Resident Evil: Apocalypse...My review.

[Dussicar]

First of all, I would like to apologise beforehand to the staff here, at TTC should any lawsuit ensue from the film industry to this forum due to the fact that I fully intend to change the title Resident Evil: Apocalypse to DUMBEST FUCKING MOVIE EVER MADE! Look. If you have a choice between renting this flick and, say...Licking rancid Crisco out of the anus of a dead carp you found lying on the side of the road after poking it with the same stick you used to scratch your crab-riddled crotch with...For free! Then don't spend the money.

We start this train wreck where the first one left off. Society in Racoon city has collapsed and flesh eating Zombies prowl this swingin' old town thanks in full to the aweful, insidious, evil, Umbrella corperation. So far, the movie shows promise. And then the movie actually begins.
Out of the show, come the most pathetic excuse of characters you will ever see. Intermingled with every action cliche and stereotype ever created for the cinema.
Aside from Milla's character, Alice, we are introduced to a new brand of supporting heroes. The first, is, for all intents and purposes, a new tough, strong-willed female police officer who completely blows this image by wearing little more than a slip that is supposed to pass as a small dress. But don't worry, all you dignified feminists. Because THIS heroine still wears a gun...Right beside her jiggling little ass, which we catch a verrrrry good glimpse of as she wiggle-walks her way up the stairs towards the precinct. To make this already rediculous character even more...Well, rediculous, she begins to "assert" her dominance over the other cops by butchily telling them to shoot the arrested Zombies(that's right. The police actually saw fit to bring a small horde of flesh eating, mindless monsters in for questioning) in the head. Sadly, the character lost all credibility with the movie audiance when she decided to to go to work wearing something that would make a five dollar ***** blush. But that dosen't stop her tough-as-nails attitude, as she begins to bark orders and do everything else that might get a dateless, virgin, movie-goer hot. The camera, then, shows a good steady shot of her taking a long drag of her cigarette in a fit of angst-ridden cynical rage...Just to let the audiance know she's still tough.
But, hey. If you thought this movie is JUST for the degradation of women, then you are dead wrong. R.E:A is an equal opportunity oppresser. This movie has TWO whole black people! Yes, yes, I know. They're over doing it. But, these are the strides one has to make when in the film industry.
The first one is the friend of the Butchy, tough, streetwalker cop "chick." He is strong, resourceful, tough and believable as a survivor. He also gets shot about a quarter of the way into the movie(by the judicial prostitute, herself). Which, I guess, was a production decision based on the mentality that other movies have been actually letting the black guy live to the end, so they might as well become the trail blazers of the new millenium.
Don't you worry though. They soon replace him with an OTHER black guy. This one is...Oh, how do I explain this? Try to imagine a cross between Steppin fetchett and Sinbad preforming at the Apollo, and you have a good idea as to where this movie is actually going. Not offended yet? Then maybe you will when you get an earfull of his cross-wit brand of "lawdy, I ain't messin' with no Zombies" humor.
Jesus, I swear to god that all production for this worthless movie was paid for by the Republican comittee of "good old fasioned american values." I was watching the last of the end credits, half expecting to see a disclaimer like: "WARNIN'...No homusec-shuls was lynched durin' the making of this here pitcher show. But the director done said we could do whatever we wanted on our own tahm."
The final addition to the cast, was a hunky latino lover type who we get a first glimpse of sitting in a helicopter as a part of a special-ops team, hovering over a roof top. Down below, we see a woman running across the roof trying to escape from a horde of badly cinematogrophized Zombies.
It was at this point in the movie when I turn to my friend(who was watching it with me) and said "how much do you want to bet that he jumps out of the helicopter with a pistol in each hand and ends up killing every Zombie by the time that he lands?"
Guess what he did? C'mon. Guess...I bet you'll never.
After sexy salsa landed, I expected him to stare at the camera and throw out some stupid Arnie-esque line like "no deposit, no return" or something. But instead, we were just regaled with the actors shitty dialogue.
Now this is not to say that his lines were crap. He had one of the best oscar winning preformances of the year when he looks to his comrades and says "we're expendable assets....And we've just been expended." I think he even cocked one eyebrow when he said it.

This is just a brief synopsis of the actors. This of course, does not cover the "real" star of the show....The genetic nightmare known as the NEMESIS!
To describe this beast, you'll first have to imagine taking every power rangers bad guy ever made, putting them together, and feeding them a steady diet of crack cocaine, and friday the 13th movies. This thing looks that bad. However, there are still a few cool things about him. First of all: Do you know how some guns in movies have those really cool red laser aimy pointer thingys? Well, he has one. IT'S GREEN!...Well, okay. I lied. That's the only cool thing about him. We first see him being tested by the umbrella corp against a bunch of law enforcement officers. I suppose the reasoning behind this, is to prove that the Nemesis it That tough and also a weak plot device by the producers of the movie to show that the umbrella corporation is the evilest evil in the evil. But for some reason, after all this carnage, around the end of the movie, this unstoppable creature gets it's clock cleaned by a shard of metal.

Look, let's just skip to the worst part...The end.
Synopsis: Milla's character is captured, and with the help of her new friends, ecapes from a new umbrella corp lab. They just about make it when they are stopped by a guard. This is when you think that the game is up. But, one of the scientists inside tells the guard to let them pass. At this point the scientist says to the camera something like "Nemesis 2 experiment initiated." (I honestly can't remember) And then you see a shot of Milla's character in the escape vehicle with one of her eyes glowing briefly. Obviously, to signify another sequal. Let's put what I just said in layman's terms: This is the equivallent to somebody holding you down and taking a massive dump on your face for 94 minutes, and just when you think it's over and begin to thank god, the stars above, or even that REMAX baloon floating off in the distance, He looks down at you with a big grin on his face, and says "Oh-oh. I think one chunk's coming back."

All in all, if you value your mental health. Don't rent the movie. It'll just hurt you and the ones you love.

Sorry for taking your time up. Honestly, by the time I got halfway through this, I began to practically fall asleep at the keyboard. Sorry if some of this crap seems to be typed out jerkily.

 

[AphxA1]

its kinda of a bad attempt at creating the live action of the game. This movie lies somewhere after the first and second games. Im gunna have to on-demand this one.

 

[jj82277]

first let me just say that as a Black republican I am a little offended at the hint that tokenism is somehow part of a great white conservative plot. The Comic relief actors humor was straight out of his performances in the Friday movies, which did well so they let him bring his act to this movie. I don't think there was any malicious intent behind it.

I personally think that your review is very articulate and well thought out, but at the same time largely inconsequential. you had to go into this movie not expecting a really strong plot, or the best dialouge. I think that the niche was for people who had an interest in the game and or just like zombie action/horror. I agree that this is not an Oscar winner, but lets not beat a horse just for being a horse.

I will conceed that there is a level of showmanship with the scantily clad women, but come on you know that stuff happens. If you look at sequals like this (especially given the fact that one of the main reasons this movie was made was do to the large D V D release) it is obvious that they want to make sure that it does well when it hits the video stores. Lets not stop at the dress, what about the 45 second foot show of Jill Valentine in those sexxy strappy things at the beginning of the movie. I am sure that i am not the only person on THIS forum that noticed. I think the insinuation that her charecter was weak is a little harsh. from what i understand the charecter was beloved from the games and was included to bring them closer to the fold. I don't really have a problem with that. the same with the latino Expended guy. I have to agree with AphxA it may not have been the greatest attempt at making a live action version of the game, but how close could you come.

 

[Powerhousegym04]

does anybody else care what this guy has to say ......i dont

 

[Dussicar]

first let me just say that as a Black republican I am a little offended at the hint that tokenism is somehow part of a great white conservative plot. The Comic relief actors humor was straight out of his performances in the Friday movies, which did well so they let him bring his act to this movie. I don't think there was any malicious intent behind it.

I personally think that your review is very articulate and well thought out, but at the same time largely inconsequential. you had to go into this movie not expecting a really strong plot, or the best dialouge. I think that the niche was for people who had an interest in the game and or just like zombie action/horror. I agree that this is not an Oscar winner, but lets not beat a horse just for being a horse.

I will conceed that there is a level of showmanship with the scantily clad women, but come on you know that stuff happens. If you look at sequals like this (especially given the fact that one of the main reasons this movie was made was do to the large D V D release) it is obvious that they want to make sure that it does well when it hits the video stores. Lets not stop at the dress, what about the 45 second foot show of Jill Valentine in those sexxy strappy things at the beginning of the movie. I am sure that i am not the only person on THIS forum that noticed. I think the insinuation that her charecter was weak is a little harsh. from what i understand the charecter was beloved from the games and was included to bring them closer to the fold. I don't really have a problem with that. the same with the latino Expended guy. I have to agree with AphxA it may not have been the greatest attempt at making a live action version of the game, but how close could you come.

No, I never expected to take this movie seriously. Most of what I said about it's plot was just sarcastic humor.
But it's your description of "scantily clad women" that are passed off as showmanship that truly scares me. When I talked about her attitude inter- mingled with her wardrobe, I was genuinely angry. This goes way beyond showmanship. The fact that the industry does this on purpose is offensive enough. But soon it will become widely accepted as the norm. This, unfortunately, will also apply to the guy from those friday movies.
You have to cross reference these things in order to see the big picture. If you look at all of the undertones in modern cinema, you will begin to see a pattern forming.
For example: Have you ever watched female beauty and grooming products on TV commercials? Did you ever notice that the voice over usually(when describing women) throws sexy and slim in with strong and in control when they do their announcement about said product?
Have you noticed that since the late ninties, women's roles in movies pertaining to them being strong are increasingly intermingling with them also dressing up like sex kittens?
In other words. The industry is fooling women into degrading themselves and confusing it with power.

As for the guy from friday. He is also becoming a part of the new hollywood trend to "put em back in their place." It's pretty much the same formula as I mentioned before, but with differences.
Look, I'm sorry if I seem to be chewing you out. It's not my intention. And you have to believe me. I actually DO see these things when I watch modern media. I understand your point of view and where you would like me to see where you are coming from, but my opinion still won't change.

*sigh* I guess that's what makes the human race so interesting. Our agreement to disagree. 🙂

Anyhow, thanks for your input.
Cheers. 😀

 

[jj82277]

I still think that the African American steryotypes are largely self imposed so i am never relaly surprised to see that type of slap stick comedy.

but i have to say that upon the ellaboration on your view of the industry portraying women in the light in which you described i agree whole heartedly. the only problem is that it is literally inevitable. of all the reasons for the fall of the Roman Empire that is actually believed to be the number one in a lot of circles. the phenomenon is actually biblical. I mean old testament. before the 10 commandments or that business with the red sea. I think that in American media the seed was started in around 1920 when history records that the speaker of the house (as in the United States Congress) had his penis held hostage by his wife and his mistress who got together over tea and decided his position on women's sufferage (look it up if you don't believe me. Then it became more wide spread during the two world wars when women got out and became the back bone of the work force. women are naturally one of the strongest and the most beautiful of all God's creation don't get me wrong, but i agree that an inordinate amount became attatched to sexuality. the only part that we differ on is which came first. I am not a woman and don't claim to be, but i think that most women know that if they dress a certain way that we will generally listen a little bit more. that's the types of creatures they are. I think that it has become cliche for men to be lured into marriages that women wanted by use of their natural leverage they have over us. So I think that the Industry is more or less appealing to a demand that was already there before hand.

I also think that the acuatll repricutions are becoming very evident. The number of marriages ending because of female infadelities is sky rocketing at an exponential rate, abortion is too hot to touch, and more and more women think it is too unfashionable to have children as to mess up their teenage apperance (I actually had a girlfriend call me vein for wanting to reproduce.) All in all I would have to say that I again whole heartedly agree and I am glad that someone shares a little of my oppinion anyway.

powerhousegym04 I am sorry if i sound long winded sir. My High School does not have a debate team and Bill O'riely is still not returning my phonecals, i hope that i am not boring you.

 

[Jade-Pegasus1]

*shrugs* I liked the movie. I'll be interested in seeing what they do with the story from this point on.

 

[Dussicar]

I still think that the African American steryotypes are largely self imposed so i am never relaly surprised to see that type of slap stick comedy.

but i have to say that upon the ellaboration on your view of the industry portraying women in the light in which you described i agree whole heartedly. the only problem is that it is literally inevitable. of all the reasons for the fall of the Roman Empire that is actually believed to be the number one in a lot of circles. the phenomenon is actually biblical. I mean old testament. before the 10 commandments or that business with the red sea. I think that in American media the seed was started in around 1920 when history records that the speaker of the house (as in the United States Congress) had his penis held hostage by his wife and his mistress who got together over tea and decided his position on women's sufferage (look it up if you don't believe me. Then it became more wide spread during the two world wars when women got out and became the back bone of the work force. women are naturally one of the strongest and the most beautiful of all God's creation don't get me wrong, but i agree that an inordinate amount became attatched to sexuality. the only part that we differ on is which came first. I am not a woman and don't claim to be, but i think that most women know that if they dress a certain way that we will generally listen a little bit more. that's the types of creatures they are. I think that it has become cliche for men to be lured into marriages that women wanted by use of their natural leverage they have over us. So I think that the Industry is more or less appealing to a demand that was already there before hand.

I also think that the acuatll repricutions are becoming very evident. The number of marriages ending because of female infadelities is sky rocketing at an exponential rate, abortion is too hot to touch, and more and more women think it is too unfashionable to have children as to mess up their teenage apperance (I actually had a girlfriend call me vein for wanting to reproduce.) All in all I would have to say that I again whole heartedly agree and I am glad that someone shares a little of my oppinion anyway.

powerhousegym04 I am sorry if i sound long winded sir. My High School does not have a debate team and Bill O'riely is still not returning my phonecals, i hope that i am not boring you.

Well, I'm not too sure if I want to write women off as contributing to the end of the world as we know it. Plus, divorces are skyrocketing because a lot of people are just not into the whole "working things out" thing(of course, there are a multitude of reasons that cause divorce) anymore. True, Adultery IS becoming more common amongst women than in the past, but I can't think of that as a large reason for divorce.
About women using their sexuality to acheive their goals, I will admit that there is an amount of women that will do this. These, however, are the ones that I was talking about in my last post. On the whole, these are made up of kids from the latchkey generation. These are the ones who had double income families and spent most of their time in front of the TV. The TV, in turn, raised them. Or I should say, the ad and studio executives from TV land were the ones who raised them. And these same people were the ones that began to pander their programs toward these kids. After a few years of "melrose place, ricky lake" and just about every pointless beuty product(come on ladies, can you honestly tell me that without long, thick eyelashes, you are truly ugly?) they can pump out, it's no wonder that these types of women are mixed up.
There is a word that I like to use. It's called integrity. This word can hopefully break the cycle. But, without a sense of personal responsibility, this goal can never happen. It's truly an uphill battle.
This, however, is not just a problem with women. It is a problem with everybody. Women stuck in this vicious cycle don't want to change and your typical male sure as hell don't want them to either.
I have to concede that this world isn't going to get any better. Just worse. To be brutally honest, how many times throughout the decades have people noticed that things were getting worse and lacked the drive to stop it? Hell, things like Nam, the cold war, and other hot issues never got resolved. And these are tangible issues. When dealing with social issues, things get a lot harder to handle. Not to mention that people are(at least in my opinion) a lot dumber in this day and age.
Ah, well. I suppose about twenty years from now, I can look back at the "double oughts" with fondness and say "those were the good old days."

As for the inusdry appealing to men in the sex department and paralelling marriage in their movies, I have to heartily disagree. They are doing it for the straight degredation and objectification. It's that simple.

WHEW! I don't even know if what I just posted made sense, but I'm too lazy to edit it right now, so you'll have to do with what I got. 😛

 

[jj82277]

gen 3:16 "and unto the woman he said I shall greatly multiply thy sorrow, and in sorrow thy shalt bring forth children, and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over the." this is the second part of the three fold curse that God laid over all mankind as a result of the fall of man the eating of the fruit and all that. the prevailing trend of negative human behavior is believed my most (including myself) to be attributed that the world is damned and that their is only one true savior. not to go into a complete theological lecture i think that the one term in the [assage that has never been thuroughly hermenutically interpreted is the part about desire. for literally millenia it has been passed off as a depiction of desire for women unto men in a sexuall marital sense. the only problem with that is that the same terminology was used in describing cane and ables flawed relationship. and they were brothers. was cane some blundering homosexual incest freak who was starved for love, no he was jelous. there is a biblical depiction of female designs on the male designation. there are a lot of anictdotes that i could make about the fall of the roman empire, but i think that i am already thought of as somewhat long winded so i will keep this short. I live in America. I think the number is aproaching 25 million slaughtered to demonstrate female independence from men. men are naturally bigger and stronger. our one weakness is our love for them, and specifically the way that you can make us feel. the IMATURE female uses this to her advantage. and the IMATURE male allows it because as you eluded to he only wants to get laid (the term 12 year old fantasy is really accurate, the earliest most imature age that we can have real sexual desire). the point of all this is that it has been going on long before there was a such thing as america, let alone the american entertainment industry. the american entertainment industry simply gives us what most people want to see

I also believe that there is only one cause for divorce: quitting. there are a lot of things that cause it, but most of them can be chalked up to dating irresponsibly. working example how many people on this forum are dating people that they have not told and discussed their fetish with. or worse how many married people have you run into that have still not talked about it with their spouse. I think that in our schools today they spend too much time talking about alternative life styles and freedom to rebel against your parents and not enough time teaching values.

by the way, i see that you live in Canada. I have to congradulate you guys on getting fox news up there now. i don't know how you made it without it. in all honesty dussicar i do enjoy our chats. [email protected] if you wish to opine with pithy comments, obloviate all you want because they sure as hell aren't paying me.