Strelnikov
4th Level Red Feather
- Joined
- May 7, 2001
- Messages
- 1,812
- Points
- 0
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Northerners and Californians cross the 12 Southern States(Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, Tennessee, South Carolina, West Virginia, Virginia, and the Florida Panhandle) the Tourism Councils in those states have adopted a new policy. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter any Southern State.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW X. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Either drive yours or get out of the way.
3. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women...and you won't enjoy it.
4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a stripe breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- we call them "bait".
5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
6. Don't embarass yourself by asking for the "heart-healthy" menu. If it's not fried, it's not fit to eat. Yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass, cold, with plenty of sugar in it.
7. No, we don't eat too much here, we just know how to eat. Our men don't get big and strong here by chewing on organic celery sticks while drinking a chai tea latte. They grow up big and strong by eating their mama's fried chicken, real mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob from their garden, home-made biscuits, followed off by a few slices of home-made apple pie made with apples from the orchard and a big glass of sweet tea. As to how we work off what we eat, see #1 above.
8. You bring Coke into my house, it had better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
9. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
10. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
11. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
12. Yeah, we eat catfish and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
13. Those animals you see are livestock. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 40 goes west - Interstate 75 goes north. Pick one and use it accordingly.
14. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
16. That State Trooper that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
17. You may think that we're boring people because most of us are farmers, but you'd better stop to think where your food comes from first. We work hard here to provide our country with the food it needs to feed its people. In other words, we're too busy working to listen to you whine and complain. And by the way, we're not boring - just come into one of our local bars on a Friday night and we'll show you our idea of a good time. Oh ,better not plan anything for Saturday or Sunday. You'll need that long to recuperate from Friday night if you're going to keep up with the locals.
18. Looking for live music? We have both kinds here - Country AND Western. Any questions?
19. No that is not Bambi standing in that corn field. It is a deer and yes, we shoot them and eat them here. You want low-fat meat? Nothing better than a lean venison steak. Don't like the fact that we shoot them? Try to remember that the next time one runs across the road from out of nowhere and it does $15,000 damage to your$60,000 BM'er.
20. We own guns here. Our daddies taught us to shoot when we were little kids. We won't give them up. Live with it. Y'all have a nice Southern day.;-)
Strelnikov
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road". No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW X. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Either drive yours or get out of the way.
3. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women...and you won't enjoy it.
4. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a stripe breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for -- we call them "bait".
5. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
6. Don't embarass yourself by asking for the "heart-healthy" menu. If it's not fried, it's not fit to eat. Yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass, cold, with plenty of sugar in it.
7. No, we don't eat too much here, we just know how to eat. Our men don't get big and strong here by chewing on organic celery sticks while drinking a chai tea latte. They grow up big and strong by eating their mama's fried chicken, real mashed potatoes with gravy, corn on the cob from their garden, home-made biscuits, followed off by a few slices of home-made apple pie made with apples from the orchard and a big glass of sweet tea. As to how we work off what we eat, see #1 above.
8. You bring Coke into my house, it had better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
9. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
10. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
11. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
12. Yeah, we eat catfish and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
13. Those animals you see are livestock. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 40 goes west - Interstate 75 goes north. Pick one and use it accordingly.
14. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.
16. That State Trooper that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
17. You may think that we're boring people because most of us are farmers, but you'd better stop to think where your food comes from first. We work hard here to provide our country with the food it needs to feed its people. In other words, we're too busy working to listen to you whine and complain. And by the way, we're not boring - just come into one of our local bars on a Friday night and we'll show you our idea of a good time. Oh ,better not plan anything for Saturday or Sunday. You'll need that long to recuperate from Friday night if you're going to keep up with the locals.
18. Looking for live music? We have both kinds here - Country AND Western. Any questions?
19. No that is not Bambi standing in that corn field. It is a deer and yes, we shoot them and eat them here. You want low-fat meat? Nothing better than a lean venison steak. Don't like the fact that we shoot them? Try to remember that the next time one runs across the road from out of nowhere and it does $15,000 damage to your$60,000 BM'er.
20. We own guns here. Our daddies taught us to shoot when we were little kids. We won't give them up. Live with it. Y'all have a nice Southern day.;-)
Strelnikov
