The benefits of self-control?

[Quigley]

Hi, all....long-time member of the online tickling community, but a vewy, vewy quiet one (though I have no rabbits to hunt). I think this is my third post; perhaps even my second. At any rate, I'm curious about the rest of us occasional posters. Here's my reasoning: I've got a very addictive personality. If put to the test, I'd probably come up midly OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), but it doesn't matter. OCD or not, it's me, and I can get locked into unhealthy or time-wasting habits. Luckily, I'm a long way from packing and unpacking a suitcase for four hours.

I used to never try and control myself when I got locked in a habit; I just went with it, even if I hated what I was doing (for example, I still usually have to get out of my car in a certain way, in a specific order, or I can't get my mind off "what might be wrong" with the car). But every now and again I force myself to just slam the car door and walk away. Every fiber of my being says, "Go back, you idiot! You did that all wrong!" I try to ignore that little voice and go about my day.

Now, what does this have to do with my fascination with tickling? A lot. I don't hate my fetish--I've long since passed that stage (for the curious, I'm only 28...I've plenty more hurdles to overcome). While I don't loathe myself for getting turned on by tickling, I actively fight for control when it comes to the idea of tickling. When I first "delurked" myself, I fully planned to dive headfirst into the forum and post with the regularity that many of you do. But then I realizedHOW MUCHtime I was spending on my tickling fetish. So I made a hard decision to limit myself to "tickling exposure," and here's what I found out: the less I saw/read/watched about tickling, the better I felt. That is, I didn't feel that wonderful, yet awful pull when I turned on the compupter. Recently, I spent a few weeks in Florida visiting my in-laws and rarely thought about tickling (except for my sister-in-law, but that's a different story). I'm starting a new job in the Fall which will take more of my time, which I think is a good thing. As it stands now, I visit the TMF about once a week, read a few posts, get a few files from unbelievably kind and amazing The-Rocking, and go about my business.

How many of you out there are like me? Do some of you actively curb your fetish? I know if I found the TMF years ago (esp. before I was married!) I would have 1,8903 post by now. But I'm grateful for all of you. I realize I'm a very inactive part of this community, but I hope there will always be room for me. And who knows, maybe I'll post again before the year's out. 😉

 

[Quigley]

13 posts? Hmmm.

 

[qjakal]

Quality...

There isn't a "right" number of times to visit, mate! Drop in whenever the spirits move you, although I'd like to see a fellow "Q" more often...we're rare creatures! 😉 Q

 

[JoBelle]

Interesting thoughts...

I've spent a GREAT deal of time on the TMF lately and thinking about tickling much more than usual. Due to medical reason...can't drive etc., I've spent more time on the computer than I would normally.

Now that I'm getting back to 100% and will be free from the ties that bind me to the 'puter, I wonder how I will think about the topic of tickling. Will it slide into the back of my mind only to surface at the "Tickle lust" triggers...or am I now "doomed" to think about it this much all the time. 😉I've rather conditioned myself to be a tickle idiot lately!! 😛 AND I LIKE IT!!!!

Joby...now thinking WAY too much!

 

[SmileyTkls]

Interesting thoughts...

I've spent a GREAT deal of time on the TMF lately and thinking about tickling much more than usual. Due to medical reason...can't drive etc., I've spent more time on the computer than I would normally.

Now that I'm getting back to 100% and will be free from the ties that bind me to the 'puter, I wonder how I will think about the topic of tickling. Will it slide into the back of my mind only to surface at the "Tickle lust" triggers...or am I now "doomed" to think about it this much all the time. 😉I've rather conditioned myself to be a tickle idiot lately!! 😛 AND I LIKE IT!!!!

Joby...now thinking WAY too much!

And we love ya this way, m'dear! After all, it's SO much more fun to tease a gal with, oh, licking and tickling up and down her lovely soles, between toes, while she's comfortably restrained, when she does think about tickling a lot. 😀

Smiley,
wreaking mental tickle havoc whenever possible...

 

[mabus]

Quigley, maybe you have some subconscience societal or religious guilt, i.e., anything different is unacceptable and evil. Most people don't go around talking about fetishes, so most people who have them keep them in secret, and if it wasn't for the internet, many would live their lives questioning their self worth, thinking God made a horrible mistake when He created them. Or there can't be a God, because "I'm so screwed up," mentality.

Society is also harsh on fetishes, treating people who have them as wierd and/or bad, like freaks who should be locked away and have the key thrown away. (It's human nature to oppress and force your will on others, freedom is reserved for the higher intellects.) I remember on the total-bliss.com website, there was a list for links, and they were all about people with foot fetishes who would go around sniffing womens feet in public, then were thrown in jail for a few years. Now, I wouldn't go around sniffing women's feet, or even looking at them, because of the way things are in today's world. But then again, I still wouldn't do it if I could. I have self control, and don't obsess about it 24 hours a day.

But it's the thought that if you gawked at a woman's breast or cat called her,
or shouted obscenities at her, nothing would happen to you, but you look at her feet and they throw you in jail is scary.
They would put you in with murders and drug dealers and rapists because of that, while they will let a stalker or identity thief or e-mail bomber walk around free because "we can't do anything about that.."

Or maybe I'm wrong, living in the Louisiana bible belt...

What's it like in other states, anyway? More open-minded, more close-minded?

 

[maverick83]

Mabus...

Well done! You made some very good points. As for the question of what it's like elsewhere, I'm in East PA, and society here is no different from what you descibed. I'm pretty sure it's the same everywhere. People are generally ashamed of themselves and eager to identify and decry "faults" in others, creating more shame in other people, and the process continues, downward spiral...

 

[kurchatovium]

You have indeed made some excellent points mabus. For me its ususally the religous guilt that hounds me and makes me curb my lust for tickling. I always wondered why would god make me this way, if what I was feeling is so wrong. I guess thats why gay people must have a lot of emotional baggage if their religous. It seems cruel to make someone a certain way and then say it is very wrong to be that way. Which is why I think God grades on a curve.

I can not help who I am there are no odd childhood memories of tickle-torture or any other particular event in my life that made me like tickling. I just saw it on TV (magic show I think) and found myself aroused. It's just the way I am "wired". I can control myself in public and in situations where I need to, but I can not stop being me.

 

[MadKalnod]

I don't know so much about keeping my fetish on a short leash because I'm afraid of what society might do, rather I don't go around doing everything my libido tells me because I find it, well, not to put too fine a point on it... Stupid.

It's a monumentally bad idea to allow any one motive to drive all your actions, to have a single obsession that leaves no part of your life unaffected. The worst of all possibly motives, I think, up there with Fear and Hate, is Lust. Remember, I'm not saying that out of Puritanical moralizing. I believe that the Seven Cardinal Sins represent perfectly natural desires and feelings, only they are taken to an unhealthy extreme to the exclusion of all else, when the means to an end becomes an end unto itself. Money, for example, isn't evil because it is a useful medium of exchange for goods and services that we need in our lives. It isn't evil to want payment of equal value for your work. It is evil, however, when you become overwhelmingly obsessed with money for its own sake, and that desire influences all your behavior. Then it becomes full-blown Greed, and is evil.

It's the same with sex. Sex is necessary to the survival of the species. We need to procreate to avoid extinction, and intimacy forms interpersonal bonds of great significance. But, despite what the mainstream media would have you believe, sex is not the be-all and end-all of the human experience. They promote that idea because they're only interested in attracting people stupid enough to be influenced by advertising and keep them in front of the screen, and appealing to primitive urges that have remained unchanged since our distant progenitors developed vertebrae seems to hold the attention of that particular demographic. The people that Mabus mentions were not arrested and jailed on the charge of Foot-Fetishism, they were most likely taken in for what amounts to asault. Their fetish was not the source of their problem, rather it was their inability to see women as human beings with feelings of their own instead of solely as vending machines for sexual satisfaction. Whether you're sniffing feet or groping breasts, if you're doing it to total strangers you are in the wrong. Having a fetish is neither an acceptable motive nor an acceptable excuse for such behavior.

There is a vast universe out there to explore and experience, and to approach it all in terms of how it may impact the contents of one's undershorts is an act of such breathtakingly narrow-minded pettiness that my reaction borders on intolerable disgust. John Drebyshire has a brilliant column at National Review Online http://www.nationalreview.com/derbyshire/derbyshire050302.asp where he says:

As is ever the case with human affairs, though, when great evils are successfully suppressed, lesser evils come up in their place. Our society has its own sexual discontents and discordancies. They pale by comparison with what our grandparents — the unlucky ones among them — endured, but they are vexatious nonetheless. One of them, I think, is the fallacy (so I believe it to be) that everyone ought to have a sex life, and that people with no apparent sex life are either physically disabled, or mentally disordered, or hiding some guilty secret. Charles Péguy remarked that: "It will never be known what acts of cowardice have been motivated by the fear of not looking sufficiently progressive." Neither, I think, in our own time, would it be possible to compute the number of lies told and follies committed because of the fear of appearing insufficiently enthusiastic about sex. As has often been said: our great grandmothers would have died rather than admit that they enjoyed sex, a woman of our own time would die rather than admit that she doesn't.

When I think of all the ways I might choose to define myself in a single word, so much comes to mind: A Fanboy, a Gamer, a Comics-Collector, a Whovian, a Lurker (The Babylon 5 kind), an Otaku, a Trekker, a FarScaper, a MSTie, an X-Phile. A Comedian, an Artist, an Actor, a Writer, a Music-Lover, a Fontsmith, a Draftsman. An American, a New-Jerseyan, an Irishman, a Conservative, a Libertarian. "Ticklephile" or "Foot-Fetishist" do not get top billing. They don't even make it into the frelling Top Twenty. To me, it would be like introducing myself as a "Person with Nostrils" or "Proud Possessor of a Spleen." Yeah, they're kind of significant elements of my life, in that I would find it odd or difficult without them, but in terms of column inches in my official biography, they're well-nigh inconsequential. I certainly wouldn't go around basing my daily interactions with others on my nostrils or my spleen alone. That would be pitiful and pathetic. Well, I feel the same way about people who base every decision around sex, especially fetish sexuality as we see around here.

In truth, the discovery that I'm not unique in having this affection for tickling has affected my browsing habits on the Forum. When I first found it a few years ago, I spent hours combing the Images and Artwork sections, much as most do upon discovery. Now that I've regitered, I find that I check the General Discussion forum several times a day, look at Tickling Discusion once a day, and occasionally glance at the Images once a week or so. In the end, I find, it's far more satisfying to discuss Star Wars with Dave than it is to search through pictures to wank by. I'm no stranger to borderline OCD behavior, but I've found that re-alphabetizing my CDs again or composing lists of which miniatures for my Warhammer 40,000 army need to be built and painted is far more productive than simply dwelling on sexual fantasies. It simply isn't that big of a deal.

 

[Deleted member 2452]

i hate self control in a ticklee

i know, thats a different take on this thread, so shoot me...
i hate it when my ticklee is able to control their reactions! talk about a frustating time.
i only on occation am able to control my ticklish reations. and those are bad times, like when i'm angery. better to be uncontrolably
ticklish, and have fun!
on the point of the initial post; i have found that i am obsessing more about tickling since i found tickling on the computer. i think about it more, and deeper than ever. so i say down with computers!
it's the computers fault!
steve (who enjoys this obsession)

 

[maverick83]

kurchatovium

First, I must state that this is by no means intended to criticize you or change your mind, etc. just a response. I want to make that very clear so you don't get offended. (I kinda have a history of unintentionally offending people.)

The reason you mentioned in your post. The thought behind it is a large part of the reason I renounced organized religion. I sincerely believe that, if there is a god, and he is all that most religions say he is, he would never give people powerful instincts and then tell them to fight them. What kind of logic has spawned this idea that our natural urges are evil? We've done it ourselves. I truly believe that organized religion is severely warped. Just my opinion though. Everyone, don't get upset with me, here.🙂

 

[kurchatovium]

No offense taken maverick such questions have caused me to rethink things myself though I'm still fairly religous. I just don't believe in all the fire and brimstone stuff. In a way I don't really know if I am part of organized religion myself. There is a movie called "Stigmata" which in part is based on truth. There were scrolls found in Upper Egypt in 1945 in the caves of Nag Hammadi I believe. These scrolls amongst which is the Gospel according to St. Thomas. Part of these scriptures state that god and Jesus are everywhere there is no need for a church really: "I am the light that is over all things. I am all: from me all came forth, and to me all attained. Split a piece of wood; I am there. Lift up the stone, and you will find me there.". There are lot of other such gems in the scrolls which the catholic church declared as blasphemous. I am not saying I believe in all these scriptures say. It just seems to suggest that does anyone really know the mind of God? It seeems from the scrolls even ancient scholars had disagreements. Are we all so busy getting caught up in trivial details that we just don't help and love one another and this is probably all God wants in the first place.

 

[maverick83]

Hmmm...thank you for introducing that new information. I have been developing a theory for some time now, and that information only makes it more convincing. I am beginning to feel like I'm on the verge of something. One thought haunts my mind: There MUST be something that was not created, but has always been. Be it "god" or whatever else. The fact that it defies all that we know to be logical disturbs me.

 

[kurchatovium]

Well if you make any interesting discoveries I sure would be interesting in hearing them. By the way there is a religion based on the scrolls I mentioned above and that is Gnosticism. They believe if I'm not mistaken that this is hell and one must struggle from here to heaven. Oddly though I think they feel that you can ascend to being your own god. This weirdness in some of the other texts of the scrolls which even mentions things like reincarnation is probably why the Catholic church banned the scrolls. Curious stuff though huh?

 

[maverick83]

Part of that kinda resembles my theory.

I believe we are currently developing hell. See, my theory is basically that we're repeating something that already happened. I see religious documents as "historical records" that were misinterpreted because the time when they were found is so far from the time corresponding to when they were written. I'm not sure if I stated it clearly enough. It's hard to put it into words. For example, let's say we destroyed the human race. (It's pretty much a question of "when", not "if".) Now consider that somewhere far in the future life may begin again. In one way or another, the human race restarts, and so does the story that goes with it. Now say these new humans, after a reasonable amount of mental development, but not enough to comprehend something like nuclear weapons, discovered and attempted to translate something of ours which documented the dropping of the first atomic bomb. You'd probably end up with something like "Fire rained down from heaven". It would be misinterpreted. Therefore, I see heaven and hell as metaphors. Heaven is the condition of the earth at the beginning of the cycle. Our "sins" and thirst for knowledge and power transform it into a hell. I think it's just one of those things we didn't understand at the time. This is only a part of my theory. I can't really get too in-depth here. I've already used up alot of space.

 

[kurchatovium]

Interesting. Part of what you are saying kind of reminds me of an article I read where the question was "Is a sufficiently advanced alien race indistinguishable from God?". The guy that wrote the article was arguing essentially no you couldn't tell a very advanced alien civilization from God. I think that article was in Scientific American several months ago.

I suppose if I understand Gnosticism right your theory differs in that Gnostics believe this is always hell and that somehow we are much superior beings who only need the veil of ignorance lifted to ascend to a higher state of being. I am not certain I understand Gnosticism that well it gets really kind of weird. The only religion harder to understand I think is Taoism. Anyway thanks for sharing I always enjoy hearing new ideals about stuff like this.


Confucious say: "Mind like umbrella. Work best when open."

 

[maverick83]

About the article, exactly. I agree. I think our view of any race that understood much more than we do would be similar to, say, a dog's view of a person. To a dog, simple, everyday things seem like magic. Anyway, I forgot to mention. The thing about god being everywhere and in everything. Now this is REALLY speculation. Consider the big bang theory. All the matter in the universe in one spot, suddenly explodes. But it would need something to agitate it. What better than all the energy in the universe? Perhaps it also once existed in a single form. After an unimaginably long time where nothing happens, the two finally come into contact. The matter becomes energized, the energy gains a physical manifestation. All matter contains energy. Could that single form of energy have been this "god"? I also believe that consciousness, our souls, are a form of energy. That would suggest that this single form of energy was the ultimate consciousness.

 

[Ayla ny]

Quigley, I really enjoyed reading your post. very honest and heartfelt. I can relate to so much of it.

it seems to me that tickling (both sides, really) has alot to do with control. and so does getting out of the car the right way. 🙂 we all (I think... ) have our own ways of fighting off chaos. when I get ready for work in the morning, I have certain times I need to be doing certain things. if I am to go in early or late... it makes me very anxious. it’s the wrong time!!! lol I also have to have things lined up neatly. makes no difference if there is no order to it or if it makes any sense at all, really, just so long as things are lined up. anyway, the reason I am saying all of this is because I think tickling ties into this. sometimes you need to be made to let go. to lose control. and when you do... and the world doesn’t fall apart... you feel better for it.

I’m not sure whether posting more or less matters (am nearly to 300 myself lol) but opening up and reading others who feel much the same way, really goes a long way toward making you feel a little more ‘normal’. I’m glad you posted and hope you do it whenever a question or thought pops into your head. odds are... someone here can relate.

 

[kurchatovium]

I like the way you think maverick. Yes I suppose that is possible. Actually at the point just before the big bang I think energy would be in just a single form according to the unified field theory. I think perhaps thats why Einstein believed that god was the sum total of all the physical laws of the universe.

I suppose I feel God is some sort of intelligent being. I just don't think he "micromanages". I think he set everything in motion and takes care of the big picture sort of but does not get bogged down in the details. Like gee kurchatovium watched a tickle video yesterday. Bad kurchatovium. I think god judges you ultimatley on how you did with your situation in life and acts accordingly.

I think there are religions that believe that god just set everything in motion and then sort of sits back and watches everything happen. I forget who they are though. Gosh I love this stuff.

 

[maverick83]

Same here

Yeah. I like thinking about this stuff. I enjoy a challenge. On a side note, I feel kinda bad. Here we are, in a post that was about self-control, but we've filled much of it with talk of religious theory. In that spirit, I apologize and will now withdraw from this thread. It's been great talking about this stuff, though.

 

[soleshine]

OCD

Hi Quigley, I’m a psychology student and I have some relevant information...I think. What you’re describing does
sound very much like OCD. Especially if you recognize that you’ve developed habits that bother you, but you can’t
seem to break them. And actually, since you mentioned self-control, trying to redirect one’s thoughts because they
seem too extreme is one of the signs of an obsession.

I think the main question would be, how do your symptoms affect your everyday functioning. If it’s messing with
your ability to work, go to school, or maintain good interpersonal relationships, then it’s probably OCD. That goes
for almost every other disorder, as well. So, if everyday life is unaffected by the “sexual interest” (e.g. tickling), then
it doesn’t make sense to use a category from a list of psychological disorders to describe it. Sexual Sadism (which is
what I think a ler would be classified as if it were disrupting her or his life), Sexual Masochism (what lee’s would be),
Partialism (exclusive focus on one part of the body that has become a problem), and Fetishism (which involves the
use of non-living objects like shoes or underwear) are all classified as Paraphilias...but all Paraphilias are disorders as
is OCD and must include significant problems in everyday functioning.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is classified as an “Anxiety Disorder”, meaning that intrusive thoughts and repetitive
behaviors have become a primary strategy for dealing with anxiety or stress. In a true case of OCD, a person’s life
becomes seriously affected. There are much better ways to handle unresolved anxiety and many people have done a
lot of research on therapies that can help people to adopt new strategies. There are also medications available, but
meds alone (as with drugs and alcohol) won’t help a person change...they just dull the pain.

Here are the Diagnostic Criteria for OCD from the American Psychological Association’s DSM IV. A person must
meet EACH of the qualifications (A-E) in order to be considered as having the disorder:

A. The person has either obsessions or compulsions:

Obsessions as defined by 1, 2, 3, and 4:

1. recurrent and persistent thoughts, impulses, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance,
as intrusive and inappropriate and that cause marked anxiety or distress

2. the thoughts, impulses, or images are not simply excessive worries about real-life problems

3. the person attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, impulses, or images, or to neutralize them with some
other thought or action

4. the person recognizes that the obsessional thoughts, impulses, or images are a product of his or her own mind (not
imposed from without as in thought insertion)


Compulsion as defined by 1 and 2:

1. repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating
words silently) that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be
applied rigidly

2. the behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or
situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts either are not connected in a realistic way with what they are
designed to neutralize or prevent or are clearly excessive


B. At some point during the course of the disorder, the person has recognized that the obsessions or compulsions are
excessive or unreasonable. NOTE: this does not apply to children.

C. The obsessions or compulsions cause marked distress, are time consuming (take more than 1 hour a day), or
significantly interfere with the person’s normal routine, occupational (or academic) functioning, or usual social
activities or relationships.

D. If another disorder is present, the content of the obsessions or compulsions is not restricted to it (e.g.,
preoccupation with food in the presence of an Eating Disorder; hair pulling in the presence of Trichotillomania;
concern with appearance in the presence of Body Dysmorphic Disorder; preoccupation with drugs in the presence of
a Substance Use Disorder; preoccupation with having a serious illness in the presence of Hypochondrieasis;
PREOCCUPATION WITH SEXUAL URGES OR FANTASIES IN THE PRESENCE OF A PARAPHILIA; or
guilty ruminations in the presence of Major Depressive Disorder).

E. The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication)
or a general medical condition.


Here’s Sexual Sadism (must meet A and B):

A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors
involving acts (real, not simulated) in which the psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation) of the
victim is sexually exciting to the person.

B. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational,
or other important areas of functioning.


Sexual Masochism (A and B):

A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors
involving acts (real, not simulated) of being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer.

B. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational,
or other important areas of functioning.


Fetishism (must meet A, B, and C):

A. Over a period of at least 6 months, recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors
involving the use of nonliving objects (e.g., female undergarments).

B. The fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational,
or other important areas of functioning.

C. The fetish objects are not limited to articles of female clothing used in cross-dressing (as in Transvestic Fetishism)
or devices designed for the purpose of tactile genital stimulation (e.g., a vibrator).

 

[kurchatovium]

I agree maverick we have kinda gotten off target but its been a great ride.