Whats wrong with me!?

[flightless_me]

Ok i had my slips with my current bf. And i feel like a freak ever since the day i showed him this place. It's not him making me feel this way he keeps telling me im not a freak and alot of people are into it and its fine. But, i feel like a freak. I think it's cause i know now that he knows this place he can look up all my posts i ever made and jugde me. Or see what im into and all. Why is it suddenly im like 12 agian where there is noone else out there like me and im a tickle fiend and a freak for it. And i would rather die then to share that with someone why am i back there? I'm literally crying about it. The more i get on here with him in the room or talk about tickling the more dirty i feel. That's not what this is supposed to be like. I'm supposed to share this with him be fine with it cause he is an absolute sweet heart about it and we share a bit of this together. But it's not like that at all. You know when he says tickle or tickling i feel sick. and now i have made him promise me we call the t-word "cake" I feel so disgusted with myself. So humiliated. I feel like one day he is going to think "gee what a freak she likes tickling. How wierd is that...tickling?" or something but i know he wont but i think it. I'm such a fuck up.

 

[alchemy1]

you poor thing

Ok i had my slips with my current bf. And i feel like a freak ever since the day i showed him this place. It's not him making me feel this way he keeps telling me im not a freak and alot of people are into it and its fine. But, i feel like a freak. I think it's cause i know now that he knows this place he can look up all my posts i ever made and jugde me. Or see what im into and all. Why is it suddenly im like 12 agian where there is noone else out there like me and im a tickle fiend and a freak for it. And i would rather die then to share that with someone why am i back there? I'm literally crying about it. The more i get on here with him in the room or talk about tickling the more dirty i feel. That's not what this is supposed to be like. I'm supposed to share this with him be fine with it cause he is an absolute sweet heart about it and we share a bit of this together. But it's not like that at all. You know when he says tickle or tickling i feel sick. and now i have made him promise me we call the t-word "cake" I feel so disgusted with myself. So humiliated. I feel like one day he is going to think "gee what a freak she likes tickling. How wierd is that...tickling?" or something but i know he wont but i think it. I'm such a fuck up.

I think all of us in the fetish community feel that way sometimes. You know, it's natural to want to be accepted and be "normal". Human beings are social creatures and we have a certain need to be part of others around us. You can blame that on evolution. You must understand though, throughout history, the concept of normal has changed...not just from time period to time period, but (within each time period), from culture to culture. Each civilization has a grid that is established that tells them, and those around them, what is normal, what is acceptable, and what is taboo. From the most advaced to the most primative, that grid is there...you can't avoid it.

Anyway, this is simply something that you are going to eventually face and come to grips with. This is part of who you are. Liking tickling does not make you dirty, bad, or a freak. This is a part of who you are (deja vu). And not only that, but having doubts or negative thoughts about it or yourself does NOT make you a fuck up. Say it with me now...DOES NOT MAKE YOU A FUCK UP. You know, in this fucked of world full of strange cultural phenomena, to me, it's more important that a person is a decent human being than be "normal". Ok, so I don't know you that well (or at all really), but from that little that I've read, I can tell that you are a wonderful human being. So you're not like everyone else...big deal. Who wants that? Being like everyone else makes you bland. Fetishes and things of that nature are the spice in life. They make things interesting. And look what fetish you have? Laughter! What could be a more wonderful fetish to have than that? Anyway, as I said, you are a wonderful person (whether you believe it or not)and that's all that counts.
Also, if you want to feel better about your tick..errr..cake fetish, all you have to do is watch the CSI episode called "Fur and Loathing."

Please try not to be so hard on yourself.

 

[mosteya4]

You are genuine, beautiful and sweet. Be yourself around your boyfriend. If he doesn't accept it, then it was not meant to be.

 

[jfna]

You are genuine, beautiful and sweet. Be yourself around your boyfriend. If he doesn't accept it, then it was not meant to be.

lol. I agree. You are authentic and cute. I actually broke up with a gf, a while back because of fetish. She was first OK with it. She said it was cute. But later, I dunno if she told her pals bout it and they rediculed her or watever but one day she started to try and get me off tickling. She told me I was weird and I had to grow up..? I told her that I enjoy it; its a fun playful expierence. I told her that I strongly felt that there wasn't anything wrong with it. She then told me that if I prefered my 'stupid' fetish over her then we would split. I then told her that if she couldn't accept me and my interests then I wouldn't want to be with her. I'm quite ruthless with women. And when she came out with all that crap that day, she lost all of the things I truly liked bout her. Quite sad, really.

Honestly, I wish I had tried 2 work things out. We had fun together and I think we both enjoyed the tickling but I can't deny myself as a person and my interests. If she wanted to be ruthless bout that then so would I. Sorry if I took up tonnes of room. I don't think I can understand what your going through. I hope things get better!

Good luck! 🙂

 

[Betchass1]

Ok i had my slips with my current bf. And i feel like a freak ever since the day i showed him this place. It's not him making me feel this way he keeps telling me im not a freak and alot of people are into it and its fine. But, i feel like a freak.

I don't know, but I know I'd be really nervous being open about it with someone I cared about. Probably just unfamiliar territory.

Might sound silly, but if there's something mysteriously bothering you that you can't seem to work out, check your dreams. Lie in bed a while after you wake up and dwell on whatever dream you were having. I find the BS I tell myself to make certain things seem okay is not very strong when I first wake up, and I can call a spade a spade. Often as not I'll come up with some other explanation I like better after I think about it, but in retrospect that's usually me fooling myself.

 

[TickledToDeath]

There is NOTHING wrong with you. The feeling is temporary. You are NOT a freak. He accepts your love of tickling and is aparantly fine with it. You did nothing wrong and should not feel like a freak or cry over this. He will not judge you as a freak and you should already know this. Tickling is something that turns you on and something that turns you on should be relished and taken advantage of by both you and your bf.

TTD

 

[hreidar2]

you're right

Flightless_me, your tickling fetish is not a thing to be ashamed of...
I know that THIS kind of society (IN PUBLIC) would blame you (and me, and ALL the people in this forum), but remember always that your kind of fetishism will NEVER cause any kind of damage to anyone...

excuse me for my poor english language, but I want to translate for you a phrase said by an italian movie director:

"i believe in people, but i don't believe in the majority of people: even in a society more decent than that, i think that i would agree and i would be at my ease only with a minority"

dont' be ashamed of you!! 🙂

 

[Cbarton]

(1) Your body is still recovering from the miscarriage, so your hormonal balance is out of whack. It will be for a while. Your emotions will swing like a pendulum for a while. All you can do is weather the storm.

(2) Tickling is not dirty. As a person from a very spirtual background and point of view, I've had to analyze things and came to this very point where you are. The key is what you do with it. If it is just a natural expression of your sexuality, then all is fine. If it becomes more than that and demeans and hurts others, then you are beyong the 'line in the sand.' You appear no where near that line.

(3) It sounds like you feel you're hiding some 'dirty little secret' from him. He knows about it, so it's not a secret to him. Sounds like due to the fact that you are getting literally sick over the mere word that you may be (a) trying to squelch/block/stop the fetish from your life or (b) you feel guilty about how it makes you feel. I've done both myself in my 40+ years of life.

First. I would say let your body recover from what has been happening inside it
second, RELAX. The desire to be a 'lee or 'ler in us is a natural part of us. Some get to enjoy it, others don't. Let yourself enjoy it. Let it bring pleasure and not pain.

I can give you more tips on how too handle (1) above...PM me...

 

[candyfloss]

Hey

Be more optimistic 🙂 I agree with the others, but my English is not good enough to express it in good words like the others do..

You are not a freak because of your tickling fetish. Your boyfriend loves you otherwise he wouldn't have a realationship with you 🙂 So be open about your fanatsys with your boyfriend, he will understand you and NOT think that you are a freak. Also, I don't know any person who does not like it to tickle his/her boyfried/girlfriend. I've had two boyfrieds in the past and both liked it to tickle me, but I've not been open to them about my fetish, because i thought, that they would think I'm a freak.
I think your boyfriend likes it to tickle you, especially because you like it to get tickled by him 🙂
I'm sure he does not think you are a freak, alway be open to him and you'll see =)

I keep my fingers crossed for you both, be optimistic *cuddles you*

Yours Candyfloss

 

[Senshi1]

I can't write a very detailed reply, but all I can do is agree. A fetish is nothing to be ashamed of. Hell, I'm proud of being a ticklephile! Not that I've told many people, but still. Also, if it's any consolation, you can't choose fetishes - you just get stuck with them.

Oh, and I guarantee that you'll never look at cake the same way again after this. 😛

 

[Sockstickler]

I think all of us in the fetish community feel that way sometimes. You know, it's natural to want to be accepted and be "normal". Human beings are social creatures and we have a certain need to be part of others around us. You can blame that on evolution. You must understand though, throughout history, the concept of normal has changed...not just from time period to time period, but (within each time period), from culture to culture. Each civilization has a grid that is established that tells them, and those around them, what is normal, what is acceptable, and what is taboo. From the most advaced to the most primative, that grid is there...you can't avoid it.

Anyway, this is simply something that you are going to eventually face and come to grips with. This is part of who you are. Liking tickling does not make you dirty, bad, or a freak. This is a part of who you are (deja vu). And not only that, but having doubts or negative thoughts about it or yourself does NOT make you a fuck up. Say it with me now...DOES NOT MAKE YOU A FUCK UP. You know, in this fucked of world full of strange cultural phenomena, to me, it's more important that a person is a decent human being than be "normal". Ok, so I don't know you that well (or at all really), but from that little that I've read, I can tell that you are a wonderful human being. So you're not like everyone else...big deal. Who wants that? Being like everyone else makes you bland. Fetishes and things of that nature are the spice in life. They make things interesting. And look what fetish you have? Laughter! What could be a more wonderful fetish to have than that? Anyway, as I said, you are a wonderful person (whether you believe it or not)and that's all that counts.
Also, if you want to feel better about your tick..errr..cake fetish, all you have to do is watch the CSI episode called "Fur and Loathing."

Please try not to be so hard on yourself.

Quoted for truth 😀

 

[ILove2Tickle1]

Flightless, there is nothing wrong with you. It's his reaction to what you like that bothers you. You're taking his reaction and applying it to you. You're far from dirty (well at least in regards to tickling, anyway. Dirty minded on the other hand... ^.~ ). As for how to change your feelings? I don't know how to help on that one. Sorry.

 

[Roshi]

It is hard to admit your fetish to the people you know, so you have my greatest respect to sharing it with your boyfreind. I doubt I would be so brave. Well in it's nature a fetish is your dirty secret but it's nothing bad or to be ashamed of.
In all fairness if it really was bad how come people all over the community are offer words of comfort and support trying to help? That's what's great about this site, it introduces you to people who share your joys and even your pain in having a tickle fetish.
So remeber you got freinds all over the world thinking your just normal. The only problem is it's online so text isn't the same as words. If I could see you face to face I would give you a hug and say "There's nothing wrong with you and I think it's cool that you have that fetish."

 

[Midnight Circus]

I can't say much that hasn't already been said, but I can lend you my support. There's nothing of which you should be ashamed.

EDIT: Also, at the risk of sounding philosophical or something, the very foundation of love is honesty. You've shared something with him, something you seem to find difficult to share (you're not alone, trust me). If he (for some reason, perhaps down the line) can't accept this very deep secret you've so lovingly and confidently placed with him (i.e. who YOU are), then that means he's pretty much revealed his cards--and wasn't worth your time anyway. Either way, it would have nothing to do with you...you've done nothing wrong, and again should not feel ashamed for any reason. You certainly didn't "fuck up" by loving him enough to tell him the truth.

 

[nessonite1]

Sounds to me like you werent really ready to share this info with him. Not much you can do now but live through the inevitable moments of queasiness while you adjust to having it known. once that passes you'll be fine, I promise. XP

 

[Skepticism]

I'd have to agree with what everyone said so far, most importantly, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I kind of understand how you feel, I went through basically the same thing with my ex-girlfriend. Despite what everyone here says and how sincere their help may be, I honestly think you're the only one that can help yourself feel better. (No offense to anyone here, you've all been very supportive, like always). Anyway, your boyfriend apparently has no problem with your interest in tickling, so if anything, this should just make your relationship stronger....Try to be optimistic and keep tickling!

 

[maxamum_sumthin1]

...i would like to follow suit with all the others in this thread in saying your not a freak, your not dirty, and i hope that this feeling will pass. However i do know exactly how you feel about this, ever since my girlfriend found out things have been slightly more complicated...and i still can't say the t-word at all. It does still make me feel realy child like and guilty about what i like, which probably doesn't boad well for my mental state but hey...
Any way in conclusion, i know how you feel and i hope that one of us can find a solution and share it with everyone 🙂

 

[Kalamos]

Whats wrong with me!?

You taste weird.

...

Oh... and...


EDIT:

I might add my 2 eurocents of chaotic neutral wisdom.
I'd say you don't realise how lenient lovers can be.
I haven't even read what other people posted; I trust they advised you well anyway.

But I'd say your guilt complex is straining your relationship and your life.

 

[Abadon XXX1]

Don't be discouraged Flightless, like everyone had been saying here: you are not a freak.

 

[GEORGIATKLER]

You Wanna Talk Freak?? I'l E-mail You My Picture!! Even Ripley Didn't Believe It! You Are Going Through An Extremely Painful, Difficult And Emotional Time. Any Bad/sad Event That Happens Will Be Magnified. Please Take Time For Yourself Each Day And Meditate/pray Etc About Your Feelings. Talk To Your Bf And Use His Support. He Is Lucky To Have A Girl Like You.

 

[flightless_me]

thank you everyone ...kalamos your strange i taste perfect lol jk. i think im hurting from something more deep and something entirely different. I got a positive on my first three tests and then i bled and now a negative. Sounds like another miscarriage and sure felt like another one. (hurt like hell). I know im too young to have a child im barely 19. (even if my yahoo said otherwise but dont usethat anymore anyways) But when i saw a positive, i felt fine. I knew my life wasnt over just had to work harder to get what i wanted. But i also wanted that child. Because the test didnt just say positive, it said hi mommy. and my negative one said bye mommy. I know dramatic, but thats what is going on. I'll never leave this site, ill never ever ever leave you wonderful supportive people. Even if tickling leaves my life with , well even if it leaves ill still say here. you all are just too much to get say bye to. My bf wonders why i call some of you my friends well i guess if he sees this, and eventually he will (and be surprised im even hurting from this cause i dont let on i am AT ALL with him) then he will see the support i got and see why i call a selective few friends when talking to him about some of you. thank you all.

 

[nessonite1]

having a child at your age wouldn't be the end of the wold but it's certainly NOT osmething you want to actively persue. Do yoursel;f a gigantic favor and make sure you use protection EVERY SINGLE TIME. Birth control pills and timing so you're not chaving sex on days likely to conceive is almost fool-proof if you have a regular cycle. look it up.
I promise that waiting several years to conceive is not somehting youll regret. Having a child now would bring a lot of joy but also immesurable hardship.

 

[-Kunoke-]

Yeah. That's what it sounds like to me. That maybe it's not tickling that's the problem at all, but something much deeper. You are and have been under a lot of emotional stress lately as far as I've read and perhaps it could carry over. It's kind of like how sometimes if you've just gotten worked up and about to get mad at someone, and hold it in, then even the littlest thing can set it off. Maybe this is just a little feeling you're having that is being amplified. I'm not sure, I can only speculate. Judging from the times I've talked to you though, I can also tell you are a wonderful, sweet person, and absolutely have no reason to think you are a freak for something as simple as loving to be tickled and laugh! One thing you might want to do is just sit down and chat with your boyfriend about the stress it's giving you, if you haven't already. I'm sure he will reassure you in much the same way many of us have. 🙂

I'm going to have to second maybe just waiting a couple years to try and have a baby as well. It's like Ness said: Having a child now would bring a lot of joy but also immesurable hardship.

Whatever happens with all of this in your life, I for one wish you the best. Good luck. 😀

 

[Moral-man]

maybe you should just talk with your boyfriend about these feelings.

It might help

 

[flightless_me]

lol first want to clear up i dont have sex anymore. and second, Im not ready to be a parent im just a kid myself. and the best fool proof plan is no sex at all. There are many good reasons why to wait and another one i know of is because i would be a better parent if i waited. i would be more prepared