Stop, breathe, think

[ladybird27]

I am generally a lurker on the forum, but I've seen a few things lately that have irked me enough that I'm willing to go so far as to start a thread. I don't mean this as a rant by any means, and I also don't mean to insult anyone in particular or step on anybody's toes. Everybody's different, with different personalities and different ways of reacting to things, and I respect that.

However,

Tickling for me is a very personal thing. Like many of us I struggle with a sense of shame about having a tickling fetish--I wish my body didn't find it sexually stimulating, but it does and I can't change that. I come to the forum to listen to what other people who feel like I do have to say, to pick up a few clips now and then and as a sort of way to wind down after a long day. Therefore it is a bit upsetting when, rather than interacting with at least some level of courtesy and moderation, people tear one another apart, call one another stupid and generally behave like complete assholes. I know that such problems are par for the course when it comes to list serves and forums such as this--I've been around the net long enough to expect a certain amount of it. However, let's face it guys--the tickling community is a nich that isn't very large, so wouldn't it make sense for us to try to be a bit kinder to one another? Disagreements happen and tempers get heated--I know that--but would it kill people to stop and think before they hit the reply to post button and bear in mind that their responses are public? If you object strongly to someone's behavior or post, maybe think about responding via pm rather than trashing them for all to see. It would make the forum experience for the rest of us who are trying to mind our own business and reconcile ourselves to a rather uncomfortable fetish a whole lot more pleasant. Think about it--would you say the kind of things to a person's face that are frequently posted here?

Just a thought--again, I don't mean to pick on anyone in particular, or be judgmental. And of course, my thanks go out to the vast majority of you who are friendly and courteous and make tt a place that others want to visit.

Ladybird

 

[His Divine Shadow]

Just because we are united as ticklers does not mean we are immune from humanity's curses, one of which is that we are not always nice to each other. While most denizens of the TickleTheater are generally cordial and polite towards one another, there are still moments when arguments and mudslinging break out. It is human nature.

But please, take to hear the suggestion made by Ladybird; if someone offends you, TAKE IT UP IN PRIVATE MESSAGES. There is no need to do so in the forums proper.

 

[crazybob]

I agree COMPLETELY. You must me 18 or older to be on this site. Therefore, we are all mature adults (mature, but not necessarily grown up), so why cant everybody behave like an adult? If nothing else, start a thread to do nothing but vent. Maybe even... help each other out with problems. Think of it... come home after work, download some tickling clips, vent in another thread, and maybe have people respond with a bit of advice on your problems. Now THAT'S what you call tickle therapy!

 

[Ticklekiller1]

I'm guilty of rubbing people the wrong way and I admit it. If I've hurt anyone's feelings here or provoked them to anger, I am sorry. I'll try to keep a cooler head from here on out minus the ones I have stored in the freezer downstairs. I'm joking of course. I may be crazy but, I do have *some* principles.

-TK

 

[MistressValerie1]

But please, take to hear the suggestion made by Ladybird; if someone offends you, TAKE IT UP IN PRIVATE MESSAGES. There is no need to do so in the forums proper.

Ladybird expressed it beautifully; I agree 100%.

 

[Kalamos]

-> Ladybird


I think the whole point is *because* replies are public.

Where is the point in flaming over PMs?

No... I am not saying that I like, support or endorse flaming.
I am just suggesting that being read by a lot of people is probably elating to would-be flamers. That's why few people carry arguments over PMs.

Another reason for arguing over the public forum is having witnesses.
If you feel slighted, or are being harrassed over mails or PMs, it is harder - or perceived so - to prove it, since nobody witnessed it [except for tech people].

Carrying an argument over a public forum sometimes is just a guarantee people won't take sides without hearing your point - something that would be more likely if people talked over PMs only.

Finally, I'd beg to disagree about the "niche" statement - in a strictly personal, well-meaning way, of course. 😀

I am not "overtly open" about my sexual preferences, but I don't like to think of this place as a shelter for weirdos, for freaks who shun normal company because they feel different or rejected.

I feel no particular affinity to people who post on this forum. I am not stating that I am cold or uncaring toward people who chat with me, or whom I have an internet friendship with.

But I like them because of what they mean to me. Not just because they probably share my sexual preferences or outlook.

Feeling part of a niche, only encourages people to believe they are different - usually in a negative way.

Looking for somebody like-minded, to open your heart or mind with, is good; considering people who simply share your same fetish as a large happy family, is - in my *humble* opinion - less than wise or desirable.


Back to the real topic, I feel that sometimes letting the steam out is good for the well-being of the forum - or the whole community, if you like to think of it that way. 🙂

Again, we should think over who actually starts a flame, how and why does it, and who keeps fuelling it.

People do disagree - vehemently - for several reasons: just telling people to calm down because they are part of a [however small] community is not going to resolve the underlying issues.

Some flames start because of personal rivalry, some because of a warped sense of humour or plain wickedness... other because we just need to bash a stranger over a web forum, for no real good reason besides it feels good.

Dismissing everything as "being an asshole" is - in my opinion - too simple; burying questionable posts, quenching arguments with overbearing moderation is simply delaying or holding back the next, explosive, flame.

Having to cope with flames is probably unavoidable, unless we do want something *heavily* moderated.
Personally, I don't. 🙂


Reg's.

 

[ladybird27]

"I am not "overtly open" about my sexual preferences, but I don't like to think of this place as a shelter for weirdos, for freaks who shun normal company because they feel different or rejected.

I feel no particular affinity to people who post on this forum. I am not stating that I am cold or uncaring toward people who chat with me, or whom I have an internet friendship with.

But I like them because of what they mean to me. Not just because they probably share my sexual preferences or outlook.

Feeling part of a niche, only encourages people to believe they are different - usually in a negative way.

Looking for somebody like-minded, to open your heart or mind with, is good; considering people who simply share your same fetish as a large happy family, is - in my *humble* opinion - less than wise or desirable."

Goodness. That was definitely not what I meant at all. I certainly don't consider myself a freak or a weirdo in any way, and belive me, this aspect of my sexuality is only one of many. My point was more that, in the view of the mainstream public "tickling" in the way many of us on the forums see it is still considered kinky or off-beat, and that if we want to be regarded as more of a part of the mainstream and have people respect our interest as normal we should maybe start by respecting each other. I'm sorry if that wasn't clear in my earlier post. And as for flames being inevitable--sure they are. But that doesn't mean they need to be a chronic occurance or one that is "acceptable". And while It is certainly one thing to want to keep situations where harassment might be a problem out in the open, it is quite another to rip peoples' heads off for posting in the wrong section or for expressing a personal opinion. I'm refering to self-moderation, that's all. The title of this thread was "stop, breathe, think" not "stop, breathe, shut up".

 

[Kalamos]

Goodness. That was definitely not what I meant at all. I certainly don't consider myself a freak or a weirdo in any way, and belive me, this aspect of my sexuality is only one of many. My point was more that, in the view of the mainstream public "tickling" in the way many of us on the forums see it is still considered kinky or off-beat, and that if we want to be regarded as more of a part of the mainstream and have people respect our interest as normal we should maybe start by respecting each other. I'm sorry if that wasn't clear in my earlier post.

You were clear. 🙂
I was simply posting my own, different, point. 🙂

Again, I don't like the very idea of niche culture - nor I care too much about being part of the mainstream.

It is a bit alien to my nature; respect or acceptance should something you give [or get] on an absolute basis [people are created equal] and on a personal basis [I like you, I dislike you].
Being accepted because [or in spite] of our sexual "overtones" - not even sexual preferences, just overtones - seems too much; besides, why bother? Being "weird" is almost fashionable, now.

Let me add, tickling used to be fashionable in several different times and places, in human history.
No need to be ashamed of anything. It is just a nice nuance of human nature resurfacing. 😉


Yes... I'll admit I am *now* much less ashamed of my "overtones" than I used to be in the past - thanks to the TT and TMF: I routinely show my tickling pics to tk-fetishists and "normal people", so I am much more comfortable over my "fetish", than before.

I do remember when I wasn't, and I think I understand how you could feel about it.
It's simply the acceptance thing that I cannot accept. 😀 😀 😀

But I am an individualist. So, I care for acceptance only so much.
They dislike me? I simply wander away. 😀

And as for flames being inevitable--sure they are. But that doesn't mean they need to be a chronic occurance or one that is "acceptable". And while It is certainly one thing to want to keep situations where harassment might be a problem out in the open, it is quite another to rip peoples' heads off for posting in the wrong section or for expressing a personal opinion. I'm refering to self-moderation, that's all. The title of this thread was "stop, breathe, think" not "stop, breathe, shut up".

I understand your point. 🙂

I am saying that even self-moderation works to a point; knowing what detonates a flame is important as well.

Some flames should be ignored, or deleted. They are just a bad joke.
Other are a sure sign of discomfort and should be dealt with by resolving the underlying issues.

In your same words we should stop, breathe and... tell flames apart. 🙂


As a side note: I am not a native speaker. While I try hard at being as tactful as possible, living language strides faster than any teacher could ever hope to keep pace up with. 😀
I sometimes ignore the subtleties of a very different tongue, and I am bound to sound disrespectful even when I don't mean to. 😉

Just hold my post by its spirit, and not just by its words. 🙂


Reg's.

 

[MistressValerie1]

Thank you, Kalamos, for your concerns, and Ladybird, for your clarifications.

I understood Ladybird's post as calling for members to practice self-moderation and common sense, in order to foster an enviromnet where people can feel free to speak openly about intensely personal matters. Were this a "mainstream" (that is, not-so-intimate) forum, disruptive posts would be less of a problem.

I have always believed that maintaining a relatively peaceful message board is the best way to promote free expression, so that members will not feel the need to self-censor to avoid firestorms and so that those who have posted won't be drowned out under a sea of irrelevant flames. That having been said, I would not want to stifle a discussion merely because it turns heated. There must be a balance between decorum, and the ability to speak one's mind. Finding this balance is a matter of experience and instinct, for the member as well as for the moderator.

However, as Kalamos says, this board could never be managed as "flame-free" without a drastic change in policy and staffing. I would not advocate major changes here, because the "community moderation" model has been working well most of the time. Clearly, there have been hostility issues here recently, but I believe that with a slight increase in staff (full disclosure: I am seeking a likely moderator position here) and a temporarily decreased tolerance for abusive posts, the issue can be resolved favourably without a major overhaul.

Love to all,

 

[piano_er1]

As a side note: I am not a native speaker. While I try hard at being as tactful as possible, living language strides faster than any teacher could ever hope to keep pace up with. 😀
I sometimes ignore the subtleties of a very different tongue, and I am bound to sound disrespectful even when I don't mean to. 😉

Just hold my post by its spirit, and not just by its words. 🙂

Reg's.

Kalamos, for a native speaker, you speak English damn well. Hahaha, Hell, even your TYPING is more grammatically accurate than most English-speaking people I know! 😀 E.g. "ya wel ur 2 s2pid 4 me, @$hole," 😛