Something short and dark, just like me 😀
Staggering... It is the kind of walk that makes one feel more human. Through bleary eyes I seemed to feel weightless. More human, yet, so unreal.
"Welcome to the planet Earth" a voice called out into the dark fog that had become my vision. Not long ago smoke curled gently from my nostrils as cold lightning raced the length of my arms and legs. I tried to shake my head but could not even lift my face to the source of the sound above. I am out of control again, staggering, human.
"Look at me." I struggled with myself. I could almost believe that i was transplanted into a foreign body at that moment. My arms and legs felt alien even amidst the humbling stagger at which i moved.
"I can't." i cried out in frustration. I was suddenly overwhelmed by emotions i couldn't control. My attempt to thrash in anger only succeeded in making this foreign body dance like a drunken marionette. Another jolt of pain shot through me. It had no origin, no destination, just a generalized shot of agony. I heard laughter in the fog and all i could think about was having another cigarette to ease the frustration.
"Where are they?" that voice was much louder than i could bear. I worked my tired, foreign body into a tight ball. I tried to remember where i left my lighter even though there was really no way in hell i could remember such a trivial thing.
Silence.
I hated silence at that moment. I could hear my own wet ragged breath struggling through the blood and mucus. I wanted a shower. I wondered if i could will this damnable staggering body into a shower without falling on my face. The thought almost made me want to curl this swollen mien into a smile.
Finally i was able to open my hands. I could have avoided all of this if i had opened my hands. I promise i tried, but i forgot how to let go. I heard a set of keys fall noisily at my feet. My shoulders slumped and i felt my body shoved into one of the piles of pine straw i had spent the day raking together. It would have been nice to see the stars through the midnight canopy but i couldn't open my eyes. I wondered how long i'd been out here. How long had i been alone since i dropped the keys? Time matters so little sometimes.
I didn't hear him pull out of the driveway, nor did i hear the din of the neighborhood dogs barking as he tore down the little road away from me. I fumbled in my pocket for a cigarette. It was amazing how such simply movements evoked so much pain. It made me never want to take moving painlessly for granted again. I am human and this is planet Earth.
"You're just as broken as i am, it seems" i tried to smile as i felt the unbroken half dangle from my throbbing lips. Just as i struck my lighter i heard the distance sounds of sirens. Somehow i knew he wouldn't be back tonight. I might get in a shower after all. I'd never felt so glad to taste cheap menthol cigarettes and hear sirens wailing in the distance.
Staggering... It is the kind of walk that makes one feel more human. Through bleary eyes I seemed to feel weightless. More human, yet, so unreal.
"Welcome to the planet Earth" a voice called out into the dark fog that had become my vision. Not long ago smoke curled gently from my nostrils as cold lightning raced the length of my arms and legs. I tried to shake my head but could not even lift my face to the source of the sound above. I am out of control again, staggering, human.
"Look at me." I struggled with myself. I could almost believe that i was transplanted into a foreign body at that moment. My arms and legs felt alien even amidst the humbling stagger at which i moved.
"I can't." i cried out in frustration. I was suddenly overwhelmed by emotions i couldn't control. My attempt to thrash in anger only succeeded in making this foreign body dance like a drunken marionette. Another jolt of pain shot through me. It had no origin, no destination, just a generalized shot of agony. I heard laughter in the fog and all i could think about was having another cigarette to ease the frustration.
"Where are they?" that voice was much louder than i could bear. I worked my tired, foreign body into a tight ball. I tried to remember where i left my lighter even though there was really no way in hell i could remember such a trivial thing.
Silence.
I hated silence at that moment. I could hear my own wet ragged breath struggling through the blood and mucus. I wanted a shower. I wondered if i could will this damnable staggering body into a shower without falling on my face. The thought almost made me want to curl this swollen mien into a smile.
Finally i was able to open my hands. I could have avoided all of this if i had opened my hands. I promise i tried, but i forgot how to let go. I heard a set of keys fall noisily at my feet. My shoulders slumped and i felt my body shoved into one of the piles of pine straw i had spent the day raking together. It would have been nice to see the stars through the midnight canopy but i couldn't open my eyes. I wondered how long i'd been out here. How long had i been alone since i dropped the keys? Time matters so little sometimes.
I didn't hear him pull out of the driveway, nor did i hear the din of the neighborhood dogs barking as he tore down the little road away from me. I fumbled in my pocket for a cigarette. It was amazing how such simply movements evoked so much pain. It made me never want to take moving painlessly for granted again. I am human and this is planet Earth.
"You're just as broken as i am, it seems" i tried to smile as i felt the unbroken half dangle from my throbbing lips. Just as i struck my lighter i heard the distance sounds of sirens. Somehow i knew he wouldn't be back tonight. I might get in a shower after all. I'd never felt so glad to taste cheap menthol cigarettes and hear sirens wailing in the distance.
