Relationship Question for All

[TheRhythmDoctor]

This is for those of you who have a girlfriend:

In your opinion, at what particular point in the relationship do you begin calling her your "girlfriend"?

I have a friend who lives in Moscow. She and I met at work here in the USA last summer, and the whole time during the summer we pretty much hit it off and constantly hung out together. (Nothing "happened", however...bummer.. 😉 )

She and I have been keeping in touch via email, phone, and MSN Instant Messenger ever since she went back home to Moscow back in November. She's even coming back here again in June for the summer.

I only speak two or three words in Russian, but that's okay, since her English is very well spoken. However, I'm not really sure where she stands on this whole thing (if she and I are one, if you know what I mean...). I'm also not sure if asking her over the phone/via email/etc etc is the best way to go, so I'll wait until she gets here for that.

When I had asked her recently if she wants to go with me on my vacation this summer, she said "yes".

What do you think? I want to hear your opinions.

Thanks.

RD

 

[nosforatiop]

Well it sounds like she is most likley interested, but I would wait until something does happen (I assume we're mereley talking about the kissing stage) or make something happen before you go calling her youre girlfriend. So far the two of you are really good friends (that's how it sounds anyway) and that kind of thing usually makes for the best relationships. The way it sounds is you haven't made any kind of move on her as of yet, you've just hung out. Also keep this in mind so youre not shattered: she may just want a friendship with you and nothing else. So my advice? Relax, wait for the right moment, see what happens, if you get rejected DON'T ACT WIERD OVER IT, play it off like it's not a big deal, and don't lose a good friendship over it. But by all means try, because it's better then kicking yourself over it later.

 

[TheRhythmDoctor]

killedbyanangel: Thanks for your reply to my post. I appreciate your thoughts and concerns.

Okay...anybody else? Hopefully you other guys out there have something to say about this... 🙂 (I wonder how many replies I can get to this thread.)

I'm also curious about a woman's point of view on the matter: when do you consider a guy to be your "boyfriend"? At what point in the relationship?

RD

 

[Mimi]

In my own previous experiences, I did not consider a guy my 'boyfriend' until we had made the commitment to date one another exclusively, with no one else on the side. "Going steady" to put it in the old high school dating terms.

But I've been out of the dating scene for 11 years now, and so much has changed in that time...so I may be one of the last ones you want to ask on this topic...LOL

Mimi

 

[sole seeker]

From my point of view Mimi hit it right on the head. I wouldn't call someone my girlfriend until we agreed to monogomy or exclusiveness in our relationship. (Even if all you're doing at this stage of your relationship is kissing - you agree not to be kissing others.)

KBA is also right. You can't know what she's thinking. (Hell's bells man, us married guys don't know what our wives are thinking. And the minute we think we do understand the inner workings of their psyche, they change their minds just to spite us, so we're wrong anyway.)

The big thing is, for damn sure tell her you'd like to date her if you're of a mind to. Like KBA said, relax and wait for the right moment but DO NOT chicken out! You will regret not knowing one way or the other for the rest of your life. (Believe me on this one.)

Secondarily, don't get heart-broken if all she wants is friendship. Though the fact she's will accompany you on your vacation makes me think she is very possibly interested in dating you.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

 

[Limeoutsider]

I agree with Mimi and Sole, but I don't date.

 

[Ticklemmmeeeeeee]

hiii🙂 I agree w/ what mimi, sole and lime have said...I also think that no assumptions regarding the "status" of a relationship , whether it be the terminology used to describe it or simply how u view it, be taken for granted or assumed....the only people that really should determine what is appropriate are the two people in that relationship....I know from experience that two people, even people "in love" can (and probably will) interpret things very differently sometimes....in short, (I know, now that I have rambled it's too late for that right?...lol) I think u should ask "her" if she considers herself ur girlfriend....but I really wouldn't listen to me if I were u, I know not what I say most of the time🙂🙂...~ticklemmmeeeeeee🙂 🙂

 

[TicklingDuo]

If you're going to be seeing her face-to-face, I'd wait and have an open and honest chat with her then. Let her know how you feel. It does sound like she may be interested. But, she may also be seeing this as just a friendship and nothing more. I'd be sure of where things stand before moving any further. Mimi pretty much sums up what my terminology would have been. I've been out of the dating scene for some time as well. But, some things just don't change that much. It's a matter of what the two of you think/feel, anyway...not what some social standards would dictate.

Ann

 

[4Pawz]

I have to agree with the general crowd. Do it in person, and make sure when the time feels semi-comfortable, you let her know how you feel. Be honest about it, sugar-coating and downsizing does one no good here. Also, if you think you can just be friends with her, let her know that too, that if she does not want that kind of relationship, or if she is just not ready for it yet, that being friends is okay too.

Make some time where you know you can talk to her about this. Not telling her how you feel out of fear will be a regretful thing as well. Always wondering 'what-if'

I hope things work out for you, I have been in such a situation before, and it is stressing. My best wishes,

Pawz

 

[Dave2112]

I would wait until you meet again in person to discuss this. Until that time, see where your online/phone conversations take you. Don't assume you are a couple, just let the conversations go where they go.

As far as the use of the word "girlfriend", that's just a matter of semantics. It depends on what you consider the word to represent. In general, the way most people use it, I'd say some level of exclusivity is implied, although not neccessary. If you two decide to pursue a relationship, I'd consider her your girlfriend, even if you are separated by distance. It depends on what the two of you consider your status to be.

There is a young lady that I work with and hang out with...we talk about everything and often turn to each other for advice better not discussed with any significant others. We're best friends, regardless of gender difference, and she's occasionally called me her "boyfriend", and vice versa. It's just a linguistic quirk that we're comfortable with. "Girlfriend" just comes off the tounge faster and easier than "my best friend who happens to be female."

😎

 

[TheRhythmDoctor]

Just a quick update...

A few days ago, I went online and bought her flowers. She called me today saying that she got them and that she really loves them...

🙂

RD

 

[AffectionateDan]

And don't just leave us hanging, either...

...Be sure to fill us in on how things went! I'm of a mind that she's more interested in you than you're giving yourself credit for! Keep us posted! And good luck!