "Mrs.Doubtfire" method will work. Your perseverance to win her back can give you advantage. In the meantime, with a little respect for space but consistent effort, who knows?

 

[kcantankerous]

Hey, I know I usually don't post stuff like this, but I have found that my friends and family are way too close to the situation to offer good advice, and so I thought about here. I group of real individuals with their own life experience who may be able to help.

Ok, here is the situation. About five months ago my wife and I seperated after being together five years. We have a two year old and have been working together on visitation. At first we talked a lot and it seemed like we would eventually get back together. Then she got with someone else, and we quit talking. Is there any way for me to get her back? I have been trying to move on, and even thought I was for a while. However, now she is all I can think about. What should I do? Any advice from someone who has been through a similar situation?

Hello Psycho,

I am sorry for the current state of affairs in your relationship. I don't know you, but I do have a suggestion. Before I give it I want to know if you are looking for positive support or any type of solutions. I tend to the defensive strategy than offensive. I don't want to offend you so I want to know what type of support you are looking for?

Thanks,
K

 

[GQguy]

First off, I'm sorry for the divorce.

If you're still seeing her through visitations one of the best ways to win her back IMO would be to impress her without actually even having to say much. Focus on yourself, improve all areas of your own life, get a new haircut or something, start working out, eat better, earn more money if possible, get some new clothes, whatever it takes. As you'll change and grow she'll probably start to notice and will most likely be curious and intrigued. Perhaps the change will even re-ignite the spark for her and she'll start second-guessing whatever happened.

The worst that can happen is another woman will pick up on your togetherness and you'll have yourself a date. 🙂

This advice is likely the best route....the sad part though is that it's not fool proof. Have you seen the movie "Swingers"? If not watch it...it's on netflix. If you have watch it again. In my experience the only time a woman that has left you will come back is after you have gotten over her. Herein lies the tragedy..you must get over her to get her back....but once you're over her then you'd likely move on yourself.

I suggest that you live and enjoy your life. Everything you sacrificed and compromised to be with her, indulge in them now. Have fun. BETTER YOURSELF. Learn some new skills. Build stuff. Go to school. Get a better job. Dump the minivan and get a sports car. Make new friends. DATE. DATE and DATE. I swear women are psychic when it comes to this...at the time where you're having the most fun and enjoying not being in a relationship anymore....will be the moment that you'll get a call from your ex wife asking how you're doing...or saying they miss you. You'll have a date lined up with an intelligent bombshell and she'll want to chat that same night. It's happened to me every time.

Anyway. Your best "offense" is no offense. Don't call, write, cry or any of that stuff. Well, you can cry in the privacy of your home. We all do. But not in front of her. You must project strength. Her new guy is tough to compete with because he's new to her. Romance is fresh. So you must reinvent yourself. When/if you guys ever hangout again it should be like "wow, I know this guy...but I really don't" "Since when did you start....blah blah blah" "I thought you were afraid of blah blah" "I thought you said you'd never blah blah blah" "Wow i'm impressed".

Man....this is an uphill journey. But you'll learn alot about yourself in the process. Odds are you won't get your wife back, but you will likely find a better woman. If you do get your wife back the validation you'll feel will be through the roof. Even more so if you can decide that your present dating options are better than having the old ball and chain back.

Good luck brother

GQ

 

[Marquis De Sade]

This advice is likely the best route....the sad part though is that it's not fool proof. Have you seen the movie "Swingers"? If not watch it...it's on netflix. If you have watch it again. In my experience the only time a woman that has left you will come back is after you have gotten over her. Herein lies the tragedy..you must get over her to get her back....but once you're over her then you'd likely move on yourself.

I suggest that you live and enjoy your life. Everything you sacrificed and compromised to be with her, indulge in them now. Have fun. BETTER YOURSELF. Learn some new skills. Build stuff. Go to school. Get a better job. Dump the minivan and get a sports car. Make new friends. DATE. DATE and DATE. I swear women are psychic when it comes to this...at the time where you're having the most fun and enjoying not being in a relationship anymore....will be the moment that you'll get a call from your ex wife asking how you're doing...or saying they miss you. You'll have a date lined up with an intelligent bombshell and she'll want to chat that same night. It's happened to me every time.

Anyway. Your best "offense" is no offense. Don't call, write, cry or any of that stuff. Well, you can cry in the privacy of your home. We all do. But not in front of her. You must project strength. Her new guy is tough to compete with because he's new to her. Romance is fresh. So you must reinvent yourself. When/if you guys ever hangout again it should be like "wow, I know this guy...but I really don't" "Since when did you start....blah blah blah" "I thought you were afraid of blah blah" "I thought you said you'd never blah blah blah" "Wow i'm impressed".

Man....this is an uphill journey. But you'll learn alot about yourself in the process. Odds are you won't get your wife back, but you will likely find a better woman. If you do get your wife back the validation you'll feel will be through the roof. Even more so if you can decide that your present dating options are better than having the old ball and chain back.

Good luck brother

GQ

Yup. Thanks GQ. This is pretty much what I meant but, I didn't wanna type that much. 😀

 

[Psycho]

Thanx everyone, and K I won't be offended.

 

[kcantankerous]

This advice is likely the best route....the sad part though is that it's not fool proof. Have you seen the movie "Swingers"? If not watch it...it's on netflix. If you have watch it again. In my experience the only time a woman that has left you will come back is after you have gotten over her. Herein lies the tragedy..you must get over her to get her back....but once you're over her then you'd likely move on yourself.

I suggest that you live and enjoy your life. Everything you sacrificed and compromised to be with her, indulge in them now. Have fun. BETTER YOURSELF. Learn some new skills. Build stuff. Go to school. Get a better job. Dump the minivan and get a sports car. Make new friends. DATE. DATE and DATE. I swear women are psychic when it comes to this...at the time where you're having the most fun and enjoying not being in a relationship anymore....will be the moment that you'll get a call from your ex wife asking how you're doing...or saying they miss you. You'll have a date lined up with an intelligent bombshell and she'll want to chat that same night. It's happened to me every time.

Anyway. Your best "offense" is no offense. Don't call, write, cry or any of that stuff. Well, you can cry in the privacy of your home. We all do. But not in front of her. You must project strength. Her new guy is tough to compete with because he's new to her. Romance is fresh. So you must reinvent yourself. When/if you guys ever hangout again it should be like "wow, I know this guy...but I really don't" "Since when did you start....blah blah blah" "I thought you were afraid of blah blah" "I thought you said you'd never blah blah blah" "Wow i'm impressed".

Man....this is an uphill journey. But you'll learn alot about yourself in the process. Odds are you won't get your wife back, but you will likely find a better woman. If you do get your wife back the validation you'll feel will be through the roof. Even more so if you can decide that your present dating options are better than having the old ball and chain back.

Good luck brother

GQ

Hello Pcycho,

GQ and Marquis pretty much said what I was going to say. I essentially was going to tell you to work on yourself. Furthermore, I was going to suggest that you kind of proceed as though the ex no longer existed. Easier said then done I know. However, I wonder why you'd want her back? It is a stupid question because if I were in your shoes I'd imagine I'd feel exactly as you do. GQ is right though, things that you feel should be changed (self esteem, health, whatever) work on them. Things you wont compromise on reinforce them. This girl missed out and if she realizes that really consider whether see was worth it in the first place. In the end I don't think ya'll will get back together but I would venture to say it may be because you found something better in the end.

Thanks and good luck my friend,
K

 

[philiprambo]

Thanks a lot for sharing such informative stuff.

 

[ticklemepls]

hate to be "debbie downer" but if she's seeing someone else, thats pretty much a clear indication she's done with the relationship and moving on with her life. You'll only end up making yourself miserable in the end if you sit and dwell on it. divorce sucks (trust me, i know) but once all the bs is over with you can move on and get on with your life....

if you're really stuck on trying to win her back, best go about it in a non-invasive way or you'll just push her away even further. let her have her space and explore the 'freedom' feeling so she can honestly say either way what she wants. In the meantime, you've got reasons to keep in touch- your child. so as stated before make changes in your life and she may pick up on it and decide to come back.... good luck ...

 

[Marquis De Sade]

hate to be "debbie downer" but if she's seeing someone else, thats pretty much a clear indication she's done with the relationship and moving on with her life. You'll only end up making yourself miserable in the end if you sit and dwell on it. divorce sucks (trust me, i know) but once all the bs is over with you can move on and get on with your life....

if you're really stuck on trying to win her back, best go about it in a non-invasive way or you'll just push her away even further. let her have her space and explore the 'freedom' feeling so she can honestly say either way what she wants. In the meantime, you've got reasons to keep in touch- your child. so as stated before make changes in your life and she may pick up on it and decide to come back.... good luck ...

Ah, just because she's seeing someone else doesn't mean she's done. But still a valid point either way. 🙂

 

[kis123]

It appears she has moved on, but things aren't always as they appear.......

If you look lonely and desparate, she's not going to pay you one iota of attention. If you start dating (or give her the appeareance of dating), if she has any feelings for you at all left over, she'll drop dude like a bad habit and fight for your attention.

That's how we women can be sometimes.....as I told my daughter "it's a woman's preogotive to change her mind." Hell it's practically our duty!

Just make sure she's who and what you really want in your life becuase you guys separated for a reason.

Good luck in your journey.

 

[GQguy]

Ah, just because she's seeing someone else doesn't mean she's done. But still a valid point either way. 🙂

I agree. I've stolen many a ex's from their new men. Never a wife...but I think the underlying dynamics still apply. "It's far easier to steal another man's woman than it is to keep your own" comes to mind here. If she's with another man then she's no longer yours. Sadly the sooner you accept this reality the better the chance you have at getting her back. VERY counterintutive I know. You see the new guy always has the advantage of being new, least invested and a challenge. The new guy is never taken for granted. The old guy always is unfortunately. So while you may be the old guy now, eventually you can be the new guy. When my first love met me again I was literally a much better version of my old self. Her new guy became old/lame/boring/insecure yet she's known me FAR longer than she's ever known the other guy and I had once been the old/lame/boring/insecure guy. Hell, she had my virginity! But just like Kis mentioned with the new me she wasn't the only women/person attracted to me. I actually ended up with her in my bed with me deciding not to sleep with her and move on with my life with the better women that I had recruited into my life.

*Stomping my foot* The key is self improvement and happiness. It's funny....just as soon as you're having fun a woman will come along to destroy it. Ok that's a joke. But the underlying reality is true....women are attracted to happy men. Improve yourself and make yourself happy. If being successful with women will make you happy then educate yourself on how to attract women. Hint: unless a woman actively attracts and dates women i'd suggest you follow the advice of men that are successful with attracting women. This skill is important because despite your years together with your wife....you'll still seduce her the same way you seduce the girl you met in the park/bar/match.com/church ect. That skill is important.

It may take time....but the war isn't lost yet.

GQ

 

[Marquis De Sade]

I agree. I've stolen many a ex's from their new men. Never a wife...but I think the underlying dynamics still apply. "It's far easier to steal another man's woman than it is to keep your own" comes to mind here. If she's with another man then she's no longer yours. Sadly the sooner you accept this reality the better the chance you have at getting her back. VERY counterintutive I know. You see the new guy always has the advantage of being new, least invested and a challenge. The new guy is never taken for granted. The old guy always is unfortunately. So while you may be the old guy now, eventually you can be the new guy. When my first love met me again I was literally a much better version of my old self. Her new guy became old/lame/boring/insecure yet she's known me FAR longer than she's ever known the other guy and I had once been the old/lame/boring/insecure guy. Hell, she had my virginity! But just like Kis mentioned with the new me she wasn't the only women/person attracted to me. I actually ended up with her in my bed with me deciding not to sleep with her and move on with my life with the better women that I had recruited into my life.

*Stomping my foot* The key is self improvement and happiness. It's funny....just as soon as you're having fun a woman will come along to destroy it. Ok that's a joke. But the underlying reality is true....women are attracted to happy men. Improve yourself and make yourself happy. If being successful with women will make you happy then educate yourself on how to attract women. Hint: unless a woman actively attracts and dates women i'd suggest you follow the advice of men that are successful with attracting women. This skill is important because despite your years together with your wife....you'll still seduce her the same way you seduce the girl you met in the park/bar/match.com/church ect. That skill is important.

It may take time....but the war isn't lost yet.

GQ

Become the New Guy. Lol, I couldn't agree more. It doesn't always apply depending on the situation and history but from personal experience the odds were always stacked in my favor. Take a step back, analyze what I myself was missing from the current version of myself and build on that. It's a win win win. You either attract your old mate back with parts of yourself she's never seen before (which causes her to second-guess herself on many levels - was it ME holding him back? Why the hell did I throw away what I had? Why the hell am I with THIS guy?), or you get to such a high personal standard that you attract some new mate who matches you in every "new" department.

Or you don't attract your old mate back but you're now such a new version of yourself that you don't care and can move on happily.

Win win win.

 

[usgrant]

Don't listen to any Adele CD's for awhile.