What do women think about Tickling and a Relationship?

[MistressMia]

Hello TMF Ladies,

I've just been reading a thread about "Marriage aznd Tickling" Authored by, G-man, and it motivated me to ask a similar question geared towards our Female population.

I'm basically wondering if women put the same values on a relationship versus tickling or other fetishes.

Case in point:
I've been into SMBD in one way or another for as long as I can remember and I had expressed this interest to anyone I felt I would have an intimate relationship with. The answer I would get is 'Yeah, I'm into that stuff too'. Almost all of them lied. Guess what, after being misled, I would find what I needed elsewhere! After my last (turbulent) long-term relationship (before I met my Husband) I decided to try my hand at being a Pro Domina. I found that I grew as a person and enhanced my dominant skills. I realized that SMBD and Roleplay are very important to me and that my next partner would have to express some valid interest in this. I don't play Dom all the time. I'm not a life-style Mistress. However, I do like having the option to play when I want.

I can truly say that I'm blessed to have married my soulmate. It was definitely worth the wait and hardships. I only hope that others are as fortunate as me.

So the point is this:
Do women put their own desires (fetishes) on hold for a relationship? Do women compromise like some men do and get it elsewhere? Do women hold their desires to be un-negotiable?

I personally went through all of these phases.

OK Ladies, I'm anxiously awaiting your interesting and insightful answers! 😀

 

[Mimi]

Women get frustrated too

I have recently been going through this very dilemma myself. I have been married for 9 years, and I thought I could live without a frequent dose of tickling and BDSM. I was wrong. Very wrong.

When I started getting into serious relationships, I had no idea my interest in tickling was a fetish. I only knew I enjoyed the fun, playful activity, and tried to instigate my boyfriends to tickle me at every opportunity possible. It was frustrating when it backfired, but I was fairly lucky in the sense that most of the guys I dated had a playful nature about them. After a few broken hearts, I met the man that was to become my husband.

At first, our love was so strong that I thought I could overlook the fact he was not a playful person by nature. In fact, he had never even tickled a girl before he met me (pretty scary, huh?). I worked on him as best I could, and eventually got him to dish out a small ticklefight now and then. While that did not satisfy me totally, it was enough to sustain me.

After we had been married 3 years, I discovered my love for tickling was indeed a fetish. And all of a sudden it became a very powerful force in my life I could no longer ignore. I expressed this fact to my husband, and for a while he attempted to bring it into our sex life on a mild basis. It didn't last very long, and soon I was getting none at all.

I tried to ignore the feelings of anger and resentment stirring inside of me. I managed to do so for nearly 6 more years. Then it all came crashing down around me when I was faced with the opportunity to spend my life with a real life ticklephile like myself. I had a very hard decision to make. Do I stay and continue to live without the one thing that consumed my every waking thought? Or do I give up my entire life to have the one thing I wanted more then anything else?

I am very happy to say I am one of the lucky ones. I didn't have to make that choice....it was made for me. It was made by my husband when he realized how powerful of a force this was in my life. He decided he could not live without me, and that he would make any changes or sacrifices necessary to hang on to what we have.

He is now a bright and up and coming star in the world of tickling. He is learning quick, and has recently discovered with a little time and effort that he himself, was a closet ticklephile. Without ever tapping into it much, he never opened his mind to the possibilities, and now that he has, he is every bit as addicted to it as I am. We now share our love for tickling on a multi-daily basis. Every free moment we have is spent playing, snuggling, and sharing our love for this wonderful fetish.

I am extremely grateful he came around. I discovered the hard way I could not live without it. I also did not want to live without him. Thank God I didn't have to choose.

So if any of you ever see a new guy in the chat room by the name Djskiz, say Hi and drop a few pointers. Just do not create too much of a monster out of him. He is liable to wear me right out!

Mimi 😀

 

[njjen3953]

OK. My Turn.

For those of you who did not read my post in the "What does your screen name mean" thread in the general discussions, I will recap.

The 3953 spells out DYKE on the telephone key pad. For the first 14 years of my adult life I lived as a lesbian exclusively. During those years, the women i was with were the most "vanilla" people. My desires for tickling and bdsm were kept in the fantasy closet.
Although I had not realized my bisexuality, my fantasies were quickly becoming fetishes and I could not repress them anymore. I thought that the only people with my desires were men and decided to seek out a few from a telephone dating service with alternative lifestyle categories.
I met some men that would indulge me and dicovered that I really was attracted to men as well.
Then I found the internet. Was I ever shocked when I did a search for the word tickling and found tons of sites and groups.
That was about 3 years ago. I have since found Master Right(who is the love of my life) and I am living as a happy, no ecstatic, bisexual submissive ticklee.

Jen
proud to be Master Pete's tickle slave

 

[Charlie]

Mimi, I had such a good time talking to your husband this morning .. and now I come on and read your post! I'm so happy for you. He seems like such a fine man, and is obviously crazy about you. And we have something in common. We both adore your eyes.

 

[MistressMia]

Well, from the posts so far I can gather that fetish are just as important to women as they are to men and that we would rather not bury them in the closet but sometimes may feel the need to for the sake of a relationship.

I'm still curious though, would women still be prone to go elsewhere outside of the relationship to fulfill there fetish?

My answer:
I would eventually leave the nest in search of fulfillment only after expressing my needs to my partner and not getting them filled or failing to reach a compromise.

 

[evilqueen]

I didn't go outside the vanilla relationships to meet people. I have to be someone I can live with, and betraying a loved one who expects monogamy doesn't fit in the plan.

So I became polyamorous. 🙂 I don't know if that's the right term. It was something I fell into. No, that's not right either. It just happened. It's complicated, off topic and not worth going into here, but I love two men who, between the two of them, cover most all the bases (sex and beyond). The one I've been with longer supported my exploration and I ended up with another lover. Everybody knows about everyone else. It's not always easy but it seems to work. We're all in it for the long haul.

Anywayyyyy....that's how I dealt with it.

 

[MistressMia]

I don't know about the "betrayal" thing, but I always feel slighted when I've bared my soul and deep dark secrets with someone and they end up saying, "Oh yeah, I'm into that too" and then they don't follow through. And therefore end up "pushing" me away (so to speak) into other situations with other people. I can honestly say, that I don't feel I've betrayed them one bit. I'm just happy that I didn't waist anymore precious time. 😀

I've dropped guys like hot potatoes after they say stuff like, "I'm not interested in that" or "I'll never try or get into that". It's such a complete turn off! I know deep down inside that they are not for me. Thank gawd I don't have to go thru that anymore! I married someone that is compatible in that department. 😀

 

[dvnc]

Aw, c'mon... We can't have run out of thinkin' women. Your poor male mods are waitin' patiently to glean some morsel of knowledge from the encouraged posts by the women of this fine community.

This message brought to you by dvnc, your friendly neighborhood curious male mod

 

[evilqueen]

Mia - the betrayal thing...when I was younger, I wasn't as upfront about my needs, and when men weren't able to get into what I wanted, I did like a lot of guys here and said "okay honey, we don't have to do it." I sacrificed my needs for the sake of two different long term relationships. I didn't seek other men for an outlet, but I had my little stash of bdsm and tickling smut. The relationships ended for a variety of reasons, my fetish needs among them.

After that I knew I needed to meet someone kinky but couldn't find a way that felt safe until phone chat lines started up. Then I met lots. 🙂 If I was still looking, I wouldn't consider anyone who couldn't/wouldn't share my sexual orientation.

But I have in the past, and I certainly understand the women and men here who do so now. The women who have posted so far each discovered that her desires needed a real life outlet. However many people don't need their desires played out, finding satisfaction in fantasy. I say, good for you too. Your decision is valid. You're the only one who can say what what satisfies you.

Ladies, please take another look at Mia's questions and post your opinion. You only need to answer yes or no.

Do you put your own desires (fetishes) on hold for a relationship?
Do you compromise like some men do and get it elsewhere?
Do you hold your desires to be un-negotiable?

 

[evilqueen]

This is a topic that hits home for many men - including a very dear one for whom I'm boosting this thread back to the top. Are women not as equally conflicted by their desires? No women posting in the "religion/guilt" thread, none posting in the "would you be normal" or "the purge" threads...gee, guess everything's hunky-dory for everyone else. 🙄 😉

 

[qjakal]

My kinda Gal!

EQ, you seem almost as strange as I am...wish you were a bit "easter"...lol. Yup, I've been waiting patiently for some women posters on Religion/Guilt/Etc..(sorry...Mods don't count..lol). I actually figured there would be a greater % of women with these guilt pangs than men, but as usual I'm wrong, or else the emotion is so overwhelming that even on an anonymous forum such as this it's too much to bear to speak about it. I think as we grow older...err.."get more mature", we begin to see these feelings for what they really are...a message from the back of our tiny little brains trying to get us to address these issues. Wish we could all have been chatting 30 years or so ago when the fascination was so powerful I could hardly breathe at times....but, better late than never,hmm? Always thinking, sometimes sinking...Q

 

[TicklingDuo]

my experience

For me, tickling has always been an aspect of any friendship... romantic or not. Many of the friends I've had over the years have been into tickling to some degree...mostly just light and playful. For me, it's an expression of affection as much as anything else. I had a bad experience where it was used against me...which temporarily turned me off to it and actually made me fear it. But, I eventually regained that ability to enjoy it.
So, when I finally decided not to go in the convent (yes, you read that right) and give marital love a chance, tickling was something that I definately wantd to be included. Would I have married Drew if he wasn't into tickling? Yes. But, we wouldn't be having nearly as much fun! LOL

Ann

 

[njjen3953]

Sorry Q

Yup, I've been waiting patiently for some women posters on Religion/Guilt/Etc..(sorry...Mods don't count..lol). I actually figured there would be a greater % of women with these guilt pangs than men, but as usual I'm wrong, or else the emotion is so overwhelming that even on an anonymous forum such as this it's too much to bear to speak about it. Q

I can't speak for most women, But I personally feel that guilt and inhibitions are a waste of my time. I know what I want and I go for it. If that bothers people, they do not have to associate with me. I REFUSE to just sit back and watch life pass me by. Been there, done that.

Jen

 

[qjakal]

1

So, that's one for "No Guilt" ? Hey, how was Philly? Did it happen? Did you have fun? Mucho giggling? Q

 

[njjen3953]

Q

If I ever figure out how to use Aimster, I will IM you and tell you all about it.

Jen

 

[MistressMia]

Well,
it's very nice to know that there are a few core women out there that will always respond to a thread directed at the female pop in the TMF. I'm very thankful for it Ladies (you know who you are)🙂

And on the other hand, everytime I start a thread for fems, I'm always anxious about being let down. What I mean is, that when I initiate a discussion, I'm trying to accomplish things on different levels, such as reaching out and stimulating discussion and debate and bring to the surface the females that are part of the TMF.

I realize that there are women on the forum that just don't feel like posting in my thread or even at all for that matter. Those women are blank faces to me. This is not a saopbox or a rant. I only want to acknowledge and thank those Ladies (and the few encouraging guys) that have kept this thread afloat. You are appreciated.

Mia🙂

 

[Raya]

Mistress Mia,

I really enjoy going back and reading the discussions you've initiated in an attempt to get the "ladies" posting and interacting. I found a few very interesting and almost tempting enough to get me to reply. Now that I am registered and have a litte TMF time, I will be sure to keep an eye out for any discussions I can participate in. I just don't want you to feel that your efforts are wasted or unappreciated, even by the lurkers and the newbies.

Venraya

 

[MistressMia]

Venraya,

Thank you so much and welcome to the active posting side of the TMF (I take it that you've been lurking for a while). You brought up a valid point. I guess it's an "Out of sight, out of mind thing". I'm sure there are many, many Lady Lurkers out there and in the same vane, there are many beautiful stars in the day sky, but we're unable to admire them if we can't SEE them.

Thank you for coming out. I look forward to reading your posts😀