What's YOUR take on gatherings?

[TicklingDuo]

I'm starting this thread so those who want to discuss their views of gatherings can do so without having to sift through other things.

Several of us who host gatherings talk on a regular basis about how to make them better. Obviously, "better" is a relative term here. I suspect that responses to how to do so would be nearly as varied as the people asked for input. As hosts, though we do our damnedest to make things as inviting and comfortable as possible, we may still have our own blind spots when it comes to how things are perceived.

Even the posting of this in Tickling Discussion rather than the gatherings section could be questions. So, let me start by answering that. Yes. There is a gatherings section. But, that section (IMO at least) is best left to gathering announcements and inquiries. If it got bogged down with to much discussion like this, folks wouldn't be able to find announcements. Also, a tickle gathering is tickle related. So, Tickling Discussion is the next obvious venue for discussion.

Anyway, we really WOULD like to get people's opinions about gatherings...whether specific ones or just gatherings in general. What do/don't yo like about how they're presented? Do you think they should be discussed as much as they are? Do you wish we'd all just go away? We'd really like to know. We're in the process of putting together a survey where everyone will be able to voice their opinions in an anonymous manner. But, while we're getting that ready to roll, any other feedback is very welcome and wanted.

Ann

PS - If you have negative comments, that's fine. We want them too. Just keep it constructive. 😀

 

[dvnc]

Do lemme affirm that this is appropriate, here. Gatherings section, which I mod, is for announcements, and for focused group discussions. You're askin' for a broader discussion, and it's stuff that's good for folks NOT prowlin' that section.

Like you, I'd love to hear views, even the bad ones. The events improve from the notice of negatives, as much as from the praise of positives, IMO.

Phineas already was cool enough to state his perspectives, which weren't sparkly, but were well stated. I'm lookin' forward to seein' other good, clear perspectives and hearin' the feelings of others here.

dvnc

 

[Limeoutsider]

I think gatherings are a good way to meet people in a safe environment

 

[AffectionateDan]

AAAAIIIIEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

I think gatherings are a good way to meet people in a safe environment

My eyes! That color! Argh! Can't see! Must punish Lime-O for blinding me!🙄 😉 😀

 

[asutickler]

My take on gatherings is pretty simple:

I've only been to one.

I was as nervous as hell when I arrived.

All of the folks I met were damn swell.

I had one EXCELLENT time.

By the time I left, I was wishing we could all have hung out for the WHOLE DARN WEEKEND.

As soon as there is another one at a time when I am not either broke or busy with school, I'm gonna try my DAMNEDEST to make it. 😀

That pretty much sums up my experience. 😛

 

[4Pawz]

I think gatherings are great. But I also think that different gatherings hold a different scene and level than one another. Some differ in intensity and levels of play. It is just a matter of finding the type of gatherings that best suits each person. I have enjoyed so far!

Pawz

 

[Raya]

As Ann & Drew can attest, Ray & I have had very good experiences at the few gatherings we have attended. In fact, our first gathering (SBG I) was my intro to the tickling community.. where I learned that I had a bit of an evil side to myself.. that I was not just going along for the ride to make the hubby happy.

That insight into myself and my own drives has added greatly to our relationship. It also helped solidify in my mind that it was not really just, as I think DVNC has mentioned, 5 guys behind a keyboard, but was in fact an entire community, males, females, couples, friends, etc. Made it much more real for me.

So far as safety is concerned, I can tell you that we were extremely interested in what safety measures would be in place, particularly in the case of our first gathering. We left our location with others, we made alternate plans in case we got bugged out and decided to leave, made sure we had our own transportation, etc. In short, we had no idea what to expect, and wanted to know that once there we weren't stuck with putting up with whatever we found, should it turn out to be distasteful.

Luckily for us, it not only was a great experience but we met some great new friends. That wouldn't have happened had we not taken the chance.

*************************************************

I think that the level of safety that is much touted in this and other threads is an important one. A host, in my opinion, has a responsibility to communicate what safety measures are expected at a gathering. If that is that there WILL be safewords, no nudity or sexual play, alchohol and drugs left behind, etc.. make it clear.. and attendees, expect to honor this.. to the letter.. or don't waste your money on gas, plane or train tickets, etc.

If you are a host who is into a more intense experience, don't believe in safe words, don't mind alchohol or drugs, think nudity is great, or any of the above (I am citing examples as opposites, this does not mean that a safeword loving drunk won't be hosting a gathering).. make it clear to your attendees. Those who seek this kind of experience will be all the better for knowing what to expect. And those who might be traumatized or just plain scared off will know to wait it out until the next invite.

I tire of discussions about who is safe and who is not.

The issue is not wether you are safe but wether you meet MY safety expectations. IF you communicate what you offer first, I will be able to make an informed decision as to wether this is acceptable to me and won't complain later in the game that a gathering was 'unsafe'..

Shades of grey, not black and white......

Venraya

(making an uncharacteristic move and ignoring her filter)

 

[tickleshotel]

My Husband and I have only been to one gathering and that was our first time attending a gathering with other people locally that enjoyed tickling as much as we do..I would have to say that we were put at ease very quickly with meeting some of the others before for socializing,getting acquainted during lunch before the tickling activity..We didn;t know what to expect after the lunch so at first when we went to the hotel with the others we were both a little uneasy,nervous but that was put to rest quickly too as we continued to socialize and become more comfortable with the surroundings..We liked how all the rules where laid out plain for everyone in attendance,and then we watched in amazement as some others were being tickled and got into the sound of laughter 🙂.HHhhehe I can still remember at one point someone being concerned that the ticklee was laughing so hard that it might disturb the other visitors down the hall 🙂LOL..We had a great time meeting everyone we met ,and we were saddened when time had come and people were starting to leave that couldn't stay the night..I personally would love to attend a tickle gathering that lasts overnight into the next day or for a weekend ..Sorry for getting long winded..My husband and I are waiting for the next tickle gathering we can attend,!.and hopefully soon,..

 

[reflexology414]

also

I attended two of them, and I wasn't really comfortable. Also, different people have different tastes.

At one gathering, you had a room full of guys wanting to tickle a really heavyset (or BBW) woman. The ticklee turned out to be very trim, attractive and fit. It just didn't work for most of the crowd and everyone became uncomfortable.

At another gathering, the guys were looking for a trim, fit ticklee, and the woman turned out to be almost 300 pounds. Again, that made things really awkward and uncomfortable. It just didn't work out well.

I don't plan to attend gatherings anymore. Having said that, it might be an idea to do gatherings which target groups with different tastes (like the demographics I described in this message). Just a thought.

 

[Phineas]

I agree with the ol' reflexer, here. While I don't think posting a public guest list or "breakdown" of the types of people who are going to show is a "good" idea, some way for an individual to gauge whether or not the crowd he or she will be socializing with is to his (or her) liking is necessary. In my case, a simple notice that yes, Zhang Ziyi and Lucy Liu will be in attendance is enough. 😀

oh, and more Jersey-based gatherings would be nice. I don't want to travel to the city, or out of state, but I *know* there's loads of us here. Why aren't we hosting our own? We do we go to NEST or NYST or SBG or whatever? A two or three hour drive out of state just to meet other Jerseyans into tickling is a little excessive, says I.

Phineas already was cool enough to state his perspectives, which weren't sparkly, but were well stated.

...that's because I'm a bitter, frustrated, depressing sort of evil genius.

 

[cleopatra2003]

Ms.Ann, I have nothing to add to this. I came to the thread to get some insight on the gatherings that I've heard about. Wanting to know about them and more importantly to find out how safe they are.
Reading everyone's responce helped. Thanks everyone!😉

 

[njjen3953]

Phineas said:

oh, and more Jersey-based gatherings would be nice. I don't want to travel to the city, or out of state, but I *know* there's loads of us here. Why aren't we hosting our own? We do we go to NEST or NYST or SBG or whatever? A two or three hour drive out of state just to meet other Jerseyans into tickling is a little excessive, says I.

As DVNC would say, Host your own. That is what he said to me back in Novemeber of 2001. I did and that became SBG.

So many people give suggestions and complain about what is available, but if what IS available is not to your liking, then why not be pro-active and do something about it. I had no idea how to host a gathering, but both DVNC and QBWeaver helped. They even came out from California to be there with us and make sure things went well. So, if you want something specific, create it. As the host of now 2 sucessful gatherings, I would be happy to help out and I am sure others would as well.

 

[Phineas]

So many people give suggestions and complain about what is available, but if what IS available is not to your liking, then why not be pro-active and do something about it.

Well Jen, I assume you're targeting me with this statement seeing as how I'm the one you quoted. I would imagine that many of the same reasons I gave voice to in the other Gathering thread are sufficient explanation as to why I don't host my own. If they're not, I'll be glad to clarify.

 

[njjen3953]

Actually, Phineas. It was a message to everyone who would like things to be done differently. I understand that some have reasons why they cannot do it themselves. But, if there are so many in NJ and you all want a local gathering, could you at least contact them and see if anyone else would like to host? Your contribution could be as simple as providing the names and e-mail addresses of the people you know that are local.

All I am trying to say here, is, if you want something, make it happen.

 

[dvnc]

Personally, Phineas, you're the one I wanna hear from, when hearing about a gathering attended, 'cause I know you won't gild it in review.

Thanks for the kind words, Jen. Many of us that have done this once will help others do such. It's easier when there's several folks involved. More eyes on the safety of the room, and the guests have more help getting comfortable.

Oddly, gettin' folks past bein' nervous is, for a host, the toughest part. Little mention has been made of it yet, but this is one of those socially tricky deals. Heartier folk, like the New Yorkers that had a munch recently, after a single previous munch with the ever-gracious Mistress Mia, can pull such off, but they can weather heavy stuff. It's tough to get folks comfortable and social once they've shown. Some use video, but that kills conversation often. Some use games. Some try for the round of questions for the group. All of it works in it's own way. Tough part is focusing on actually socializing. It's much easier for folks to WANT to be tickled if they know the room. Must easier for the hosts to want to host again when the room leaves happy wit' one another.

Always weird t'me, how sparkly I sound wit' this stuff. Those that know me are giggling, too, 'cause I ain't quite the sweetheart IRL. I just like seein' a group work well. Great people in this scene, and so far, few that AREN'T worth knowing. Many that are. I weathered the few. If a few more of you did likewise, there's be so many gatherings that few could find a way to miss them, save by their own choice.

That'd be a fine thing, if ya ask me.

 

[TicklingDuo]

Picking up on what Dave said...

Last year, when we had CAT, I made a home-cooked meal for lunch...which was shared as soon as everyone arrived. Having that first gave everyone a chance to relax and get to know one another a bit while they ate and digested some. Once folks had done that, we'd talked and clowned around. So, I think it was easier and more comfortable to move into play. There's always that initial "Who's going to start?" time. But, I thought, everyone fell into play fairly naturally.

I think one of the most important things I've learned is that there's a fine line between supportin and encouraging someone to join in play (when they're ready) and the flip of the coin which is to pressure and badger them into joining before they're ready. I tend to look harshly on the latter. People can't feel free and comfortable if they're being pressured.

Ann

 

[Phineas]

Personally, Phineas, you're the one I wanna hear from, when hearing about a gathering attended, 'cause I know you won't gild it in review.

'd be happy to, dv. However, I doubt I'll be attending yours or anyone else's gatherings any time in the near future. At least, until someone decides to host one convenient for me to get to, with lots of pretty Chinese girls in attendance. 😀