TklDuo-Ann
2nd Level Black Feather
- Joined
- May 21, 2003
- Messages
- 8,389
- Points
- 0
A friend passed this along. It was too good to not share. Enjoy!
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble
regarding their feminine products. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi-pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in
my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing
you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I
type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my
body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo." Therefore, you must know about
the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women.
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants.... This brings me to
the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened
an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness-- actual smiling,
laughing happiness-- is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be
anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march
down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan
to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or
"Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong"?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand
of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep "always". . .
.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble
regarding their feminine products. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'
choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi-pads for over 20
years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or
salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the
beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your
revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough
to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell
you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in
my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing
you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I
type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my
body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no
doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your
customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo." Therefore, you must know about
the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense
mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
it's a tough time for most women.
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is
just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants.... This brings me to
the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so
painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened
an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of
your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness-- actual smiling,
laughing happiness-- is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything
mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be
anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march
down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan
to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to
slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or
"Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong"?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand
of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep "always". . .
.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
. I loved it!! 
