Knox The Hatter
2nd Level Indigo Feather
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2003
- Messages
- 6,352
- Points
- 0
I'm sure everyone has a list of "I nevers". Here's mine...
1. I will never, ever vote for a Republican again, in any election, for any office…that is to say I will never, ever again vote for anyone who’s more interested in fellating the Type ‘A’ Captain of Industry who cares much less about environmental impact over his actions than Wall Street’s bottom line (thus causing cancer clusters in my neightborhood), or is overly interested in the way I copulate with my wife; that it conform to his vision of marital bliss.
2. I will never, ever sit and watch a football game with Philadelphia Eagles fans again…including, but not limited to, various and sundry Philadelphia cousins on my mother’s side of the family. I have found, in my considerable number of years, that Eagles fans are rude, obnoxious, and breathtakingly stupid, and I think life is too short to have to undergo such an ordeal as to share theirs.
3. I will never, ever again try to unwrap the cellophane from a new compact disc. Since I find such an evolution to be frustrating and tedious, I will delegate this responsibility to Mrs. Knox, as she has an infinite amount of patience in such matters.
4. I will never, ever again make New Years Resolutions. The whole process is stultifying, and only exists so that you can discuss around the water cooler at work how you couldn’t keep them.
5. I will never, ever again argue with ignorant people. Trying to enlighten people like this would be like trying to set out in a raft for the moon. It’s a trap that sometimes one can’t help falling into, and the only reason they would argue with you in the first place is to draw attention to themselves, or because they see you in an adversarial light.
6. I will never, ever again eat Tomato soup. The heartburn is so bad, that I could conceivably find myself dialing nine one one.
7. I will never, ever again let anyone yell at me for any reason whatsoever, without a tenfold retaliatory strike. I’ve been yelled and screamed at enough in my life, and besides, I can do it louder than you ever thought possible.
8. I will no longer sit and listen to anyone babble on about their religious beliefs, or endure their inept, doomed attempts to proselytize. Besides, the truth is, they’re even less interested in hearing my own religious beliefs.
9. I will no longer endure the tunnelvision afflicted who can sit there and tell me how great Jewel or Linkin Park may be. Mozart was GREAT. Beethoven was GREAT. Their music still remains vital two hundred years later. Linkin Park will most likely be forgotten by the next Olympiad.
10. I will never, ever again congregate with people who are miserable and have a chip on their shoulder from Life. I have found that these people aren’t happy unless you’re as miserable as they are. No one will ever again be allowed to tell me how much fun I should have and with whom.
So, what's yours?
😀
1. I will never, ever vote for a Republican again, in any election, for any office…that is to say I will never, ever again vote for anyone who’s more interested in fellating the Type ‘A’ Captain of Industry who cares much less about environmental impact over his actions than Wall Street’s bottom line (thus causing cancer clusters in my neightborhood), or is overly interested in the way I copulate with my wife; that it conform to his vision of marital bliss.
2. I will never, ever sit and watch a football game with Philadelphia Eagles fans again…including, but not limited to, various and sundry Philadelphia cousins on my mother’s side of the family. I have found, in my considerable number of years, that Eagles fans are rude, obnoxious, and breathtakingly stupid, and I think life is too short to have to undergo such an ordeal as to share theirs.
3. I will never, ever again try to unwrap the cellophane from a new compact disc. Since I find such an evolution to be frustrating and tedious, I will delegate this responsibility to Mrs. Knox, as she has an infinite amount of patience in such matters.
4. I will never, ever again make New Years Resolutions. The whole process is stultifying, and only exists so that you can discuss around the water cooler at work how you couldn’t keep them.
5. I will never, ever again argue with ignorant people. Trying to enlighten people like this would be like trying to set out in a raft for the moon. It’s a trap that sometimes one can’t help falling into, and the only reason they would argue with you in the first place is to draw attention to themselves, or because they see you in an adversarial light.
6. I will never, ever again eat Tomato soup. The heartburn is so bad, that I could conceivably find myself dialing nine one one.
7. I will never, ever again let anyone yell at me for any reason whatsoever, without a tenfold retaliatory strike. I’ve been yelled and screamed at enough in my life, and besides, I can do it louder than you ever thought possible.
8. I will no longer sit and listen to anyone babble on about their religious beliefs, or endure their inept, doomed attempts to proselytize. Besides, the truth is, they’re even less interested in hearing my own religious beliefs.
9. I will no longer endure the tunnelvision afflicted who can sit there and tell me how great Jewel or Linkin Park may be. Mozart was GREAT. Beethoven was GREAT. Their music still remains vital two hundred years later. Linkin Park will most likely be forgotten by the next Olympiad.
10. I will never, ever again congregate with people who are miserable and have a chip on their shoulder from Life. I have found that these people aren’t happy unless you’re as miserable as they are. No one will ever again be allowed to tell me how much fun I should have and with whom.
So, what's yours?
😀
