i dont know. i struggle with this question. it shouldnt be one that isnt quite so hard or one that requires so much of my thought, really.
i look back on my short life of 20yrs and think "what have i done? what have i done that was so great for me to be proud?"
nothing.
i havent left my mark on this world yet. ive come to terms with myself in that for me to be proud of myself im forced to change this world. i thrive off these ideas and actions that are forever remembered and change the world and history, i cant break myself down to find pride in something that is lacking in the framework of the big picture.
when i die, who will remember me? friends, family, maybe a local community. i am overwhelmed with avarice for greater purpose. i want to be remembered by those close to me, but never forgotten by the world.
is life meaningful? does life have a purpose? if not, why am i still wasting my time with this cheap flesh?
indeed, i believe it does! but, am i achieving carpe diem? should i live every day as if it were my last? what am i doing to fullfill human requirements constrained upon me by reality??
we are all slaves to the Clock.
but is leaving defining scars on other ppl and a showroom of materialistic goods what i want to leave behind to carry on myself, my ideas ?
no.
i am overwhelmed with avarice for greater purpose.
i have done nothing to be proud of.
the only thing i have that is closest to that is self recognition of acheivement.