What is a 'friend'?

[Excess]

Another tl;dr thread of mine. I just made one the other day. This must be some record. Maybe I'll make another tomorrow. Oh wait, I'm ranting about the wrong thing now.

Ok, with this new friend feature, I've pondered this a bit. I've actually not added anyone at all so far. Now yeah, it might not be a big deal. But wait, what if it isn't a big deal? And that's the whole point of this thread.

Now I'm sure you're all familiar with MySpace. If you aren't, well...you should consider why. People there have hundreds, some thousands, of friends. Naturally, no one is going be having thousands of 'friends', if by friend you mean someone that you enjoy, talk to regularly if possible, and possibly even care about. Not on the internet anyway. So why so many? Well, I'm not the only person that will tell you that it is, for many, a large popularity contest. Having lots of friends is cool, and makes you look cool.

And now we have such a function here. Clearly it won't be quite the same as MySpace, simply because there aren't as many members. However, what is it then? What can it become? I do admit that the concept could indeed be quite a good thing, having people meet others that they might like through people they already know. But wait, if you don't really know the person on your list, how can they know that they'd like them?

So what do you do? Add people that you do know and generally think of as friends, people that you think you might like and maybe get to know better, or just anyone that seems cool?

Now I don't expect everyone to have the same prerequisites for adding someone of course. But all of us are parts of a whole, as I've said before. So how do you think that whole can function best from this? How about you personally?

 

[CrystalLight]

I've added everyone who I've gotten a request from. I have a few that I don't even know. I don't want/need anyone to feel like they are being left out if I didn't accept because I didn't know them.

 

[KrazieDog]

Like the contact list, it is an easy way to grab someone's name, that I am friends with or acquaintances with, and send them a quick pm. I don't go through other people's and don't really care if they go through mine. I add people I talk to on a normal basis or are starting to talk to as such.

 

[venray]

I've added everyone who I've gotten a request from. I have a few that I don't even know. I don't want/need anyone to feel like they are being left out if I didn't accept because I didn't know them.

I have done the same. Anyone who approaches me that sincerely wants to get to know me will not be turned away...

I have also approached others that I am already friends with along with some that i have shared a post or 2 with and many who I just would like to get to know....

Tracy (my wife) and I do a TMF Radio show called "making friends online"...

This new function can be a way to do just that....

(good topic for discussion)

 

[Sandrock74]

I asked Cy/MiG to add me...which he did after much thoughtful introspection...otherwise, I'm surprised to see that people keep asking to add me. How flattering!

 

[Excess]

I've added everyone who I've gotten a request from. I have a few that I don't even know. I don't want/need anyone to feel like they are being left out if I didn't accept because I didn't know them.

I admit, I can sympathize with that. But what happens then? Are they there just because they're there? Does it really matter in the long run?

I know I'm not gonna be friends with everyone, for instance, and that everyone isn't gonna just add me. And I honestly wouldn't want someone to add me just because they don't want me to feel left out. I'd actually feel worse if I was added because of that. I know some people might be sensitive, but at the same time, going out of your way to not hurt people can leave you unable to express certain feelings, and thus unable to be 'real' with people, in my opinion anyway.

 

[Helena]

Exxy,

Let me share what's worked for me. I think of the "friends" feature as a tool instead of a detriment. Here's an example. I read a profile in the Member Profiles section about a user I hadn't had any contact with before. But what she wrote was just lovely, so I sent her a friend request. She added me, and I left her a small comment in her comment section. What an easy way to meet. PM's can be awkward when you know little about someone, and if you use the friends feature as a networking tool, you might enjoy it.

You are a pretty cool guy from what I see. Worry not about whether some users have people on their lists. I'd like to add you to my list, and am sending you a request in a minute. We've spoken before, so you know who I am. Perhaps you will add me. If you decide not to try the friends feature, I completely think that is up to you.

 

[CrystalLight]

I admit, I can sympathize with that. But what happens then? Are they there just because they're there? Does it really matter in the long run?

I know I'm not gonna be friends with everyone, for instance, and that everyone isn't gonna just add me. And I honestly wouldn't want someone to add me just because they don't want me to feel left out. I'd actually feel worse if I was added because of that. I know some people might be sensitive, but at the same time, going out of your way to not hurt people can leave you unable to express certain feelings, and thus unable to be 'real' with people, in my opinion anyway.

Well, the same thought process can be taken as to "why are people add-requesting me, if they have no idea who I am? Am I just being used to "up" their "friend count"?

Do they even have an interest in talking to me, or is it just so they can have a hefty list of people on their profile?

And I hardly consider clicking an "accept" or whatever button is 'going out of my way' for anything. If they want to add request me, I have no qualms with that at all. It doesn't affect me if someone denies a request that I made or anything else of that nature, and it absolutely totally has nothing to do with my ability to express feelings.

I try not to let internet add-ons make a drastic change in my ability to vocalize or express emotion/opinion/feeling/etc.

 

[Excess]

Exxy,

Let me share what's worked for me. I think of the "friends" feature as a tool instead of a detriment. Here's an example. I read a profile in the Member Profiles section about a user I hadn't had any contact with before. But what she wrote was just lovely, so I sent her a friend request. She added me, and I left her a small comment in her comment section. What an easy way to meet. PM's can be awkward when you know little about someone, and if you use the friends feature as a networking tool, you might enjoy it.

You are a pretty cool guy from what I see. Worry not about whether some users have people on their lists. I'd like to add you to my list, and am sending you a request in a minute. We've spoken before, so you know who I am. Perhaps you will add me. If you decide not to try the friends feature, I completely think that is up to you.

I actually have done that on MySpace. It didn't particularly work out well though, too many people overly concerned with the idea of simply having alot of friends, and not even caring about who they were. The very reason I hadn't added anyone was just that I've been considering what it would even mean. Maybe I am over thinking it. But even if I am, at least the result will be an added insight into the whole thing, with different people weighing in and such, which I always appreciate.

Well, the same thought process can be taken as to "why are people add-requesting me, if they have no idea who I am? Am I just being used to "up" their "friend count"?

Do they even have an interest in talking to me, or is it just so they can have a hefty list of people on their profile?

And I hardly consider clicking an "accept" or whatever button is 'going out of my way' for anything. If they want to add request me, I have no qualms with that at all. It doesn't affect me if someone denies a request that I made or anything else of that nature, and it absolutely totally has nothing to do with my ability to express feelings.

I try not to let internet add-ons make a drastic change in my ability to vocalize or express emotion/opinion/feeling/etc.

So it can. So then what's the answer? Personally, I'd prefer to think that they did have an interest in me, as someone who they might could converse with or be friends with even. But it's different for every person, I know.

When I said 'going out of your way not to hurt people' and all that, I was being more general, not just talking about you. It came from your saying that you didn't want/need anyone to feel left out for you not knowing them. Sorry if I misunderstood though.

 

[CrystalLight]

So it can. So then what's the answer? Personally, I'd prefer to think that they did have an interest in me, as someone who they might could converse with or be friends with even. But it's different for every person, I know.

The answer for me is to just accept the friend requests that come in. If they want to talk, they will. If they don't, they don't.

When I said 'going out of your way not to hurt people' and all that, I was being more general, not just talking about you. It came from your saying that you didn't want/need anyone to feel left out for you not knowing them. Sorry if I misunderstood though.

lawl.

As with almost every thread I post to, I give *MY* opinion, because I can't speak for everyone. Hence the normal structuring of my response. You did misunderstand, and it's perfectly okay. 🙂

 

[..Glamorous..]

I only have added/ will add people that I have talked to more than a handful of times. I typically befriend everyone I talk to, however, for the people I haven't I don't think they should expect me to add them without getting to know me first. I will honestly say that I have turned down requests from people.

 

[Cy/MiG]

As usual, I have no idea what's going on.

I assume that when I 'activate' the 'friend feature' it means both parties are now 'friends'? Whatever that entails...

So, basically I just point and click if and when I get a request and let Al Gore's invention do the rest.

That's how I see it.

Everything else is backround noise.

 

[punkrockergirl]

I only have added/ will add people that I have talked to more than a handful of times. I typically befriend everyone I talk to, however, for the people I haven't I don't think they should expect me to add them without getting to know me first. I will honestly say that I have turned down requests from people.

took the words outta my mouth

 

[LD_Tickler]

I've only added people that I've spoken with and want to keep speaking with, and whose posts I've found interesting and worthwhile.

I'm trying to avoid the myspace syndrome you've described.

 

[minerva]

I have accepted requests from people I have already spoken to or know personally and whom I find interesting. I admit, I have turned down requests as well though.
While this whole thing is not really an issue for me, I do understand the way you're thinking, Excess.
When using this feature it should at least make a little sense to me and accepting requests to be a 'friend' from people I don't even know doesn't make sense to me at all.

 

[Capnmad]

I only send requests to those I've spoken to, PMed, chatted with, or met before and/or find them to be good, interesting folks. I don't make requests of those I have absolutely zero connection to. In fact, there are some folks I've spoken to in the past and have no problem with, but I haven't sent a friend request because I don't see their involvement here as anything but fleeting or very sporadic.

I haven't turned down a request yet, but I've hesitated, as a few took me aback. But if I don't know them at all, yeah -- I'll turn 'em down. Thankfully, I think guys have less the problem of receiving friend requests from total unknowns than women.

This isn't something to overthink. Everyone will use this a little differently, and the use of the word "friend" will change from person to person.

Simply, a friend is whoever you add to your friends list. There need be no deeper, greater meaning than that.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

For me I use the friend list mostly the same way I used the contact list - convenience. If I want to send someone a VM or something, having to pick them out of a friend list rather than the member list of 100,000 people or whatever is alot easier.

Also, getting a friend request from somebody is an easy way for me to know that someone is interested in getting to know me. I've already begun developing friendships with a few people I might not otherwise have gotten to know because I received friend requests from them, and took that as an invitation to start getting to know them.

Unless I blantently dislike somebody, and I can't even think of anybody this applies to, I won't deny anybody who friend requests me. I'm willing to get to know anyone, and I love meeting new people, so I think the new friend feature is great 🙂

 

[His Divine Shadow]

I personally despise the feature (despite having written the FAQ for it). I have never been a fan of social networking and its many "features", this being no exception. I have and will continue to decline every friend request I get because of that, although I mean no ill will to those I do decline (as my explanatory PM that goes out to all notes). I tend to be a loner anyway (no one gets communication from me unless there's a technical/moderation issue) so for this one a friends list would be meaningless regardless.

If members like and use the feature it is worth turning on. This member won't be one of 'em.