Tickling Ethics

[06Alphaman]

This might be only a male "lee" thing. Or shoot, it might be just me. But I'd like to hear what both men and women think about this. And both lees and lers. I'm just wondering.

So...in my life, looking back...I don't think that tickling has been a fair and ethical practice for me. I'm wondering about the subject now...because I have a friend...that I am making plans to tickle. But I probably won't tell her the nature of my tickling "fetish"...until I have tickled her for a while. She will have no idea. So, I think I am already feeling guilty. We are friends. We've known each other for several years. But I am planning to tickle her...without her really knowing where I'm coming from.


LOL. So my question is...if you are going to tickle someone...and you have a tickling "fetish"...should you be expected to inform them and get their consent? Or just go for the tickling.

Flipped if you are a lee. Do you expect to know in advance, if a ler is into tickling? Or...also...even from your perspective as a lee being tickled...if it is a fetish thing for you...do you feel that you should tell your ler...that you are a lee? LOL.

I'm tripping, I know. And it is probably a different thing for those who are members of a tickling forum. Still. Inquiring minds want to know.

 

[06Alphaman]

I'm gonna tickle her. Just as casual play. Nothing serious. So I don't feel guilty yet.

I'm just worried that if it is fun...and I tickle her more...without really telling her where I am coming from...that then I will be using her for my own purposes. And that doesn't seem right or fair.

In the past, once a lady was my steady girlfriend...I would tell her directly or otherwise make it clear. But never before. And none of my friends really know...unless they are a tickling friend.

How do you all approach it?

 

[helplessandhappy]

If you're making plans to tickle her (as in, with her not just in your head) I'd say she's already aware what's up. People don't really do that without it being a fetish thing.

If you're making plans in the sense that you plan on playfully tickling her in some way for a minute while you're hanging out, and this is something she's used to with you, I don't think you need to say anything. However, if you later plan on telling her it's a sexual/fetish thing for you (in whatever way), I'd tell her beforehand. No one wants to find out someone was getting off on something they thought was innocent. I think that could be really violating for some people.

 

[DontAskJusTckle]

In the past, what you've posted would have earned you a dogpile from the forum's Morality Police. I'm not talking about legitimate moderators or administrators, I'm talking about certain members who feel compelled to enforce their particular sense of right and wrong. They would tell you that if you have a tickling fetish you are somehow obligated to make sure anybody you tickle (or anybody who tickles you) fully understands that this is a SEXUAL FETISH. They stop just short of requiring a signed affidavit, but if you are considering non-compliance with their full disclosure mandate, they will go to great lengths to demonize such actions as...(drum roll please)..."creepy." They particularly like that word because it somehow carries a strong negative connotation without any definition whatsoever. One can call anything or anyone "creepy," without worrying about any proof, evidence, or explanation. If somebody asks why, they'll say, "I don't know. It just seems SOOOOO CREEPY!"

The good news is that it doesn't matter what the Morality Police or anybody else thinks. If you're okay doing it, then go for it. If it doesn't sit well with you, then don't.

 

[helplessandhappy]

It really has nothing to do with morality. It has to do with him keeping things cool with a potential play partner in his life. If he tickles her, and she later finds out it's a sexual fetish for him, she may feel violated. She may not feel violated. But if she does, it might be enough to keep her away. Whether you like it or not DAJT, plenty of people are offended by things. Of course you don't have to tell everyone you playfully tickle that it's a fetish for you. But the way he described his relationship to her, he made it sound like he might like to take it further in the future. All I'm saying is if he wants to one day address the fetish aspect and possibly play with her, it would be in his best interest to talk about the fetish before spending tons of time tickling her.

 

[Vanillaphant]

Surely the expedient thing here would be to restrain one's tickling urges. Have a bit of self-control man, for god's sake! 😀

I think it rather depends on just how much you plan to tickle her lol. If it's every now and again, the way friends often do, then I would say you've got nowt to worry about. If it's every time you see her, then she's likely to address the issue for you (and, quite rightly, demand an explanation for your behaviour!). Which perhaps wouldn't be so awkward if there was romantic potential there; extremely awkward if the friendship is resolutely plutonic, though. If it's a case of the latter, and your urge to tickle is overwhelming (you saucy devil, you!), I would, assuming you trust this person, tell her outright. Then you are empowering her so that she may respond in whatever way she deems appropriate.

 

[Dandy Jack]

Tickle her and hope for the best! Use your best tickle judgement!

Dandy Jack!

 

[Teal]

In the past, what you've posted would have earned you a dogpile from the forum's Morality Police. I'm not talking about legitimate moderators or administrators, I'm talking about certain members who feel compelled to enforce their particular sense of right and wrong.

Are you saying it's wrong to enforce one's sense of right and wrong? Isn't that a contradiction?

OP, what do you mean when you say you're planning to tickle her? Like a quick, playful tickle or something more serious? If you're just talking about poking her ribs for a few seconds every so often then I probably wouldn't hugely worry about it, but if you're going to start tickling her very frequently she's going to figure out that this is sexual for you eventually. If you're going to do any kind of extended tickle session I would definitely disclose first, as otherwise you'd be taking advantage of her, and when she does eventually figure it out she'll be none too happy about it.

 

[Bohemianne]

IMO, by the right application of common sense in every private fetish encounter, there is something HOT about losing some sense of ethics.

 

[Vanillaphant]

Tickle her and hope for the best! Use your best tickle judgement!

Dandy Jack!

Forget my previous comment. I would like to second this. (Including the dancing bunny.)

 

[Libertine]

I'm gonna tickle her. Just as casual play. Nothing serious. So I don't feel guilty yet.

I'm just worried that if it is fun...and I tickle her more...without really telling her where I am coming from...that then I will be using her for my own purposes. And that doesn't seem right or fair.

In the past, once a lady was my steady girlfriend...I would tell her directly or otherwise make it clear. But never before. And none of my friends really know...unless they are a tickling friend.

How do you all approach it?

A copy/paste of your TMF biography reads:

"Biography:
African American. Old School. I've been into tickling since I was about 13 years old. And I have had some fun with tickling for a long time now. Just personal stuff. I haven't networked or been at nests or fetcon or anything. I have a couple of degrees in psychology and a Ph.D in another field."

So why with all this apparent brilliance including 'a couple of degrees in psychology' do you need our help? I'm asking, BTW, since a reply you gave to one of my posts was a thinly-disguised ad hominem attack, and your bio doesn't seem to support your own inability to figure out a rather simple question, 'Doctor'.

 

[Vanillaphant]

On second inspection, you should DEFINITELY ignore my first comment, as I imply that your relationship with this girl may consist of a type of 'intrusive igneous rock' (apparently). Plutonic indeed! Ah, that great Classical Greek philosopher, Pluto. Orange. Long black ears.

 

[hlkkln]

I'm gonna tickle her. Just as casual play. Nothing serious. So I don't feel guilty yet.

I'm just worried that if it is fun...and I tickle her more...without really telling her where I am coming from...that then I will be using her for my own purposes. And that doesn't seem right or fair.

In the past, once a lady was my steady girlfriend...I would tell her directly or otherwise make it clear. But never before. And none of my friends really know...unless they are a tickling friend.

How do you all approach it?

will you tie her down and tickle her in such a helpless position? if no... if you will just touch for 5-10 seconds; no need to tell anything... anyway if you tell her it will not tickle in such situation... if you will tie her down anyway you should take consent because it will be really difficult to tie her without her cooperation

 

[Ticklemmmeeeeee]

I think the fact that you are concerned about this at all speaks volumes about your character: you want to treat your friend respectfully and I admire that. An example that hopefully will help is a recent experience of mine. Though I can’t relate to wanting consent from a would-be tickler before he tickles me, I have recently experienced hanging out with a good friend who is not into tickling and does not know the full extent of my tickling needs and interests but knows I love being tickled so he does it. There is a social aspect of it for him and I get tickled so it works within this friendship; my point is that for me, unless this friendship takes a turn towards a relationship I do not feel the need to reveal to him the depth of my tickling (and other) fetishes. I hope that makes sense and more importantly, I hope it helps.

Tat as backdrop,in loving, intimate relationships we naturally know how to approach such things but in casual relationships it can be a dilemma, so I empathize and will suffice it to say that the true test of tickling ethics and friends/acquaintances should perhaps be dealt with similarly as the topic of casual (traditional) sexual ethics;perhaps it doesn’t have as much to do initially with revealing every single aspect of everything that turns you on but rather respecting the other persons wishes and never forcing oneself on another person.

It sounds like you are the type of person who would never dream of doing that, trust yourself and have fun, you never know, she just might love it! In any event, after spending time together and over time tickling her, she will probably come to realize that tickling her is something that you enjoy and is fun for you both (or not)…at that point you can re-assess and search yourself for the level of importance of whether she knows more about your interests.

It sounds like you have integrity and empathy and will make the right choice when the time comes. So on that note, for what it is worth, my advice is to trust yourself.🙂

 

[Ticklemmmeeeeee]

I think the fact that you are concerned about this at all speaks volumes about your character: you want to treat your friend respectfully and I admire that. An example that hopefully will help is a recent experience of mine. Though I can’t relate to wanting consent from a would-be tickler before he tickles me, I have recently experienced hanging out with a good friend who is not into tickling and does not know the full extent of my tickling needs and interests but knows I love being tickled so he does it. There is a social aspect of it for him and I get tickled so it works within this friendship; my point is that for me, unless this friendship takes a turn towards a relationship I do not feel the need to reveal to him the depth of my tickling (and other) fetishes. I hope that makes sense and more importantly, I hope it helps.

That as backdrop,in loving, intimate relationships we naturally know how to approach such things but in casual relationships it can be a dilemma, so I empathize and will suffice it to say that the true test of tickling ethics and friends/acquaintances should perhaps be dealt with similarly as the topic of casual (traditional) sexual ethics;perhaps it doesn’t have as much to do initially with revealing every single aspect of everything that turns you on but rather respecting the other persons wishes and never forcing oneself on another person.

It sounds like you are the type of person who would never dream of doing that, trust yourself and have fun, you never know, she just might love it! In any event, after spending time together and over time tickling her, she will probably come to realize that tickling her is something that you enjoy and is fun for you both (or not)…at that point you can re-assess and search yourself for the level of importance of whether she knows more about your interests.

It sounds like you have integrity and empathy and will make the right choice when the time comes. So on that note, for what it is worth, my advice is to trust yourself.🙂

 

[06Alphaman]

LOL.

Thanks everyone. And keep the comments coming.

I will say a few things in response. First of all, it's not that I "need help", LOL. I'm middle aged and have been in relationships of various kinds for years. This is a tickling forum, so what I like about that is that things about tickling can be discussed. I can usually only discuss tickling...with friends or girlfriends that I am tickling.

Second, the lady I am talking about...we have been friends for more than four years. And she is gorgeous. But we are not pursuing a relationship. We flirt a lot though. I take her out to formal functions that I have for work or in my community. And we flirt and play with each other. But it is not a romantic thing. It is a friendship thing. So...I think that I have been respectful...I'm not imposing tickling on her. But I am curious. Is she ticklish? I wonder what it sounds like when she is tickled. So...I will find a way to tickle her. Nothing sexual. I'm talking friendly.

But yeah, my imagination says that it could be awkward if my friend finds out later and feels like she was being used to facilitate a fetish.

Again, I've lived a good long life by now. I've tickled many females by now. Playfully, mostly. If some of my friends became girlfriends...or even one who became my wife...they tend to know and get it...even before I officially tell them. And it hasn't been a problem. For me...it's not quite a fetish...I'm into other things that are mainstream. So my peeps have not considered it to be a fetish or a problem. It's fun. Folks who hate to be tickled...well...I don't tickle them. My ex wife hated to be tickled...and so I didn't tickle her. I still married her. 20 years. Point being that tickling is not the center of my universe. I just like it.

So I am going to wait for the right time. And play. It will be a quick play. And it will be an introduction to a conversation where I can ask her about if she is ticklish and what she thinks about that. LOL. I'm not gonna ask to tie her up or anything. LOL. I think it will be just fine. I'm not going for a sex thing. Not yet anyway. In a minute, I will tell you my two different plans. You can tell me what you think.

 

[06Alphaman]

Okay. So like I said,we have known each other for several years now. We hang out. We have fun. We flirt. We've had our hands on each other or have held hands. Kisses on the cheek. But we are not romantically involved on intimate. Just friends. I keep my tickling to myself. She is not one of my tickle friends (and I have two of those). So here are my two plans. I'm mostly just waiting for the right opportunity. It has to flow naturally.

Plan One
We tease each other a lot. Part of our flirting. And she's a smart ass. LOL. So...the easy way to go...when she says something or does something sassy...is for me to just say: "Oooohhhhh. I think I'm gonna have to tickle you!" LOL. And then I will just wait for her reaction. You know? If she is horrified, it's a no go. If she doesn't protest, I might try. If she dares me playfully to tickle her...I'm good to go.

Plan One Point Five
I also know her well enough to ask her if she is ticklish and where. She won't think it is too weird. Again, we have been friends for years now. I can even be straight forward to a point. "You know, I love the way you laugh. I am so tempted to tickle you, just to get you to laugh". And then I improvise based on the response. Check the vibe. If she is playful and leans into it, I know I'm good. If not...I just lay back and continue the day or evening.
________________________

Okay. But here is plan Two. And it is a little more devious. So that's why I am feeling guilty and asked the question.

So. My friend comes over every now and then for a glass of wine. She lives with her mom who is Muslim and she can't drink in the house. So she has a standing invitation to share a glass or two with me at my house.

One of the next times she comes, my plan is to have on hand some oils and some peppermint scented foot creme. And then, I'm gonna offer a foot massage. I think this will work because she wears high heels all day every day. So if she accepts, I will do the foot massage. And at some point, I will slip in a tickle. No "Lickling". No sucking toes. Nothing too forward or sexual (depending on what you think about a foot massage). Just a play. Playful. Mostly to see if she is ticklish and what she thinks about that. A conversation thing. I can ask her. "Oh, you are ticklish, huh???" And see how that goes.

 

[06Alphaman]

I haven't had a bad experience yet. I try to be respectful and think about it though. I don't want a woman that I like to be a tickle object. That's never my goal.

In fact, except for some friends that I just friendly tickled...any of my girlfriends with whom I shared my tickling thing with...they had figured out that I liked tickling...because as we got closer...I found ways to tickle. But tickling was just one small thing. I was about them...as people. And I was into all the regular things between a boy and a girl or a man and a woman. The only person I had the fetish discussion with was my ex wife. For everyone else...it was/is just about fun.

I do have a tickle friend who likes to be tickled by me...and it has a sexual component. It developed over years. She now calls me when she wants to be tickled. And I call her if I am in a tickling mood. And we usually have some intimate contact related to that. The first time I tickled her, she was embarassed (it was in public), but she laughed loud and hard and loved it. The second time..she got a look in her eye like...Oh...I know you are gonna tickle me. And she laughed again...in public. After a while, when we got together...if I didn't tickle her...she would remind me that I could. And then she would just say that she wanted me to tickle her. She says it is fun...and she says she likes it because I like it and she is fascinated that it turns me on. We don't talk about it as a fetish. She's cute. I love her laugh...and she likes to laugh. She says, "I don't get a lot of laughter in my life unless you are tickling me." Lucky me. But she enjoys it. Seeks it out. But it developed over years. I didn't just start tickling her. But once I did...she figured it out pretty quickly.

That's my hope for my friend. I'm gonna test the tickle waters. It won't be sexual. Just an exploration. And then we will see how it goes from there. Clearly, I have some reservations because I know things about me that she doesn't. And I don't want to use her for a perverse pleasure. So I won't. But I gotta think about it. Right? And I just think it is nice to get feedback from folks who are into tickling.

I'm gonna do what it do. It might be this weekend. It might be a few weeks from now (we have a date). Or it might not happen at all. We will see.

 

[Marty Pants]

A copy/paste of your TMF biography reads:

"Biography:
African American. Old School. I've been into tickling since I was about 13 years old. And I have had some fun with tickling for a long time now. Just personal stuff. I haven't networked or been at nests or fetcon or anything. I have a couple of degrees in psychology and a Ph.D in another field."

So why with all this apparent brilliance including 'a couple of degrees in psychology' do you need our help? I'm asking, BTW, since a reply you gave to one of my posts was a thinly-disguised ad hominem attack, and your bio doesn't seem to support your own inability to figure out a rather simple question, 'Doctor'.

I believe the OP is deliberately avoiding these excellent questions/points.
Your credibility is at stake, sir. Why not address this and move forward?

 

[06Alphaman]

LOL. I think I addressed this.

This is a discussion. I don't need any help. LOL. In fact, as I have said before..tickling is not really even a fetish for me. It is just something that I enjoy. I've addressed it, Marty Pants. I actually have it figured out. I am just starting a conversation.

Hmmmm. Is that too complicated? LOL.

 

[06Alphaman]

But here is my answer to the question that I posed.

If the tickling is friendly and exploratory...no harm, no foul. It's just fun.

If the tickling is sexually gratifying, such that I or someone is using the person for sexual gratification...without informing them...it is unethical. It's wrong.

LOL. It's not really rocket science. I was just wondering what other people think.

 

[TicklingTips]

Just a thought. I've tickled a few girls/women, who I was not in a relationship at the time. Sometimes I've tickled them several times or quite a lot. Later, they've found out that it was a fetish for me because I dated them or just hooked up with them and got talking.

You know how many have cared or felt used? Or said anything negative about previous ticklings?

Zero.

Several have then encouraged it, even when we weren't in a relationship. You might be overthinking this.

 

[06Alphaman]

Just a thought. I've tickled a few girls/women, who I was not in a relationship at the time. Sometimes I've tickled them several times or quite a lot. Later, they've found out that it was a fetish for me because I dated them or just hooked up with them and got talking.

You know how many have cared or felt used? Or said anything negative about previous ticklings?

Zero.

Several have then encouraged it, even when we weren't in a relationship. You might be overthinking this.

LOL. Right. Definitely. I've never had a problem either. I'm sure that I am over thinking it. It was mostly for conversation...wondering what other people thought. Sometimes you don't know how other people think about things unless you ask.

Thanks

 

[ElFewja]

Well, there's always how they feel about it, but what about how you feel about it? Do you think you're taking advantage of them? Are you afraid that you are unintentionally or that if things get heated you will start to?

I find myself in that situation a lot and I just try to avoid it in general if I can help it, because why make things more complex than necessary? If I think I'm taking advantage of someone, then I just won't do it.

Ehh.

 

[06Alphaman]

Well, there's always how they feel about it, but what about how you feel about it? Do you think you're taking advantage of them? Are you afraid that you are unintentionally or that if things get heated you will start to?

I find myself in that situation a lot and I just try to avoid it in general if I can help it, because why make things more complex than necessary? If I think I'm taking advantage of someone, then I just won't do it.

Ehh.

I hear you.

I tend to think through everything and am pretty courteous. If it feels "wrong", I won't do something. I also take a very long time to "play"...I really get to know someone first. Usually. Besides that...for tickling, I feel like that's not a sexual thing or a sexual advance...unless it is a sexual thing or sexual advance. For me...unless it is with a partner ...it's mostly just tickling. Usually.

She's not going to have a problem with me tickling her. In fact, I think we are at a point where she is wondering why I haven't really put my hands on her more. I haven't even made a move for a kiss yet...and anybody else would have done that long ago. I guess my little bit of conflict is that I know that I don't want a serious relationship with her, so I am not going to even try some things. And even though she is beautiful...I don't think I want a sexual relationship with her. I pretty much like the way things are. So for now...if I tickle her...as I plan to...it is mostly just to see if she is ticklish and what that looks like.

If that turns out to be attractive...I will have to think about next moves. For real though, it's not that serious. It's play. If she doesn't like to be tickled...I won't be tickling her. If she does or doesn't care...that's a negotiated process in the future. When we hold hands...it's a negotiated thing. A mutual thing. A hug...same thing. My usual MO is to go for the tickle and see the reaction. If it is favorable, I will announce that I like that. I'll compliment the laugh or the smile. Later I might indicate that I like that so much that I will do anything to get that reaction. And later I will playfully describe it as my tickling fetish (although my girlfriends have not really "understood" what that means until later...if we are in a relationship).

Still. Every person is different. So one never knows. I've had great experiences. In fact, I'm old enough now that I have old friends...just friends...who remember me tickling them...or I remind them. And it is just a fun memory. Hmmm. I might have to tell a story about that.