Sensitive Issue for Me

[dig dug dog]

I am looking to hear people's thoughts on a tough situation I'm having. I am a long-time tickler and have successfully tickled many girls and women over the years (you'll see why I mention this in a moment). However, with my current, serious girlfriend (we've been together about three years now), I avoided tickling her for quite a while because she seemed uncomfortable with it, and I didn't want to press the issue until we were closer and more solid.

A few months ago I made my feelings about tickling clearer to her and she has expressed openness to experimenting with it, even though it's definitely not her thing. The problem is that the few times I've really tried tickling her now in bed, not much is happening--no squirming, laughing, or actually "getting tickled" at all. I know she's ticklish because (1) she tells me that she is and always has been; (2) I've seen her daughter tickle her many times; (3) I've been with her when she warned a masseuse that she is "very ticklish"; (4) I have tickled her a few times myself when her daughter was doing it and then it worked well.

The problem seems to be connected to sexual situations. It's hard for her to combine tickling with anything sexual, or to let go enough in bed to allow tickling to take place. And at the same time I have been finding it hard to create the right playful mood for good tickling to take place.

If you have any sensitive and thoughtful ideas to share with me about this, or similar experiences, or any suggestions about how to make a "tickling breakthrough" with my girl, I'd really appreciate it. (I'm a good tickler--I promise--though maybe my techniques need adjustment in her case.)

Thanks for your help!

Your brother in tickling.

 

[tickledawg]

iNTERESTING AND DEEP POST...

In answering the general intent of your post I believe she is simply not seeing tickling as an erotic venture, but a playful one. Women are great about trying/doing things we men enjoy for the sake of making us happy. That's one of the things that make them fantastic in my eyes. However that willingness to try doesn't mean the activity has the same meaning to her as it does you. THAT can change with time and/or communication. Then again it may not...
Please allow me to illustrate: In my past I have tickled women who have all had different reactions to tickling as a form of sensual foreplay v. general horseplay. Let's list them as A through E, for simplicity. These five ladies all had more than passing relationships with me as well.
**********************
LADY A-had never been tickled as foreplay, but learned to enjoy it occasionally. (A balance needs to exist in all things.)

LADY B-tried it for a time but eventually made it clear that (for her) it was too torturous which contrasted from our more 'passionate' sex. She separated the two in her mind. Which made sense.

LADY C-Due to her past, made it clear that tickling was NOT ok. In fact, it brought up bad past feelings and memories of abuse. It made for some difficulties in interpreting action (play, flirting, etc..) for sure, but I understood.

LADY D-A 'closet fetishist' LOVED sex with bondage (some tickling as well) almost exclusively. Sex as submission or erotic torture; pure and simple. Which made for some issues with just great/spontaneous lovin' at times. Kinky fun but one-dimensional. (Sometimes soft, eloquent lovin' with no kinks is the best...or most applicable.)

LADY E-Associated tickling with her (really nice and loving) father (in a healthier way than it sounds) and as such, even kissing was not in the picture. She would laugh and thrash if I tickled her feet or stomach, but it was pure humor and play. She would even palm my mouth if I tried to kiss or lick her in some way; or just pull away quickly if I showed sensual intent or arousal. She just saw tickling as a separate entity by past/referent association.

The key in ALL of these situations is communication. Talk, listen and most importantly respect what she feels and likes (or dislikes). That denotes trust. AND THAT gets you farther than money, muscles, endowment OR coercion ever will. Oh, this might also help. STOP tickling her when her daughter is tickling her...think association, let alone appropriateness.

Suggestions:
-Tickling as penance (playful punishment)
-Discuss fantasies (let her start...then discuss yours....TALK ABOUT IT)
-Possibly show her some tickle porn?

 

[dig dug dog]

Dear Dawg,

Thank you for all the effort you put into your reply and the information you shared. I think that I must not have done the best job describing my problem. It's true that my girlfriend isn't as open to tickling in a sexual context as I would like. But that's not the issue right now. The issue is that when I recently started trying to actually tickle her (something I had largely avoided for a long time), the tickling isn't "working," she's not being tickled (except when I've done it a few times along with her daughter--and it was very appropriate, btw). That's why I listed those four reasons that make me feel sure she is ticklish, so that no one would say, "maybe she's not ticklish." My girlfriend just isn't reacting in any kind of a ticklish way and I'm trying to figure out what's going on and how to handle things differently.

You gave some good general ideas, but I wanted to make sure you understood what I was saying. I agree that communication is crucial and I have been working on that with her.

 

[dalekfire]

I think that tickledawg's theory can answer that as well, from the standpoint of (her) mindset. Did she stop feeling "ticklish" when you try things after you told her about your erotic connection with tickling, or did that also occur before that? Regardless if you're attempting to make it a comfortable experience for her (which is a good thing! don't stop!), she may now be thinking more of trying to satisfy you sexually than of the tickling/moment itself. That she already expressed her openness to experimenting suggests that she isn't thinking about it in a negative way, so you're all good there. But this new motive for her may be affecting the results.

As dawg suggested, try talking with her about her experiences with your recent playtime: Is she having fun? Does she feel like she's getting something out of it as well - if not sexually, something else? Does she feel like she's "trying too hard," or concentrating too much? Communicate with her that although tickling is sexual to you, you're perfectly fine with her just "having fun with it" - that you'll take care of the erotic part, and she can just be herself and enjoy the moment. After all, there's as much give as there is take, and I'm sure you're the type of person who wishes the best experience on her as well as what you're hoping to receive. Tell her that, too! Make her feel like she's part of the fun - and if you're already are, just keep doing so, and in time, she may find herself so "at home" during playtime that she'll react more to your tickling. 🙂

 

[dig dug dog]

I think that tickledawg's theory can answer that as well, from the standpoint of (her) mindset. Did she stop feeling "ticklish" when you try things after you told her about your erotic connection with tickling, or did that also occur before that? Regardless if you're attempting to make it a comfortable experience for her (which is a good thing! don't stop!), she may now be thinking more of trying to satisfy you sexually than of the tickling/moment itself. That she already expressed her openness to experimenting suggests that she isn't thinking about it in a negative way, so you're all good there. But this new motive for her may be affecting the results.

As dawg suggested, try talking with her about her experiences with your recent playtime: Is she having fun? Does she feel like she's getting something out of it as well - if not sexually, something else? Does she feel like she's "trying too hard," or concentrating too much? Communicate with her that although tickling is sexual to you, you're perfectly fine with her just "having fun with it" - that you'll take care of the erotic part, and she can just be herself and enjoy the moment. After all, there's as much give as there is take, and I'm sure you're the type of person who wishes the best experience on her as well as what you're hoping to receive. Tell her that, too! Make her feel like she's part of the fun - and if you're already are, just keep doing so, and in time, she may find herself so "at home" during playtime that she'll react more to your tickling. 🙂

Dear Dalek,

Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I do think the issue of "pressure" is relevant and that is part of what I was referring to when I mentioned my needing to make things more fun, light-hearted, and playful. She and I have spoken recently about this and I appreciate your support for this idea.

If I do say so myself, I am a pretty considerate and giving lover. In a sense, I have been putting some of her needs in bed ahead of mine for quite a while, and I'm trying to get things more in balance between us. Part of what I still work on is allowing myself to fully believe and feel that tickling is OK and good.

 

[tickledawg]

Well said on all points. I admit I didn't read your post as it was intended Dug, My Bad. But I think the points may ring true regardless. Again Dalek is right, communication is the key. Best wishes with that though...