Too Many Secrets?

[Slaver123]

My brother moved in with me a few years ago. So much of my life is a "secret" from him, though. Besides my tickling fetish (which is part of my sex-life so it's supposed to be hush-hush) I keep 2 or 3 innocuous secrets from him. (No mistresses, no extra limbs, no bodies in the cellar; my secrets sound REALLY silly)

1) My laptop computer (ok, cheap Netbook) Why do I keep it secret? So he won't mistakenly blab to one of my best friends about it, a self-styled computer genius who's gobbed up my previous computers with "helpful" programs that slow everything to a crawl. I don't want HIM finding out about it....so I keep the netbook a secret from my brother too.

2) I'm into a certain "Cthulhu Mythos"-based game, which you can play solo. My brother's very religious and I figure all the faux-Occult trappings of the game would really bother him (pentagrams, demons, cults etc)

3) Also I stash money (hundreds, not millions; sorry ladies) cause I don't want him or anyone else thinking I'm not totally broke all the time.

These are big parts of my life which I've kept hidden for years. The Netbook's my primary "window on the world" and the game's one of my big hobbies (I guess that's the right word) These things were stuck in my mind as something I should keep secret, until tonight when I started to question all this secrecy. So I'm asking the nicest people I've ever found in Cyberspace (ie Tickle Theater members) what y'all think about it....

 

[Mash]

No such thing as too many secrets. The less people know about you, the less of an edge they have on you at any given time.
I'm as open as I am on here simply due to the amount of anonymity I have; some of you know more about me than my own mother does.

However, these are the words of a cynic, and you're free to do what you feel most comfortable with. I live my life comfortably by not sharing it with many people; some people would agree with that lifestyle, others wouldn't.

 

[sadi]

What's wrong about having a little of 'you' hidden away for your own sense of security and independence?

Yes, the three things you gave might sound silly to others, but they're obviously not "silly" if you could count them yourself, thinking of 'secrects'. For one reason or other(s), those three things came up because, they're stuck in your head as something important one way or another, or you feel 'troubled' by them again, for one or more reason(s).

Now, being honest doesn't mean immediately divulging literally EVERYTHING you think about or do, though! Whether you think of those three things as a 'secret' or not is something your conscience will have to try to deal with. There's nothing wrong with taking a greater step of 'secrecy' to help ensure no one messes with your technological shtuff again! Though your brother might see it as heresy, what's right for one might not be right for another, as the justification. And, what's wrong with keeping some 'emergency' money you know you can always have on hand, if necessary, instead of it being holed up in an account making minimal interest and likely greater fees than any bonuses you might receive from 'locking it up', in a sense?

My two cents is, if you continue to feel as these things are 'secrets', which irk you if you keep them unsaid then, unless you can change your thought processes, tell. Whatever. :huh But I (a lay person) feels that just because you may be a 100% honest person, it SO doesn't mean that that person has to automatically spit out literally EVERYTHING that pops into his brain - or he does, taking it one step further.

And heck, in a way you have told someone else about these 'secrets' you're battling over; you've told EVERYONE here! So just decide how 'far' you want to go telling people. For all you know, telling your brother about these things may not be enough to help appease your conscience. You could end up phoning your parents, all your relatives, and go to the extreme of standing on a soapbox out in the open and shouting to EVERYONE about these 'secrets' you think you have and feel you need to tell others about.

- When's it enough, to make you still feel you're honest? To get your brain to stop mentally beating you up because of these "secrets"? And when can you just leave certain things alone and be happy with them being a part of you, and that's it. People might know, people might not. That's it. Nothing to 'worry' about one way or another.


Again, the 'lay' opinions of just another perverted ticklephile here on this website. :stickout

Best wishes regardless what you feel you should end up doing, one way or another. :happy:

 

[Slaver123]

Thanx both of ya... It's sad how many lines of defense I need against people who are on my side, like my Brother and one of my BFs. My bro's my only close family and I feel like I shut him out all the time.

 

[Mash]

Here here. Words of wisdom from the Canadian. =P

 

[chicag0]

Aside from the tickling thing, those aren't really secrets. They're your property and they're valuable to you (computer, money) so you can do with them what you will.

Though, I'm of the mind that the fewer secrets one has in life, the easier things are.

 

[CellarDweller]

Like AH said, those aren't really secrets, they're your private property, an there's no reason for you to share everything with everyone.

And, hey, who doesn't have secrets?

 

[Rox_My_Sox1]

1) My laptop computer (ok, cheap Netbook) Why do I keep it secret? So he won't mistakenly blab to one of my best friends about it, a self-styled computer genius who's gobbed up my previous computers with "helpful" programs that slow everything to a crawl. I don't want HIM finding out about it....so I keep the netbook a secret from my brother too.

Touching another person's property without either your consent or the consent of a court order is against the law. If he uploads something onto your netbook, you have the right to fine him through the courts and kick his ass out. 1st problem solved.

2) I'm into a certain "Cthulhu Mythos"-based game, which you can play solo. My brother's very religious and I figure all the faux-Occult trappings of the game would really bother him (pentagrams, demons, cults etc).

If he has a problem due to his convictions tell him to kiss your ass. If he still has a problem tell him he can live somewhere else. 2nd problem solved.

3) Also I stash money (hundreds, not millions; sorry ladies) cause I don't want him or anyone else thinking I'm not totally broke all the time.

If it disappears and there's no other possibility except for him having stolen it then kick his ass out and press charges. 3rd problem solved.

YOU DO HOWEVER appear to have one MAJOR PROBLEM that you HAVE YET TO SOLVE THOUGH. Manning up and being honest with your brother. It's your house, it's your rules. As long as he's not listed as an owner then you get to say what goes. Man up and be the boss of the house...a REASONABLE boss of the house mind you...but a boss none the less.

 

[the_jimmy_james]

Really great ways to keep the first two from happening.

1) Force of personality. Inform and instruct someone to stop doing a thing that you don't want. Don't ask. Never ask. In your example situation...

Guy gets your lappy. He turns it on, and you know what he's going to do. You say the following.

"Put it down."

His reply goes something like...

"I'm going to do this thing for you."

You respond with...

"No you aren't. Put it down."

Then you take it away, and add...

"Don't touch it. Ever."

That's how you nip that in the bud.

2) Provide an "I don't care" attitude. Just play your game right there in front of your bro. If he says something, shrug and say. "Sorry." If he presses the issue, just look at him and say, "I could find you a realtor. They can help you find a new place to live." That one can of course be said with a smile. No need to be douchey, just let him know in a friendly way that you couldn't give two damns! 🙂

 

[Mash]

Or, rather than give your brother the impression that you were seconds away from ripping out his jugular, you could throw a password onto your laptop and call it a day.

 

[Slaver123]

T

YOU DO HOWEVER appear to have one MAJOR PROBLEM that you HAVE YET TO SOLVE THOUGH. Manning up and being honest with your brother. It's your house, it's your rules. As long as he's not listed as an owner then you get to say what goes. Man up and be the boss of the house...a REASONABLE boss of the house mind you...but a boss none the less.

Yeah, that gets to some deeper issues....like how he's had nearly un-treated depression (or bipolar?) for over 20-ish years, so I never "put my foot down" about stuff, I keep the kid gloves on with him. I'm starting to see how I've spent a lifetime dealing with his mental illness the wrong way....

Same thing with my depressed friend; I don't want to brutalize his feelings by saying he sucks at computers- he doesn't really suck at them, he just has the mindset where it's okay to have to constantly wrestle with the machine to get it to do things whereas I want it to be simple and easy, I don't wanna bog it down with all sorts of stuff (antivirus and anti-spyware slow it down enough)

there are other things I don't share with anyone; I don't want anyone to see the books I'm reading, not even an audio book. Why? Not sure... guess my Cartesian Theatre is for private showings only....

 

[Rox_My_Sox1]

I'm starting to see how I've spent a lifetime dealing with his mental illness the wrong way...

One thing is clear. He needs help. Get him to a therapist or any other medical specialist and get him diagnosed. Therapy and medication can help with depression and bi-polar disorder. If he refuses to help himself by accepting your help then living with him his just going to be a pain in the ass for you. I take it he's on some type of medical insurance? Does he have a way to pay for the rest of his medical bills?

 

[Mash]

No point in trying to help him if he doesn't want any help. Sit down with him; talk it over.

If he wants help, get him some. If not, leave it be.