Although I can admit to having had thoughts of it at times in my life, including recently, with fears of my mom's situation. Several things.
First, my mom. I love her too much, and she's been too devoted to me, for me to do that to her. Doing so would be a selfish and cruel act on my part, especially now that she has cancer, and I have to take care of her.
Second, I have a fear of death. I've always had a fear of death, since I was very young, so it isn't likely I would do it.
Third, hope for the future. Even though things are very difficult in my life now, I have hopes and prayers for the new doctor in NJ to extend my mom's life greatly, so she can enjoy some more life, and so I can enjoy life with her. I also have hope to one day have a wife and kids.
Fourth, I wouldnt want to give my father the satisfaction of having me kill myself. Oh, he would put on a good show at my funeral for all his friends and relatives, crying crocodile tears, but, inside, he would love it, feeling I "Got mine" ,because I didn't suck his and his familes asses unconditionally. I would rather stay on this earth, fight to have a life, and hopefully, one day, make it so that he pays for his crimes, legally. If I kill myself, he gets off scot free, and can then say to the world. "See, Mitch was so fucked up, and Sheila fucked him up so badly, that he killed himself". No. If I kill myself, and God Forbid my mom dies, the two people he hates the worst in the world are then gone, and he is the "winner" of his sick war, and he can think "Ha, Sheila and Mitchell are both dead, I have Sheila's alimony money back so I can live bigger with my whore, and they both got the ultimate punishment". As long as I'm around, he cant think that.
I'm sure there are other reasons, but those are my top ones.
Mitch