Top Ten List

[luv2bt&tickled]

I thought I would had a Top Ten list, there are a lot of great jokes that have been posted, funny pictures, etc.
Rather than taking up space on the Jokes thread, I thought I would add this. I hope everyone enjoys it and will contribuate.
With that said, I will start 🙂

😀 Top Ten Clinton Family Thanksgiving Traditions


10. Stuffing the turkey with shredded Whitewater documents

9. Bill filp-flops for hours over whether he wants white meat ordark meat

8. They break the wishbone, and Hillary wishes to stay out ofprison

7. George Stephanopoulos scampers around under the table begging forscaps

6. After the meal, the President unbuttons his pants, and also thoseof several female staffers

5. At least a dozen people pass out from too much "HillbillyPunch"

4. They fill the Oval Office with mashed potatoes, and Bill has toeat his way out

3. Instead of slaughtering the turkey, they have Al Gore bore it todeath

2. At about 3:00 a.m., Bill places a call to "The Happy PilgrimEscort Service"

1. They all thank God they're not the Doles

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Top Ten ways that life would be different if Microsoft built cars:

10. new seats would require everyone to have the same size butt.

9. we'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas (tm).

8. the U.S. government would be getting subsidies from an auto
maker.... instead of giving them.

7. the oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be
replaced by a single "general protection car fault" warning light.

6. sun motor systems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as
reliable, five times as fast, but would only run on 5% of the roads.

5. you would constantly be pressured to upgrade your car.

4. you could only have one person in your car at a time, unless you
bought car '95 or car nt; but then, you'd have to buy more seats.

3. occasionally, your car would just die for no reason, and you would
have to restart it. for some strange reason, you would just accept
this as normal.

2. every time the lines on the road were repainted, you'd have to buy
a new car.

And the number one way that life would be different if Microsoft built cars,

1. people would get excited about the new features in Microsoft cars,
forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands
for years. (hmmmm...)


Tickle Tickle! ~*Tracy*~

 

[Moses25]

Top Ten Reasons to visit the TMF

10. It's the only forum where you can have your replies deleted b4 you actually post them. (heehee)😛

9. Bill Clinton usually makes his rounds under the nic amk714, FT, or Bigglesof266.

8. Myriads, the administrator, is actually a conglomerate of 7 different people. 😀

7. The women here will suck noisily on your ticklish parts if you ask them politely. (yeah, I wish 🙄 )

6. Jimmy Hoffa is buried here.

5. Gordon Lightfoot wants to be buried here.

4. It is rumoured that in October 1997, 3 student filmmakers disappeared in the woods behind TMF while shooting a tickling documentary...

A year later their posts were found.

3. Contains the oldest tickling story ever known: "Why my Beard doth Tickled m'Lady's Toes", by Abraham Lincoln.

2. Is required reading at Ohio State U.

1. David Letterman got his start here.

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

LOL that was so funny Moses!

 

[amk714]

9. Bill Clinton usually makes his rounds under the nic amk714, FT, or Bigglesof266.

I don't know about FT or Biggles, but I am NOT Bill Clinton! I did not have sexual relations with that woman. In fact, I've never had sexual relations with anyone! So I can't possibly be him. 😀

Great lists, guys and gals. Can we also post Top Ten lists from the David Letterman show?

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

LOL that was so funny Moses!

LOL 😀 Love your humor Moses! Top ten indicators that a redneck has been working on your computer

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

5. The password is "Huntin".

4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.

3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

David Letterman Top Ten

I don't know about FT or Biggles, but I am NOT Bill Clinton! I did not have sexual relations with that woman. In fact, I've never had sexual relations with anyone! So I can't possibly be him. 😀

Great lists, guys and gals. Can we also post Top Ten lists from the David Letterman show?

[/B]Good idea Alex, this ones for you! 🙂


Top Ten Signs President Bush Is Getting Cocky


10. Didn't even try to hide fact he voted 5 times yesterday

9. Claims he has a plan to "tax poor people back to the Stone Age"

8. Instead of the United States Marine Band, now travels with the Foo Fighters

7. Encouraging his daughters to drink more in public

6. On CNN, referred to Tom Daschle as his "bitch"

5. Three words: Presidential Rally Monkey

4. He's been mispronouncing bigger words lately

3. Told Secret Service agent, "Go ahead -- punch me in the stomach"

2. Screams "Boo!" at Dick Cheney

1. He just gave Monica a call

 

[Moses25]

Now that was funny, Tracy!!

LOL that was so funny Moses!

lol...you are too kind to me... mwah!!

(Boy, I'm really in a good mood, t'day. Those purple ones really do the trick)

Cheers.😀

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Top Ten Ways To Describe Donald Trump's Hair

Top Ten Ways To Describe Donald Trump's Hair
Top Ten Ways To Describe Donald Trump's Hair


10. Odd

9. Peculiar

8. Windswept

7. Trumpy

6. Strangely hypnotic

5. Unbe-weave-able

4. Wiggy

3. Stylish (dumb guys only)

2. Proof money can't buy everything

1. Taj Ma-helmet

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Now that was funny, Tracy!!



lol...you are too kind to me... mwah!!

(Boy, I'm really in a good mood, t'day. Those purple ones really do the trick)

Cheers.😀

😉 Gee I wish I had a pruple one😛

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Top Ten Signs You're Dumb

Top Ten Signs You're Dumb
Top Ten Signs You're Dumb


10. You stopped watching wrestling because it's too complicated

9. The hot beverage warning on Starbucks cups mentions you by name

8. On census form you count yourself plus the guy in the mirror

7. You augment your income by photocopying quarters

6. As a special treat you take yourself to Jiffy Lube and you don't own a car

5. Fear of injury keeps you from using a comb

4. Just spent two hours trying to improve the reception on your microwave

3. According to you, this week Amercian King Fidel Castro got on a spaceship, went to the planet of Cuba and met with dictator Jimmy Connors

2. You're a Tampa Bay Devil Rays season-ticket holder

1. You choke on a pretzel

 

[amk714]

Top Ten Martha Stewart Thanksgiving Tips

10. To get turkey golden brown, use a high-grade shellac

9. Buy a wreath at K-Mart and tell everyone you made it yourself

8. Bite the head off of a live turkey

7. So nobody gets drowsy after dinner, liven up the stuffing with half a can of Folgers Crystals

6. Don't call the Butterball talk-line tonight, you may get a moron

5. Tired of turkey? Roast a raccoon

4. No time to bake homemade pies? Well then, you're a horrible, horrible person

3. Decorate your turkey with pinecones -- how do I come up with this crap?

2. Get the family as drunk as possible, as early as possible

1. To spice things up in the bedroom, dress up like pilgrims

Hope you guys haven't seen this list yet! 🙂

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

I don't know about FT or Biggles, but I am NOT Bill Clinton! I did not have sexual relations with that woman. In fact, I've never had sexual relations with anyone! So I can't possibly be him. 😀

Great lists, guys and gals. Can we also post Top Ten lists from the David Letterman show?

I definately did not have sexual relations with THAT woman... LOL!!!

J/K!

Umm... Clinton, well maybe we're in cohoots togethers

 

[Venus51099]

[B]Top Ten Things Clinton Is Hiding In His Whitewater Notes[/B]

Top Ten Things Clinton Is Hiding In His Whitewater Notes

10. Names and numbers of back-up first ladies after Hillary goes to jail

9. Doctor's report declaring his brother Roger "a bonehead"

8. Memo to Madonna offering to sire her child

7. Hundreds of filthy limericks using the name "Newt"

6. Presidential discount card for Georgetown Hooters

5. Note to self: "Blame it on Hillary"

4. Apparently for the last couple of years he's been a "lame duck" in the sack

3. Reminder to never, ever do this again (VT of Clinton singing)

2. His passport, a fake beard, and $10,000 in cash

1. The recipe for Secret Sauce

 

[Venus51099]

Can anyone start a thread?

I know this might be a stupid question, so call me stupid. LOL
Can any one start a thread?
Thank you

Venus/Rose @};------'---

 

[Biggles of 266]

10 THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT OSAMA BIN LADEN

1. His radical beliefs in college earned him the nickname "Loony" bin Laden.
2. Osama is 6'5" and briefly played backup small forward for the Albany Patroons of the Continental Basketball Association.
3. The family fortune was made in recycling. They were known as the Recycling bin Ladens.
4. Osama's a terrible poker player and owes Taliban leader Mohammed Omar more than ten million dollars.
5. From 1979-1982 bin Laden played Bozo the Clown on Bozo's Circus, WGN-TV in Chicago.
6. Bin Laden was once married to actress Inger Stevens.
7. Osama has six toes on each foot.
8. The 39th of 51 children, Osama suffered from the fact that his father could not remember his name.
9. He suffered even more from the fact that his mother could not remember his name.
10. During his "jaded" period as a rich playboy, he was known as Osama "bin there, done that" Laden.


and anyone can start a thread. If they'll let me do it, they'll let anyone! 😉

Biggles

 

[TicklingDuo]

LOL....I think I liked your list best, Bis.

OK, here's mine. (plants tongue firmly in cheek)

Top ten reasons to tickle someone

10. You have nothing better to do.
9. It's your boss and you want a raise.
8. They're a smart ass and you want to shut them up.
7. That sour puss is getting annoying.
6. They really need to lighten up.
5. You REALLY want to know what they got you for Christmas.
4. You want them to tickle back.
3. It's soooo much fun!
2. They're there!
1. What else is there in life?!

Ann 😀

 

[Venus51099]

Top Ten April Fool's Pranks In Afghanistan

Top Ten April Fool's Pranks In Afghanistan


10. Short-sheeted burqas

9. A fake beard over your real beard

8. Saying you're wife #4, when you're really wife #2

7. Offering someone a can of peanut brittle and a goat jumps out

6. Painting giant bull's-eye on roof of friend's cave

5. Rocket launchers that shoot out little flag that reads "Bang"

4. Replacing secret stockpiles of weaponized Anthrax with Folger's Crystals

3. Writing "Wash me" on Osama's camel

2. Saying you support the Hamid Karzai government, but secretly supporting a warlord who has secretly begun to support the Taliban again, but then betraying the warlord, but then betraying the Karzai government and really supporting the warlord again

1. Writing "Wash me" on Osama

 

[kurchatovium]

Top Ten Least Favorite Superheroes

10)RatGirl
9) Sarcasto
8) RoachMan
7) Flatulence Boy
6) The Flamboyantly Gay Crusader
5) Chancre Woman
4) The Drooling Avenger
3) EbolaMan
2) The Incredible Phlegm
1) Captain Sticky

 

[kurchatovium]

Top Ten Least Favorite Candies

10) Roger Ebert's Mystery Nougat
9) Chocolate Covered Stuff From Osama's Beard
8) Eminems
7) Good N' Stinky
6) Chocolate Liver Clusters
5) Yoda's Nutbar
4) Anna Nicole's Mounds
3) Bill and Monica's Super Juicy Creams
2) Cherry Maggot Chews
1) Mint Flavored Jackos

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

Top Ten Football Teams after week 11 (according to ESPN):

1. Bucs
2. Packers
3. Broncos
4. Chargers
5. 49'ers
6. Raiders
7. Saints
8. Falcons
9. Eagles
10. Dolphins

 

[ForgottenTcklr]

Top Ten TMF Posters:

1. BigJim 3107
2. Myriads 2972
3. qjakal 2843
4. Dave2112 2843
5. venray1 2842
6. amk714 2348
7. Krokus 2049
8. TicklingDuo 2030
9. ForgottenTcklr 1682
10. dvnc 1631

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Top Ten Side Effects

Top Ten Side Effects of the New Impotence Drug

Top Ten Side Effects of the New Impotence Drug

10. You find yourself thinking, "Andy Rooney isn't a bad looking guy."

9. Inability to safely use revolving doors.

8. Now have to come up with brand new excuse for your poor sexual performance

7. You like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain.

6. Uncontrollable urge to run for President of the United States.

5. May cause hair loss in Canadians.

4. You're able to multiply jillions of big numbers like that guy in "Good Will Hunting."

3. Sudden desire to buy erector set.

2. After first use, girlfriend tells you, "Save your money, hot shot."

1. Pregnancy

Various Tickle thoughts! 😉 Tracy

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Top Ten Pick Up Lines

Top Ten Accountant Pick-Up Lines
Top Ten Accountant Pick-Up Lines

10. You've got a lovely pair of W-2's.

9. Please, baby, let me withhold you.

8. Technically, having sex with me is a charitable gift.

7. In my office, 'I.R.S.' stands for 'I'm really sexy.'

6. If I help you screw Uncle Sam, can I be next?

5. You're entitled to a $5,000 tax break on your municipal bond income...now let's do it."

4. Let's fill out a 1040 -- you're a 10, and I'm 40.

3. You're the kind of girl I could take home to mother -- which is good, since I still live with her.

2. Lady, you make my pants file for an extension.

1. Nice assets.




Tracy

 

[luv2bt&tickled]

Top 10 Elf Pick-Up Lines (X)

Top 10 Elf Pick-Up Lines (X)

Joke Submitted By: Anonymous


1. "I'm down here"

2. "Just because I've got bells on my shoes doesn't mean I'm
a sissy"

3. "I was once a lawn ornament for John Bon Jovi"

4. "I can get you off the naughty list"

5. "I have certain needs that can't be satisfied by working
on toys"

6. "I'm a magical being. Take off your bra."

7. "No, no. I don't bake cookies. You're thinking of those
dorks over at
Keebler"

8. "I get a thimbleful of tequila in me and I turn into a
wild man"

9. "You'd look great in a Raggedy Ann wig"

10. "I can eat my weight in cocktail wieners"