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The Point System For Men

Mimi

1st Level Black Feather
Joined
Oct 12, 2001
Messages
8,150
Points
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The Point System For Men

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when
dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to
understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the
woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something
she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for
doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.....0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
In the snow .....+8
But return with beer.....-5
And no liners.....-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
It's her cat.....-40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party.....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College
drinking buddy.....-2
Named Tiffany.....-4
Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
With breast implants.....-18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday.....0
You buy a card and flowers.....0
You take her out to dinner.....0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team ...-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal.....0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop III.....-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in
responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100
Any other response.....-20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well,
what do you think I should do?".....-100
You have fallen asleep.....-200

ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH

You talk.....-100
You don't talk.....-150
You spend time with her......-200
You don't spend time with her.....-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000

GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!!

Mimi 😀
 
I knew it!

You can't win with women! If I were to follow this point system with my wife, any possible points I'd earn would be wiped away and then some once that time of the month rolled around. It's like a credit card with a high APR.
 
LMAO!!!! Yeah that just covers the half of it😛

Pawz
 
So what do we learn from all this guys?

It's safer and saner to remain single, go out on an occasional date, and just watch sports with the guys.

Remember, your hand never asks you if it looks fat. 😛
 
LMAO!!

I laughed, I cried, I thought I'd like to died!

This post is so true! I really liked the part about THE QUESTION, "Does this dress make me look fat?" There is NO way to win when you are asked that one.

Actually, I generally watch her facial expressions carefully when my wife is trying on clothing. If she looks like she's about to ask a question, I leave the room. I walk quickly out into the yard, and explain later that I didn't hear the question but, (I go on to say,) it doesn't matter because she looks terrific! I don't win any points this way, but I get to live another day.
 
slacker2114 said:
So what do we learn from all this guys?

It's safer and saner to remain single, go out on an occasional date, and just watch sports with the guys.

Remember, your hand never asks you if it looks fat. 😛


True Slacker dear....but your hand also can not give good h**d :devil: :devil: :devil:

Glad you enjoyed, sole!!

Mimi 😀
 
Thanx, sole. Mimi gets the props for the image.

And mimi.....it all depends on what kind of lotion you use. :blaugh:
 
Very funny, Mimi. I just knew that there is no good way to answer the big question.
 
It's stuff like that that makes me glad I'm single I play enough head games at my job Don't need to come home to more
 
Mimi said:



True Slacker dear....but your hand also can not give good h**d :devil: :devil: :devil:

Glad you enjoyed, sole!!

Mimi 😀
OMG That is so true Mimi! Hey Slacker,nice logo, reminds me of a guy I wanted to date and my Dad met him at the door with a gun. Gee I always wondered why? LOL Cute logo though. Mimi was so right...Let's see your hand give you a good h**d!:devil: That beats a head job any day of the week and month!
That was funny Mimi, a bit harsh on the men but funny!😀
 
So since we men can't win, does that mean we shouldn't worry about points and let it all hang out? 😀

P.S. I wish I didn't have to use my hand. 🙁 😛
 
amk714 said:
...wish I didn't have to use my hand. 🙁 😛
Hey dude, lots of advantages to your hand. Here are my personal top ten advantages:

10. your hand never has a headache;
9. you can make the hole any size you like;
8. it's free, no wining and dining before sex;
7. it couldn't give a damn if you leave the toilet seat up;
6. buying it a gift of jewelry is not only cheap, you're the one who enjoys it;
5. pregnancy is all but unheard of;
4. you don't generally have to worry about social diseases;
3. it has a twin, so you can easily have a menage-a-trois
2. it'll never cheat on ya', and...
1. if it does cheat on ya', you'll be the first to know!

Now, it's true that using the same ol' hand can become boring but a good imagination can help. So I recomend you do what I've done in the past... fantasize about using other people's hands!

Just a few reflections from The Funny Farm, located deep in the conservative midwest. :happyfloa
 
Mimi,
Great thread! I needed something to lighten my day. This was just what the doctor order. Hilarious!

😀
 
As far as "THE BIG QUESTION" goes

Before I get serious with any woman the first thing I say is this:
"I reserve that right to refuse an answer to the 'do I look fat question'. Neener, neener😛
 
sole seeker said:

Hey dude, lots of advantages to your hand. Here are my personal top ten advantages:

10. your hand never has a headache;
9. you can make the hole any size you like;
8. it's free, no wining and dining before sex;
7. it couldn't give a damn if you leave the toilet seat up;
6. buying it a gift of jewelry is not only cheap, you're the one who enjoys it;
5. pregnancy is all but unheard of;
4. you don't generally have to worry about social diseases;
3. it has a twin, so you can easily have a menage-a-trois
2. it'll never cheat on ya', and...
1. if it does cheat on ya', you'll be the first to know!

Now, it's true that using the same ol' hand can become boring but a good imagination can help. So I recomend you do what I've done in the past... fantasize about using other people's hands!

Just a few reflections from The Funny Farm, located deep in the conservative midwest. :happyfloa

😛 Worst case scenario, you can switch to your off hand, which, unless you're ambidextrous, will feel like a woman due to the clumsiness. It's like brushing your teeth with your left hand (Unless your a lefty, like me!). 😛 Then again, if you're REALLY bored, try what is known as "The Stranger", which-- well, perhaps I shouldn't go there. No sense in me going completely off topic and turning a thread about women into one about special "whack-off" techniques. For crying out loud, I'm married! I shouldn't know this stuff! 😛 😱
 
Actually Meems, I think that was a bit TOO fair.😉
 
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