Self-esteem Issues...

[Artoo]

For those of you that suffer/have suffered from them, how do/did you deal with them?

 

[BellybTickler]

I wake up everyday and remind myself that I'm awesome in my own way. That no one else's opinion really matters except mine and the ones who I hold close to my heart. It's a huge psychological battle, but it's winnable 🙂

 

[-Hari-]

I fish for and rely on praise, it sounds awful but I've got very good at it, all I need is for someone important to me to tell me I've done something well or that I'm awesome for whatever reason and it keeps me going.

When I cant get that I try to think positively and maybe do a little of something I know I'm good at, a bit of juggling or yoyoing and I usually feel a little better about myself.

I guess the advice is to find and focus on the things that make up your unique individual picture and emphasize them for yourself. It can also never hurt to talk to someone who's opinion matter to you about your concerns and let them support you.

Studies of low self esteem suggest that its improved and strengthened over time, whilst its typically harder an issue to fix later in life than as a young person its still perfectly possible over time and with the correct support to improve self esteem.

I hope your not referring to yourself, I haven't even met you yet and I think your awesome, I want to meet you more than most sexy girls on here 😛

 

[Leo tickles]

I used to fish for praise, like Hari said. Or validation from somebody important to me.

Within the past year or so, I just started doing something that made me feel awesome. At first it was as simple as winning at a video game, then I moved up to getting myself a nice dinner somewhere. Sounds simple enough, but if you break it down, it's pretty awesome to be really good at a tough game, and to get yourself expensive food that you've earned the money to buy.

These days I'm taking care of my new pet, a little gunei pig, along with my dog and my cat.

The sky is the limit from here.

 

[kurchatovium]

Try to help someone. Be there for someone that needs a friend. Thats pretty much the quickest way I think to feel good about yourself.

 

[GQguy]

Great responses so far. I too have battled/battle self esteem issues. You're not alone.

I think low self esteem is the undervaluation of what one has to offer. Cockiness is the overvaluation of what one has to offer. Confidence is knowing exactly what one has to offer.

People with low self esteem have low self worth. They think what they have isn't enough. They undervalue their skills and talents while overvaluing the skills and talents of others. This is advantageous of sorts in that it's hard to disappoint anyone when you devalue your skills/talents including yourself. Leo made has the great tactic of praising himself for the little things that he does. This is HUGE. because this allows one to begin matching their self worth to reality to become CONFIDENT. Overdoing this of course leads to cocky....but we won't worry about that for now. Self praise is very important because you're always with yourself. Start by stopping the negative self talk. You know what i'm talking about...the "I'm too stupid" "I'm too ugly" "I don't deserve XYZ" ect. Say positive things instead "I'm an attractive person and people like me" "Wow, that idea was genius" "I deserve to have my dreams come true". Cheesy I know....but it will make ALL the difference.

Be satisfied where you're at now...but praise yourself for achieving your goals. I used to beat myself up alot for not finishing up my Physics degree after I joined the military. I thought my self esteem would jump after I got it done. It didn't. You have to accept yourself as is otherwise every achievement you attain will be downplayed and your self esteem will never improve. Be happy with who you are now. When I realized that I need to accept myself in the now my self esteem improved. When I got the degree I patted myself on the back..Said "great job, now get back to work!"

As you accept yourself and value what you bring to the table your peers will too. They will praise you as well further increasing your self worth....but since you already know your self worth losing that praise will not lower it. Their praise is simply a reinforcement of what you already know.

Good luck!

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

I've always tried to concentrate on my positive personality traits, such as my loyalty, kindness, love, and devotion. Additionally, I try to remind myself that even if I havent succeeded at certain things I've tried up until now, where there is life, there is hope. My mom always told me that. If I give up, I will surely lose. If I keep trying, I have a chance to win, and will eventually win. Although this may be a bad analogy, I think of sports teams with daily/weekly schedules. Teams dont give up because they lose one night, or week. If that happens, they accept the loss, try to change the things that caused it, and come back the next night or week with a plan or how to win. Such is a good plan for life too, I think.

Mitch

 

[Soda Bobinski]

For those of you that suffer/have suffered from them, how do/did you deal with them?

Deal w/them?

 

[Artoo]

Deal w/them?

S'good advice. ;-)

 

[pfromptown]

It's difficult, dude. We're not all cut out to simply "Deal with" the issue of Low Self-esteem, some of us have a different balance of chemicals in our brains in comparison to other people who might be able to shrug it off without too much fuss. Soda Bobinski, telling the O.P. to "Deal w/them" is not only an overly simplistic philosophy, it also isn't answering the question: s/he already knows they have to deal with it, they were asking how to go about it. So S'not good advice at all.

In my experience there is no magic solution, but it is important to remember that low self-esteem is almost 100% created in your head by you, no-one else (Hence "Self"-esteem...). It's helpful to remind yourself of this because you know full well which part of you you are dissatisfied with, and to some extent you can always alter whichever particular part you are unhappy with.

At the moment I'm at something of a low ebb; I'm a student and I was kicking ass on my scores until recently when I had a relatively poor mark for an essay I worked my arse off for, so my confidence in that area has been knocked. Added to that is the fact that I recently stumbled upon a nice little clandestine bitching session concerning yours truly at the place that I work at part-time, so I've been second-guessing my personality too, even though I'm considered a reasonably funny and amiable guy by the majority of people who know me, and I have a fantastic girlfriend of nearly three years which is a decent innings considering today's standards (In the UK, anyway). Right now I don't feel great about myself, but I know that when my luck turns I'll start to feel better.

I find it funny how fickle a feeling Self-esteem can be. In my job, for example, if I'm put in on a night shift with a bunch of meat heads who only want to discuss cars, tits and unfunny films then I'll feel like the most undesirable person on the planet and that I should live in a cave. By contrast, if I'm working with people a bit more similar to me: with a geeky sense of humour and open to chatting about a broader scope of things than the previously mentioned boring bollocks, I'll feel fantastic about myself and that I fit in.

 

[Soda Bobinski]

Question Mark?

It's difficult, dude. We're not all cut out to simply "Deal with" the issue of Low Self-esteem, some of us have a different balance of chemicals in our brains in comparison to other people who might be able to shrug it off without too much fuss. Soda Bobinski, telling the O.P. to "Deal w/them" is not only an overly simplistic philosophy, it also isn't answering the question: s/he already knows they have to deal with it, they were asking how to go about it. So S'not good advice at all.

Heh. Sorry. Didn't mean to make it sound as if I was coldly shrugging off the OP's question & doling out some overly simplistic advice.

He asked how one deals/has dealt with self-esteem issues & as someone who has his own bouts w/low self-esteem from time to time , I was merely attempting to jokingly imply w/my ( I guess ) poorly constructed response that I might be someone who chooses not to "deal with" such feelings.

It was meant to be somewhat lighthearted & to perhaps bring a smile to the OP , who sounded like he maybe needed one at the time.

 

[MDF]

I had really low self-esteem when I was younger, and still fret over things that really shouldn’t affect me. I’ve tried various methods over the years like losing excess weight (I was BIG), reminding myself of my individual qualities, even simply retreating from situations that fuelled my poor self image. Though most were improvements none of them really worked to alleviate my low feelings. I’m still not over these intrusive and damaging thoughts and am not sure anyone ever truly becomes totally free from low self-esteem once your mind gets onto such trains of thought, but I have improved a lot!
This is a very personal method of coping with the issue, as everyone has different things that affect them, but for me I just very consciously reminded myself of what was really important in my life at every opportunity. I prioritise, focus on the things that really should matter to me, remind myself of things that are going right for me. If something important if amiss, I fret about that, knowing it is worth the emotional effort, and draw contentment from knowing that problems that need to be tackled are now under scrutiny. Things that are out of my power to control I force myself to ignore.
It’s easy to say, I know, but I found that you have to force yourself a little to let the little things slide, and really throw yourself at things that really matter. After a while such thoughts become easier and happen automatically.
For me, I decided my priority was my relationship with my partner and our life together. That is what really matters to me, everything else can, when all is said and done, go hang. Only her opinion matters. If she’s happy, I’m happy.
I know I’m extremely lucky to have someone I can invest in emotionally so completely, but I don’t feel it has to simply be love someone focuses on. Again it comes down to what you can control. In my lonely moments before my current relationship (which were when my esteem was lowest) I reminded myself that I could not control someone else’s feelings so let it slide and concentrate on what I could control. Work, lifestyle, pastimes, whatever.
Again it’s hackneyed, again this is my personal view, and again easy to simply write down, but I feel it’s all about attitude. I try to be positive, don’t focus on the negatives and find the doom and gloom does lift. Slowly and surely, it has worked for me.

 

[evilwomanhehe]

I have very low self-esteem---mainly because I suffer from Asperger's Syndrome and the experiences I had as a child (bullying, teasing, etc.) doesn't help either. I deal with it--it's there--and at this point in my life I don't think it can be repaired. I don't feel sorry for myself--and I don't have any self-pity. I just deal with it.

 

[asutickler]

I pick out the things that I dislike about myself, and try to specifically improve them. I don't always succeed, but often the attempt will make me feel better in and of itself.

 

[pfromptown]

Heh. Sorry. Didn't mean to make it sound as if I was coldly shrugging off the OP's question & doling out some overly simplistic advice.

He asked how one deals/has dealt with self-esteem issues & as someone who has his own bouts w/low self-esteem from time to time , I was merely attempting to jokingly imply w/my ( I guess ) poorly constructed response that I might be someone who chooses not to "deal with" such feelings.

It was meant to be somewhat lighthearted & to perhaps bring a smile to the OP , who sounded like he maybe needed one at the time.

No need to apologise dude. As you said it was just a poorly constructed response: you sounded like the sort of dumbass who doesn't see low self-esteem as the horrible affliction that it can be, and thinks that people who suffer from it should merely "Snap out of it", which is an attitude that I have experienced many times in the past and one that particularly irks me. I can tell you're not that sort though 🙂

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

Fake it 'til you make it. No matter how you're feeling about yourself, act like you feel amazing. Pretend that you're confident and happy. Avoid talking about your insecurities or flaws you think you have. Depending on how convincing you are, you just might start to believe it 🙂 If you can't convince yourself, you can probably at least convince other people, who will then tell you how great you are, then maybe their compliments will help you feel better. Healthy? Probably not. Effective? More often than not.

FWIW, I think you rock

 

[kopfhorer]

...I recently stumbled upon a nice little clandestine bitching session concerning yours truly at the place that I work at part-time, so I've been second-guessing my personality too, even though I'm considered a reasonably funny and amiable guy by the majority of people who know me...

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I find it funny how fickle a feeling Self-esteem can be. In my job, for example, if I'm put in on a night shift with a bunch of meat heads who only want to discuss cars, tits and unfunny films then I'll feel like the most undesirable person on the planet and that I should live in a cave. By contrast, if I'm working with people a bit more similar to me: with a geeky sense of humour and open to chatting about a broader scope of things than the previously mentioned boring bollocks, I'll feel fantastic about myself and that I fit in.

Makes perfect sense to this geek. Nothing like being locked in a room with a bunch of buttwipes you've got nothing in common with to ruin your night. (Been there, done that, hated every nanosecond of it).

 

[BrightEyes1082]

I started learning Krav Maga, and now I feel like a Monster.

 

[Artoo]

I started learning Krav Maga, and now I feel like a Monster.

Thanks for all the advice, folks.

I think this is just an ebb in my life at the moment - I'm generally pretty good at faking self-esteem, and to a certain extent it works.
One thing I've started to do is write down things I like about myself; memorise them and repeat them like some sort of mantra. I'm also working on getting a lot fitter - the increased exercise and lack of smoking is doing wonders for me. 🙂

 

[pfromptown]

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Tune!!!