Twilight: The Abridged Version

[Excess]

Because I can and I love you all.

http://www.cracked.com/article_16878_if-twilight-was-10-times-shorter-100-times-more-honest.html

Btw, does it sound to anyone else like the Rob Patterson guy doesn't like what he's gotten himself into? He's trashed Twilight and it's fans (mostly it's fans) numerous times. I guess he's not a fan. :lol

 

[JackVanderson]

OMG Ex this is epic xD

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

ROBERT PATTINSON

There's more. I want to eat you.

KRISTEN STEWART

Holy shit, really? I need to go home and do some waxing first, but...

Truly! :rofl:

 

[FeatherDaemon1]

Beautiful... now I don't need to see the movie!!

So I hear you're a 100-years-old. And interested in my 17-year-old daughter. So, mathematically that's like, what, a 40-year-old dating a 6-year-old?

 

[wheelertickler]

HAHAHAHA! Awesome Excess

 

[Tress Slave]

Even Stephen King says it's crap. A Mormon writing about vampires --- the very idea.

 

[sadi]

:lol :lol Ahhaha! SO bad! So bad! :ggrin:

 

[Dave2112]

Awesome EX! You rock, dude. I remember reading Stephen King's ass-slam of the whole Twilight thing. How the "author" is basically just pandering to the prepubescent fantasies of little girls.

Sparkly vampires should be used for food...for self-respecting Lycans. 😉

This reminded me of something. I posted a bunch of "unseen first-draft scripts" for various popular movies on some other site...and I should dig them up. They were quite the hoot.
***************************************

PETER FACINELLI

Kristen's been bitten! She'll be turned into a vampire within minutes unless you suck the venom out! I can't do it for some reason or another.

ROBERT PATTINSON

Since the whole novel this is based on is just Mormon propaganda for abstinence and bloodsucking is a metaphor for sex, what exactly is this advocating?

PETER FACINELLI

Look, all I know is that even though it's going to be REALLY HARD, you're just going to have to PULL OUT of her before CLIMAX. The climax of the movie, I mean.

He DOES. It's very DISSATISFYING.


Absolutely hi-larious. And so fucking true. 🙂