Limeoutsider
1st Level Green Feather
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2002
- Messages
- 4,124
- Points
- 0
WOMEN'S ATTIRE
Up North: Chapstick in their back pocket and a $20 bill in their
front pocket.
Down South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, powder, mascara
(water-proof), concealer, and a fifth of bourbon. Wallet not
necessary, that's what dates are for.
STADIUM SIZE
Up North: College football stadiums hold 20,000.
Down South: High School football stadiums hold 20,000.
FATHERS
Up North: Expect their daughter to understand Sylvia Plath.
Down South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
ATTIRE
Up North: Male and female alike: wooly sweater or sweatshirt and jeans.
Down South: Male - press khakis, oxford shirt, cap with frat logo,
Justin Ropers. Female - ankle-length skirt, coordinated cardigan, flat
riding boots, oxford.
ALUMNI
Up North: Take prospects on sailing trips before they join the law firm.
Down South: Take prospects on fishing trip so they don't leave for
the NFL their senior year.
CAMPUS DECOR
Up North: Status of founding fathers.
Down South: Status of Heisman Trophy winners.
HOMECOMING QUEEN
Up North: Also a Physics Major
Down South: Also Miss USA.
HEROS
Up North: Mario Cuomo
Down South: "Bear" Bryant
GETTING TICKETS
Up North: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus and still purchase tickets.
Down South: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket
office on campus and still be placed on the waiting list for tickets.
FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME
Up North: Students and Teachers are not sure if they are going
because they have class on Friday.
Down south: Teachers cancel class on Friday because they don't want
to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class on
Friday.
PARKING
Up North: An hour before game time the University opens the campus
for game parking.
Down South: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving on
Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The real faithful begin arriving on
Tuesday.
GAME DAY
Up North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
Down South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and
rushes over to where ESPN is Broadcasting on Game Day "live" to get on
camera and wave to the idiots up North who wonder why game day is never
broadcast from their campus.
TAILGATING
Up North: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to
local radio station with truck tailgate down.
Down South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn.
Cooking accompanied by live performance by Hootie and The Blowfish", who
come over during breaks and ask for a hit off your bottle of bourbon.
GETTING TO THE STADIUM
Up North: You ask "Where's the stadium?". When you find it, you walk
right in with no line.
Down South: When your near it, you'll here it. On game day, it
becomes the state's third largest city.
CONCESSIONS
Up North: Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top with soda.
Down South: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's
mascot. Filled less than halfway to ensure enough room for bourbon.
WHEN NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED
Up North: Stands are less than half full.
Down South: 100,000 fans sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.
THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORE
Up North: Nothing Changes!
Down South: Fireworks with a twist of bourbon.
COMMENTARY (MALE)
Up North: "Nice Play."
Down South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!!!"
COMMENTARY (FEMALE)
Up North: "My, this is a violent sport."
Down South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!!!"
ANNOUNCERS
Up North: Paid.
Down South: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song,
with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
AFTER THE GAME
Up North: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
Down South: Another rack of ribs on the smoker. While somebody goes
to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next
year's party.
Up North: Chapstick in their back pocket and a $20 bill in their
front pocket.
Down South: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, powder, mascara
(water-proof), concealer, and a fifth of bourbon. Wallet not
necessary, that's what dates are for.
STADIUM SIZE
Up North: College football stadiums hold 20,000.
Down South: High School football stadiums hold 20,000.
FATHERS
Up North: Expect their daughter to understand Sylvia Plath.
Down South: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
ATTIRE
Up North: Male and female alike: wooly sweater or sweatshirt and jeans.
Down South: Male - press khakis, oxford shirt, cap with frat logo,
Justin Ropers. Female - ankle-length skirt, coordinated cardigan, flat
riding boots, oxford.
ALUMNI
Up North: Take prospects on sailing trips before they join the law firm.
Down South: Take prospects on fishing trip so they don't leave for
the NFL their senior year.
CAMPUS DECOR
Up North: Status of founding fathers.
Down South: Status of Heisman Trophy winners.
HOMECOMING QUEEN
Up North: Also a Physics Major
Down South: Also Miss USA.
HEROS
Up North: Mario Cuomo
Down South: "Bear" Bryant
GETTING TICKETS
Up North: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus and still purchase tickets.
Down South: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket
office on campus and still be placed on the waiting list for tickets.
FRIDAY CLASSES AFTER A THURSDAY NIGHT GAME
Up North: Students and Teachers are not sure if they are going
because they have class on Friday.
Down south: Teachers cancel class on Friday because they don't want
to see the few hungover students that might actually make it to class on
Friday.
PARKING
Up North: An hour before game time the University opens the campus
for game parking.
Down South: RV's sporting their school flags begin arriving on
Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The real faithful begin arriving on
Tuesday.
GAME DAY
Up North: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
Down South: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and
rushes over to where ESPN is Broadcasting on Game Day "live" to get on
camera and wave to the idiots up North who wonder why game day is never
broadcast from their campus.
TAILGATING
Up North: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to
local radio station with truck tailgate down.
Down South: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn.
Cooking accompanied by live performance by Hootie and The Blowfish", who
come over during breaks and ask for a hit off your bottle of bourbon.
GETTING TO THE STADIUM
Up North: You ask "Where's the stadium?". When you find it, you walk
right in with no line.
Down South: When your near it, you'll here it. On game day, it
becomes the state's third largest city.
CONCESSIONS
Up North: Drinks served in a paper cup filled to the top with soda.
Down South: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's
mascot. Filled less than halfway to ensure enough room for bourbon.
WHEN NATIONAL ANTHEM IS PLAYED
Up North: Stands are less than half full.
Down South: 100,000 fans sing along in perfect 3-part harmony.
THE SMELL IN THE AIR AFTER THE FIRST SCORE
Up North: Nothing Changes!
Down South: Fireworks with a twist of bourbon.
COMMENTARY (MALE)
Up North: "Nice Play."
Down South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!!!"
COMMENTARY (FEMALE)
Up North: "My, this is a violent sport."
Down South: "Dammit you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs!!!"
ANNOUNCERS
Up North: Paid.
Down South: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song,
with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
AFTER THE GAME
Up North: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
Down South: Another rack of ribs on the smoker. While somebody goes
to the nearest package store for more bourbon, planning begins for next
year's party.
them away 
