The RULES for Mimi's point system for men.

[JoBelle]

The FEMALE makes The Rules

No MALE can possibly know all The Rules.

If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows The Rules, she must immediately change The Rules.

The FEMALE is never wrong.

If the FEMALE is mistaken, it is a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

The MALE must apologize immediately for causing said misunderstanding.

The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.

The MALE must never change his mind without the written consent of the FEMALE

The FEMALE has the right to be upset or angry at any time.

The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry and/or upset.

The FEMALE must not, under any circumstances, tell the MALE when she wants him to be angry and/or upset.

If the FEMALE has PMS, all The Rules are null and void.

The MALE is expected to mind read constantly and act accordingly.

Any attempt to document The Rules could result in actual bodily harm.

The MALE who doesn't abide by The Rules can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a whimp.

The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

See? Simple! 😛

 

[TicklingDuo]

ROFL!!! I like that even better than the point system itself. Great one, Joby!

Ann

 

[Raya]

I'm thinking of staying out of these posts as they may cause my husband to "owe" me more than he does already.. Being on injured reserve only means I'm in real "danger" once the doc gives me the go ahead.. 😀

But I loved both posts! LOL

 

[MistressMia]

Jobelle,
Nice follow up! It was spoken like a true Dom. You should look into a career change! 😉 😀

 

[HeBeGeeBee]

JoBelle,

Are you sure you're not my wife posting under an assumed name? 😛

 

[amk714]

The point system is rigged! I'm filing a lawsuit on behalf of men everywhere. See you in court! 😀

P.S. I'm just kidding, please don't be angry. 😉

 

[4Pawz]

LOL!!! again so true so true *giggles* good one joby!

Pawz

 

[Mimi]

ROFLMAO!! Nice follow-up Jabooky!!

Mimi 😀

 

[venray]

Re-BUTT-al...

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male
side. if you have already read some of these before it wont hurt to read them again.


Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present yet again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of
the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then you're stuck with her.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong
hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us
frequently beforehand.

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at
choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Check your oil!

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap
opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or
angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you
already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is
also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not
proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know
you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to
hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

You have enough clothes and too many shoes.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where
it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't
matter which quiz.

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Men like sleeping on the couch, it's like camping.

 

[kurchatovium]

Its reasons like this that make me happy I'm still single.🙂

 

[amk714]

Re: Re-BUTT-al...

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

Nice re-BUTT-al, Ray! The balance of power has been restored--for now, anyways. 😀

 

[JPie1]

the girl rules work just fine for me!!





JPie

 

[venray]

Surprise, surprise JPie...lol😉 🙄

 

[THE THREAD]

Why do women pretend they don't like men and men pretend they don't like women? The fact that the population is over 6 billion would suggest that quite the opposite is true.

 

[venray]

I never pretend not to like women, THREAD...I love them ALL!!..(just ask my wife)

Ven

 

[THE THREAD]

I am confused. What is the purpose of this thread? It does not seem to contain useful information or am I missing something?

 

[venray]

We never think our own lives are serving any real purpose, THREAD..part of growing older and learning from day to day...note that THIS THREAD has brought many together in peaceful harmony to exchange views on life and have fun...not much more noble a purpose could there be...😉 😀 😎

Ray

 

[THE THREAD]

Thank you for your information. Point well noted.....analyzing....is this the purpose of existence to bring many together in peaceful harmony to exchange views on life and have fun?

 

[venray]

It is mine....😉

 

[giggleygirl25]

you are correct darling THREAD...the society and us here are primarily brought together for fun and the exchange of thoughts...feelings and ideas

 

[THE THREAD]

Purpose of existence question....to have fun, spread joy, live in harmony, be happy....analyzing....even if universe is predetermined it seems life has purpose. Sort of like me and teddy. Seems to add meaning to existence. Thank you for the data. You are all most heplful.

 

[venray]

Now back to the topic of rules....

Men's Rules For Dealing With Women

Don't call. Ever.

Lie.

If you don't like a girl, don't tell her. It's more fun to let her figure it out by herself.

Be as ambiguous as possible.

If you lose something that belongs to someone else, tell them you mailed it to them.

No matter what, it isn't your fault.

Never ask for help. Even if you really, really need help.

Women like it when you ignore them.

Deny everthing. Everything.

Use the best break up line, "It's not you, it's me".

Don't have a clue. If you get a clue, pretend you didn't and disregard it.

Feelings? What feelings?

"Love" is not in your vocabulary. Don't even think about saying it.
ALWAYS apologize. NEVER mean it.

It's OK if you forget trivial things, like your girlfriend's birthday and eye color.

Ignorance solves problems. If you can't see them, they can't see you.
It is never your duty to take responsibility for your actions.

Don't ever notice anything.

If you cheat on a girl, but no one finds out, then technically you've done nothing wrong.

If the question begins with "why", the answer is "I don't know".

If you ever find yourself in a position where you have been proven wrong, blame others.



to be continued..............

 

[venray]

oooops!

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed

home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely

stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body

to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning,

sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his

mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast,

packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry

cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit,

went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, pay the

bills and balance the check book.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already

1:00 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust,

and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the

kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out cookies and

milk and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the

ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 p.m. he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,

breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he

cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids,

and put them to bed.

At 9:00 p.m. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't

finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he

managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,

"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being

able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have

learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they

were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last

night."

 

[JoBelle]

Mia, what a nice compliment. 😉 I'm considering that career change at this very moment. I may have a few questions. *hehe*

I can deal with YOUR rules, Ray...but let's get one thing straight up front. You can NEVER have too many shoes. That's a rule. 😛

Glad y'all enjoyed these! Are there any missing?

Joby

 

[Bagelfather]

The Laws of Women

simplified version

(especially for sci-fi nerds and geeks to understand)

The Laws of Women

First Law:

A man may not injure a woman, or, through thoughtless action, allow a woman to come to harm, become distraught, or otherwise upset at the man for being an insensitive jerk.

Second Law:

A man must obey orders given to him by the woman, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law. However, if avoiding conflict with the first law causes the woman to become more upset the man should jump out the nearest window and run away and hide until the woman is no longer upset over the conflict with the first law.

Third Law:

A man must protect his own sense of male ego as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.