Santa Is A Woman

[njjen3953]

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy,
nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could
possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about
selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always
seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and
mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced
Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up
Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree,
still in the shopping bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all,
there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and
strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed,
desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack
would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID still have reindeer, he'd also have the
transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there
in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for
directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be
seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in
jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their
ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a
commitment.

I can buy the fact other mythical holiday characters are men:

Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.
Definite guy.

Cupid flies around carrying weapons.

Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening
test.

But not Santa!!!

 

[sole seeker]

I gotta admit, Jen, your reasoning does appear sound. (*big sigh*)

Great post! Merry Christmas!

 

[Moses25]

Santa is definitely a brutha from da hood:

Moved to a new thread.

 

[Deleted member 2452]

sorry jen i have to burst your bubble

santa is a guy. if you'd meet any male nurses, you'd know that we are far and away more compasionate, and carring than women.

if santa was a woman, she'd still be in the stores shopping for the gifts till the white sales in february!

if santa was a woman she'd be in front of a mirror till the 27th trying to deside is the best color to go along with her eyes is really red.

if santa was a woman, she wouldn't go down a chimmny, due to the dirtiness, and possible spiders!

as far as men shopping at the last minute, ha! only a fool of a man would venture in to a store during the feeding frenzy you women call gift shopping!

and as for the gifts, we all know how catty women are! only their friends would get anything decent. and she'd never get past the second house, she'd be rearanging the furniture till dawn, lol

but merry christmas anyway

steve

 

[Texas_Tickle]

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy,
nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could
possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about
selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always
seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and
mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced
Santa is a woman.

Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up
Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree,
still in the shopping bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all,
there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and
strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed,
desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack
would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID still have reindeer, he'd also have the
transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there
in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for
directions.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:

- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be
seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in
jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their
ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a
commitment.

Good theory. But Santa is a man because if he were a she, she would be.....

- Sitting in the North Pole doing nothing all day but watching "As The North Pole Turns" and other soaps, followed by Oprah and Martha Stewart.

- While Santa is slaving away all year at the shop, a woman Santa would order all the elves to make the gifts and she will keep them all for herself.

- She would not work at the shop, for fear of breaking a nail

 

[phfttklr]

No way could Santa be a woman!

First of all, it would take half the night trying on all different kinds of outfits. Asking the elves "Does this make me look fat?" putting her a good couple of hours behind schedule.

Most of the bags she carried would contain her shoes.

She would be flying at half the speed trying to put on her makeup
or talking on the cell phone.

Half way thru the trip, she would turn around wondering if she left the curling iron on ,or ( insert appliance here ).

Every other stop would involve going to the bathroom ,from all the hot chocolate and milk she drank.

...with all this, we would still have to consider ourselves lucky to even HAVE a christmas in the first place, in fear of "that time of the month"!

Just my 2 cents. What am I up to now, $10.82?

Merry Christmas to everyone and a Happy New Year!

 

[amk714]

I wouldn't mind if Santa's a woman, as long as she's young, beautiful, and "rewards" me when I'm nice and "punishes" me when I've been naughty. 😀