luv2bt&tickled
3rd Level Red Feather
- Joined
- Sep 30, 2002
- Messages
- 1,696
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The Real Word on Your Health and Your Diet
It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies:
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is what kills you.
The Truth About the South
A true Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that people don't have them but pitch them.
Southerners know how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up "a mess."
A Southerner can indicate the general direction of "yonder."
A Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sweetens your coffee.
Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
A Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana cream pie!)
Southerners know the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece," and that "just down the road" can be anywhere from one mile to twenty.
A Southerner understands the distinction between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and "trash."
No Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. (This knowledge is usually shared by Yankees and those from "Out West.")
Southerners knows that "fixin'" can be used both as a noun and as a verb.
Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, if only by marriage.
True Southerners never refer to one person as "ya'll."
Southerners know that tomatoes go with eggs, bacon, and grits, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
Southerners know grits come from corn, that it is a singular noun and not to season it like cereal. They also know the distinction between "grits" and "Grit."
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at a little old lady who drives 30 miles an hour on the freeway. You say, "Bless her heart" and go on your way.
