tickling jealousy (w/a signficant other)

[YouNeverKnow175]

Hi Friends,
I've struggled with something with different girlfriends now for several years. When my girlfriend gets tickled by someone other than me, I have an interesting reaction....if it's by another female, I get extremely aroused and it's a great "story" to hear again and again. If it's by a male, I get extremely jealous and angry if I see it or hear about it.

It's hard because since tickling is so sexual for me, I kind of can't see how it's not for other people - so to me it's like they're doing something sexual to her - that's what makes me so angry - I want to be the only guy to be able to tickle her.

HOWEVER...I know there are people who enjoy "stories" about or seeing their girlfriends getting tickled by anyone - male or female - and I can see potential for it being really arousing to hear about it no matter what....I can see this is true because she told me a story about being tickled by a bunch of her teenage campers (- some male, some female -she leads outdoor adventure trips) and it drove me insane to hear. So it's a matter of finding a way to break through the jealousy and just enjoy it all.

Any thoughts, experiences, or advice to share?
Thanks 🙂
Dan

 

[amk714]

Welcome to the TMF, Dan!

I think that if it bothers you when a man tickles your girlfriend, you don't have to enjoy it at all. If he knows she is seeing you, tickles her, and knows you don't like it, then he should respect your wishes and stop, even if that's all he's doing. If she cares about you, she will tell him to stop, even if she enjoys it. Just my 2 cents. 🙂

 

[YouNeverKnow175]

a little more specificly

Thanks for the welcome, Brother!

I think for me it doesn't even have to be a case where I see this person doing it or it's a regular thing....just the thought is difficult, or if somehow I discover someone tickled her, even once. However, I guess something that still really bothers me, even "scares" me, is the thought that another guy would find out she's ticklish and do it regularly.

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

Dan....

Here's a little female perspective on the subject. I think the first thing I should address is the fact that tickling definitely isn't a sexual thing to most people. For everyone in the 'vanilla' world it is something that's usually not thought about, may be fun on occasion, and perhaps used as a tool for innocent flirtations every now and then. You have to come outside your frame of reference and realize that the guys who are tickling your girlfriend are probably not doing it to be sexual.

However, there is the possibility that they are being flirtatious with her...which is what I'm guessing you have the real problem with. I know it is sometimes hard to hear about or see, but flirting is part of life. If you trust that your girlfriend can flirt on occassion, and be flirted with (without it going any further than that), then I say it is totally harmless and also a natural part of how human beings interact with each other. The only reason to get jealous is because you think that there is a real possibility that your girlfriend will prefer this other guy to you. There should be no jealousy in a relationship if there is trust and security.

My guess is that if you continue to tell her how jealous and angry you get when other guys tickle her, that she is going to get insulted and think you don't trust her. Jealousy can be a real turn off to a lot of girls.

Personally speaking, I could never be with a guy who got jealous every time another guy touched or tickled me (and I'm not trying to be insulting here, I'm just stating my opinion). I am very flirtatious by nature (and have been married for over 6 years) but my husband knows that it would never go any further than the innocent play between friends. I love him, and would never think to be with anyone else. And that is what really matters, isn't it?

Your girlfriend is with YOU and not him. Give her a little credit, and trust her enough to interact with other guys (even if there are some innocent tickles involved 😉 )

Maggie

 

[amk714]

I was wrong!

Great advice, Maggie. I'm a man who's never been in a relationship, so I suck at this stuff! 🙂

 

[SimplyRio]

Trust your initial instincts, amk... You may have never been in a relationship, but I happen think your original view is quite admirable.

That's THIS lady's personal take on that matter ;-)

~Rio

 

[amk714]

Thanks, ForeverRio!

Does that mean you agree with ME? 😀

 

[SimplyRio]

Re: Thanks, ForeverRio!

Does that mean you agree with ME? 😀

It guess I simply meant... don't discount your own views too quickly just because you have no practickle experience. These unadulterated views are simply a reflection of what's in your heart and that's a beautiful thing.

Also, I was sharing a small glimpse into my perspective and it happened to jive, in part, with your own.

Happy Tickles!
~Rio

 

[amk714]

That's cool, Rio.

I was only wondering.

 

[Tickler2001]

Tickle my GF please!!

I actually find it a huge turn on when other people tickle my GF, male or female. I'll admit its a bigger turn on if its females, but I like to see anyone do it. I have many fantasy's of seeing her gang tickled out of her mind.

Perhaps earlier in our relationship it might have made me jealous, but we have evolved to the point where I am totally secure with what we have. I don't feel threatened or jealous at all if one of my male friends tickles her. 😎

 

[amk714]

I'll do it, Tickler2001!

But you'll have to pay for my round-trip ticket to Canada.

 

[starfires]

dispelling assumptions

The following is an extract of my personal experience and the accumulated wisdom of many polyamorous folk and swingers regarding jealousy in unusual relationships; the credit is not all mine, but I will take the blame (and flame).

Jealousy is neither proof of love, nor proof of mistrust; it just is.
Different people feel jealous (or don't) under different circumstances.
Jealousy is not a rational emotion. One cannot make it go away by telling you "you should not feel jealous, because X". Similarly, statements like "I don't understand why you get jealous [and therefore you should not]" are not helpful at all.
Jealousy does not arise only from sexual acts, and sexual acts do not always produce jealousy.
Therefore, convincing yourself that "you should not feel jealous when another man tickles your girlfriend because tickling is not sexual for that man" may not help.

First, it would help you to figure out what specifically makes you jealous: is it subconscious fear of a particular outcome (such as your girlfriend leaving you for her latest tickler), or just the image of your girlfriend being thus handled by another man, or something else? From there, there are a few ways to proceed.

1. If you really want to be the only man to tickle your girlfriend, you can ask her to make tickle-exclusivity one of the rules of your relationship. Your girlfriend might get weird looks from the mundanes when she warns someone not to tickle her because that privilege is her boyfriend's alone, but any decent person should respect that even if they don't understand it. Keep in mind, if you ask this of her, that you are not automatically entitled to that, and she might refuse (as I understand it, your tickling jealousy is a new development that neither of you expected when going into the relationship).

2. You could try to desensitize yourself to this kind of jealousy. Arrange for a friend of yours who you know for sure is absolutely uninterested romantically or sexually in your girlfriend (nor she in him) to tickle her in your presense. Observe the interaction and lack of bad consequences, repeat if necessary.

3. If your jealousy is unfounded and you understand that rationally, but the emotion is still there, welcome to the "sucks to be human" club. You can either deal with it or ask your girlfriend not to tell you about any of her tickling experiences from now on. (But then you might develop a paranoia of the "What if some bastard has his dirty paws on my girlfriend's ribs right now?" sort, in which case it's up to you to discontinue the experiment.)

So, I apologize for the length and hope this helps some.

 

[Deleted member 2452]

i have gone both ways

at times i have been very upset about others tickling my wife. other times i'd even held her arms for another person to tickle her.
i guess it's all in the moment. i have even been unhappy and at another time fine with the same person tickling my wife. the whys escape me.
probobly the most upset i bacame over another guy tickling my wife, was when she cheated on me, and used all "our" tickle tools with the other guy. boy talk about unhappy! i threw out all those toys. i could never use them again.

back in collage a couple of girls my wife knew tickled her a few times. it made me feel very uncomfortable. we talked about it, and she agreed to tell them not to do it in front on me. yes the other girls were lesbiens.
steve

 

[Novus]

Not enough tickling

YouNeverKnow175, you might be jealious because you are not getting enough tickling with your girlfriend to satisfy your needs. When you see or hear about your girlfriend getting tickled you probably ask yourself why you wern't the one tickling her? There is no answer to this question and that is the problem. You ask this question because you have a desire to tickle her. It is like a hungry man that is jealious when he sees others eating. A full man never thinks like that. The best advice I can offer you is to tickle your girlfriend more often. Tickle her every time you see her.

 

[toyou444]

When I was dating in high school and college I was immensly jealous if someone tickled my gf...yet I saw nothing wrong with tickling another girl myself. The long and short of it, I later realized, was that I only attach sexual conotation to tickling with the person I am involved with...otherwise its just harmless fun. I was a jealous person anyway and my own insecurities were the problem there. So I grew older and wiser and now would love to see my wife get tickled by someone else (and have 😀 )...but now SHE gets jealous when I tickle someone else becasue she only knows tickling as something between us. She's getting better though as I explain the difference in mind between tickling her and tickling someone else.

~ toyou

 

[Iggy pop]

I don't get jelous if another guy tickles my girlfriend, because I know that it is usual harmless flirtation. Usually if another guy starts to tickle my girl then there is a good chance I will help him out. Maybe by just telling him where she is really ticklish or sometimes physically helping him tickle her. As for the jelously thing, I don't think it is a problem unless your girlfriend has a problem with. Like daisy says jelousy turns some girl off, but some girls like it when their man gets jelous.