Yea, we live in Texas. We drink beer and eat whatever we just shot. If you ever find yourself down here, remember these 10 rules:
1) Don't order fruit crepes or Denver omelettes at Waffle House. They serve waffles and grits 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you act otherwise, they'll kick your ass.
2) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever -it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
3) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so shut the hell up. We don't need your smarmy Yankee mouth reminding us while you sip your Perrier.
4) Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked.
5) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited Northern hell-holes and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are.
6) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, get yall's act straight, or we'll kick your ass.
7) Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to the East River.
8) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours.
9) So you think we're quaint because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like in the North. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your sorry ass.
10) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here and tell us how to barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our cookin, and you will go home in a pine box. Minus your ass.
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Hound
