Safe word or no safe word?

[TickleLee]

a

a

 

[Spenser]

Tho' I fear many in "the tickling community" may be a teeny bit fresh and newish to go playing around with no-safeword scenes; is perhaps why I've not personally brought up that touchy subject myself in this forum before.

I'll try to work on a few thought to put to this thread tomorrow, as I live on East Coast Time and it's pretty late here. But this thread once opened deserves only the most carefully thought out advice, kid you not!

In short, "no-safeword-scenes", may be okay, but only in very special circumstances in my very humble opinion, in any kinky kind of alternative lovestyle.

Spenser,
more a' matin

 

[TickleLee]

a

 

[Oddjob0226]

Safe words were originally used in the S/M community to be used if something was going wrong (ie, heart palpitations, intense pain that didn't fit into the fantasy, etc.) It wasn't really meant for when you "can't stand it anymore". In those cases, the two participants would discuss the scene BEOFRE it occured (limits, natuarlly occuring signals, etc being brought up), and then trust, common sense, and a little intrinsic knowledge in the Dom would be what guides the length of the scene - along with imput from the Sub of course during the scene.

Personally,I'd like to be a 'lee without one, but I don't know if I'd be a 'ler without one. On the other hand, communication is the key. Talk over the expectations with a submissive 1st, and find out any issues, limits, and what the 'lee is looking for and the extent s/he wants to go. Tickle a submissive until the safe word pops out. Then, althou you stop to repsect the safeword and the needs of the 'lee, also talk with that person at that moment; see if they yelled out the word becuase of an acutal need - chest pain, about to faint, a truely bad reaction emotionally - or becuause they "couldn't take any more". If it's the latter case, perhaps, IF the 'lee is willing to take it further to the edge, a break of a few seconds might be all that's needed and the safe word could be "negated" - ONLY IF MUTUALLY AGRED TO AND DISCUSSED - and the tickling could go on again at full intensity for an intense session. Then be ready for the next time the safe word is used. Really, it's about finding out what's going on with the 'lee's body and mind. After the safe word is used, after some checking/communication, it might be ok to go beyond the safe word if the 'lee guides the scene that way......

 

[dvnc]

It's a choice. If you CHOSE no safeword, that's YOUR choice. There's safety concerns, but I've played scened without, and with, and enjoyed both. They're different. One requires ME to have total control, and thus, total responsibility (where there's no safeword). Wit' enough practice, and apparent skill at such, it's easy for me. Some folks DON'T know when to quit, though.

Adults get to choose, though. Not chosing is ALSO a choice, now that you've read this far.

Sidenote - It's best you know HOW your 'ler plays, out of bondage. Tells ya quickly how to play it (choice or no). So long as your 'ler cares enough to watch out for your SAFETY, it's all good, providin' you have no surprise medical conditions...

 

[TklDuo-Ann]

I would personally never play without one...on either side. The person may be able to take the tickling or anything else dished out. But, my concern is always that unknown and unexpected thing that could crop up. I guess it's my medical training. Just keep in mind that HAVING a safeword doesn't mean that you have to USE it.

If used as intended, it's there in case of emergency. Have you had enough and need to stop? SAFEWORD Have you got a cramp that's interfering with your enjoyment of the scene? SAFEWORD (It doesn't have to mean stopping completely.) Are you beginning to hyperventilate? SAFEWORD

Drew and I play all the time and STILL use safewords...just in case. Even if the ler and lee know one another well and have played together a lot, it's a good thing to have. And, again...having it doesn't mean having to use it. I rarely use my own.

Ann

 

[Spenser]

A few brief additional thoughts on non-safeword scenes.

As my Miss “M” and I were driving up to NEST last weekend, we were chatting in the car about the ‘world of tickle folks’, and I surmised to her, “…. Well, … at least they’re not putting up notes in the forums about ‘non-safeword’ scenes yet….." (oh well...)


First of all, Oddjob, dvnc, and Ann have all presented very good points here in this thread about safewords and non safeword scenes.

This being said, I personally think that any alternative play scenes, tickling, SM, or other, in a non-safeword format is
–ultimately– not to be advised.

My partner and wife (“M”) may occasionally remark that she doesn’t have a safeword anymore. While that is not technically correct, she really does and always has –had– one, she just has never actually been called upon to use it in any scenes we’ve done. That doesn’t mean we’ve never called a halt to a scene, just that we’ve used other means. And you can believe that after watching her all these years, I know the difference between deliciously torturous response, and when she’s simply not having fun anymore, or some other complication has gotten in the way of the ‘fun’.

It is imperative that the top have a great deal of understanding of the response reactions of the bottom at these levels of play, to observe and to heed these response reactions. It is also equally imperative that the bottom have enough self awareness of when enough is really –enough– based upon her/his levels of experience. This kind of double awareness doesn’t often or easily come quickly. That’s not to say it doesn’t at all. Some partners are more quickly attuned to their own interactions and stimuli/response mechanisms. Some can ‘grok’ each other more speedily. And with growing experience in any “alt” scene, players gain experience watching a variety of these stimuli/response mechanisms. One more word about that. Each and every time that any two players engage in
alternative sensory-erotic play of any genre, it is different. It is different with any two persons who get together, and it can be different each time the same two players engage together. The responsibilities for any and all 'players' to observe and react are not ever lessened with time.

I engage in any alternative sensory-erotic play for both my own benefit, as well as the benefit of my partner; that is any partner I’m playing with, be it my wife, or someone I’ve only known for a short time. In other words, it’s got to be fun and satisfying for her, truly, in order to be fun and satisfying for me. After all, isn’t that really what we’re all here for anyway? I may not even play with that many new partners, until I sense a bit of a ‘connection’ with both of us, to want to get on with it. But of course I’m going to play at much more limited levels with a new partner I’ve never played with before, and much more ready to keep it ‘short and sweet’ until I know that person better. A ‘good’ scene does not have to be a long extended scene to be satisfying for both, and may bring a desire for more scenes later.

There is a difference between being ticklishly torturous for the bottom, yes even excruciatingly, and being “not fun” anymore. When the moment has ‘passed’. When it’s been satisfying (fun) for long enough, and thus when it stops being satisfying (fun).

In sensory-erotic ‘impact’ play (spanking and sm) the abilities and self-encouragement to continue, slow, or halt play may be slightly different. With most tickle play there is some natural response that includes limitation on the ability to ‘catch your breath’, and this of course can result in a lessened ability for the bottom to actually ‘call’ a halt to play.

The bottom can be unable to call a halt due to being in that endorphin crazed fog ("bottom space") where ‘nothing is real’, or the bottom is simply –in– “another place” unable to determine that it’s time for a change of pace or closure of the scene. Or worse, seized by a physical or respiratory limitation where s/he is unable to call a halt to play. There are means with tickle play, for some who’ve got limited ability to verbalize a safe-word at that moment to use very elementary safe signals, such as a cough, or blinking eyes to be used to stop play. Note that this only applies where the bottom has the psycho-emotional presence to know it’s time to call a halt to play.

This brings up the point of the real down-side to non-safeword scenes in tickle play. Tickle play is breath play. I’ve been active in the SM world since about 1990, and I regard breath play as the most potentially dangerous play I have ever engaged in. Only in very rare circumstances do I do breath play at all, and that has only been with 2 partners who’ve very much wanted to do this stuff. And I have only done very lightweight versions of this sort of play, just enough to give them the notion of doing breath play. This stuff is –inherently– dangerous, and ought not to be taken lightly. While the breath reduction in tickle play is somewhat different than “SM breathplay”, it is still breathplay, it nonetheless is still present. I dearly hope the ‘tickle community’ becomes aware of this and bears this in mind every time folks gather to play, one on one, or in larger social groups.
[ For further information (and some decent ‘warnings’, please read SM 101; A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman (Greenery Press; ISBN: 0963976389). ... Breathplay- This site is about erotic asphyxiation ]
This article, I think is clipped also and included in the reference section of Ann's "Tickle Scene" website. Please take a peek at that from time to time.

Spenser

(and always remember, ...Safe...Sane &...Consentual) and negotiate negotiate negotiate