Saying "No" to tickling?

[starfires]

I've noticed a pattern of {interactions? reactions? interpretations?} on this forum that can be summarized like this, in short:

Random person: "I hate being tickled."
Ticklephile: . o O ( How do I get this person tied up so I can tickle them? )

Another person: "If you tickle me, I will hurt you."
Ticklephile: . o O ( Sounds like a challenge. )

Third person: (giggling and squirming as the ticklephile makes threatening tickling motions in the air) "Don't you dare tickle me!"
Ticklephile: . o O ( She is asking for it! )

Granted, most people don't react like that, but some here seem to. So I have to ask this of those of you that do, as much as I wish I didn't: How does one say "don't tickle me" to you, in a way that you will not interpret as an invitation to tickle?

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

Well it depends,

When I get in a relationship with someone, they are going to get tickled. If they seriously can't stand it... it's best we part our ways early. I'm a tickler, that's life. I will be with someone who doesn't have to like it, but is willing to explore it with me!

 

[CDFGA]

ok

What is it I always heard about women??.... "No really means yes!"


...Ha ha, lighten up some, starfire.

 

[Wilson]

Thank you starfire, for adding the element of common sense here. We love our tickling, etc, but for real, self control people. Those who do say they HATE being tickled say it for a reason! And said reason is NOT to arouse your tickling suspsicions either. Do you really think a person who DOESN'T mind being tickled would say that? In MY experience, if I ask some lady about her ticklishness, if she doesn't mind it, she'll state how ticklish she is with something like "Oh my goodness, I'm sooooo ticklish", or "I'm crazy ticklish on my sides", but won't say "I hate being tickled".
So show some self control and pride in your fetish and leave the "hate" reactions alone. Go home and fantasize, if you like, that's healthy. But if you catch an elbow to the head or a knee to the groin because you thought "HATE" = "Oh please, won't you tickle me till I wet myself", please bring the story back here so we can have a nice long laugh at your impotent expense!🙂 Maybe the cries of "I hate being kicked there!" was just the trigger for her to say "Oh, he's asking for it! He wants it bad!" 🙂

That's not to anyone in particular, but it's just wrong, yanno?
Don't give ticklers a bad name! Think before you drink, and think before you tickle! Use common sense!!!!😛

 

[kingofswing]

Inflection

I think it all depends on the way it is said and what your relationship is with that person. If my girlfriend is saying "no, please don't tickle" I KNOW she means the opposite and is just playing. If it was a friend and they said "ok, enough" then that is to be taken at face value.

But that would be inherent in your relationship with that person. Most people can use judgement and common sense to know when someone is playing or when they really aren't into it.

 

[BellaRisa]

Re: ok

What is it I always heard about women??.... "No really means yes!"

A lot of the guys you heard that from are in jail or sporting blackeyes, dude.

Thank you for posing a good and valid question Starfires, and Wilson-I really liked your response 😎 . I've learned that even the most heinously sadistic ticklers out there can also be gentlemen!

To answer your question Starfires, anyone who knows me knows when I'm serious. If I don't to play I'll tell ya, and I'll likely tell you why and when I think I

will want to-there's always a good reason if I seriously don't want a tickling. If you don't listen and respect me...let's not even go there, it ain't pretty 😱 . As for non-ticklephile girls out there who really and truly don't want it, I'm at a loss after posing similar questions myself (see the long-ass 'non-con' thread I started.) After reading some of the responses I got, I'm thinking vanilla girls should carry forks. How much non-con tickling can ya do with prong holes in your hand, fellas? What, you don't want girls to fork you? But doesn't 'no' mean 'yes'?? 😀 🙄 😎

Bella

 

[Deleted member 2452]

no means no...it's simple really.

if i'm told by a lady that she doesn't like to be tickled, i'll ask if she's pulling my leg, or if she really means it?
if she says she doesn't like it, then it's hands off brother!
i may have my faults, but i am a gentleman, and go with the lady's wishes.
steve

 

[dvnc]

Say, waddaya know? I'm agreein' wit' Bella again.

No means no. Challenge it and risk arrest in all civilized countries. Fear worse if friends and family of the "victim" find you. It ain't hard to find someone that's been arrested.

Hey, Steve, we agree on ANOTHER thing! World's a funny place, no? 😉

 

[kingofswing]

Fork you!

Well put Bella!!!

 

[Oddjob0226]

It's all chemistry and context. If they sound like they mean it, they mean it. If you feel like they mean it, they mean it.

 

[Phineas]

and on the other hand, some people are so desperate to indulge themselves they'll rationalize anything. 😀

 

[Novus]

So I have to ask this of those of you that do, as much as I wish I didn't: How does one say "don't tickle me" to you, in a way that you will not interpret as an invitation to tickle?

Well the best way to stop us non-consensual ticklers cold in our tracks is not to say anything especially not the word tickle. Just give us the "what the hell are doing" look and that will be the end of it <B>forever</B>.

Those comments about girls saying they don't like to be tickled came from another thread about personal ads. I am sorry but it is a challenge when a girl goes out of her way to put comments like "Don't even think about tickling me" in a personal ad. She is literally asking for it. <I>"Tickling"</I> is a keyword and their profile will come up on searches. It is like a girl giving out her phone number and saying don't you call me now. Give me a break.

 

[BellaRisa]

Re: Re: Saying "No" to tickling?

Well the best way to stop us non-consensual ticklers cold in our tracks is not to say anything especially not the word tickle. Just give us the "what the hell are doing" look and that will be the end of it <B>forever</B>.

Those comments about girls saying they don't like to be tickled came from another thread about personal ads. I am sorry but it is a challenge when a girl goes out of her way to put comments like "Don't even think about tickling me" in a personal ad. She is literally asking for it. <I>"Tickling"</I> is a keyword and their profile will come up on searches. It is like a girl giving out her phone number and saying don't you call me now. Give me a break.

Um, Novus? This post left me a tad unsettled. I honestly think I know where you're coming from, but really-people should be able to say the word 'tickle' without being tickled. I hang with spanking fetishists all the time, and if I say I got a spankin' new CD I don't get whacked. (Well, unless I want to😉 ) It's creepy as hell to think that you have to watch what you say to that extent to avoid unwanted touching; I imagine that if you asked for a pinch of salt and some non-con pinch fetishist pinched you, you'd give 'em a fat lip . And actually, it's more like a girl giving you her number but saying don't you dare call before 8am. Does that mean she's asking for that sexy 7am ring? 😕

Furthermore, much of the time putting what you don't like in your personal ad means, well, that you don't like those things.
Times that I've had a profile or ad running, I included statements along the lines of "Don't even think of using the violet wand." That was *not* a challenge to the electricity play folks and I wasn't asking for a blessed thing, it was an honest statement. If we 'go out of our way' to put it there, it's likely because we've had enough of people trying it and we're officially announcing that-and trying to find what we do like at the same time-which is what those ads/profiles are all about 🙂.

Just my thoughts, YMMV.
Bella

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

I have dated a couple of girls who HATED being tickled.

However, rather then giving up on them. I took a chance. Soon they actually saw the flirtaion and sexual arousal in tickling as I did. So it turned out alright. Many of them set limits, as to not be tickle tortured to badly due to past experiences, but I was always able to keep them from hating it!!!

 

[kingofswing]

I think there's a big difference in winning someone over that you are dating and finding a "challenge" in someone saying they would rather not be tickled.

Again, it all goes back to the relationship you have with someone. To me, the whole "non con" thing comes across as a little creepy in general.

 

[Wilson]

Re: Re: Saying "No" to tickling?

Well the best way to stop us non-consensual ticklers cold in our tracks is not to say anything especially not the word tickle. Just give us the "what the hell are doing" look and that will be the end of it <B>forever</B>.

Those comments about girls saying they don't like to be tickled came from another thread about personal ads. I am sorry but it is a challenge when a girl goes out of her way to put comments like "Don't even think about tickling me" in a personal ad. She is literally asking for it. <I>"Tickling"</I> is a keyword and their profile will come up on searches. It is like a girl giving out her phone number and saying don't you call me now. Give me a break.

Built m/26 ISO Nice petite woman who likes to work out, go dancing and watch adventure movies. And please never stick me in the eye with a hot poker. I hate being stuck in the eye with a hot pokers. Call me!

 

[starfires]

Originally posted by CDFGA
What is it I always heard about women??.... "No really means yes!"

Ahh, I see. Since you brought it up, let me take a moment to bash the parties responsible for propagating this mentality:
1. Horny men that don't take No for an answer, thinking that's really a Yes.
2. Clueless women that say No when they mean Yes, and expect to be swept off their feet.
I could write a Book of Hate about both and the harm they cause to the rest of us (to each other too, but that's their business). Please don't tempt me.

Originally posted by Oddjob0226
It's all chemistry and context. If they sound like they mean it, they mean it. If you feel like they mean it, they mean it.

Perhaps, but when you are in your tickle-excited state and they are giggling and squirming from the mere thought of being tickled, can you trust yourself to "feel like they mean it"?

Originally posted by Phineas
and on the other hand, some people are so desperate to indulge themselves they'll rationalize anything.

Do you mean like this (below)?

Originally posted by Novus
I am sorry but it is a challenge when a girl goes out of her way to put comments like "Don't even think about tickling me" in a personal ad. She is literally asking for it.

*shudder*
Interesting proposition -- disturbing but interesting. Let's discuss it for a minute. As you no doubt know, an average relationship includes some tickling from time to time. If I wanted a relationship without any tickling whatsoever, none, zero, how would I let you know that you need not waste your time on me if you absolutely must tickle your partners? Note, in this hypothetical case I don't want to wait until the first time you tickle me so I can scream "Don't tickle me ever again!", nor until the second time you tickle me so I can kick the shit out of you to illustrate my point.

Another point: relationships sometimes include babies as well as tickling. So if she had put down "I don't want to have children, ever." in that ad, would you interpret that as "I challenge you to impregnate me."?

 

[Oddjob0226]

>>>>>>Originally posted by Oddjob0226
It's all chemistry and context. If they sound like they mean it, they mean it. If you feel like they mean it, they mean it

>>>>>Perhaps, but when you are in your tickle-excited state and they are giggling and squirming from the mere thought of being tickled, can you trust yourself to "feel like they mean it"? <<<<


Yes. I have a brain and conscinece and know how to use both. I'm Oddjob, not Mr. Hyde.

Now, why would someone who hates being tickled be interested in dating or otherwise being involved with a ticklephile?


Let me clarify what I previously posted. The basic question was: When does "no" really mean "no"? My clearer, more precise answer-

It's all chemistry and context. If a person SOUNDs like they mean it (meaning "No, I don't want to be tickled"), they mean it. If you FEEL like that person means it (meaning, "No, I don't want to be tickled"), then they mean it. Move on and find someone who's interested. Unless you live in Dallas where such people don't exsist.

 

[Oddjob0226]

>>>>>>As you no doubt know, an average relationship includes some tickling from time to time. If I wanted a relationship without any tickling whatsoever, none, zero, how would I let you know that you need not waste your time on me if you absolutely must tickle your partners? <<<<<<

If tickling happens in an average relationship, then absolutely zero tickling would indicate a non-"average" relationship. Just as being involved with a ticklephile would not be "average" either. I think we are using these normal, "vanilla" standards applied to regular people in regular relationships to pillory ourselves. We are different than the squares out there, man!


>>>>>>Another point: relationships sometimes include babies as well as tickling. So if she had put down "I don't want to have children, ever." in that ad, would you interpret that as "I challenge you to impregnate me."? <<<<<<

It would indicate to me that in this relationship, the person - I assume a woman, since that's who gets impregnated 'round these parts -doesn't want kids. Not too terribly unusual in relationships, and there's no real "challenge" presented. Terms are clear and reasons are pretty obvious to a thinking person. Now, I'm not as forward, or bold, or insensitive (if you so choose that term) as Novus, but he isn't without a philosophical point. Saying you don't want kids- not that unusual. Specifically saying "don't tickle me" - NOT saying "don't tickle me because I hate it" - but just "Don't tickle me" would make me wonder, too.... O.K., I shouldn't tickle, but does that mean it's o.k. to beat her with a meat tenderizer? It's okay to pour boiling vinegar on her? She didn't warn me not to do that! My point is, why would this person go out of her way to pick one specific action out of everything humans do to each other in a relationship - especially in a first introduction? I'm not saying she's asking to be tickled, but I would wonder what got her to be so specific..... It would be like saying "I love to drink & I love to get rowdy - but don't take me to a hockey game". Would that be a veiled way of saying "I like to get wild, but I get really wild at a hockey game- I'm warning you, I'm a handful." Know what I'm saying? Generally, women are better teasers than men anyway (I mean that in a good, fun way)so if we sometimes seem clueless, we often are - you're from Venus, after all; we don't know the same code as you!

 

[starfires]

>>>>>>As you no doubt know, an average relationship includes some tickling from time to time. If I wanted a relationship without any tickling whatsoever, none, zero, how would I let you know that you need not waste your time on me if you absolutely must tickle your partners? <<<<<<

If tickling happens in an average relationship, then absolutely zero tickling would indicate a non-"average" relationship. Just as being involved with a ticklephile would not be "average" either. I think we are using these normal, "vanilla" standards applied to regular people in regular relationships to pillory ourselves. We are different than the squares out there, man!

Correct. In my hypothetical example, I want a relationship that is different from average in that specific aspect: no tickling. And that's what I'm trying to convey through my hypothetical ad. How would I phrase it in a way that will not be misunderstood for its opposite? (Here's one excerpt that did get misinterpreted, that I thought was rather clear: "Turn Offs: Being tickled. I'll hurt you, a lot, if you try.")

Specifically saying "don't tickle me" - NOT saying "don't tickle me because I hate it" - but just "Don't tickle me" would make me wonder, too.... O.K., I shouldn't tickle, but does that mean it's o.k. to beat her with a meat tenderizer? It's okay to pour boiling vinegar on her? She didn't warn me not to do that! My point is, why would this person go out of her way to pick one specific action out of everything humans do to each other in a relationship - especially in a first introduction?

A personal ad normally describes the ways in which one is different from the generic croud. Writing what is generally understood or assumed is kind of pointless:
I am a homo sapien born and raised on Earth, I like pleasure and don't like pain, when I am hungry I consume food, when I am tired I rest, when I am horny I have sex or masturbate. Please respect me and don't be mean to me in cruel ways, such as assaulting me with industrial cooking implements or other heavy objects. So call me and let's see if we can have a relationship.
So if an average person doesn't mind an occasional tickle fight with a loved one, and I mind it very much, it makes some sense to mention that in my ad. On the other hand, if an average person doesn't like the feel of boiling vinegar and neither do I, I am probably wasting my keystrokes, as well as giving overly eager boiling vinegar fetishists all the wrong ideas.
So if an ad mentions tickling but not boiling vinegar, I think it's safe to assume that the author is disposed to boiling vinegar just like most of the rest of us, and ment what he/she said about the tickling.

 

[Novus]

Replies and Rebuttals

<I>Originally posted by Bella</I>
<B>Um, Novus? This post left me a tad unsettled. I honestly think I know where you're coming from, but really-people should be able to say the word 'tickle' without being tickled. I hang with spanking fetishists all the time, and if I say I got a spankin' new CD I don't get whacked.
</B>

That is not what I ment and you know it. We can tell the difference in the context of the word. People who are uncomfortable with tickling should not be bringing up the topic. I was once on the other side of the fence and trying to suppress every thought of tickling and I did not want tickling in my life. It was very easy to keep the ticklers away by keeping the subject taboo and giving people evil stares if they got too close. And there is always the dreaded line that tickle haters are all prepared to use: "Your a sick freak, get way from me." If that does not work you are dealling with rapist.

<I>Originally posted by Wilson</I>
<B>
Built m/26 ISO Nice petite woman who likes to work out, go dancing and watch adventure movies. And please never stick me in the eye with a hot poker. I hate being stuck in the eye with a hot pokers. Call me!
</B>

Strawman fallacy. Hot pokers and tickling are not even close to being the same thing. Tickling is still rather normal and happens all the time we just see it in a sexual way.

<I>Originally posted by starfires</I>
<B>
As you no doubt know, an average relationship includes some tickling from time to time. If I wanted a relationship without any tickling whatsoever, none, zero, how would I let you know that you need not waste your time on me if you absolutely must tickle your partners? Note, in this hypothetical case I don't want to wait until the first time you tickle me so I can scream "Don't tickle me ever again!", nor until the second time you tickle me so I can kick the shit out of you to illustrate my point.

Another point: relationships sometimes include babies as well as tickling. So if she had put down "I don't want to have children, ever." in that ad, would you interpret that as "I challenge you to impregnate me."?
</B>

A better annology would be someone who wanted a relationship without kissing or at least no kissing on the first date. Most men will try to get a kiss out her on the first date anyway because they see it as a challenge. As for your impregnation point, tickling does not equal rape. Rape is not chalenge but a crime. See above for how to stop unwanted tickling.

<I>Originally posted by Odjob0226</I>
<B>
Now, I'm not as forward, or bold, or insensitive (if you so choose that term) as Novus, but he isn't without a philosophical point. Saying you don't want kids- not that unusual. Specifically saying "don't tickle me" - NOT saying "don't tickle me because I hate it" - but just "Don't tickle me" would make me wonder, too.... O.K., I shouldn't tickle, but does that mean it's o.k. to beat her with a meat tenderizer? It's okay to pour boiling vinegar on her? She didn't warn me not to do that! My point is, why would this person go out of her way to pick one specific action out of everything humans do to each other in a relationship - especially in a first introduction? I'm not saying she's asking to be tickled, but I would wonder what got her to be so specific..... It would be like saying "I love to drink & I love to get rowdy - but don't take me to a hockey game". Would that be a veiled way of saying "I like to get wild, but I get really wild at a hockey game- I'm warning you, I'm a handful." Know what I'm saying?
</B>

That is the first time I have ever been called forward, bold, or insensitive. In real life I am usually shy, quiet, and probably too nice for my own good. Now as for people who bring up the subject of tickling in their first introduction are either clueless as how to keep ticklers away or are making a challenge. The girl who said she will hurt anyone who tries to tickle her probably means it. Not because she hates being tickled and <B>wants</B> to hurt people who tickle her but because she just goes absolutely wild and nuts when someone tickles her and she can't control herself. I know what you are saying I just wish more people understood where I was coming from.

 

[Wilson]

Someone kill this thread, for it no longer serves a purpose.
And no chapters from the Phil. of Language & Logic course are necessary. It....was....a....joke. For people involved in the fetish of laughing, people sure get angry a lot around here.

 

[Novus]

Thread still serves a purpose

There is a lot of misunderstanding and misrepresentation of non-consensual ticklers on these boards. I say nothing in anger but I am trying to debunk all the sterotyping of this minority of the minority as a bunch of womanizing, insensitive, groping, rapists. We are really very much like you all accept we just go about things a little differently. People often do not say exactly what they mean and what is said is often misunderstood. That goes for anything and not just tickling. A lot more still needs to be said on this subject before there can be an understanding. If then there is still disagreement we can respectively agree to disagree. Thank you for your time.

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Re: Inflection

I think it all depends on the way it is said and what your relationship is with that person. If my girlfriend is saying "no, please don't tickle" I KNOW she means the opposite and is just playing. If it was a friend and they said "ok, enough" then that is to be taken at face value.

But that would be inherent in your relationship with that person. Most people can use judgement and common sense to know when someone is playing or when they really aren't into it.

Well said ShipShirt! I agree with that! 😛 Tickling Thoughts! Tracy

 

[kingofswing]

Awwww

Thanks Tracy! Usually I'm the kiss of death on threads and once I post it seems all posting ceases! lol 🙂