Rockauthor
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The Tickle Machine
(ticklish superheroine fiction)
Featuring
BATGIRL
Nightfall in Gotham City. From the glitz and glamour of Broadway to the romantic setting of Gotham Central Park, it is a haven rich in culture and beauty, but often plagued with sinister criminal minds plotting to reek havoc throughout the city.
Harley Quinn, that mistress of pranks and arch nemesis of Batgirl has just been released from the state prison, after serving a ten-year sentence for racketeering and mayhem. Unfortunately, this twisted and evil girlfriend of The Joker has returned to society with only one thing on her mind - conjure up the most brilliant crime ever conceived and ultimately do away with Batgirl, once and for all.
Later...
At a dinner party in midtown Gotham, the lovely Barbara Gordon dines at Lagatti`s, a very ritzy Italian restaurant, with her boyfriend, Mark Benedetto. Mr. Benedetto is a very handsome and very wealthy entrepreneur. He owns two Five Star hotels: Roma Gardens in Vegas, and The Regal Royale in Atlantic City.
Barbara and Mark were invited to Lagatti's by some important clients of his, who rented out a banquet room at the fine establishment to celebrate a new business deal. The two had been going out for two weeks and couldn't keep their hands off each other.
Barbara was wearing a very sexy, strapless, blue flower print dress that matched her designer pumps and complemented her hourglass figure. Her hair was attractively arranged in a bun so as not to hide one beautiful feature of her angelic face.
Miss Gordon didn't really care about the business mumbo jumbo that went back and forth across the table. She was to busy being charmed by her Italian hunk as he sat beside her munching on a bowl of Pistachio nuts. Barbara hated those nasty things, herself, but anything he did enchanted her, just by watching.
Meanwhile...
In a secret underground hideout 70 feet below Gotham City, Harley Quinn plans her latest diabolical scheme. Harley's subterranean domain was decorated in red and black wallpaper with a pattern of her comical face printed all over the 20-foot high walls.
She and her henchmen Gag, Bomb, Side-Splitter, and Guffaw were all sitting around the center of the room. They all sat in these chairs that were all mounted on top of giant bedsprings that peaked out of giant "Jack in the Box" boxes.
"So, boss, what's this ingenious plan we've all been dyin' to hear about?" Guffaw asked, in that typical Brooklyn accent.
Harley Quinn laughed and replied," What is the best medicine in the whole wide world?"
"I know, boss. Chicken soup!" Side-Splitter said, with enthusiasm.
"No, you bumbling buffoon."
"Nyquil?" Bomb asked.
"Wrong!"
"I got it! Laughter is the best medicine," interjected Gag.
"The right answer. You win first prize, my friend. Catch!" Harley Quinn praised, as she reached behind her and threw Gag a gift-wrapped box.
The happy goon caught the box with an ear to ear grin on his face. He immediately open the box to see what his prize was. Once he got the top off, a cream pie that was attached to a fake hand that was attached to a spring shot out of the box and smashed him in the face. Harley and the others all exploded with laughter, almost falling off their chairs. Gag just sat their expressionless with a cream smeared face. He stuck his tongue out and licked off some of it. He raised his eyebrows in delight and assessed, "Boston cream. Not bad."
"Indeed, laughter IS the best medicine my fellow jesters. Now what is the most diabolical torture known to the world?"
"Hmmm.." they sighed, pondering.
"And I'll give you a hint. It is an absolutely maddening and cruel torment that causes no pain and leaves no bruises.
"Chinese water torture?" Guffaw suggested.
"No."
"I got it! Being forced to watch C-SPAN2 non-stop," said Gag, with a face still smeared with cream pie.
"I said causes NO pain, you moron."
"Hey, boss. If you say laughter is the best medicine, then the most diabolical torture known to the world, must be TICKLING," said Side-Splitter.
"Congratulations. You win second prize. Here you go!" Harley Quinn said, reaching behind her again and tossing another gift-wrapped box to the already suspicious henchman. Side-Splitter catches the box in his hands.
"No way. I'm not fallin' for that one, boss. You may can fool..."
But before the wary ruffian could utter another word, the bottom fell out from under the box and a boxing glove that was attached to a spring shot out and punched him the groin. His eyes bugged out and he immediately doubled over in pain. Again, everyone was practically rolling with hilarity.
"Now listen up, boys, because I've got an incredibly brilliant plan that will dispose of that insufferable, meddling Batbroad for good. We're going to build us a tickle machine." Harley Quinn declared.
"A tickle machine?" Bomb asked.
"That's right. We'll construct a tickle machine, right here, custom-made to tickle Batgirl to death."
"But what if she's not ticklish, boss?" Guffaw asked.
"A-ha. That coincides with my next plan. I've developed a chemical what I call Harley Oil. All I have to do is rub it on her bare flesh and her skin will increase to one hundred times its normal sensitivity."
"Genius," Guffaw proclaimed.
Harley continued, " So, here's what we're going to do. Sergio Prado, Gotham City's premier fashion designer, will be introducing his Fall attire for women next Thursday. And he's a very big endorser of LaSalle Cosmetics. But when we sneak in and replace the usual LaSalle Body Lotion that his models use with my Harley Oil, Mr. Prado will soon find out his models will all be too ticklish to even go out on the cat walk."
"And he'll have to do business with us if he wants the antidote," interjected Bomb.
"Exactly. And that will lure Batgirl right into my trap."
Later...
Barbara Gordon and her companion Mark Bendetto return to the front door of her apartment. They stood there for a while, just lip-locked in a make-out session.
"I really had a great time, Mark,"
"Me, too. I would come in, but I have 9AM meeting with a client. I'll see you next Sunday night for dinner and a movie?"
"Sure," Barbara replied, with a suggestive smile and a sparkle in her eye.
The handsome couple kissed one more time and said good night to each other. Barbara opened her door and went inside her apartment. Mark left. Once inside, the exhausted Barbara kicked off her heels and retired to her bedroom.
A week later...
Alfred, the loyal and faithful butler of millionaire Bruce Wayne (a.k.a. Batman), is on an errand at the local hardware and supply store to pick up some plant food for the many floral collections that adorned Wayne Manor.
As the gentlemanly butler browsed the quiet isle, he heard voices coming from the other side of the shelves.
"So how many packets of lilac seeds does Harley Quinn want us to get?" Side-Splitter asked.
"I don't know. I guess enough to make enough Harley Oil to sabotage the fashion show tomorrow night," answered Guffaw.
Alfred's eyebrows raised as he eavesdropped on the villains. He realized the Joker's girlfriend was up to her old criminal antics once again.
"Get thirty packets. Yeah, that should be enough," suggested Gag.
"Now let's get outta here," said Bomb.
"Boy, wait `til Sergio Prado gets a load of what we've got in store for him. He's gonna make us rich, or else."
Alfred frowned. A most bizarre coincidence, he thought. I'm glad I was here to listen to this, though. I'd better report this to Batgirl right away, so she can stop Harley Quinn from going through with this dastardly plan.
As Harley's boys were leaving, they passed by the isle Alfred the butler was standing in. Alfred very cautiously reached into his coat pocket and pulled out one of Batman's latest inventions. It looked like an ordinary ball point pen, but when Alfred pressed a button on top and squirted Guffaws back with a small amount of ink, it congealed into a little patch on his garment. The invention was called the Bat-Tagger, and it was able to trace the movement and location of anything or anyone who the patch was on.
Later...
At Gotham City Public Library, the very busy Barbara Gordon organizes returned books at the checkout counter. The phone rings and Barbara answers.
"Hello?"
"Oh, good morning, Miss Gordon. I hope I didn't disturb you," the very civil butler said.
"Hi, Alfred! What's up?"
"Well, it seems that one of your old rivals Harley Quinn is out of prison and planning to disrupt Sergio Prado's fashion show tomorrow night."
"Harley Quinn?"
"I'm afraid so, Madame. But, I did use the Bat-Tagger to follow her gang to their secret hide out."
"Good work, Alfred. I'll be there A.S.A.P.!"
Later...
Barbara Gordon returns to her apartment and prepares to assume her alter ego BATGIRL.
Moments later...
In the alley next to her apartment, the spiral door opens in the wall and out comes the caped-crusading femme fatale riding her state-of-the-art, high-powered Batcycle.
Clad in her tight, sexy black spandex suit, her high, black boots, and her black cowl, Batgirl's symbol displayed proudly across her chest and across the front of her Batcycle, Batgirl speeds down the streets of Gotham City.
Along the way she sees couples walking hand-in-hand looking through department store windows, an man who looks to be arguing with a hot dog vendor over the price of a soda, and a mime surrounded by a group of children and their parents as he juggles five bowling pins in his hands.
On the dashboard of her Batcylce, a screen displays a detailed map to Harley Quinn's secret hideout - thanks to Batman's trusty Bat-Tagger.
Later...
In Harley Quinn's secret, underground hideout, Harley and her henchmen complete the finishing touches on the newly constructed TICKLE MACHINE. Harley Quinn stands at the control console of the giant torture device that looked like a giant mechanical Venus Flytrap.
The crafty villainess pressed a button, which opened up the machines flower pedal-like walls to reveal a plush, almost inviting interior with an assorted array of complex workings. Thousands of tiny brushes, feathers, backscratchers, robotic fingers, etc. were strategically placed and specifically designed to accommodate the contours of Batgirl's body.
"I think it's ready, my friends." Harley declared with an evil grin.
"You're quite a mastermind, boss" said Bomb.
"Yeah, when we catch Batgirl and put her in THAT thing, she won't know what hit her...or should I say she won't know what tickled her," said Side-Splitter.
They all laughed at the remark.
Suddenly, they all heard a loud bang. They turned around to see the door to Harley Quinn's underground domain crashing to the ground and making a big THUD! Everyone was shocked to see standing behind the door was Batgirl herself with a stern look on her face and her fists on her waist in a heroic pose.
Harley Quinn gasped, "I can't believe this! Batgirl! How did you find my hidden fortress?"
"I had a locating device planted on one of your boys, Harley. I told you before you went to prison that your days of crime and wrongdoing are over, and again I'm telling you - Your days of crime and wrong-doing ARE OVER!"
"Bomb! Gag! Side-Splitter! Guffaw! Seize her!" Harley Quinn commanded.
One by one, each of Harley Quinn's muscle-bound goons charged the young superheroine. Batgirl quickly assumed a combat stance when the first one got to her. A swing and a miss by Guffaw, but Batgirl ducks and comes back up with a right uppercut to his stomach.
OOOOF!!!
Here comes Gag with right hook and a left. Batgirl faints left then right then kicks Gag really hard in the groin.
ZOWIEEE!!!
Side-Splitter jumps in front of the girl wonder and takes on the Tiger Position. Batgirl answers the move with a roundhouse kick that sends him flying across the room.
BAM!!!
Harley Quinn climbs on top of her Jack In The Box throne for safety. She has a worried look on her face and hopes her henchmen will quickly regain control of the situation.
Finally, Bomb grabs a baseball bat and begins stalking the caped crusader with it. Batgirl skillfully works to evade the overgrown thug as she makes a backward retreat around the room.
That's right, Bomb. Keep moving her backward, Harley thought, hoping the ruffian would get Batgirl to move right up to where the tickle machine was so that she could catch the girl wonder in her trap.
And after a while, that's where they ended up. Batgirl was standing right on the platform where the villainess' new invention was sitting and Harley moved in for the kill.
Good work, Bomb. Now I've got her right where I want her, Harley concluded, grabbing her remote control and pressing a button.
Immediately, two rubber-like robotic arms stretched out from inside the tickle machine and grabbed the unsuspecting Batgirl.
"WHAT THE...?" Batgirl shouted.
But before she could put up a fight, the robotic arms lifted the superheroine off the ground and pulled her into the center of the tickle machine. Immediately the flower pedal-like walls of the tickle machine raised and closed around Batgirl's form. Now the girl wonder was trapped inside the cylindrical-shaped contraption with only her head exposed at the top.
Harley Quinn exploded with evil laughter as she climbed down from her Jack In The Box throne and goes over to the tickle machine's control console.
"At Last, I have the meddlesome girl blunder in the clutches of my latest and most brilliant work of art," Harley said, with a wicked grin.
Batgirl frowned at the villainess. "WHAT IS THIS THING? LET ME OUT OF HERE, YOU SINISTER PRANKSTER!" She demanded.
"Now, now, Batbrain. I'm the one in charge here. It's YOU who will be taking orders from ME." Harley insisted as she flipped a switch on the tickle machine causing a pattern of differently colored lights to randomly go on and off on the control panel. "Allow me to introduce you to the machine that will see you to your doom. I call it THE TICKLEMASTER 5000."
"THE WHAT?" Batgirl asked.
But before the caped crusader could say anything more, Harley Quinn pressed a button on the control panel causing half a dozen robotic arms from inside the machine to grab the now helpless Batgirl and begin tearing off all of her clothes.
Batgirl gasped with a panicked look on her face. She protested. "OOH! WOW! HEY! STOP THAT!"
Item by item, Batgirl's costume was stripped away, falling out through a chute at the bottom of the tickle machine. Her boots, her suit, and even her utility belt all came off. Now the vulnerable Batgirl was left naked inside the confines of the tickle machine with only her Bat cowl left covering her head that peaked out on top.
"Any last words, Batchick, before I start this machine and TICKLE YOU TO DEATH?" Harley Quinn asked.
"YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME, YOU STUPID VILLAINESS! I HAVEN'T BEEN TICKLISH SINCE I WAS IN JUNIOR HIGH! NOW LET ME GO!"
Harley laughed. "Did you honestly think I'd be so foolish as to not think of that, Batbroad?"
Then Harley presseed another button causing streams of the newly developed Harley Oil to shoot out from the inner walls and onto Batgirl's person.
"OH! OH! HEY, WHAT`S GOING ON? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?"
"This is Harley Oil, my friend. My other latest invention. I'm spraying it all over your defenseless body. In a few seconds, you will feel your skin becoming more
sensitive, and yes, EXTREMELY TICKLISH!"
Batgirl began to get really, really nervous as she felt her skin, indeed, getting excruciatingly ticklish, just as Harley Quinn predicted.
"Gag! Bomb! Side-Splitter! Guffaw! Gather around, boys, and watch the demise of Batgirl," she called, pressing the big button on the console which started the dreaded tickling torture administered by THE TICKLEMASTER 5000.
Suddenly, the helpless, and now, INCREDIBLY TICKLISH superheroine began to feel a ticklishly tactical exploration all over her body. Dozens of tiny little robotic fingers and feathers poked and stroked her very ticklish ribcage, squeezing her sides, and tormenting Batgirl's deathly ticklish belly button.
More fingers and stiff feathers reached up from the bottom and attacked Batgirl's extremely ticklish bare feet. Little backscratchers raked all over her soles, invading her arches. Tiny, soft, rubber-like robotic fingers probed and dug under and between her toes.
Even more tiny, deft brushes and robotic fingers poked and prodded under Batgirl's horribly ticklish armpits. Robotic hands squeezed her knees, rotating brushes and plumes tormented her inner thighs ands the backs of her knees, and dexterously assaulting her surprisingly ticklish back.
Batgirl went berserk!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! PLEASE! NOOOOOOOOOO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! HAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! PLEASE! I CAN'T TAKE IT! OOH! OOH! THAT TICKLES SO MUCH! HEY! NOT THERE! OOOOOH! NOT THERE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! STOP! STOP! STOP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! I'M TOO TICKLISH! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NOT MY FEET! NO! NOT MY FEET! AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAAAHAAHAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! DON'T! DON'T TICKLE ME UNDER MY ARMS! OOH! OOH! NOT THERE! THAT'S SO TICKLISH, RIGHT THERE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! OH, NO! NOT MY BELLY BUTTON! PLEEHEEHEEHEEHEE HEEHEEEEEEEEASE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU'RE KILLING ME! STAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! OH! OH! NOT THERE! I CAN'T STAND THAT! DON'T! NOT THERE! STOP! THAT TICKLES! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! PLEASE! PLEASE! AAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE HOOHOOHOOHOOHOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! STOP! OH, PLEASE STOP! I'M TOO HAHAHAHAHA TICKLISH FOR AAAAAAAAGH THIS! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! PLEEEEEEEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEEEEASE! NOT THE FEET! OOOHOOHOOHOOHOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NO! STOP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! DON'T! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NOT MY ARMPITS! NO! NO! THAT TICKLES! STAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAP! AAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAAHAAHAAHAAHAAAAAAAGH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! OH! OH! OH! STOP IT, PLEASE! I CAN'T HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TAKE THIS ANYMORE! YOU'RE HAHA HAHAHAHAHA KILLING ME! EEEEEEEEEEEEK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH! OH! NOT THERE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP! HAHAHAHAHA! EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! NO! NOT THERE! PLEASE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA STOP TICKLING ME!
Poor Batgirl was absolutely in ticklish agony. Even though they could only see her head tossing from side to side as Batgirl screamed and cursed and laughed hysterically, they could only imagine what was going on inside the cylinder. Harley Quinn's henchmen fell in love as they witnessed the mighty superheroine reduced to a helplessly ticklish, giggling schoolgirl.
Unexpectedly, the Dynamic Duo Batman and Robin arrived at the already trashed opening of Harley's hideout, poised in a heroic stance. They were shocked to see their female comrade shrieking and cackling like a madwoman with her head poking out that weird contraption.
"Holy hyena, Batman! What have they done with Batgirl?" Robin shouted.
That was when Harley noticed the caped crusaders standing at the doorway.
"Oh, no! It's Batman and Robin!" Harley yelled over the din of Batgirl's hilarity.
"That's right, Harley Quinn. We figured you'd be up to your old crooked frolics again, and we were able to use our own Bat-Tagger to lead us to your hideout," informed Batman.
"Boys, get them!" She ordered.
Bomb, Gag, Side-Splitter, and Guffaw reluctantly came out of their trance and turned around to go after the caped crusaders. Batman and Robin were quick to spring into action.
POW!!!
CRASH!!!
WHAM!!!
ZOWIIEEE!!!
KABLAM!!!
After the Dynamic Duo conquered Harley Quinn's henchmen, the dark knight grabbed hold of Harley Quinn, who tried to escape, and instructed Robin to find the off button on the tickle machine to release Batgirl.
The boy wonder was able to find it, and immediately the insufferable tickle machine came to a stop. Poor Batgirl was sweating profusely and gasped to catch her breath.
Later...
Batgirl was out of the tickle machine and dressed in a spare Batgirl suit that she had stored in her utility belt. Bomb! Gag! Side-Splitter, and Guffaw were all handcuffed and sitting on the floor looking at Harley Quinn, who was now stripped naked inside her own tickling contraption, with a look of downright terror and anguished delight on her face. She begged the caped crusaders not to turn on THE TICKLEMASTER 5000.
"PLEASE, BATGIRL! I'M SORRY! NO! NOT THE HARLEY OIL! I WAS ALREADY VERY, VERY TICKLISH, BEFORE! NOW I'M MORE TICKLISH THAN ANYONE COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! LET ME OUT OF HERE, AT ONCE!" Harley Quinn pleaded.
"Now, now , Harley Quinn. I'm in charge here. It's YOU who will be taking orders from ME. You're about to get a ticklish taste of your own medicine while your boys watch you laugh and scream your clown-clad head off," informed the girl wonder.
With that, Batgirl flipped the switch on the TICKLMASTER 5000 and the comical villainess immediately exploded into paroxysms of hysterical screams and insanely ticklish laughter.
"Thanks for saving me, guys. That twisted shrew almost tickled me to death," said Batgirl.
"Not a problem, Batgirl. We're all on the same team," said Robin.
"Good work, everyone. Now let's get out of here so Gotham City police can do their job when they get here, and take these incorrigibles back to prison where they belong," said Batman.
The three superheroes then left Harley Quinn who was still in ticklish agony inside the tickle machine. Her handcuffed henchmen all sat helplessly watching their boss getting tickle-tortured. But as they waited for the police, the four men found themselves getting turned on by Harley Quinn's ticklish hysteria. Seeing her like that made them all sort of attracted to her. Maybe deep down inside they always had a secret tickling fetish.
THE END
(ticklish superheroine fiction)
Featuring
BATGIRL
Nightfall in Gotham City. From the glitz and glamour of Broadway to the romantic setting of Gotham Central Park, it is a haven rich in culture and beauty, but often plagued with sinister criminal minds plotting to reek havoc throughout the city.
Harley Quinn, that mistress of pranks and arch nemesis of Batgirl has just been released from the state prison, after serving a ten-year sentence for racketeering and mayhem. Unfortunately, this twisted and evil girlfriend of The Joker has returned to society with only one thing on her mind - conjure up the most brilliant crime ever conceived and ultimately do away with Batgirl, once and for all.
Later...
At a dinner party in midtown Gotham, the lovely Barbara Gordon dines at Lagatti`s, a very ritzy Italian restaurant, with her boyfriend, Mark Benedetto. Mr. Benedetto is a very handsome and very wealthy entrepreneur. He owns two Five Star hotels: Roma Gardens in Vegas, and The Regal Royale in Atlantic City.
Barbara and Mark were invited to Lagatti's by some important clients of his, who rented out a banquet room at the fine establishment to celebrate a new business deal. The two had been going out for two weeks and couldn't keep their hands off each other.
Barbara was wearing a very sexy, strapless, blue flower print dress that matched her designer pumps and complemented her hourglass figure. Her hair was attractively arranged in a bun so as not to hide one beautiful feature of her angelic face.
Miss Gordon didn't really care about the business mumbo jumbo that went back and forth across the table. She was to busy being charmed by her Italian hunk as he sat beside her munching on a bowl of Pistachio nuts. Barbara hated those nasty things, herself, but anything he did enchanted her, just by watching.
Meanwhile...
In a secret underground hideout 70 feet below Gotham City, Harley Quinn plans her latest diabolical scheme. Harley's subterranean domain was decorated in red and black wallpaper with a pattern of her comical face printed all over the 20-foot high walls.
She and her henchmen Gag, Bomb, Side-Splitter, and Guffaw were all sitting around the center of the room. They all sat in these chairs that were all mounted on top of giant bedsprings that peaked out of giant "Jack in the Box" boxes.
"So, boss, what's this ingenious plan we've all been dyin' to hear about?" Guffaw asked, in that typical Brooklyn accent.
Harley Quinn laughed and replied," What is the best medicine in the whole wide world?"
"I know, boss. Chicken soup!" Side-Splitter said, with enthusiasm.
"No, you bumbling buffoon."
"Nyquil?" Bomb asked.
"Wrong!"
"I got it! Laughter is the best medicine," interjected Gag.
"The right answer. You win first prize, my friend. Catch!" Harley Quinn praised, as she reached behind her and threw Gag a gift-wrapped box.
The happy goon caught the box with an ear to ear grin on his face. He immediately open the box to see what his prize was. Once he got the top off, a cream pie that was attached to a fake hand that was attached to a spring shot out of the box and smashed him in the face. Harley and the others all exploded with laughter, almost falling off their chairs. Gag just sat their expressionless with a cream smeared face. He stuck his tongue out and licked off some of it. He raised his eyebrows in delight and assessed, "Boston cream. Not bad."
"Indeed, laughter IS the best medicine my fellow jesters. Now what is the most diabolical torture known to the world?"
"Hmmm.." they sighed, pondering.
"And I'll give you a hint. It is an absolutely maddening and cruel torment that causes no pain and leaves no bruises.
"Chinese water torture?" Guffaw suggested.
"No."
"I got it! Being forced to watch C-SPAN2 non-stop," said Gag, with a face still smeared with cream pie.
"I said causes NO pain, you moron."
"Hey, boss. If you say laughter is the best medicine, then the most diabolical torture known to the world, must be TICKLING," said Side-Splitter.
"Congratulations. You win second prize. Here you go!" Harley Quinn said, reaching behind her again and tossing another gift-wrapped box to the already suspicious henchman. Side-Splitter catches the box in his hands.
"No way. I'm not fallin' for that one, boss. You may can fool..."
But before the wary ruffian could utter another word, the bottom fell out from under the box and a boxing glove that was attached to a spring shot out and punched him the groin. His eyes bugged out and he immediately doubled over in pain. Again, everyone was practically rolling with hilarity.
"Now listen up, boys, because I've got an incredibly brilliant plan that will dispose of that insufferable, meddling Batbroad for good. We're going to build us a tickle machine." Harley Quinn declared.
"A tickle machine?" Bomb asked.
"That's right. We'll construct a tickle machine, right here, custom-made to tickle Batgirl to death."
"But what if she's not ticklish, boss?" Guffaw asked.
"A-ha. That coincides with my next plan. I've developed a chemical what I call Harley Oil. All I have to do is rub it on her bare flesh and her skin will increase to one hundred times its normal sensitivity."
"Genius," Guffaw proclaimed.
Harley continued, " So, here's what we're going to do. Sergio Prado, Gotham City's premier fashion designer, will be introducing his Fall attire for women next Thursday. And he's a very big endorser of LaSalle Cosmetics. But when we sneak in and replace the usual LaSalle Body Lotion that his models use with my Harley Oil, Mr. Prado will soon find out his models will all be too ticklish to even go out on the cat walk."
"And he'll have to do business with us if he wants the antidote," interjected Bomb.
"Exactly. And that will lure Batgirl right into my trap."
Later...
Barbara Gordon and her companion Mark Bendetto return to the front door of her apartment. They stood there for a while, just lip-locked in a make-out session.
"I really had a great time, Mark,"
"Me, too. I would come in, but I have 9AM meeting with a client. I'll see you next Sunday night for dinner and a movie?"
"Sure," Barbara replied, with a suggestive smile and a sparkle in her eye.
The handsome couple kissed one more time and said good night to each other. Barbara opened her door and went inside her apartment. Mark left. Once inside, the exhausted Barbara kicked off her heels and retired to her bedroom.
A week later...
Alfred, the loyal and faithful butler of millionaire Bruce Wayne (a.k.a. Batman), is on an errand at the local hardware and supply store to pick up some plant food for the many floral collections that adorned Wayne Manor.
As the gentlemanly butler browsed the quiet isle, he heard voices coming from the other side of the shelves.
"So how many packets of lilac seeds does Harley Quinn want us to get?" Side-Splitter asked.
"I don't know. I guess enough to make enough Harley Oil to sabotage the fashion show tomorrow night," answered Guffaw.
Alfred's eyebrows raised as he eavesdropped on the villains. He realized the Joker's girlfriend was up to her old criminal antics once again.
"Get thirty packets. Yeah, that should be enough," suggested Gag.
"Now let's get outta here," said Bomb.
"Boy, wait `til Sergio Prado gets a load of what we've got in store for him. He's gonna make us rich, or else."
Alfred frowned. A most bizarre coincidence, he thought. I'm glad I was here to listen to this, though. I'd better report this to Batgirl right away, so she can stop Harley Quinn from going through with this dastardly plan.
As Harley's boys were leaving, they passed by the isle Alfred the butler was standing in. Alfred very cautiously reached into his coat pocket and pulled out one of Batman's latest inventions. It looked like an ordinary ball point pen, but when Alfred pressed a button on top and squirted Guffaws back with a small amount of ink, it congealed into a little patch on his garment. The invention was called the Bat-Tagger, and it was able to trace the movement and location of anything or anyone who the patch was on.
Later...
At Gotham City Public Library, the very busy Barbara Gordon organizes returned books at the checkout counter. The phone rings and Barbara answers.
"Hello?"
"Oh, good morning, Miss Gordon. I hope I didn't disturb you," the very civil butler said.
"Hi, Alfred! What's up?"
"Well, it seems that one of your old rivals Harley Quinn is out of prison and planning to disrupt Sergio Prado's fashion show tomorrow night."
"Harley Quinn?"
"I'm afraid so, Madame. But, I did use the Bat-Tagger to follow her gang to their secret hide out."
"Good work, Alfred. I'll be there A.S.A.P.!"
Later...
Barbara Gordon returns to her apartment and prepares to assume her alter ego BATGIRL.
Moments later...
In the alley next to her apartment, the spiral door opens in the wall and out comes the caped-crusading femme fatale riding her state-of-the-art, high-powered Batcycle.
Clad in her tight, sexy black spandex suit, her high, black boots, and her black cowl, Batgirl's symbol displayed proudly across her chest and across the front of her Batcycle, Batgirl speeds down the streets of Gotham City.
Along the way she sees couples walking hand-in-hand looking through department store windows, an man who looks to be arguing with a hot dog vendor over the price of a soda, and a mime surrounded by a group of children and their parents as he juggles five bowling pins in his hands.
On the dashboard of her Batcylce, a screen displays a detailed map to Harley Quinn's secret hideout - thanks to Batman's trusty Bat-Tagger.
Later...
In Harley Quinn's secret, underground hideout, Harley and her henchmen complete the finishing touches on the newly constructed TICKLE MACHINE. Harley Quinn stands at the control console of the giant torture device that looked like a giant mechanical Venus Flytrap.
The crafty villainess pressed a button, which opened up the machines flower pedal-like walls to reveal a plush, almost inviting interior with an assorted array of complex workings. Thousands of tiny brushes, feathers, backscratchers, robotic fingers, etc. were strategically placed and specifically designed to accommodate the contours of Batgirl's body.
"I think it's ready, my friends." Harley declared with an evil grin.
"You're quite a mastermind, boss" said Bomb.
"Yeah, when we catch Batgirl and put her in THAT thing, she won't know what hit her...or should I say she won't know what tickled her," said Side-Splitter.
They all laughed at the remark.
Suddenly, they all heard a loud bang. They turned around to see the door to Harley Quinn's underground domain crashing to the ground and making a big THUD! Everyone was shocked to see standing behind the door was Batgirl herself with a stern look on her face and her fists on her waist in a heroic pose.
Harley Quinn gasped, "I can't believe this! Batgirl! How did you find my hidden fortress?"
"I had a locating device planted on one of your boys, Harley. I told you before you went to prison that your days of crime and wrongdoing are over, and again I'm telling you - Your days of crime and wrong-doing ARE OVER!"
"Bomb! Gag! Side-Splitter! Guffaw! Seize her!" Harley Quinn commanded.
One by one, each of Harley Quinn's muscle-bound goons charged the young superheroine. Batgirl quickly assumed a combat stance when the first one got to her. A swing and a miss by Guffaw, but Batgirl ducks and comes back up with a right uppercut to his stomach.
OOOOF!!!
Here comes Gag with right hook and a left. Batgirl faints left then right then kicks Gag really hard in the groin.
ZOWIEEE!!!
Side-Splitter jumps in front of the girl wonder and takes on the Tiger Position. Batgirl answers the move with a roundhouse kick that sends him flying across the room.
BAM!!!
Harley Quinn climbs on top of her Jack In The Box throne for safety. She has a worried look on her face and hopes her henchmen will quickly regain control of the situation.
Finally, Bomb grabs a baseball bat and begins stalking the caped crusader with it. Batgirl skillfully works to evade the overgrown thug as she makes a backward retreat around the room.
That's right, Bomb. Keep moving her backward, Harley thought, hoping the ruffian would get Batgirl to move right up to where the tickle machine was so that she could catch the girl wonder in her trap.
And after a while, that's where they ended up. Batgirl was standing right on the platform where the villainess' new invention was sitting and Harley moved in for the kill.
Good work, Bomb. Now I've got her right where I want her, Harley concluded, grabbing her remote control and pressing a button.
Immediately, two rubber-like robotic arms stretched out from inside the tickle machine and grabbed the unsuspecting Batgirl.
"WHAT THE...?" Batgirl shouted.
But before she could put up a fight, the robotic arms lifted the superheroine off the ground and pulled her into the center of the tickle machine. Immediately the flower pedal-like walls of the tickle machine raised and closed around Batgirl's form. Now the girl wonder was trapped inside the cylindrical-shaped contraption with only her head exposed at the top.
Harley Quinn exploded with evil laughter as she climbed down from her Jack In The Box throne and goes over to the tickle machine's control console.
"At Last, I have the meddlesome girl blunder in the clutches of my latest and most brilliant work of art," Harley said, with a wicked grin.
Batgirl frowned at the villainess. "WHAT IS THIS THING? LET ME OUT OF HERE, YOU SINISTER PRANKSTER!" She demanded.
"Now, now, Batbrain. I'm the one in charge here. It's YOU who will be taking orders from ME." Harley insisted as she flipped a switch on the tickle machine causing a pattern of differently colored lights to randomly go on and off on the control panel. "Allow me to introduce you to the machine that will see you to your doom. I call it THE TICKLEMASTER 5000."
"THE WHAT?" Batgirl asked.
But before the caped crusader could say anything more, Harley Quinn pressed a button on the control panel causing half a dozen robotic arms from inside the machine to grab the now helpless Batgirl and begin tearing off all of her clothes.
Batgirl gasped with a panicked look on her face. She protested. "OOH! WOW! HEY! STOP THAT!"
Item by item, Batgirl's costume was stripped away, falling out through a chute at the bottom of the tickle machine. Her boots, her suit, and even her utility belt all came off. Now the vulnerable Batgirl was left naked inside the confines of the tickle machine with only her Bat cowl left covering her head that peaked out on top.
"Any last words, Batchick, before I start this machine and TICKLE YOU TO DEATH?" Harley Quinn asked.
"YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME, YOU STUPID VILLAINESS! I HAVEN'T BEEN TICKLISH SINCE I WAS IN JUNIOR HIGH! NOW LET ME GO!"
Harley laughed. "Did you honestly think I'd be so foolish as to not think of that, Batbroad?"
Then Harley presseed another button causing streams of the newly developed Harley Oil to shoot out from the inner walls and onto Batgirl's person.
"OH! OH! HEY, WHAT`S GOING ON? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME?"
"This is Harley Oil, my friend. My other latest invention. I'm spraying it all over your defenseless body. In a few seconds, you will feel your skin becoming more
sensitive, and yes, EXTREMELY TICKLISH!"
Batgirl began to get really, really nervous as she felt her skin, indeed, getting excruciatingly ticklish, just as Harley Quinn predicted.
"Gag! Bomb! Side-Splitter! Guffaw! Gather around, boys, and watch the demise of Batgirl," she called, pressing the big button on the console which started the dreaded tickling torture administered by THE TICKLEMASTER 5000.
Suddenly, the helpless, and now, INCREDIBLY TICKLISH superheroine began to feel a ticklishly tactical exploration all over her body. Dozens of tiny little robotic fingers and feathers poked and stroked her very ticklish ribcage, squeezing her sides, and tormenting Batgirl's deathly ticklish belly button.
More fingers and stiff feathers reached up from the bottom and attacked Batgirl's extremely ticklish bare feet. Little backscratchers raked all over her soles, invading her arches. Tiny, soft, rubber-like robotic fingers probed and dug under and between her toes.
Even more tiny, deft brushes and robotic fingers poked and prodded under Batgirl's horribly ticklish armpits. Robotic hands squeezed her knees, rotating brushes and plumes tormented her inner thighs ands the backs of her knees, and dexterously assaulting her surprisingly ticklish back.
Batgirl went berserk!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! PLEASE! NOOOOOOOOOO! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! HAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! PLEASE! I CAN'T TAKE IT! OOH! OOH! THAT TICKLES SO MUCH! HEY! NOT THERE! OOOOOH! NOT THERE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! STOP! STOP! STOP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE! I'M TOO TICKLISH! NO! NO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NOT MY FEET! NO! NOT MY FEET! AAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAAAHAAHAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! DON'T! DON'T TICKLE ME UNDER MY ARMS! OOH! OOH! NOT THERE! THAT'S SO TICKLISH, RIGHT THERE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! OH, NO! NOT MY BELLY BUTTON! PLEEHEEHEEHEEHEE HEEHEEEEEEEEASE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU'RE KILLING ME! STAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! OH! OH! NOT THERE! I CAN'T STAND THAT! DON'T! NOT THERE! STOP! THAT TICKLES! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! PLEASE! PLEASE! AAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE HOOHOOHOOHOOHOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! STOP! OH, PLEASE STOP! I'M TOO HAHAHAHAHA TICKLISH FOR AAAAAAAAGH THIS! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! PLEEEEEEEEHEEHEEHEEEHEEEHEEEEASE! NOT THE FEET! OOOHOOHOOHOOHOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NO! STOP! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! DON'T! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! NOT MY ARMPITS! NO! NO! THAT TICKLES! STAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAP! AAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAAHAAHAAHAAHAAAAAAAGH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE! OH! OH! OH! STOP IT, PLEASE! I CAN'T HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TAKE THIS ANYMORE! YOU'RE HAHA HAHAHAHAHA KILLING ME! EEEEEEEEEEEEK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH! OH! NOT THERE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP! HAHAHAHAHA! EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! NO! NOT THERE! PLEASE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA STOP TICKLING ME!
Poor Batgirl was absolutely in ticklish agony. Even though they could only see her head tossing from side to side as Batgirl screamed and cursed and laughed hysterically, they could only imagine what was going on inside the cylinder. Harley Quinn's henchmen fell in love as they witnessed the mighty superheroine reduced to a helplessly ticklish, giggling schoolgirl.
Unexpectedly, the Dynamic Duo Batman and Robin arrived at the already trashed opening of Harley's hideout, poised in a heroic stance. They were shocked to see their female comrade shrieking and cackling like a madwoman with her head poking out that weird contraption.
"Holy hyena, Batman! What have they done with Batgirl?" Robin shouted.
That was when Harley noticed the caped crusaders standing at the doorway.
"Oh, no! It's Batman and Robin!" Harley yelled over the din of Batgirl's hilarity.
"That's right, Harley Quinn. We figured you'd be up to your old crooked frolics again, and we were able to use our own Bat-Tagger to lead us to your hideout," informed Batman.
"Boys, get them!" She ordered.
Bomb, Gag, Side-Splitter, and Guffaw reluctantly came out of their trance and turned around to go after the caped crusaders. Batman and Robin were quick to spring into action.
POW!!!
CRASH!!!
WHAM!!!
ZOWIIEEE!!!
KABLAM!!!
After the Dynamic Duo conquered Harley Quinn's henchmen, the dark knight grabbed hold of Harley Quinn, who tried to escape, and instructed Robin to find the off button on the tickle machine to release Batgirl.
The boy wonder was able to find it, and immediately the insufferable tickle machine came to a stop. Poor Batgirl was sweating profusely and gasped to catch her breath.
Later...
Batgirl was out of the tickle machine and dressed in a spare Batgirl suit that she had stored in her utility belt. Bomb! Gag! Side-Splitter, and Guffaw were all handcuffed and sitting on the floor looking at Harley Quinn, who was now stripped naked inside her own tickling contraption, with a look of downright terror and anguished delight on her face. She begged the caped crusaders not to turn on THE TICKLEMASTER 5000.
"PLEASE, BATGIRL! I'M SORRY! NO! NOT THE HARLEY OIL! I WAS ALREADY VERY, VERY TICKLISH, BEFORE! NOW I'M MORE TICKLISH THAN ANYONE COULD POSSIBLY IMAGINE! PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! LET ME OUT OF HERE, AT ONCE!" Harley Quinn pleaded.
"Now, now , Harley Quinn. I'm in charge here. It's YOU who will be taking orders from ME. You're about to get a ticklish taste of your own medicine while your boys watch you laugh and scream your clown-clad head off," informed the girl wonder.
With that, Batgirl flipped the switch on the TICKLMASTER 5000 and the comical villainess immediately exploded into paroxysms of hysterical screams and insanely ticklish laughter.
"Thanks for saving me, guys. That twisted shrew almost tickled me to death," said Batgirl.
"Not a problem, Batgirl. We're all on the same team," said Robin.
"Good work, everyone. Now let's get out of here so Gotham City police can do their job when they get here, and take these incorrigibles back to prison where they belong," said Batman.
The three superheroes then left Harley Quinn who was still in ticklish agony inside the tickle machine. Her handcuffed henchmen all sat helplessly watching their boss getting tickle-tortured. But as they waited for the police, the four men found themselves getting turned on by Harley Quinn's ticklish hysteria. Seeing her like that made them all sort of attracted to her. Maybe deep down inside they always had a secret tickling fetish.
THE END
