Stupid Warning Labels and the Darwin Awards

[Biggles of 266]

Who else loves the Darwin Awards?

My favourite stupid warning label is the result of people using their lawn mower to trim hedges. They were holding it up above their heads when one guy got tired and dropped his end. It fell onto the chest of the poor bastard holding up the other end, so now lawn-mowers have the warning 'do not lift up and use to trim hedges.'

The shortest warning label around?

Biggles

 

[asutickler]

DUDE! My favorite one ever is the guy who tried to break the world's land speed record by himself... This is kinda long, but it's worth it! 😛

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The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened.

It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!

The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted asphalt at that location.

The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 MPH and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, basically causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the event.

However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.

Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron nearly reached Mach 1, attaining a ground-speed of approximately 420 mph.

 

[shark]

Though not a label,the Red Cross first aid manual has a good one. In teaching the use of a tourniquet, it warns against applying the tourniquet around the neck to stop head and/or facial bleeding.

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

How about...

"Caution HOT!"

On cups of coffee nowadays!

Some moron spilled coffee on herself, sued McDonalds, hence the warning label!

 

[phfttklr]

I heard the same story asutickler but, instead of a car, it was
a motorcycle. Makes me wonder if it was a true story. 😕


My first post, by the way 😛

 

[guitman69]

Here's another stupid warning:

I worked as a cook in a restaraunt for a while. Before I could work my first shift though, I had to watch a series of safety videos. In it they said that if you break glass into the ice bin, don't use the ice anymore.

Now, someone had to have been stupid enough to continue to use ice with broken glass in it for them to have put it in the video.

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Here's another stupid warning:
1. On Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

On a lawnmower we had was a big label which read:
"WARNING WHEN MOTOR IS RUNNING- THE BLADE IS TURNING!"

Uh Duh! Ya think?

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

How can you use a blowdryer when you are sleeping???

I don't get it!!!

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

FT, neither did I

How can you use a blowdryer when you are sleeping???

I don't get it!!!

It was a warning label from Sears

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Product Warnings:

Product Warnings:

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron.

"Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer.

"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

"Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool.

"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant.

"Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.

"Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn.

"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter.

"Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. See a scanned image.

"Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow.

"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box.

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup.

"Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery.

"Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion.

"Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

"For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod.

"For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty.

"Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia.

"Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

"Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers.

"Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink.

"Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate.

"Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant.

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Part 2 Product Warnings

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

"Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757.

"Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels.

"Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck.

"Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

"Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine.

"For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

"This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

"Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box.

"Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter.

"Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy.

"Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers.

"Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan.

"Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

"Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer.

"Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts.

"Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing.

"Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds.

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills.

"Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.

"Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame.

"Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets.

"Please remove before driving." -- On the back of a cardboard windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked).

"Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.

"For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack.

"Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone.

"Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch.

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Who else loves the Darwin Awards?

Here's a link...to go check out Darwin Awards. They are too many to post...but some good ones.

darwin awards.com

Hope you enjoy, Happy Tickles. Tracy

 

[Phineas]

that JATO story (guy attaching rocket to his car) is just an urban legend. It's been investigated and never been proven. Plus, without going into the whys and wherefores, anyone smart enough to know how to attach a JATO (jet-assisted-takeoff) engine to his car is also smart enough to know it's a Very Bad Idea.

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.

WOW!!!

AND:

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

One word for you... nuts!!!!

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.


*Who in the world puts a chainsaw anywhere NEAR their genitals???

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

Some Asian made products:

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

Some labels on food products:

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert🙁printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.


Who thinks this crap up?

And whose idea is it to sue a company for not putting these warnings on these products?

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

The last ones for now!!!

More food/misc. Products:


On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.

 

[TickledToDeath]

I LOVE the Darwin awards!!

😎 😀

One of the MOST stupid labels I have seen is a warning label on a package of peanuts, for those who are allergic to peanuts.

"Warning, May contain Peanuts"!🙄

TTD