Biggles of 266
1st Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Apr 26, 2001
- Messages
- 1,126
- Points
- 36
The number one mistake men and women make in the flirting game, says relationships author Susan Bradley, is not getting noticed for the right reasons.
That said, Bradley has some tips for the flirtatiously challenged. Her lecture How to Flirt Without Appearing to Be in Heat was the keynote speech at a recent singles convention in Berkeley, California.
Part of the fun is audience involvement. "I act like I am in an improv comedy theatre production and the audience is my unwitting cast of characters," Bradley says. "Before they know it they will be flirting with each other and losing their shyness. We will try all sorts of different flirting techniques." A dance party follows.
Bradley - who is trained as a registered nurse and hypnotherapist - travels the world to teach singles how to make their moves. Her clientele is half men and half women, ranging in age from mid-20s to mid-60s.
Bradley's approach is simple and strategic. She calls it the Repeated Contact Rule. Flirter should make three contacts with a flirtee in 45 minutes or less. Environment does not matter - restaurant, bookstore, nightclub - but tactic does.
The point of initial contact is to get noticed for the right reasons. A smile. Eye contact. A walk-by with a meaningful glance.
The second contact involves an actual exchange of words, usually a brief comment or, if you are bold, a compliment.
Contact three is a conversation and the "defining moment" in a flirting scenario. (Hint: If you do not start a conversation, how can you ask them out?)
The best way to start gabbing is by sliding into an already existing discussion. Eavesdrop. Do not be afraid to chime in on Oprah, Enron or origami. When in doubt, ask what they do for a living and appear to be interested.
And if sparks do not instantaneously ignite, never fear, says Bradley. "People meet someone and they expect instant chemistry. Those feelings are chemical; it is nature's way of getting couples together. Do not write someone off if you are not immediately attracted to them. You could be passing up your soul mate."
Remember, flirting is supposed to be fun and good love is a good thing. "It's not love that makes people unhappy; it's people that make themselves unhappy," says Bradley. "It's the expectation that someone should love you exactly the way you want to be loved that makes people unhappy. Ask for 100 per cent of what you want 100 per cent of the time, but do not always expect to get it. Be prepared to negotiate."
Rules for flirting
- Make eye contact.
- Smile.
- Have fun. It is normal to be nervous.
- Compliment from the neck and up. (Hint: "Nice buns" remarks do not make friends.)
- Compose "zingers," or nonsexual lines that induce blushing. For example, "What a fabulous tie. Can I wear it?" or "Would you mind if I flirted with you?"
- Do not force conversation too soon.
- Do not get "too deep" in subject matter.
- Do not use four letter words: Adjectives like nice, good and fine are not fine, good or nice. Try to use descriptive expressions, especially when complimenting ("That colour makes your eyes sparkle" vs "Great sweater").
- Do not use negative humour or sexual comments.
- Do not offer to buy a drink.
- Do not practise "drive-by flirting." One contact is not enough. Follow through and make a date.
That said, Bradley has some tips for the flirtatiously challenged. Her lecture How to Flirt Without Appearing to Be in Heat was the keynote speech at a recent singles convention in Berkeley, California.
Part of the fun is audience involvement. "I act like I am in an improv comedy theatre production and the audience is my unwitting cast of characters," Bradley says. "Before they know it they will be flirting with each other and losing their shyness. We will try all sorts of different flirting techniques." A dance party follows.
Bradley - who is trained as a registered nurse and hypnotherapist - travels the world to teach singles how to make their moves. Her clientele is half men and half women, ranging in age from mid-20s to mid-60s.
Bradley's approach is simple and strategic. She calls it the Repeated Contact Rule. Flirter should make three contacts with a flirtee in 45 minutes or less. Environment does not matter - restaurant, bookstore, nightclub - but tactic does.
The point of initial contact is to get noticed for the right reasons. A smile. Eye contact. A walk-by with a meaningful glance.
The second contact involves an actual exchange of words, usually a brief comment or, if you are bold, a compliment.
Contact three is a conversation and the "defining moment" in a flirting scenario. (Hint: If you do not start a conversation, how can you ask them out?)
The best way to start gabbing is by sliding into an already existing discussion. Eavesdrop. Do not be afraid to chime in on Oprah, Enron or origami. When in doubt, ask what they do for a living and appear to be interested.
And if sparks do not instantaneously ignite, never fear, says Bradley. "People meet someone and they expect instant chemistry. Those feelings are chemical; it is nature's way of getting couples together. Do not write someone off if you are not immediately attracted to them. You could be passing up your soul mate."
Remember, flirting is supposed to be fun and good love is a good thing. "It's not love that makes people unhappy; it's people that make themselves unhappy," says Bradley. "It's the expectation that someone should love you exactly the way you want to be loved that makes people unhappy. Ask for 100 per cent of what you want 100 per cent of the time, but do not always expect to get it. Be prepared to negotiate."
Rules for flirting
- Make eye contact.
- Smile.
- Have fun. It is normal to be nervous.
- Compliment from the neck and up. (Hint: "Nice buns" remarks do not make friends.)
- Compose "zingers," or nonsexual lines that induce blushing. For example, "What a fabulous tie. Can I wear it?" or "Would you mind if I flirted with you?"
- Do not force conversation too soon.
- Do not get "too deep" in subject matter.
- Do not use four letter words: Adjectives like nice, good and fine are not fine, good or nice. Try to use descriptive expressions, especially when complimenting ("That colour makes your eyes sparkle" vs "Great sweater").
- Do not use negative humour or sexual comments.
- Do not offer to buy a drink.
- Do not practise "drive-by flirting." One contact is not enough. Follow through and make a date.
