When The Phone Rings At 1030 At Night...,

[Mitchell]

I apologize if this post is a rant. Something keeps happening that is driving me up the wall.

Simply put.. my aunt.. (Mom's youngest sister) is sick! She doesnt listen to a word I say.

As everyone knows.. my mom is in the nursing home, on comfort meds, and her passing is likely to happen in the short term.

My aunt has severe emotional problems, and has never listened to anyone. I've told her a gadzillion times since I'm home.. "Do not call me late at night unless an emergency. If the phone rings, at 10, 11, midnight.. I think its the nursing home telling me my mom has passed away". Sure enough. GRRRR. She called me at 1030 tonight, twice.. to tell me bullshit!

My father did call me last week at close to 1130, but I pretty much knew he would be calling at that hour, because he was tied up at a dinner meeting. I'll know when that happens, and he told me that he would be more inclined to send me an email at that hour anyway.

Maybe I'm being a bit.. sensitive. I dont know how close to death medically, my mom is., I still think that considering the circumstances.. I have a right to be upset about a close relative calling to tell me trivial shit at 1030 at night.. when my mom is lying in a nursing home dying.

Am I right?

Mitch

 

[Libertine]

Upcoming family deaths bring out the worst in everyone. Older people/relatives get especially odd because it's a reminder that their own time is not far off, and the Grim Reaper's idly checking his hourglass and sharpening his scythe.

Yes it's your mom, but it's also her sister, and the two of them have known one another even longer than you've known your mother. Annoying as it is, you're just going to have to man up and take it as best you can- it won't be forever and you need not see or speak to your aunt again afterwards.

 

[GQguy]

Upcoming family deaths bring out the worst in everyone. Older people/relatives get especially odd because it's a reminder that their own time is not far off, and the Grim Reaper's idly checking his hourglass and sharpening his scythe.

Yes it's your mom, but it's also her sister, and the two of them have known one another even longer than you've known your mother. Annoying as it is, you're just going to have to man up and take it as best you can- it won't be forever and you need not see or speak to your aunt again afterwards.

I was going to say the same exact thing.

Your Aunt can't speak to her sister anylonger. Even if their relationship is strained it's one thing to have the option to talk to someone and a whole other thing not to have that option. That option is gone...you are her only connection to your mom. And she is likely lonely. As people get older they become more and more isolated. Her sister is dying too. Chat. Talk. Tell her a joke. You say you're going through this all alone yet you reject someone making contact with you.

When my dad was in his coma and we thought he was going to pass I remember being heartbroken by all the people coming to see him....a last respects. My mom got on me for not being more welcoming. We didn't speak for a couple of weeks. We lost focus on what we were really upset about...me at 21 losing my 50 year old dad and my mom losing her relatively young husband.

You're both upset about losing your mom. Your stress is compounded by the uncertainty of how you'll live. Reach out to your Aunt and those that'll listen. If not for your sake, then humor the old lady.

GQ

 

[Mitchell]

I see your point, guys, and thanks for your input. I'm going to try as hard as I can to follow your advice.

Just so both of you guys know, its not only me that feels this way. My other aunt is the same way. I try not to call her at 1030 at night, because her husband might be sleeping, but..although my other aunt says I can call her anytime, she told me she freaks out when she sees its my number, fearing that I'm going to tell her my mom has passed away.

I appreciate the advice. Thanks.

Mitch