c7_assassin
3rd Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2007
- Messages
- 8,720
- Points
- 0
"Okay, so this is supposed to be Battle Royale meets Twilight or something. Whatever, I can get behind the idea of a reality show where the contestants kill each other with swords. I've been saying that since the first season of Survivor. And Jennifer Lawrence is hot."
"Ha ha, Stanley Tucci has purple hair and Wes Bentley has a ridiculous beard. That's fun."
"Oh yeah, Jennifer's hot. It's not illegal because I know she's really in her twenties. But she's going to keep getting cast as a teenager until she loses that delicious baby fat. Man, that'll be a sad day. You slip through that barbed-wire fence, Jennifer. You lithe little sex-kitten."
"Hmm, so Jennifer Lawrence is a child thrust into the role of caregiver in an economically depressed hellhole, and she has to go hunting to feed her family. That's okay, because I'm pretty sure no one saw Winter's Bone except me."
"Ha ha, Elizabeth Banks is dressed like a tranny."
"Okay, so boys and girls are drawn by lot, taken away and forced to die in an arena as a collective punishment against their homelands. Forget ripping off Battle Royale; that's the story of the Minotaur. Is Jennifer Lawrence's last name 'Theseus?'"
"Ha ha, Woody Harrelson's drunk."
"You know, this is kind of like that sequence in Apocalypto where they're taking the captives deeper and deeper into the heart of the city where they know something terrible is going to happen to them once they get there. Human sacrifice makes for some compelling drama."
"Ah, so you need sponsors to survive. I knew reality TV was fake!"
"Man, they're really ratcheting up the tension here. I am emotionally involved with this movie. I am psyched to see this bloodbath begin."
"Oh come on, what the crap? I can't even tell who's killing who!"
"Well, Jennifer Lawrence really seems to be the only kid who has a problem butchering other kids with edged weapons. Because the others seem to be...really going for it. Really. I mean, that eight-year old just threw a knife into that dude's back. How does an eight year old even learn how to throw knives like that? Holy shit. Look at that Aryan one go. Why are all blond kids in movies sociopaths?"
"Yep, I'd be running too."
"Okay, so all the most evil kids have formed a gang now? How does that make any sense? You all know that you're going to have to kill each other eventually. The first time somebody falls asleep you'd just slit his throat. You'd be stupid not to."
"Seriously, that's nice that you're helping Jennifer Lawrence, ethnic little girl, but she's bigger than you and she's obligated to try and murder you with a hunting bow before the end of the week. Maybe you're not thinking this through."
"Oh god, that annoying guy. There's probably going to be teen angst now."
"So far they're working really hard to keep this all morally unambiguous. Only the evil child-gang are actively killing people. Jennifer's killed one person, and even that was sort of an accident, and self-defence, and it was right after he threw a javelin into the ethnic girl's chest. But it can't last. Come on, Jennifer, give yourself to the dark side. Take out that sentry. It's him or you. Oh, what? You're shooting at apples? Jesus Christ."
"Ha ha, I don't think the audience is supposed to be laughing at this clumky romantic subplot, but we are. God bless this audience. We want to see more blood."
"Seriously, movie, get on with it. I didn't come here for chaste kisses and snuggling."
"Oh dear god, they're still being tender! Where's the Aryan kid when you need him? Somebody shank somebody!"
"Here we go. Thank you, Wes Bentley."
"Ha ha, that Aryan kid is fucked. That's what you get for being blond in a teen movie, dickhole."
"Ha ha, Stanley Tucci has purple hair and Wes Bentley has a ridiculous beard. That's fun."
"Oh yeah, Jennifer's hot. It's not illegal because I know she's really in her twenties. But she's going to keep getting cast as a teenager until she loses that delicious baby fat. Man, that'll be a sad day. You slip through that barbed-wire fence, Jennifer. You lithe little sex-kitten."
"Hmm, so Jennifer Lawrence is a child thrust into the role of caregiver in an economically depressed hellhole, and she has to go hunting to feed her family. That's okay, because I'm pretty sure no one saw Winter's Bone except me."
"Ha ha, Elizabeth Banks is dressed like a tranny."
"Okay, so boys and girls are drawn by lot, taken away and forced to die in an arena as a collective punishment against their homelands. Forget ripping off Battle Royale; that's the story of the Minotaur. Is Jennifer Lawrence's last name 'Theseus?'"
"Ha ha, Woody Harrelson's drunk."
"You know, this is kind of like that sequence in Apocalypto where they're taking the captives deeper and deeper into the heart of the city where they know something terrible is going to happen to them once they get there. Human sacrifice makes for some compelling drama."
"Ah, so you need sponsors to survive. I knew reality TV was fake!"
"Man, they're really ratcheting up the tension here. I am emotionally involved with this movie. I am psyched to see this bloodbath begin."
"Oh come on, what the crap? I can't even tell who's killing who!"
"Well, Jennifer Lawrence really seems to be the only kid who has a problem butchering other kids with edged weapons. Because the others seem to be...really going for it. Really. I mean, that eight-year old just threw a knife into that dude's back. How does an eight year old even learn how to throw knives like that? Holy shit. Look at that Aryan one go. Why are all blond kids in movies sociopaths?"
"Yep, I'd be running too."
"Okay, so all the most evil kids have formed a gang now? How does that make any sense? You all know that you're going to have to kill each other eventually. The first time somebody falls asleep you'd just slit his throat. You'd be stupid not to."
"Seriously, that's nice that you're helping Jennifer Lawrence, ethnic little girl, but she's bigger than you and she's obligated to try and murder you with a hunting bow before the end of the week. Maybe you're not thinking this through."
"Oh god, that annoying guy. There's probably going to be teen angst now."
"So far they're working really hard to keep this all morally unambiguous. Only the evil child-gang are actively killing people. Jennifer's killed one person, and even that was sort of an accident, and self-defence, and it was right after he threw a javelin into the ethnic girl's chest. But it can't last. Come on, Jennifer, give yourself to the dark side. Take out that sentry. It's him or you. Oh, what? You're shooting at apples? Jesus Christ."
"Ha ha, I don't think the audience is supposed to be laughing at this clumky romantic subplot, but we are. God bless this audience. We want to see more blood."
"Seriously, movie, get on with it. I didn't come here for chaste kisses and snuggling."
"Oh dear god, they're still being tender! Where's the Aryan kid when you need him? Somebody shank somebody!"
"Here we go. Thank you, Wes Bentley."
"Ha ha, that Aryan kid is fucked. That's what you get for being blond in a teen movie, dickhole."
